I'm 19, and pretty far from having kids, but lately I've been thinking about this. I would never have asked my mom for a vibrator even though I really wanted one, so when I was 18 I simply went to the local sex shop and got one. Before that, I used the showerhead, my fingers, etc. If I'm a parent with a daughter at some point in the future, I will most likely buy her a vibrator when she is 16 or so. I am wondering how many people here have done this or would do this?
Would you buy your daughter a vibrator?
04/03/2012
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I'm not sure if I would because I don't have any children. I think I would though.
04/03/2012
i PLAN on buying my daughter a clitoral vibrator if i have children and a daughter.
Much rather her play with herself than come home from some boy with an STD or pregnant at 15..
Much rather her play with herself than come home from some boy with an STD or pregnant at 15..
04/03/2012
i would
04/03/2012
I don't see a problem with it. My boyfriend's mom bought me my first one.
04/03/2012
I'm young too but I plan on getting my daughter one (if I had one) or suggesting it because it might keep her away from sex until she's mature.
04/03/2012
I wouldn't pay for it but if she earned the money, I would let her get herself one. I might even help her pick one out.
04/03/2012
I definitely would, should I have a daughter. I have two boys.
04/03/2012
I'm not sure. I don't think my daughter will ever ask me to buy her one.
04/03/2012
If I ever have a daughter, if she asked for one, I'd definitely say yes. If she didn't, I think I'd buy her something small and unintimidating and leave it on her nightstand. Maybe a note that says, "if you have questions, ask me." My mom tried to be wayyyy too involved in my blossoming and my early sex life. I think there's a line parents have to walk. Mine definitely crossed it. Not into molestation or anything but definitely into the realm of inappropriateness. My mother, being so forward and overly involved, offered to buy me one if I wanted, but the way she was creeped me out so much that I wouldn't ever have agreed. I would never want to sit my daughter down and ask her if she wanted one because that might put her off or make her uncomfortable. And I wouldn't want to wait for her to come to me, either, since, what if she was curious but just didn't know how to ask.
04/03/2012
I am 23 and only recently started talking about sex to my mother. We were never really open, but now we have fun talking about toys. It's still a little awkward but that's just from years of not doing it. I would definitely buy my daughter a sex toy (if I have one). My mom and my aunt took me out for drinks on my 21st birthday and they almost brought me to get a toy after a few drinks. They didn't know that I already had 2 of them...but the thought was there and honestly I was excited at the thought of getting a free toy! :-D
04/03/2012
I'm pretty sure I would, I imagine it might seen like it would be awkward but if I ever have kids I'm going to try and make my home a very open and sex-positive environment so I'd hope that i'd have a relationship with any child of mine that they'd e comfortable asking.
04/03/2012
I don't plan on having kids, but if I did have a daughter I don't see anything wrong with getting one for her - better than her picking up guys at random, I say. And heck, if I had a son I might get him something, too. Though unless they explicitly asked me, I think I'd just go with Charletnarouh's idea and leave the toy and a little note, rather than get too involved without them wanting me to.
My own mom took me to a sex shop when I was nineteen to pick one out (though I actually paid for it myself). I've always been grateful for it.
My own mom took me to a sex shop when I was nineteen to pick one out (though I actually paid for it myself). I've always been grateful for it.
04/03/2012
I would definately bee open to it. I believe it would be most appropriate to talk to her first and tell her that it she ever wanted to talk or pick one out, I would be there to help if she wanted it. I truly believe that talking openly about sex with teenagers and educating them about toys will help prevent any unwanted pregnancies or STI's that could happen. I wish my mom had done this for me before I had sex.
04/03/2012
Up until I was about 20, my parents always made sex seem like this terrible thing that shouldn't be done until marriage. I totally understand the view of waiting til you're married, but they made me feel like if I didn't wait, I was dirty. When my parents got a divorce, my mom lightened up a lot and she knows I didn't wait, and I know that she didn't stop having sex after she split up with my dad...so we're a lot more open about it.
04/03/2012
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I'm not sure if I would because I don't have a daughter , got 3 boys
Originally posted by
vanilla&chocolate
I'm 19, and pretty far from having kids, but lately I've been thinking about this. I would never have asked my mom for a vibrator even though I really wanted one, so when I was 18 I simply went to the local sex shop and got one. Before that,
...
more
I'm 19, and pretty far from having kids, but lately I've been thinking about this. I would never have asked my mom for a vibrator even though I really wanted one, so when I was 18 I simply went to the local sex shop and got one. Before that, I used the showerhead, my fingers, etc. If I'm a parent with a daughter at some point in the future, I will most likely buy her a vibrator when she is 16 or so. I am wondering how many people here have done this or would do this?
less
04/03/2012
I don't have kids, but I don't think I would. I might change my mind on this later...but right off, I'd have to say no.
04/03/2012
I have sons, but if I had a daughter I don't think I would. It seems to me that if a woman is mature enough to use a vibrator then she is mature enough to pick it out and purchase it herself. I would discuss it if she brought it up. Perhaps if I had a daughter I would feel differently.
