Toys in the bedroom good or bad?

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Toys in the bedroom good or bad?

Mochadelight Mochadelight
Okay so obviously I own toys because I am on Edenfantasys but do they do more harm in the bedroom than help? I personally haven't had any negative reactions or results from using toys. The toys have enhanced my sex life but according to some of my friends who have been in their relationship for 5 years they say that they ruin your sex life and you become dependent on them, is that true?
10/08/2008
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Nashville Nashville
It's all up to you guys as the couple. I've noticed at times that we rely too heavily on sex toys, that we really just lose ourselves in wires, cords, and batteries. We stop using them for a little while and we enjoy each other. Then we add in other elements such as creams, lotions, and potions. We even buy new toys to try different things such as floggers or handcuffs. After 5 years with my husband I love our sex, if anything, by using sex toys it's gotten even better and we've become even more creative in how we get it on.

It depends on how much you focus on toys, that you can't enjoy the sex without using a sexual aid. Sometimes that's okay if you guys don't have issues with it, but if you guys feel like your pleasure solely derives from using sex toys and you really don't like it then cut back for a while. You know your limits, don't push them.
10/08/2008
Cock Wrangler Cock Wrangler
I would say it's all a matter of balance. Trying out sex toys can be a great way to break routines and open up options in one's sex life. Using them adds different sensation and experience, but all that isn't a replacement for flesh-and-blood partners. As long as you remember that, I think you'll be fine.
10/08/2008
Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
I agree with Cock Wrangler, it is finding balance. At times, my partner and I will use the toys every time we have sex. We also have gone a few months without using anything besides lubricant. & like Sleeping Dreamer said, find your limit and stay within them. Each couple is different so you can't put a number on anything. What it comes down to, what everything in a relationship comes down to, is communication.
10/08/2008
MrsGardner81708 MrsGardner81708
I agree with these guys. It depends on how you use them. My husband and I use them frequently but as more of a treat to ourselves. Also, like sleeping Dreamer said, if you feel like your sole pleasure comes from toys cut back.. but over time you should try to realize when its starting to come to that before hand so you can switch things up before it gets that far. Overall though, I don't find toys to have a negative effect. Watch how much you use them and HOW you use them before/during sex.
10/25/2008
All In All In
My partner and I are heavily into BDSM and between the both of us, we have more toys then time. However, we find a perfect balance between using them and enjoying each other with nothing but ourselves. We found our balance out pretty quickly and it really depends on the day.

I tend to use a lot of toys during solo play. We only get to spend two days a week together and it doesn't affect us. If anything, I found it just increases my desire for him.
11/09/2008
Dragon Dragon
I have always, always found that a good lover is far superior and more fun than toys most of the time. Toys for me are just a "sometimes" thing or trying to spice up life. I can't even imagine getting dependent on toys at the risk of your sexual life UNLESS there already is fundamental unhappiness sexually in the relationship.

If that's the case, there is talking to be done and books to read to figure out where to start to turn things around before it gets worse.
11/11/2008
Lynx Lady Lynx Lady
Right now I'm in a long distance relationship of about a thousand miles so toys are my sex life. Even my best toys can't live up to my lover when I'm with him in person however, and the strongest orgasms I have with my toys I have when I can hear his voice or see his face. And even those "solo" orgasms that are the most intense can't make up for the wonderful emotional connection I feel when he touches me and our bodies are close against each other.
I've also been developing a terrible habit of buying toys to play with when we travel see each other and completely forgetting them in favor of plain old fashioned fucking.
11/15/2008
tantric tantric
Toys can ruin your sex life just like abstinence can make you a better lover .

No, seriously though, this is kinda of like the idea that porn can ruin your sex life. Sure if your not satisfied, don't talk things out, and have a serious issue with compulsion then a real problem could arise. If your secure with your partner and you both agree on limits, or a lack there of, then you have nothing to worry about. I'm sure there are many out their with a toy fetish and they MUST use them, but all in al,l I think the idea of toys ruining your sex life is rubbish. I have been in a relationship over five years and toys are nothing more than TOYS. We still share very intimate sex that has nothing to do with toys.
01/06/2009
Fishie Princess Fishie Princess
Quote:
Originally posted by Mochadelight
Okay so obviously I own toys because I am on Edenfantasys but do they do more harm in the bedroom than help? I personally haven't had any negative reactions or results from using toys. The toys have enhanced my sex life but according to some of ...
I think the word "dependent" is what is really the issue here, not the toys. As individuals, we choose when and how we use our toys. If we use them constantly and forget how to be with our partner(s) without toys, that's on us, not the silicone.

