Originally posted by
First off, my husband is an alcoholic. About 3years ago things got so bad I just shut him out, I didn't know how to deal w/ his drinking and raise our young son. I felt like I has the only one keeping everything together, it seemed all he cared
First off, my husband is an alcoholic. About 3years ago things got so bad I just shut him out, I didn't know how to deal w/ his drinking and raise our young son. I felt like I has the only one keeping everything together, it seemed all he cared about was his Jack & having sex. Who wants to deal w/ the finances, take care of a child, work part-time & come home to a drunk husband? When it came to sex I would literally push him away....granted he was always intoxicated. And eventually I nolonger had any desire to have sex at all...it was like I was in Mommy Mode. He would actually tell me he was gonna find someone else, but I had always trusted him unconditionally.....I was so sure he would never actually do it. Then I accidentally found some very explicit text messages between him and a girl he works with. I confronted him, he got mad, said it was all just talk & it was just because I pushed him away for all those years. It was a wake-up call for me, I knew I had pushed him away, so I let him in & awakened my sex drive again. I fell in love with him all over agaion. But he is still very close to this other woman & whenever I get upset about it he says I do not have to compete w/ her. What should I do? I don't want to loose him but I really think he is being very selfish & never considers how his actions make me feel. HELP!!!
Therapy. It really is the only thing which will help. If he won't go to couple's therapy, go by yourself. It's amazing how much can get done when even one member of a couple seeks help.
I am sorry this is happening. But, between the drinking and the sexual issues, it is going to be difficult, if not impossible to solve this alone and by "just telling him how I feel." Issues like this really require professional help. And, please DO NOT call one of those "Intervention Specialists" they will say anyone is "an addict" and you could go broke paying them (as many insurance companies don't pay for this type of stuff.)
No "threats" just find a therapist and go. Ask him if he wants to go to couple's therapy, if he says no NO THREATS, just go yourself.
One of the best ways to heal a relationship is to stop threatening, stop "cutting off" and work on yourself until you get a firm footing. You can talk until you are blue in the face, but until you find a way to talk which is different
than what you have been doing (as that wasn't working) you will be frustrated. From what I have seen and experienced, the only way to work your way back is to find a good therapist.
When things get this bad, it ceases to matter whose "fault" it is. Deeply ingrained behavior and communication issues continue to effect the relationship until someone
makes a radical change in how they interact. And, as you are the one to realize there IS a problem, it is going to probably be you who is going to have to take the first step and get professional help. It's for the best, really.