Advice

Iggins09 Iggins09
I hope this is in the right spot and I apologize if it's not. Anyway, my husband and I let his sister and husband watch our 2 year old so we could have a night out to ourselves. My husband's mom went out of town for a night so we were able to stay in her house near the beach for a night away with each other. We went to dinner and a movie and went back to the house. I had went out and bought a thong a few days prior as a surprise for my husband. We had talked about me wearing a thong a while back and I thought it would be a nice surprise to spring on him during our night together. I'm recently back to work from a doctor's orders bed rest and he's starting school tomorrow so we decided to take the labor day weekend and enjoy ourselves.

I put on the thong without him knowing and was incredible nervous about showing him. I really don't know why I felt so nervous to be sexy for my husband. When I told him I had a surprise for him, I stood in front of him and asked him, "Remember when we talked about me wearing a thong?" He said, "Yeah?" and after that I became lily-livered. I was looking to the side and laughing nervously. My husband asked me what and I said I'm nervous. He told me I didn't have to be so I just sucked it up and got up on the bed and got on all fours and said, "Well I went out and got one." He lifted up my shirt a little bit to get a closer look and told me it looked nice and that it really fit them. He then preceded to lay back on the bed (after hooking up the XBOX that I okay'd him to bring) and said that we needed the break that night. He had messed up his leg somehow a few nights ago and it was really bothering him last night.

So needless to say, my entire plan had just imploded and left me feeling really silly for even trying it. I was second guessing even doing it because we were tired but I figured what the hell. I got up to go change and he said, "You're not going to go change are you?" I told him yes and he asked me why and I told him I wasn't going to sit there in a thong when we weren't going to do anything. He said he could take care of me and I told him that that wouldn't help because I had a whole scene planned out for us and there was no point in him taking care of me and not doing anything else because that wasn't part of the plan. I let it go and I guess it lingered today and it's made me a little bit depressed. My husband eventually figured out what was bothering me and we talked about it. He told me that if he would've known than we wouldn't have done anything the night before we left. I told him that I didn't tell him because it was a surprise and I went out specifically just to get the thong for our night together.

I have a hard time telling people when things bother me and I just let it sit inside of me until I feel like talking about it. I didn't want to be THAT woman who makes a big deal out of something not going her way so I just let the whole thing go but I guess it affected more than I thought. I am almost 20 weeks pregnant and we have a 2 year old right now so getting away is hard because we start missing him a lot when we're away from him. It didn't feel like any kind of day/night together (except for dinner and a movie) because we did the same thing we do at home: ex. playing XBOX when our toddler is in the room with us. I'm not saying we had to be wrapped around each other the entire time we were together. As it is, I have a hard time being affectionate to my husband or anyone for that matter, except for my son .. I came to the realization that I love my husband but I'm not IN LOVE with him.

Any thoughts?
09/02/2013
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Ansley Ansley
I am so confused by this post. So you've decided you aren't in love with your husband. Because of a thong? There has to be a lot more to this story than just this one night. My husband and I have had plenty of nights where our plans, well-intented as they may possibly be, just fell so flat it was ridiculous. But that doesn't mean we aren't in love with each other.

You knew about the surprise, he didn't. Therefore, all of the suspense and imaginings are yours. If you had let him in on the secret, things probably would have gone the way you wanted to or at least more so. You had all of this build-up in your head and to him it was probably like "okay baby, that's great". You may never have been in love with your husband, but I don't think this thong scenario has anything to do with it. That's just my honest opinion as an outside, objective party.
09/03/2013
Sincerely Yours, N Sincerely Yours, N
Men and women think differently. You had this scenario all built up in your head, but he hadn't really thought about it. Maybe he didn't know how to react to you being in a thong? I feel that you need to communicate with him and tell you how you feel.

I'd also like to add that infatuation is often mistaken for being "in love" with someone. Infatuation fades. Love is deeper. If you love him, you love him. If you're not "in love with him" you're just no longer infatuated (which is natural).
09/03/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Iggins09
I hope this is in the right spot and I apologize if it's not. Anyway, my husband and I let his sister and husband watch our 2 year old so we could have a night out to ourselves. My husband's mom went out of town for a night so we were able to ... More
Wow. Sorry to hear this post. The fact you had arranged a "get away evening", should imply to you both it is for romance and rekindling fires. Why on earth would he want an Xbox there and why would you say okay? That alone speaks to a huge issue. He was "getting away from the kid", so he could play....like a kid. You wanted to have an adult, wife/husband evening of passion.

This really is the time for some counseling. Not later, before it is too late. The fact you are trying to be "sexy" when he might find "pregnant" to not be, as some guys do....it's a "Madonna(not the singer) complex" or other issues may be at play too.

I understand why the described events would make you upset and unhappy, however, you are both too young and have two children soon, which will add even more to the stress of romance, so you need to run, not walk, but run and get some professional help now, to hopefully get on the exact same "romance and concept" track.

If you really don't want to do that, at least sit him down, maybe even show him the above description you wrote and explain that the time was supposed to be about the both of you, romance and sex. Very few guys can take insult to the fact their girl wanted them for sex!!! Then explain it really needs to be about the two of you (without any video games or distractions), when you have precious "us" time. Tell him to live out his wild and crazy "game" ideas...on you!

