Hello, we are a Jewish family. My husband and myself have been married for 17 years now. I totally agree the marital bed should be kept pure and such. We keep the family purity laws and even sleep in separate beds during my monthly.
The items offered here on E.F. is not a hard issue for us. And actually this is the only Adult site we go to (because of how they have the site laid out and the fact that the items here are displayed with taste and as much modestly as can be expected when dealing with these types of items ). My husband and myself do NOT explore in areas such as anal and such or watch movies and such. We just enjoy each other.
Toys... we view them as aids to our bedroom. My husband enjoys using them on me and enjoys seeing me pleased with them. It was very awkward at first. But I am becoming more comfortable with them. Again we really feel that if these items are used in what I will call a natural way ( for lack of any better wording that I can find) I really think it is ok. Of course I have never asked my Rabbi ( I am way to impressed to ever ask)
Lingerie a big yes in our house. Nothing wrong with looking and feeling sexy. Oils and such not a problem at all.
I hope this helps a little bit.