business trips....kinda

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business trips....kinda

bsgs bsgs
so, my work sent me to a different part of the country for about 4 months. it is completely temporary, so my wife and kids stayed at home. i know that there isnt anything really unusual about this. however, my wife is starting to get really pissed off that i spend time with my colleagues after work, instead of hanging out in my hotel room, by myself, not doing anything. i guess my question is, does anyone else have to deal with this or something similar?
01/21/2012
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Quote:
Originally posted by bsgs
so, my work sent me to a different part of the country for about 4 months. it is completely temporary, so my wife and kids stayed at home. i know that there isnt anything really unusual about this. however, my wife is starting to get really pissed ...
Has she at least told you why she is getting upset? Does she trust you? Is she just lonely and want's to know your okay all the time etc? While I have not experienced this in a marriage, I have had a couple serious relationships in the past and only 1 where I had a similar scenario. Keeping a long story short, my g/f at the time was being a control freak and wanted to know where I was all the time, didn't want me hanging out with people. It's an insecurity, they couldn't handle the fact they weren't around to keep an eye on me.

I'd suggest talking to her, asking her why she gets upset. Even in a marriage both of you need time together and also your time apart. Your life is each other, but also friends, family, work etc. Hope it gets better for you!
01/21/2012
js250 js250
Maybe she is jealous of the freedom you have to come and go while she has the kids and responsibilities and feels limited and left out. Is she scared you are going to cheat on her? Does she wonder if you are going to find out you have more fun without her? Some of these fears are human nature., some are learned through past experiences and things that have happened in the past or with friends. Talk it over and try to work out what exactly is bothering her. Compromise and work out a solution for both of you.
01/21/2012
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Maybe she is jealous of the freedom you have to come and go while she has the kids and responsibilities and feels limited and left out. Is she scared you are going to cheat on her? Does she wonder if you are going to find out you have more fun ...
I like the first part you said. I would be so pissed if my hubby was going out and parting on "business trips" too, while I was at home taking care of the kids. Depending on the age of the kids they can't be left alone for some peace, plus she is having to do all the house work and shopping while you are gone. I think when you get home you better find a baby sitter and take her out for a really fun night and spoil her or you better give her a gift certificate to the spa. She most likely feels overwhelmed, under appreciated, and pist since she doesn't get to go have fun while she is being the sole caregiver at the house.

A reason why she could be pist that you aren't in the room is because she doesn't get to talk to you. If you are out with your friends then you won't want to break off and have a conversation with her, she is lonely.
01/27/2012
jc123 jc123
I was in a similar situation for about six months. (I was the one temporarily in another part of the country.)

It is hard. For both of you. Acknowledge that often.

Make a set time to talk every day. DO NOT let anything going on in your social life interfere with that. Not even once. If you agree to talk at 6PM or 10PM or whatever, make sure that you are alone in a quiet room to do that.

Find a way to get her a night or afternoon to herself on at least a weekly basis. If it means cutting back on something to hire a babysitter or calling in favors with friends or whatever.

If you haven't already done so, make arrangements for her to join you for at least a weekend. Even if it was for good reason and she understands that on a rational level, part of her has to feel left out. Introduce her to some of your friends, and take her to a bar or restaurant you frequent. Let her feel like you aren't excluding her from this part of your life.

And this was a big one for our relationship-- stay very positive about your work situation. Even if you have something legitimate you need to vent about, be careful to not say many if any negative things about work. You don't want to ever give the idea that you are choosing a bad job over being with her. (My husband eventually started saying that to me when I complained about my boss for the tenth or so day in a row. Even if it wasn't logical or rational, he was interpreting that I was choosing a bad situation over my family.)
01/27/2012
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 5