Originally posted by
Some nights when it's been a long exhausting day and my man wants to just do the deed for hours I just want to grab my toy, get off, and then go to bed, and every time he gets upset thinking he's not enough for me but he is. I usually end up
Some nights when it's been a long exhausting day and my man wants to just do the deed for hours I just want to grab my toy, get off, and then go to bed, and every time he gets upset thinking he's not enough for me but he is. I usually end up giving into what he wants, but damnit I want to just get off and fall asleep some nights, are all guys this way?
I can see how he feels that way. Sex is more than getting off, since it's a "bond" and way of connecting too, it would be easy to feel left out if you were being put to the side for a toy. I'd explain this to him -- that you just want the no-strings attached orgasm and sleep. It might help, if you haven't already. Still, I can understand how they could wonder or worry that deep down, they aren't "enough." Especially if you do this often. Not saying you are wrong to, by any means! I'm just saying why I personally think they get upset or hurt over it. They probably really think they may be doing something wrong. But if it comes down to you "giving in to what he wants," then it sounds like neither are being 100% totally satisfied. You don't want to have sex & he does. But if you grab your toy instead, he feels hurt. On the other hand, he keeps on until you "give in," which might make you feel a little resentment.... I don't know. That's just what I think I'd feel like. Trying to see from both POV's, that's what it seems like.
So, I guess what I would do is, if you do want sex with him too, find time when you aren't tired. When you do have the time & energy to go all out & have sex. Then, you'd both be satisfied. I think? As long as the focus is evenly distributed between partners and both are happy and being satisfied.
If you've already told him that it's just you're tired and want a quickie, then I'd try next making a plan to do it together the next time. Try alternating, maybe? I don't know. I wish I could be of more help.
"Are all guys this way?" Well, it's hard to say really because we don't know your schedule. Do you guys have sex often? Or does it seem like you prefer the toy more often? Are both partners being satisfied when you guys do have sex or is something being left out? If any of that is giong on, then it's probably a deeper issue that really might need more attention. I mean, it sounds like without communicating about this, he could easily start feeling resentment, as could you. And I definitely don't think not talking about it is going to cause him to come around to the toy thing.
For us, I use my toys during our fun. I just add them in or he does & we'll use them a while before sex or something. That way, nobody's left out & it's much more fun for me to have him in the play too. I don't get much fun from using them alone, but everyone's different.
But no, I don't think all guys are "this way." I think everybody is different, but to answer your question, I do think most people would feel slightly concerned or a little worried, maybe a tad insecure (with worry they aren't good enough) if you just grabbed a toy most of the time & didnt' want sex with them. That is, if you've not told them that it's just that you're tired & want to do it quickly. However, if there is something more like you not wanting sex with him as often or if your needs aren't met during sex or something isn't going the way you need during sex, it couldn't hurt to try and gently mention it. Ya'll could always work on it & just make the sex even better.
So I think it depends on the situation (how often you're using the toy over him, etc.). Most guys will probably understand that you want to just get a quick one in before bed or something. But I also think most would feel somewhat concerned that they may not be doing something right if you started using the toy more often than them, especially if you did it suddenly. I mean, it's natural to worry about things. It's natural to think "well, what if I've not been performing up to par."
The best thing to do is talk about it though. It's no fun to be hounded into having sex when you don't want to & you shouldn't have to be hounded into it. But it's no fun to feel unwanted either. I think just a good ol' talk and some reassuring on both sides (or if there is something lacking, bring it up) would fix it up. And it's better than leaving it un-resolved & just causing more possible resentment to grow -- towards your toys and/or towards being hounded into sex.
If it's only every so often, I think as long as he knows that the sex isn't lacking, he'd likely be understanding. I don't know your situation really though.
I just seen Fluke's comment. I think that's a great idea! A quickie where he uses the toy on you, or even if you just asked him if he wanted to join, but made sure to tell him that you were tired & wanted it to be a quicker-than-usual thing. That may do the trick just fine. A lot of times, they just want to feel involved in pleasing you, especially if your SO is the type who does care about pleasuring you too.