04/03/2012
I dont think so she can get her own
04/03/2012
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Yeah, same here. I would perhaps give a gift card if possible. If the underage thing were a problem I'd have a friend take her shopping. I wouldn't really want to be in the position of picking one out. And then I would never mention it again.
Originally posted by
charletnarouh
If I ever have a daughter, if she asked for one, I'd definitely say yes. If she didn't, I think I'd buy her something small and unintimidating and leave it on her nightstand. Maybe a note that says, "if you have questions, ask
...
more
If I ever have a daughter, if she asked for one, I'd definitely say yes. If she didn't, I think I'd buy her something small and unintimidating and leave it on her nightstand. Maybe a note that says, "if you have questions, ask me." My mom tried to be wayyyy too involved in my blossoming and my early sex life. I think there's a line parents have to walk. Mine definitely crossed it. Not into molestation or anything but definitely into the realm of inappropriateness. My mother, being so forward and overly involved, offered to buy me one if I wanted, but the way she was creeped me out so much that I wouldn't ever have agreed. I would never want to sit my daughter down and ask her if she wanted one because that might put her off or make her uncomfortable. And I wouldn't want to wait for her to come to me, either, since, what if she was curious but just didn't know how to ask.
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04/04/2012
I probably would not, I'll talk to her about it, but I probably would let her go out on her own and do it herself since I just think it would be more comfortable for her.
04/04/2012
I actually have a high-end JimmyJane Platinum vibe that I have considered giving to my daughter as a wedding gift (private). We'll see if have the nerve when the time comes.
04/04/2012
Quote:
Yes I would.
Originally posted by
vanilla&chocolate
I'm 19, and pretty far from having kids, but lately I've been thinking about this. I would never have asked my mom for a vibrator even though I really wanted one, so when I was 18 I simply went to the local sex shop and got one. Before that,
...
more
I'm 19, and pretty far from having kids, but lately I've been thinking about this. I would never have asked my mom for a vibrator even though I really wanted one, so when I was 18 I simply went to the local sex shop and got one. Before that, I used the showerhead, my fingers, etc. If I'm a parent with a daughter at some point in the future, I will most likely buy her a vibrator when she is 16 or so. I am wondering how many people here have done this or would do this?
less
04/04/2012
I think age would matter to me. If my ten year old daughter asked me for a vibrator, I'd probably say no. But, if my 16 year old daughter asked for one, I'd probably buy her one for her birthday or something. "Instead of a car, here's THIS!"
lol, I have no problem with getting a daughter it, she just has to ask. I'm not going to assume.
lol, I have no problem with getting a daughter it, she just has to ask. I'm not going to assume.
04/04/2012
No I wouldn't, unless she asked us for one. At that point, I would feel like not buying her one would be like saying "Nah, just go out and have some random sex instead".
04/04/2012
I don't have children, but if I did? I probably wouldn't buy my hypothetical daughter a vibrator unless she asked for one.
04/04/2012
I honestly thought it was a major rite of passage to buy my first sex toy. Just like the first time you're legally allowed to have a drink. I also enjoyed the change over of the maturity in my masturbation. Like the OP, I used the more rudimentary methods to masturbate (and sometimes still do). I just think that's an important part of becoming a woman, taking control of your sexuality.
I have kids and I don't know if I would buy my daughter a vibrator. She's currently 7 and while I would say that I'm more open about sexuality with her than I've ever heard of any parent being before, I'm not sure I would give her a vibrator before she was legally allowed to buy them herself.
If I had to make the transition from pre-historic to new-age sexuality (hands vs. vibrator), then so should she. I think maybe there's just a line that parents can cross for kids, when it's no longer "Oh thanks Mom" but instead becomes "I've been in therapy for 20 years thanks to my Mom". Being open and honest and communicating about sex with your kids is wonderful, but buying them sexual gifts just seems a little weird to me.
I have kids and I don't know if I would buy my daughter a vibrator. She's currently 7 and while I would say that I'm more open about sexuality with her than I've ever heard of any parent being before, I'm not sure I would give her a vibrator before she was legally allowed to buy them herself.
If I had to make the transition from pre-historic to new-age sexuality (hands vs. vibrator), then so should she. I think maybe there's just a line that parents can cross for kids, when it's no longer "Oh thanks Mom" but instead becomes "I've been in therapy for 20 years thanks to my Mom". Being open and honest and communicating about sex with your kids is wonderful, but buying them sexual gifts just seems a little weird to me.
04/04/2012
We have three daughters, two of which are legally adults. No, I would NOT buy my daughters a vibrator.
What you think you might do, when you are little more than a teen yourself, and what you actually end up deciding to do when you actually HAVE kids are two different things. (And a lot of that has to do with the fact that by the time your kids are in their late teens you are 2 decades or more older than when YOU were a teenager and thought you'd be the "Cool Mom." )
I have certainly talked to my kids about sex, and toys are minimally mentioned (my middle daughter works in a store which sells sex toys, so we have a lot of fun making fun of cheap, jelly rabbits and the people who try to return them after what she refers to as "so much use they burned out the motor! Then they want to hand it to me, and it looks like it hasn't been washed in..OMG. I just tell them we don't take returns on opened sex toys! and I want to say, "Get that nasty thing outta my face!") Anyway, we do talk, but I feel a certain amount of boundary and respect needs to be part of a good relationship between parents and children. My children are NOT "my friends" I have friends mostly my own age, and I do have younger friends, but these are people I don't have to have daily responsibility for.