Personally, I think blaming the status of our sex lives on anything or anyone but ourselves is taking the easy way out. As sexual beings it is important to claim our sexual agency and advocate for what we need and want.

If you're not happy with your sex life, tell your partner(s). Either they will engage with you and compromise, or they won't. My personal feeling is if they are of the latter camp, you should probably find somebody else to bone.

I confess, I have found myself in the group of individuals resenting their toys. My current partner has a heck of a time getting off without her vibrator. Some nights, I'm lazy, and concede to the plastic. But I'm always a little bummed after I do. I can do it. I can get her off, all by myself, if I want to. I'll be damned if I let some small bit of machinery please my partner better than me.

It's not the toy, it's how you use it.

(clarification: I am referring to the global you, not any one individual)
01/07/2009
Dame Demi Dame Demi
I find the more I use and think about toys, the greater my libido. Which, in turn, works out well for my husband.

I don't think toys should be used as a crutch during or in lieu of 'real' sex. However, it's simply a fact that many woman are simply not able to get off from intercourse, regardless of whether they've ever used a toy or not. I don't think toys have to be a part of every aspect of sex, but if they can help woman achieve orgasm during intercourse, or help a couple achieve the blissful mutual orgasm, I think that's a wonderful thing!
01/08/2009
Firemeup Firemeup
I'm a major participant in another sex-oriented forum, so I've watched a ton of couples discover toys and interacted with plenty more who have been using them for years. I do know of couples where toys seemed to create problems - but in those cases the toys really only exacerbated existing problems. One women bought toys so she could stop having sex with her husband. So the toys hurt the relationship, but clearly there were serious problems already that the toys just brought into the open.

I do know of some women who need toys to orgasm, but they're mostly women who were unable to orgasm in the first place (usually there were emotional issues that prevented them when they were young, and by the time the emotional issues cleared their vaginal muscles were very weak so they needed some extra help.)

I know of no cases where a couple started using toys in a reasonably healthy marriage and the toys caused problems. So as long as you communicate well and think things through, there shouldn't be any problems.
01/29/2009
Ciao. Ciao.
Toys definitely haven't ruined our sex life! There have been times when my partner has been unhappy about when I use toys too much (seemingly instead of her) but that was more of a communication issue between the two of us then anything else. As long as you are both open and willing to explore and share, there's no reason why toys should cause any harm.

95% of the time toys are just a great accessory to our already satisfactory sex life, they help us explore things we couldn't otherwise do, and enhance pleasure for both of us...but they're never the only way we can enjoy each other.
01/29/2009
Cinnamon Chambers Cinnamon Chambers
Toys are just the icing on the cake for us. They are fun together in moderation, and there for me when he is thousands of miles away. He likes seeing me use the toys on cam and in pictures when he is gone and it provides a great connection for us. No toy on earth compares to him in real life.
01/29/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
I agree with others who have stated that toys can become an addiction if the love life is not going well and you let yourself become addicted to it. In most cases sex toys (as others have mentioned) are an addition to the already wonderful sex you are having.

In our relationship (4 yrs) we barely use toys during sex bcs my partner is so opposed to it. The only toy I will use is a butt plug or a bullet vibe, but the vibe is rare. I use my toys on my own time and I am not addicted to them. Using my toys has not stopped me from having a fulfilling sex life with my partner; I don't need a toy to orgasm during sex.

I can see how others can be concerned about usage of sex toys ruining one's sex life but I think that balancing between your needs and those of your relationship will maintain your satisfaction without getting overindulged and dependent on sex toys. I think if you are aware and concerned it won't happen. ( I have read stuff about women preferring sex toys to their partner but thats not dependence thats just personal issues relating to sex not being resolved)
02/02/2009
Liz2 Liz2
I use toys almost all the time. They get me warmed up and I have at least one good orgasm prior to penetration by my b/f. He enjoys the toys, and both of us use butt plugs.
02/02/2009
Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
We both have our toys, and we use them frequently, together and solo. When we're together, though, we're more likely to use them as extended foreplay. Once we really get going, the only toy that stays is a small vibrator for me. I'm on a medication that makes me dry and makes it harder for me to stay aroused, so without some form of stimulation (cock ring, fingers, toy) I often find sex painful after the first few minutes, even with lube.

