Balancing our faith (Conservative Christian) and our sex life

I'm so sorry for what happened during your perfectly normal experimentation with masturbation as a young woman. People who beat children DO NOT DESERVE THEM, IMO. That breaks my heart.

I also can tell you that "Ravishment Fantasies" and even "Ravishment Play" (basically what some call "Rape Fantasy", but Ravishment is totally consensual! All fun and no harm!) is the NUMBER ONE fantasy among women.

We have been raised to be non-sexual. We feel sexual. If, even in our fantasies, we "aren't in control" of the action, how could anyone blame us for being aroused and orgasmic? I can assure you, MOST women have Ravishment Fantasies as a good part of their fantasy répertoire. It's NORMAL! It doesn't mean you want to be raped, it just helps with the GUILT that evil people pushed into our malleable minds when we were little and believed the people we were supposed to trust, but really couldn't. It doesn't mean ALL your fantasies have to be about your husband. Why would they have to? When you're turned on, your mind does what it wants to. As long as your behavior is consensual, what difference does it make what you are thinking to get you to the Orgasm. It's NORMAL!

At one point in my life, I tried to banish ALL Ravishment Fantasies from my mind. I thought they were "disgusting" and sexist and degrading. You know what happened? I stopped having orgasms! I thought, "F*ck this Politically Correct shit. I'm going back to what works for me, "correct" or not!"

Think whatever you have to think to get you there. It would surprise you what most healthy people are thinking when they are coming. Most people I have talked to tell me the same thing, "My fantasies are disgusting I can't even tell you what I think about." It means NOTHING other than that's just what you need to get you there. Your actions are pure, thoughts are simply not that important, in an aroused state of mind.

Put your mind at ease, no one here cares if you watch porn or not. Some people dig it, some don't. Just so there is no judgement (which I didn't feel coming from you at all) it's all good. OK? Do and think what you have to do and what feels good to get there. The Good Lord didn't give us women orgasms for ANY reproductive reason; they are purely a PLEASURE SYSTEM. Do what works and don't worry about it.

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I think part of it is - I tried to go back to the rape fantasy earlier this week - just for myself.

It didn't turn me on nearly as much as what my husband was doing to me / with me with the vibrators.

Its like thinking about him and what he does is the major turn-on now for me. And at times he does take control (he knows my body so much better than I do) by saying something like, "Ok...now get up on your hands and knees and let's try this cause you need it this way now."

And he'll be right - he has watched me and observed me enough that he knows what I need better than I do and I'll wind up being, "no I can't have another one" and he proves me wrong every single time.

So even when I try to go back to those fantasies - our "mutual play" sex play just tops them. less

Then go with what works. It's done in Love.

And don''t have guilt for the past, or even if you need those other fantasies in a difficult time in the future. It is interesting how sometimes our partners know what we need more than we do, isn't it? less

First of all - thanks to everyone who has posted. I appreciate your comments and all that you have shared. I honestly don't want to get into the homosexuality debate as I know what I believe but it really has nothing to do what how this thread affects my life.

Ok - I guess I'll post more here and maybe y'all can understand my struggle a bit better.

My earliest experiences of masturbation probably are from when I was 10 or so - maybe younger - maybe not. I can't remember for sure. But somehow, I discovered that it felt good - that I could do it for a few minutes - feel something awesome and then a couple of minutes later start over again and feel good again. I realize now that I was having orgasms and that I could probably orgasm at least 5 times each session.

Unfortunately - if my mother caught me - she would whip the tar out of me. It was "bad" - I was "bad". (I was adopted and many things that she thought were me being rebellious were simply me having different genetics than her and liking different things. For instance - I don't decorate my home anything like she does - but my birthmom and I have many of the same decorations. This was in the 60's and to my mom - these differences were me being rebellious because the way she was brought up - you do follow in your parent's footsteps. Now that I know more about her homelife - I understand her better).

No one ever talked to me about sex. So masturbating was pretty much it - until two things happened that affected my beliefs/understanding.

One was that we were at someone's house for supper and afterwards - "us girls" went upstairs to their room to read/play. I picked up a book that they'd been reading - I think it was called "Raped" - while the other girls were reading magazines or whatever. The sex scene in there was burned in my mind from what I read - and from then on - whenever I masturbated - that was what I would think about...the rape scene.

Also - at some point in time - I was watching an episode of "The Young and the Restless" where a character was almost raped and it was like "wow". She was tied down and stuff and well - I can't even remember all of it. I'd seen a rape scene on "Guiding Light" - but it was very very vague and nothing like this at all.

Then I get married...and what is in my mind? Well - orgasms are bad - that means you're bad. Sex = Force and rape.