Boundaries and knowing where they are is what good parenting is about. Some parents may have different relationships with their kids, and their boundaries could be different. But, I feel the best thing I can offer my kids is to simply answer questions they have, and stay out of their private sex lives.
So, no. I don't feel it's my job to be my kids' "best friend" and offer them sex toys. They have debit cards and internet accounts and cash and if they want a sex toy, they are welcome to them, but it is up to them to decide what they want and obtain them.
Your mileage may vary. But, my guess is those who already have kids are going to say "No" and those who are teens or closer to being teen themselves might say they will, but will probably not, once they have their own teens and realize that allowing boundaries is a gigantic part of parenting.
What you think you might do, when you are little more than a teen yourself, and what you actually end up deciding to do when you actually HAVE kids are two different things. (And a lot of that has to do with the fact that by the time your kids are in their late teens you are 2 decades or more older than when YOU were a teenager and thought you'd be the "Cool Mom." )
I have certainly talked to my kids about sex, and toys are minimally mentioned (my middle daughter works in a store which sells sex toys, so we have a lot of fun making fun of cheap, jelly rabbits and the people who try to return them after what she refers to as "so much use they burned out the motor! Then they want to hand it to me, and it looks like it hasn't been washed in..OMG. I just tell them we don't take returns on opened sex toys! and I want to say, "Get that nasty thing outta my face!") Anyway, we do talk, but I feel a certain amount of boundary and respect needs to be part of a good relationship between parents and children. My children are NOT "my friends" I have friends mostly my own age, and I do have younger friends, but these are people I don't have to have daily responsibility for.
Boundaries and knowing where they are is what good parenting is about. Some parents may have different relationships with their kids, and their boundaries could be different. But, I feel the best thing I can offer my kids is to simply answer questions they have, and stay out of their private sex lives.
So, no. I don't feel it's my job to be my kids' "best friend" and offer them sex toys. They have debit cards and internet accounts and cash and if they want a sex toy, they are welcome to them, but it is up to them to decide what they want and obtain them.
Your mileage may vary. But, my guess is those who already have kids are going to say "No" and those who are teens or closer to being teen themselves might say they will, but will probably not, once they have their own teens and realize that allowing boundaries is a gigantic part of parenting.
04/04/2012
Quote:
Yes, I would. I could used a vibrator when I was 16
Originally posted by
vanilla&chocolate
I'm 19, and pretty far from having kids, but lately I've been thinking about this. I would never have asked my mom for a vibrator even though I really wanted one, so when I was 18 I simply went to the local sex shop and got one. Before that,
...
more
I'm 19, and pretty far from having kids, but lately I've been thinking about this. I would never have asked my mom for a vibrator even though I really wanted one, so when I was 18 I simply went to the local sex shop and got one. Before that, I used the showerhead, my fingers, etc. If I'm a parent with a daughter at some point in the future, I will most likely buy her a vibrator when she is 16 or so. I am wondering how many people here have done this or would do this?
less
04/04/2012
Quote:
Right. What you experienced is what I am talking about when I keep mentioning "boundaries." It's SO hard to know what those boundaries are with any child, most of all teens or early 20 somethings whom you know are becoming sexually active.
Originally posted by
charletnarouh
If I ever have a daughter, if she asked for one, I'd definitely say yes. If she didn't, I think I'd buy her something small and unintimidating and leave it on her nightstand. Maybe a note that says, "if you have questions, ask
...
more
If I ever have a daughter, if she asked for one, I'd definitely say yes. If she didn't, I think I'd buy her something small and unintimidating and leave it on her nightstand. Maybe a note that says, "if you have questions, ask me." My mom tried to be wayyyy too involved in my blossoming and my early sex life. I think there's a line parents have to walk. Mine definitely crossed it. Not into molestation or anything but definitely into the realm of inappropriateness. My mother, being so forward and overly involved, offered to buy me one if I wanted, but the way she was creeped me out so much that I wouldn't ever have agreed. I would never want to sit my daughter down and ask her if she wanted one because that might put her off or make her uncomfortable. And I wouldn't want to wait for her to come to me, either, since, what if she was curious but just didn't know how to ask.
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Thank you for describing what can happen, if in their attempts to be "open" parents get too involved in what most teens want to be a private part of their lives.
I can't comment on the small gift idea, with the note. I haven't done this and it probably wouldn't work for the relationship I have with my kids, but it could work for some.
Case in point: when my oldest dd got her first period, I was proud and wanted a celebration of her first Moon Time. I wanted to bake a cake and plant a rose bush etc. She, however was mortified, "What? A rose bush? You want to have a cake, with Papa and my sisters? Are you crazy? OMG, how embarrassing. Mom, you are too freaking crunchy. I do NOT want those things." So, we did NOT do any of them. I knew then where some of my boundaries were.
04/04/2012