Why Marriage?

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Why Marriage?

AndroAngel AndroAngel
What's in a name, that makes marriage mean so much more than any other relationship in which both parties decide to stay together for life? With divorces so easy to obtain, marriage is no more permanent, and if someone really wants to go, they're going to leave. Why is it that some people react with so much horror or scorn when they find out that two people lived together for X years until one or both of them passed away and were never married? Why do those people give those couples who choose not to marry so much grief (Even if they plan to stay together for life)?
11/01/2011
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Ace <3 Ace <3
I think most humans like closure and a title to put on everything. That's why there are such problems with stereotypes and name labeling, etc. Marriage is the same thing. Without a name to standardize what you have against everyone else, it's "unnatural". I don't think people need to be married to be in love or be with each other forever, sometimes its easier without that label, more natural. But not as many people think as deeply into such matters.
11/01/2011
Kkay Kkay
Hm. For me, I married in large part because of all the benefits that come with it. Also, it affects the way that people view us- we have certain social rights that come with being married. But then, my lack of care about the social construct probably makes me the wrong person to answer this.
11/01/2011
Peggi Peggi
In a way, it doesn't matter too much to me...I could take it or leave it as long as I am with the person I love. Really, I consider myself "married", but not by society's standards. link that is the link to my poll on the matter.

Now, to be honest, I would love to actually marry who I am with now. If he asked me 5 minutes from now I'd pull out my list of plans! I've planned it since I realized I loved him! But I don't feel he'd love me any more than he already does, nor would we have a better chance of succeeding.

I think it's just being able to skip around with a piece of paper saying "HE'S MINE, BITCHES!!!"
11/01/2011
ThoughtsAblaze ThoughtsAblaze
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
Hm. For me, I married in large part because of all the benefits that come with it. Also, it affects the way that people view us- we have certain social rights that come with being married. But then, my lack of care about the social construct probably ...
Will you elaborate on those "benefits"?
11/01/2011
js250 js250
There are two things that come to my mind when I think of 'marriage'. First is the legal aspect of right of survivorship for assets, social security benefits and spousal rights in retirement benefits.

Second is spiritual meaning to the two individuals involved. I believe you can be spiritually married without dealing with the legal aspects. Society, however has come a long ways but there is still some people that only see life in black and white.
11/01/2011
Kkay Kkay
Quote:
Originally posted by ThoughtsAblaze
Will you elaborate on those "benefits"?
I live in the US. When we were students, it established us as independent, so that financial aide was calculated off of our own income instead of our parents'. Now, I am on my husband's health insurance through work, and there are tax benefits for being married as well.

Also, I am fine with answering questions, but I don't appreciate scare-quotes.
11/01/2011
badk1tty badk1tty
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
What's in a name, that makes marriage mean so much more than any other relationship in which both parties decide to stay together for life? With divorces so easy to obtain, marriage is no more permanent, and if someone really wants to go, ...
I can elaborate for her, because my situations are the prime ones that matter.

I am married. My husband is in the Army. Even though we have a child together and have an obvious life and a tie together, if we weren't married and I were to get hit by a car right now and be on my death bed, he would not get leave to come see me. We had to get the AMERICAN RED CROSS involved so that he could actually come to the birth of his child, because at the time, we were only engaged, not married. Did they care that I was carrying his child? Nope. In the Army's eyes, I was just a friend.

Without our piece of paper that says "hey, these guys love each other", I don't qualify for benefits, for his increase in pay to take care of our child, I cannot be put as his beneficiary should he die, etc.

Ignoring the fact that most insurance companies give fuck all about couples who have been together for 40 years but are unwed, there are other perks for being married, aside from just insurance, tax brackets, etc (Like it or not, society is designed to make life easier for married couples. If you're single, you're out of luck.) -- more sex, better sex, happiness, stability, security, etc.

Now, to clarify, do I believe that you should have to have a piece of paper to have these things? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But society deems it important, because it says so in a book somewhere, that was translated and re-translated 40 some odd times.

And as my best friend said, "There is a reason gays are fighting for the right to marry, and it's not all in a word".

(sorry, that should be for ThoughtsAblaze, not Androangel)
11/01/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Some people like being married. Simple as that.
11/01/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by badk1tty
I can elaborate for her, because my situations are the prime ones that matter.

I am married. My husband is in the Army. Even though we have a child together and have an obvious life and a tie together, if we weren't married and I were to ...
Out of curiosity, what does marriage grant that living together doesn't to improve the sex, happiness, stability, and security in a relationship? I hear these things all the time but I still don't understand, and I really do want to?

(I can get security, honestly, though, because that piece of paper lets you visit your partner in the hospital and make decisions about their care when they can't.)
11/02/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Ace <3
I think most humans like closure and a title to put on everything. That's why there are such problems with stereotypes and name labeling, etc. Marriage is the same thing. Without a name to standardize what you have against everyone else, it's ...
I think your explanation makes the most sense to me so far.
11/02/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Also, to clarify My original question should have included: Why do some people react negatively to those that have the paperwork but choose not to consider themselves "married" or "husband and wife"?
11/02/2011
Annemarie Annemarie
Marriage, for me, is like that one extra step you take to solidify your relationship. You took the effort to get a marriage license, and to do the ceremony. It's the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae. And, alternatively, divorce is like that extra step you have to take before ending the relationship. Gives you chance to think about it.

I told my significant other outright that if he wants to have kids with me, we have to get married. It's too easy for a person to just leave and abandon their significant other without being married. Getting a divorce takes time. As far as I'm concerned, too, divorce is only an option in three instances: abuse of any flavor, concealment/extensive lies (of previous crimes, etc), or infidelity.

Some people consider marriage to be something to do on a whim. I'm definitely not one of those people. It's serious business.
11/02/2011
oldman oldman
OK--all you "younguns" can say what you want, but I love being married and I love the fact that when you both decide that you WANT to be married, it tells the world, without shouting or even using words, that your partner is the only person in the world that chose you to love and knows that he/she is going to love you forever and the same from you. Its only paper, and I would never tell anyone to marry, regardless of the circumstances (pregnancy comes to mind--bad reason for marriage) but to me it only keeps enhancing my feelings for my wife. I am sure I got the better end of this deal, as the saying goes!!
11/02/2011
T&A1987 T&A1987
mainly for the benefits our pro-family pro-marriage society instills. tax breaks, making it easier to file jointly and of course the child tax breaks (although marriage isn't required for that). as a society, we seem determined to reward actions that would have happened regardless of government intervention (having babies and getting married). Which is fine, but why do my tax dollars have to go toward reinforcing what has been done since most of human history (marriage) and all of human history (babies).
11/04/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
mainly for the benefits our pro-family pro-marriage society instills. tax breaks, making it easier to file jointly and of course the child tax breaks (although marriage isn't required for that). as a society, we seem determined to reward ...
Well, neither of those things would be happening to me without government intervention, and as it stands, I'm only doing one of them (Marriage) although I refuse to acknowledge it unless I need it. (visitation rights at the hospital, tax benefits, etc.)
11/06/2011
Beck Beck
We got married mostly so I can be added on his insurance and have his last name. I have always wanted to get married, but that was mostly because I wanted the ceremony. If I could legally have his name and be on his insurance without marriage we would of had just a natural bonding ceremony, but I need insurance and wanted to share my children's last name so marriage was the only way to do that.
11/07/2011
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 12