The five love languages

The New Intimacy

The five love languages

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Back in 1992, Gary Chapman wrote a book about the 5 love languages and how we all tend to prefer to show our love in one way (usually the way that means the most to us). Unfortunately, many times our spouse prefers to receive love in a different way.

The 5 languages are:

Words of Affirmation,
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts (Giving Gifts if you're showing the love)
Acts of Service
Physical Touch (this does not HAVE to be sexual)

Learning about these languages was one thing and I learned about them a long time before I really started doing something about them. I mean, I recognized that my love language was receiving gifts and so I let my husband know that.

Unfortunately, it took me a few more years to process that he prefers physical touch and it doesn't even have to be sexual or sex. If I walk by and touch him, he loves it. I will often run my fingers through his hair or massage his shoulders. He loves to get hugs too.

I'm not a hugger. I don't really care for touch that much - so it has been hard for me to get beyond my own wants/needs and learn to express love the way he likes to receive it.

This also helps me with my kids too - my daughter's love language seems to be acts of service and she's all the time doing something for me or bringing me something. I try to be alert to this and remember to say thank you and recognize this as her way of connecting with me. In return, when I want to show her I love her - I try to do it as an act of service that means something to her....like doing her chores or something like that.

So - that brings me to the questions of - what is your preferred method of receiving love/recognition? What is your spouse's? If you think back on times in the past, can you recognize where maybe they were showing you love and maybe you didn't recognize it?
11/26/2011
  • Save Extra 50% On Sexobot Attachment
  • Upgrade Your Hands-Free Play!
  • Save 70% On Selected Items. Limited Quantity
  • Complete strap-on set for extra 15% off
  • Save 50% On Shower Nozzle With Enema Set
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Okay, now that I've seen what the actually are, I'm going to say my husband is likely Acts of Service (as that's what he does when he wants to be nice to me, and what he seems to appreciate most when I do it for him) and Physical Touch, but sexually not just a random hug.

I suppose mine would be Acts of Service (I always like when people do things for me!) and Quality Time (I like to spend time with my husband where we just talk or do something together).

There have been times, with this in mind, that my husband has probably done things for me or made sexual advances in an attempt to say "I love you" and I misread it as just doing what he was supposed to do or being overly horny one week. He's told me he feels unloved if he makes sexual advances and I don't respond. So now I try to respond to sexual advances in positive ways, even if I'm too tired or sick for actual sex. I think I'll be more aware of thanking him for doing things for me, as well.
11/26/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Okay, now that I've seen what the actually are, I'm going to say my husband is likely Acts of Service (as that's what he does when he wants to be nice to me, and what he seems to appreciate most when I do it for him) and Physical Touch, ... more
Yes, I think it helps when we remember to say "thank you" when they do stuff for us.

I think of Thanksgiving and my husband and all he did for me - and remember I really want to say "thank you" again - perhaps with a big hug. Let me give you an example.

I did most of the cooking but he did the mashed potatoes. All day long - he kept the dishwasher going - I never once touched a dirty dish other than to hand my plate off to him. He deboned the ham afterwards and he put away all the leftovers.

Of course - one of the major lessons I learned years ago is that when he does something - it isn't wrong - even if it isn't the way I do it. So what if he folds towels differently? They're folded and put away and he feels good that he helped - know what I mean? So what if the toilet paper isn't hung right...I didn't have to hang it!

Anyway - my point is this - if we're not aware of the fact that they're showing us love in "their" language - it limits our understanding of them and it limits our ability to react in a loving way back to them.

My honey just walked by - so I put into practice what I preach here - I gave him a big hug (or half a dozen) and some kisses and ran my fingers through his hair while I thanked him for all he did for me and mentioned how I realized just how much it helped.

He has a big smile on his face. As he said, "We're a team..I was just helping" but I know that he's happy to recognize that I appreciate him.

So often the world is out to tear down my man between work and just life in general. Its nice that I can be in his corner cheering him on - not just sexually - but that too!
11/26/2011
Contributor: AndromedaJane AndromedaJane
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Back in 1992, Gary Chapman wrote a book about the 5 love languages and how we all tend to prefer to show our love in one way (usually the way that means the most to us). Unfortunately, many times our spouse prefers to receive love in a different ... more
I love that book! I'm a quality time person I think.
12/01/2011
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
I'd like to bump this because I love this book. You can take the quiz online, too: link

My language is physical touch
04/17/2013
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
I'd like to bump this because I love this book. You can take the quiz online, too: link

My language is physical touch
Thanks for that link! My highest score is physical touch, too. Doesn't surprise me.
04/18/2013
Contributor: Gary Gary
Very interesting. I missed this one the first time around.
04/19/2013
Contributor: dancingduo dancingduo
wife and I are the same primary "physical touch" my secondary is words, and her's is time.
04/20/2013