For those first few years much of our sex was role-playing rape and/or slave girl situations - you get the idea.

Now - I am not saying that role-playing is wrong - please bear with me.

Fast forward now 30 years. Our sex life is taking off again due to sex-toys. I'm learning (or perhaps I should say - understanding) that I am multi-orgasmic. Instead of sex being 20 minutes once a week - it is now becoming 45 minutes twice a day - largely because I am the one wanting it. My husband is thrilled - but having a bit of a hard time keeping up as far as needing it that much for himself.

We do a bit of roleplay (because that's what we did when we were younger) - only come to find out - he's not as much into it as I am.

See - he's from an abusive home where violence came with discipline. He has bad memories of beatings - and of how his dad treated his mom.

What he wants - is sex with an "equal" partner. Sure - a bit of role-play is ok - but he wants it to be thought of as "fun" and not "wow - I have to go home now and she's gonna want me to talk to her about punishing her."

Add to all that this forum - where I read about women who don't have orgasms.

I have sat and cried sometimes when I think about the women on this forum who don't have orgasms when I have them so easy. I get horny just from car rides if they're longer than an hour - and trust me - that is NOT comfortable.

This morning - finally - my husband literally wore me out. It only took about 2 weeks of sex twice a day for me to finally feel like I could go without wanting another orgasm. As I laid in his arms later and we talked, I realized just how much my sexual identity had been made up by the beliefs of orgasms being bad (from my mother beating me for masturbation) to the various scenes I'd read or seen.

I don't want to watch porn because of what those scenes did to my mind and what they did to my expectations of what sex "should" be like. I don't want to fantasize about someone else - I want to fantasize about how good it feels when my husband and I play - about how certain things bring me to orgasm again and again and again.

In addition - much of the stuff that is out there (I think - I don't know for sure) has to do with what might be "role play" - which is fine for others. Just - knowing that the background I have and my husband has - it isn't what we want for us. That doesn't mean we don't want to learn about positions, etc. I've learned a lot from this forum and a few members on here.

One member in particular (and she should know who she is) really reached out to me when I first joined. She made me feel comfortable and shared that she too is a Christian. She shared positions with me and was open in recommending specific products due to my weight and size. I am not sure that I would have stuck around for long if she hadn't shared with me.

In the Christian religion - or least the part I am from - the older women "mentor" the younger women (or should). In our society we don't do that like we used to. But I'll never forget having been married about 10 years and being with our pastor's wife and another female. The pastor and his wife were newlyweds and she asked the two of us about oral sex. My mouth dropped. I mean seriously - I was brought up that you never discuss these things. I think my answer was something like "Whatever the two of you like is up to you."

I want to be open to helping other women if they ask me in a private setting about sex. Its something that isn't discussed in our churches and many women wonder about it. I mean - even on this forum where folks are open-minded there are still women who struggle to have orgasms. What do I say or do if another woman comes to me and says, "I'm struggling in my marriage and need to talk to someone"?

I finally accepted this morning that I am multi-orgasmic and that I can be on by the count of three if we're using the bullet. I can have my first orgasm within about 2 minutes and I can orgasm 15 times or so and then turn around and want to do the same thing again a few hours later. I can be this way and not feel guilty about it (well, I'm still struggling with that).

I found a site for Christian Nymphos and I'm hoping I'll find a bit more help there for how I can be available to help other women. I wanted to write a blog - from a Christian perspective - on how a woman can be sexy and happy AND still have her faith.

Once again - thanks for all y'all have shared. I hope I've helped to explain where I was coming from. (Now to decide whether or not to do a blog). less

I, too, struggled with my sexuality, but in regards to my grandmother's attitude (from my post above)considering she did not criticize her own husband while he was molesting me at that same age, to which she had first hand knowledge of!

You said, "What do I say or do if another woman comes to me and says, "I'm struggling in my marriage and need to talk to someone"?

Regardless of who she is, you talk to her like she is your closest confidant, like she is as innocent as your own child, and you talk to her openly and honestly, as a Godly woman would. You do not look down upon, nor judge. You only speak from experience and share with her all knowledge you have, and share that even though you are speaking from experience, what works for you might be totally different than what works for her - and that is OK!

Because you are speaking from love and not judgement, I think you are going to make a fantastic mentor in this endeavor. less

I think part of it is - I tried to go back to the rape fantasy earlier this week - just for myself.

It didn't turn me on nearly as much as what my husband was doing to me / with me with the vibrators.

Its like thinking about him and what he does is the major turn-on now for me. And at times he does take control (he knows my body so much better than I do) by saying something like, "Ok...now get up on your hands and knees and let's try this cause you need it this way now."

