Jealousy

Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
For those of us who are either in open relationships, swing or are in polyamorous arrangements: How do you handle jealousy? How does it effect your relationship(s)?
08/19/2010
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Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
For me I tend to handle jealousy fairly badly but head on. I generally don't realize what I'm feeling IS jealousy since I was taught at a very young age to deny what I'm feeling and/or rename it to something acceptable. Usually my jealousy comes out as an all out attack on my guys and their other playmates, which leaves me to make amends and does cause a severe wound in the relationship(s)
We used to fight and blame each other and tap dance around the subject until one day I simply owned up to being jealous which opened up a way to resolve the issue. We could talk to each other like adults, figure out where the disconnect happened and if it was a time management issue deal with it, if it was something more then we could take the time needed to figure out what went wrong.

Generally I'm not a jealous person, which makes things a lot easier for us all. The thing we have learned as a unit is that when one person gets left to feel like the "extra" he/she is going to feel vulnerable, sad, confused and jealous. We tend to own the "blame" equally and we all work to make sure each member feels loved, wanted and appreciated. If jealousy happens after that, then the person who owns it usually will request some time to get to the root of the issue and then approach the rest of the family to discuss boundaries or renegotiation. It sounds all clinical but it's really organic and fluid.

Jealousy makes our family feel as though it is in jeopardy and vulnerable. It is a whole ball of emotions that aren't getting aired and experienced fully. When we know someone in the family is having difficulty we try to circle around and get them comfortable again...that's our way of dealing with it. Still the situation is hard for us living in two countries, one or the other father is always missing his kids and me. For now we just make do the best we can and keep reaching for a resolution.
08/19/2010
Unconventional Unconventional
I have to admit, our poly relationship is not traditional poly. Not only are we a closed unit, but I do NOT share my boys, and I am an insanely jealous person. So...I don't handle jealousy. I'm not confronted with it. The guys though, they'll tell me if they're feeling left out or under-appreciated. Not that it really ever happens, but on the 2 or three occasions where it has, they know they can tell me and I'll rectify the situation without telling them they're being silly.
10/24/2010
Greta Greta
Quote:
Originally posted by Unconventional
I have to admit, our poly relationship is not traditional poly. Not only are we a closed unit, but I do NOT share my boys, and I am an insanely jealous person. So...I don't handle jealousy. I'm not confronted with it. The guys though, ... More
Unconventional, I'd love to hear more about your relationship! It sounds like the kind of relationship I'd like for myself. Is it you and 2 men? Do they have a relationship with each other?

Thanks for sharing!
10/26/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Unconventional
I have to admit, our poly relationship is not traditional poly. Not only are we a closed unit, but I do NOT share my boys, and I am an insanely jealous person. So...I don't handle jealousy. I'm not confronted with it. The guys though, ... More
I would love for ours to be a closed unit but our Sigel is a bit of a free spirit and he IS so much happier when he is free. We understand this drive Arch and I and he understands that we would love him to be happy with just us. Still it does bring excitement and some interesting people into our lives. Above all else we want him to be happy, he's had so many times where he has had to remake himself for others...for once I'd like to see what he can become. It might mean he will eventually fly away but I am willing to trust he loves me and so far he has always come back. He loves a quiet, tranquil home so he always comes home at night.
10/28/2010
Unconventional Unconventional
Quote:
Originally posted by Greta
Unconventional, I'd love to hear more about your relationship! It sounds like the kind of relationship I'd like for myself. Is it you and 2 men? Do they have a relationship with each other?

Thanks for sharing!
Sorry, I'm just now going through all of these posts (I don't have notifications set up).

It is me and the 2 guys, but they don't have a sexual relationship with each other. My first husband is bisexual, but he prefers women and he is very content with just having me as a partner. They themselves have been best friends since grade school, so if anything I'm the newcomer, lol.

Fortunately, they are both secure in their sexuality, so there is the occasional threesome. It's more just for fun than a deep, meaningful, sexual experience. And it's usually because husband #2 and I are drunk, lmao. We all definitely prefer a one-on-one thing.

What exactly were you wanting to know?
11/10/2010
Unconventional Unconventional
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I would love for ours to be a closed unit but our Sigel is a bit of a free spirit and he IS so much happier when he is free. We understand this drive Arch and I and he understands that we would love him to be happy with just us. Still it does bring ... More
That's great that you can still be happy in that situation. I would be very torn if it were me, but like I said, I'm too territorial to share my men, lol.
11/10/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Unconventional
That's great that you can still be happy in that situation. I would be very torn if it were me, but like I said, I'm too territorial to share my men, lol.
Sigel does a lot to make sure that I don't feel left out or unappreciated. He is happier now than he ever has been and that makes it easier to get along with him for both Arch and I. I reallyjust wish he could find someone who isn't so interested in in being his 'mistress' or is so worried that she;s cheating with him that she won't talk to me...she'll still sleep with him but prefers to not "deal" with me! As you can imagine this is a deal breaker with Sigel, but for the most part he's happy and his world revolves around me, the kids and Arch.
Besides I actually like sharing my guys...just wish the women who would love to be with them wouldn't be so damn selfish!
11/13/2010
Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
For me I tend to handle jealousy fairly badly but head on. I generally don't realize what I'm feeling IS jealousy since I was taught at a very young age to deny what I'm feeling and/or rename it to something acceptable. Usually my ... More
Its good when you're able to talk about something and finally open up. It's a bitch having to deal with the emotional crap but atleast thigns get resolved!
11/13/2010
pinkzombie pinkzombie
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
For those of us who are either in open relationships, swing or are in polyamorous arrangements: How do you handle jealousy? How does it effect your relationship(s)?
i have noticed i am less jealous as I get older. I am more confident with me and realize sex is just sex
11/13/2010
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 5