Either way, both me and my hubby here are wishing you luck with this and hope you can turn it around. You have too much to lose to not give it a serious try.
09/04/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sincerely Yours, N
Men and women think differently. You had this scenario all built up in your head, but he hadn't really thought about it. Maybe he didn't know how to react to you being in a thong? I feel that you need to communicate with him and tell you how ... More
No question you are correct, that men and woman might think differently, but my hubby is sitting here with me and thinks that any girl in front of him on the bed, hiking up her skirt and showing off the fact she has on a thong, would be like going into a candy shop, having the clerk hold out a piece of luscious chocolate and someone not having a clue they were supposed to sample it!!!! This poor couple has more issues going on then simple misunderstanding. Oh, I have to add something, seriously. We have been married for over 30 years, and I can honestly say that while mega lust can indeed ebb and flow, real, honest true love for a partner you admire, respect, lust for, and love, can cause more "infatuation" then ever. After knowing the kind of man I have and after watching him grow in to the kind of man he is, in all it's facets, including how he treats me as his life partner and lover, and even watching the awesome dad his is to our daughter and new Son in Law, I have moments of passionate infatuation with him that go far beyond the "groin lust" that came from me thinking about him decades ago.

Love can grow. Powerfully.
09/04/2013
Sincerely Yours, N Sincerely Yours, N
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
No question you are correct, that men and woman might think differently, but my hubby is sitting here with me and thinks that any girl in front of him on the bed, hiking up her skirt and showing off the fact she has on a thong, would be like going ... More
It depends. I've been with partners before and they haven't been in the mood, or didn't really know what to do because of surprise and / or shock. Plus, sometimes people are just not in the mood.

Love can grow. But it has been documented that a major factor in a lot of break ups and divorces is that people mistake infatuation for love. We're not talking about a couple married for 30 years in this case.

I'm not saying that everything in the relationship of this couple is perfect, but it might not be entirely broken either.
09/04/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Sincerely Yours, N
It depends. I've been with partners before and they haven't been in the mood, or didn't really know what to do because of surprise and / or shock. Plus, sometimes people are just not in the mood.

Love can grow. But it has been ... More
But it has been documented that a major factor in a lot of break ups and divorces is that people mistake infatuation for love.

I think what happens, in more cases than not, is that you fall in lust with someone and forget to actually get to know them and then the next thing you know there are babies to take care of and all hell breaks loose. You can't get to know someone in thirty days -- it takes years.
09/04/2013
js250 js250
I am a bottler--my hubby is a screamer.
I am empathetic--hubby is not.
I am family oriented--hubby is not.
I am impulsive--hubby is NOT.
We are both jealous, assumptive and over associative.

I love my husband, but do not always like him. This is normal. In love...well, that happens when everything goes MY way or his for a few days. That is the bullshit of that phrase...it is overrated and overused, and is confused by many as a be all of a relationship. After 17 years, the newly in love glow fades...and grows to a deeper love for the other person. The sexual attraction does ebb and surge--especially if you have no sexual communication (verbal) about your likes/ dislikes/turn-ons, etc.), and you can develop a hell of an amazing relationship if you work through the rough spots TOGETHER.

I remember when I was pregnant, my feelings were a bit over the top and dramatic due to the hormones and fears I kept repressed.I am not saying this is happening in your case, but you may want to look back at your first pregnancy and see if this was an issue then... also--bed rest. OMG!! I was on bedrest for 6 of the 9 months I was pregnant with my daughter. That made my then husband fearful of anything sexual...what if: was his favorite thought and line back then.

I know how you feel, I have done that with my hubby and it flopped...but he has done that with me as well.The key is to not take it personally, but to realize the other person does not get the hint of a build up that you do.
09/04/2013
Iggins09 Iggins09
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I am so confused by this post. So you've decided you aren't in love with your husband. Because of a thong? There has to be a lot more to this story than just this one night. My husband and I have had plenty of nights where our plans, ... More
Stormy, I apologize my post confused you. I came to that realization while talking to my pedicurist at a spa earlier this year. We were talking about the men in our lives and how they made us feel and I had came to that realization so suddenly and when I said it, I knew it was truth. My realization that I love my husband but I'm not in love with him had nothing to do with the thong incident. I fully understand that all of the suspense and imaginings are mine. I know his leg was bothering him so I probably shouldn't have even bothered showing him. I kept it a secret to surprise him. I didn't want to tell him ahead of time. It took a long of courage to do that and now I feel silly for even bothering because next time it won't be a surprise because now he knows about it.
09/04/2013
Iggins09 Iggins09
Quote:
Originally posted by Sincerely Yours, N
Men and women think differently. You had this scenario all built up in your head, but he hadn't really thought about it. Maybe he didn't know how to react to you being in a thong? I feel that you need to communicate with him and tell you how ... More
He already knows how I feel because we talked about it. He said that he should've just sucked it up and engaged in intimate times with me. He really didn't show any kind of outward surprise when I showed him. No wide eyes or mouth dropping. Nothing like that so I think maybe that's why I was chaffed so much by it because I was stupid and had this romance novel scene played out in my head.
09/04/2013
Iggins09 Iggins09
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Wow. Sorry to hear this post. The fact you had arranged a "get away evening", should imply to you both it is for romance and rekindling fires. Why on earth would he want an Xbox there and why would you say okay? That alone speaks to a huge ... More
I allowed him to bring the XBOX because I knew we weren't going to be in each other's arms the whole time. I didn't want him to be bored. Him and I usually do our thing and then we go back to whatever it is we were doing before, whether it's him playing his XBOX or me reading my Nook. Thank you for the well wishings. I've thought about the marriage counseling already for myself. It seems like all of this is coming from me and not him. We're not a really affectionate couple and I've told him that I wish we could be. I've found myself wishing we were like a couple that we know. They kiss and hug and lay on each other's laps in the yard when we were at a party and I found myself wanting a relationship like that.
09/04/2013
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 5