So in our case, toys kind of SAVED our sex life. As others have said, they will only ruin your sex life if there are already severe issues in the relationship that are being brought out in the open.
02/02/2009
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
I often wonder about people who claim that anything other than the participants can ruin sex. Neither my husband nor my lover would countenance a toy replacing them, but they love to use them as a way to tease me or to give themselves a break as I tend to be a bit demanding and inexhaustible. I would counsel anyone worried about sex enhancements causing damage to work on their total relationship. Sexual feeling cannot flourish and deepen into truly passionate love making if you are simply not feeling much like being with your partner (or partners).
Erotic massage can teach a person to slow down and learn the touch, taste, feel of their partner as well as arouse and stimulate both parties. Toys can help build intimacy and create a sexy atmosphere beyond the bedroom, for example when either of my guys mentions that I have a date with "Bob" it never fails to make me blush and smile fondly. Bob is my very large dildo friend who is never too tired or too sated to fuck me rotten.
I have enjoyed trying out and using the toys from Eden Fantasys and I too would have to say that it hasn't impacted my love life in any way except to enhance and broaden it.
~Airen
02/02/2009
Firemeup Firemeup
The problem with the idea that "anything other than the participants can ruin sex" is that there's no line.

Toys are artificial, certainly. But so is lube. And lingerie. And music. And mattresses, sheets, and air conditioning. And houses and privacy. The argument quickly becomes absurd when you examine it.
02/02/2009
Mamastoys Mamastoys
I think the toys have definitely been an asset to our sex life. Prior to getting our first toy, things had slowed down and gotten into a rut. Once I (yes, I am the one who got the first one) got a vibe and we started using it, things exploded. We don't use the toys all the time but alternate them. Sometimes we will start with the toys but end with the real thing. Hubby has never complained about anything that I get. He generally leaves it up to me to pick out new things, but sometimes he will join in the search. When he knows something new is coming, he will ask everyday if it is here. He prefers to use my toys on me but I like for him to have some too. Toys have not harmed our bedroom life at all!
02/24/2009
Gary Gary
It is my uneducated opinion that it's all just tools in the toolbox. If there is a lacking of consideration, trust, and security, then there are probably other more serious problems and sex toys are not really the issue.
03/03/2009
Mamastoys Mamastoys
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
It is my uneducated opinion that it's all just tools in the toolbox. If there is a lacking of consideration, trust, and security, then there are probably other more serious problems and sex toys are not really the issue.
I agree..and Dr. Phil talked for an hour today on this very thing. It starts with the mind and feelings, then goes from there.
03/03/2009
Sammi Sammi
I think toys have enhanced our sex life. We use them most of the time and we both enjoy them, but we also have sex without them on occasion. My husband likes to use them on me.
03/03/2009
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Some may disagree with me, but sex toys are no match for a warm, gentle, caring lover who pleases you emotionally, spiritually, AND physically. As a friend of mine put it, "toys don't have eyes for you to look into, or hands to hold you". Although, if they did, that would actually be pretty creepy, IMO.

My boyfriend and I love playing with toys, but more often than not we're too entranced with each other to pay much attention to the toybox.
03/03/2009
Liz2 Liz2
Sex toys are an adjunct to my sex life, they are not the totality of my sex life. I enjoy toys, they help me relax and positively contribute to great orgasms! I also know my b/f enjoys toys, he frequently chooses toys prior to play. I get turned on just watching him lube the selected toys.
Obviously certain kinds of sex play are dependent on toys.
03/04/2009
jedent jedent
I figure that as long as you're doing something together, it counts as intimacy.
03/04/2009
Sock Monkey Sock Monkey
I agree with what people in here have been saying: balance and moderation are vital. Toys are ideally used to enhance your sex life, not be the end all, be all. There is definitely nothing wrong with using toys, just make sure that you are having fun and not focusing to much on the end. It's not the destination, it's the journey that can be just as memorable! (:
03/09/2009
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
I think toys are fun but you don't need them ALL the time. I doubt you'll get super dependent on them to the point where you don't want your partner anymore. LOL! I wouldn't worry about it and I say toys help because it makes it new/different and exciting.
04/19/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by Mochadelight
Okay so obviously I own toys because I am on Edenfantasys but do they do more harm in the bedroom than help? I personally haven't had any negative reactions or results from using toys. The toys have enhanced my sex life but according to some of ...
They havent ruined mine yet lol. He likes them and we spend more time on the act itself with toys.
04/19/2011
SexyStuff SexyStuff
They have way improved our sex life, although I do worry sometimes that it is taking more and more powerful vibrations to get me off. Still, I wasn't able to orgasm at all through intercourse before we bought a bullet, so a definite improvement.
12/27/2011
Total posts: 30
Unique posters: 27