Married Sex.... balancing the quick romp with the long adventure

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Married Sex.... balancing the quick romp with the long adventure

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Contributor: Two Scorpios Two Scorpios
My wife and I have always enjoyed a great sex life! Two wonderful kids are proof something worked. But my current dilemma is how to balance the quick obligatory marital love making with longer, adventurous sex sessions.

I seem to be in the exception to the rule...but as the "guy", I'm more interested in the longer, foreplay heavy episodes, where as my wife is more interested in the quick romp. In all fairness, we are both extremely busy and the two kids (both under 10) leave little time to lounge naked around the house enjoying one another.

My question to the community is what do others do? How do others balance the calm, quiet love making and also find time and ways to motivate your partner to embark on (and enjoy) the more adventurous sexual escapades.
01/06/2010
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Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Two Scorpios
My wife and I have always enjoyed a great sex life! Two wonderful kids are proof something worked. But my current dilemma is how to balance the quick obligatory marital love making with longer, adventurous sex sessions.

I seem to be in the ... more
Well - you may be unusual - but not alone. Like you I'm more interested in longer sessions than my wife. What I learned was that it came down to two things;
1. The time pressure - no matter how helpful you are, she's probably doing more than you! I know that's true of my wife.
2. My wife was not aware of the multiple and extended orgasms that can occur with a prolonged session of making love.

Here's how I've moved her toward my camp (and she's glad she has):

First; I agree to a quickie every time she wants one - obvious I know. But I would always extend things a little by introducing something small - but new. A new toy or technique.

Second; I used my extra time (while she as doing the laundry or shopping) to plan a truly fabulous love making session for a Saturday evening when the kids were away. My formula was to make it about 80% what she wanted - dinner, movie, etc. and 20% what I wanted - hot extended sex. Massage, feathers, a string of pearls, new lingerie, toys, etc.

The better I made her feel - the better the payback was for me. Make her understand 'It's good to be the queen!'

A word of caution - this took place over a 10+ year span. Progress was sometimes slow - but hey I figured I have my whole life - so no need to hurry.

Hope this helps - good luck!
01/06/2010
Contributor: Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
Well - you may be unusual - but not alone. Like you I'm more interested in longer sessions than my wife. What I learned was that it came down to two things;
1. The time pressure - no matter how helpful you are, she's probably doing more ... more
Wow... She's seriously lucky.
01/06/2010
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
I definitely prefer the longer sessions. We have 2 that are under 10 as well, so finding time is a real challenge. We have a pretty strict bedtime for the kids of 8:30, so once they're in bed and asleep is typically when we make the time.

There are days we sneak it in as well, basically having a day filled with short foreplay sessions (15 minutes or less) in the shower, in the laundry room, garage, wherever the kids are not, before bedtime.

A big motivation for us has been the purchase of sex furniture that doubles as functional furniture, as well as all the new toys that are making their way into our house. My husband has become much more adventurous
01/06/2010
Contributor: Cecilyk Cecilyk
Quote:
Originally posted by Two Scorpios
My wife and I have always enjoyed a great sex life! Two wonderful kids are proof something worked. But my current dilemma is how to balance the quick obligatory marital love making with longer, adventurous sex sessions.

I seem to be in the ... more
This is such a challenge. My husband is like you, and it's not that I don't enjoy the longer, more sensual sessions, it's just that I'm so TIRED.

We're lucky; our daughter is only three and a half, and is still napping, so we can usually get together during the naps (we're also lucky enough to both work from home).

But I dream, honestly, of being able to go to a hotel, order room service, and stay naked in bed for, oh, three days? Four? We've only had one night away from our daughter since she was born, so we haven't had a lot of nights like that.

I miss it, though. I really do.
01/06/2010
Contributor: Two Scorpios Two Scorpios
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
Well - you may be unusual - but not alone. Like you I'm more interested in longer sessions than my wife. What I learned was that it came down to two things;
1. The time pressure - no matter how helpful you are, she's probably doing more ... more
Gunsmoke,

Thanks for all the great input. I agree 100% about the time pressure. I know this and try to take her away from her day-to-day and into a special place...sometimes through a nice long massage. I guess I struggle with the transition from relaxing massage to erotic foreplay. It sucks when you are too successful in the relaxing massage and have a sleeping spouse at the end.

It takes time and we talk a lot about things. I just hope to find a way to encourage the exploration over the quick sprint too the orgasm followed by deep slumber.

But as you said, this is a work in progress and takes time. I can't think of any better way of spending my time than improving our sex life!
01/07/2010
Contributor: Two Scorpios Two Scorpios
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
I definitely prefer the longer sessions. We have 2 that are under 10 as well, so finding time is a real challenge. We have a pretty strict bedtime for the kids of 8:30, so once they're in bed and asleep is typically when we make the time. ... more
Sammi,


We too get the kids to bed not long after 8:00PM, but we are often both winding down other aspects of our lives, and struggle to crawl into bed until 9:00 or 9:30, then knowing we have to start all over again at 6:15, sleep often takes precedence, or maybe a quick romp and then bed.

We too have a mix of liberator dual use "furniture" about our bedroom, and while we enjoy them on random occasions, we seem to default to crawling into bed in the evening. I need to find a good transition from "come to bed" to "come mount this Esse and let me explore your body". While it runs through my mind, is sounds selfish on my lips at the end of the day.

To branch out he discussion further...I enjoy our small collection of toys a lot...but my wife often just wants the "real thing". While I'm flattered, I also know my limitations I often would prefer to orally or with the help of toys, bring my wife to her first orgasm before I jump in and dive inside her.

So I guess the question is how to work in the "play" before the final sprint to the end?
01/07/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
I started to respond to this one twice already...

When you both work and have a few kids running around, time for anything can be rare. My recommendation is to try to make the best of all your opportunities. You might prefer a long evening, but a few quickies are certainly better than nothing.

The other piece of advice I have is to try to make plans for a special evening every now and then, even if it's only once a month. Pick a night, and then do whatever you gotta do to make it happen.
01/11/2010
Contributor: Sera Sera
I would try to take a weekend off and let the kids hang out with a friend or someone and just get those vibes going and relax again. Maybe she also wants quickies because that's what she's used to getting, but I don't know...Time sucks, doesn't it? It controls everything! But there are ways to find solutions that work for you. And I see that you're trying. You must really care about your wife and your sex life together. That's a very important ingredient for a relationship recipe.
07/30/2010
Contributor: softkkisses softkkisses
my husband does not know what a quick romp is.
09/09/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Two Scorpios
My wife and I have always enjoyed a great sex life! Two wonderful kids are proof something worked. But my current dilemma is how to balance the quick obligatory marital love making with longer, adventurous sex sessions.

I seem to be in the ... more
Set aside time to have a romantic tryst, hire a babysitter and get a room. Make it for an evening not just a two hour thing. Or hire a sitter to watch your kids at their house for a few hours!
09/10/2010