And he'll be right - he has watched me and observed me enough that he knows what I need better than I do and I'll wind up being, "no I can't have another one" and he proves me wrong every single time.

So even when I try to go back to those fantasies - our "mutual play" sex play just tops them. less

I'm so sorry for what happened during your perfectly normal experimentation with masturbation as a young woman. People who beat children DO NOT DESERVE THEM, IMO. That breaks my heart.

I also can tell you that "Ravishment Fantasies" and even "Ravishment Play" (basically what some call "Rape Fantasy", but Ravishment is totally consensual! All fun and no harm!) is the NUMBER ONE fantasy among women.

We have been raised to be non-sexual. We feel sexual. If, even in our fantasies, we "aren't in control" of the action, how could anyone blame us for being aroused and orgasmic? I can assure you, MOST women have Ravishment Fantasies as a good part of their fantasy répertoire. It's NORMAL! It doesn't mean you want to be raped, it just helps with the GUILT that evil people pushed into our malleable minds when we were little and believed the people we were supposed to trust, but really couldn't. It doesn't mean ALL your fantasies have to be about your husband. Why would they have to? When you're turned on, your mind does what it wants to. As long as your behavior is consensual, what difference does it make what you are thinking to get you to the Orgasm. It's NORMAL!

At one point in my life, I tried to banish ALL Ravishment Fantasies from my mind. I thought they were "disgusting" and sexist and degrading. You know what happened? I stopped having orgasms! I thought, "F*ck this Politically Correct shit. I'm going back to what works for me, "correct" or not!"

Think whatever you have to think to get you there. It would surprise you what most healthy people are thinking when they are coming. Most people I have talked to tell me the same thing, "My fantasies are disgusting I can't even tell you what I think about." It means NOTHING other than that's just what you need to get you there. Your actions are pure, thoughts are simply not that important, in an aroused state of mind.

Put your mind at ease, no one here cares if you watch porn or not. Some people dig it, some don't. Just so there is no judgement (which I didn't feel coming from you at all) it's all good. OK? Do and think what you have to do and what feels good to get there. The Good Lord didn't give us women orgasms for ANY reproductive reason; they are purely a PLEASURE SYSTEM. Do what works and don't worry about it.

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I just wanted to say a big "thank you" to everyone who posted here.

I'd been toying back and forth about starting a blog to encourage other women who are where I have been and who want to discuss sex but because of their religious beliefs may not be sure who to talk to or where they could ask some questions and feel "safe". Honestly - if it were not for RedBoxBaby who reached out to me - I think I would've left here after about a day or so because this place was more open than I was ever used to.

I have reserved my blog name as a .com so I don't have to worry about Wordpress canceling it due to sexual content. I don't have any posts up yet though.

Y'all have given me a lot to think about and pray about and I appreciate that. Many of the forum members on here have come to mean a lot to me through your posts on threads and your insight, etc (even if we disagree!)

So thanks so much for listening - for caring - and for sharing.

One happy (and finally healthy?) Texas Mama (am wondering if I should've called myself "HotTexasMama" now that I know more about my body and sexuality) less

We are regular church going Catholics - I know a lot of hard-core christian denominations don't even consider Catholics 'christian' - but let's assume they are just misinformed - at least we consider ourselves christian.

If you go to a church social event you will usually see alcohol being consumed and dancing going on. My wife grew p in the south where dry counties and dance prohibitions have their roots in conservative christian denominations like the Baptists.

When it comes to sex - modern Catholic churches tend to ignore everything but premarital sex and homosexuality. Even these are rarely discussed. As a loving monogamous couple, we see no conflict between our sex life and religion. less

I just wanted to say a big "thank you" to everyone who posted here.

I'd been toying back and forth about starting a blog to encourage other women who are where I have been and who want to discuss sex but because of their religious beliefs may not be sure who to talk to or where they could ask some questions and feel "safe". Honestly - if it were not for RedBoxBaby who reached out to me - I think I would've left here after about a day or so because this place was more open than I was ever used to.

I have reserved my blog name as a .com so I don't have to worry about Wordpress canceling it due to sexual content. I don't have any posts up yet though.

Y'all have given me a lot to think about and pray about and I appreciate that. Many of the forum members on here have come to mean a lot to me through your posts on threads and your insight, etc (even if we disagree!)

So thanks so much for listening - for caring - and for sharing.

One happy (and finally healthy?) Texas Mama (am wondering if I should've called myself "HotTexasMama" now that I know more about my body and sexuality) less

What the FUCK is wrong with this "Red State" organization? Harming people for activities in their own homes. Big Brother is here, and he isn't from the Left. I can assure you that.

This scares the shit outta me. But, it isn't going to stop me. They have my vibrator when can pry it from my cold dead.... never mind. less