Is this a form of mental, emotional abuse?

Noelle Noelle
Noelle
Related to: 
My ex bf would cheat on me all the time. (we lived in different towns and never lived together). I suspected it, but didn't find out for a very long time. He never would admit it, but I met more than one woman who told me they were sleeping together. These women had no reason to lie to me.

Anyway, I ended up starting to date other people (no real relationships, just casual dating) and I DID sleep with a few guys. The ex finds out because I admitted it to him, and he always reminded me what a "slut" I was in his eyes. Yet, he continued to come around and want to sleep w/ me. He claimed he loved me like no one else. In the meantime, he continued to DENY ever cheating.

I say he was very mentally/emotionally abusive, and am in therapy over it. What is your opinion on the subject?
08/14/2012
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- Kira - - Kira -
If someone is calling you names and not in a sexy context, that can be emotional abuse, yes.
08/14/2012
Kitka Kitka
I would agree that he was mentally/emotionally abusive. Sorry to hear you're in therapy over it but at least you're getting the help you need
08/14/2012
Ansley Ansley
I'd say that qualifies, yes.
08/14/2012
pasdechat pasdechat
I think so, but I'd also say, from personal experience, that it's probably best not to worry about whether something "qualifies" as abuse or not, because there are always going to be people who think you're making a fuss about nothing. The bottom line is, it hurt you, and that's not okay.
08/14/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by pasdechat
I think so, but I'd also say, from personal experience, that it's probably best not to worry about whether something "qualifies" as abuse or not, because there are always going to be people who think you're making a fuss about ... More
I agree with this for the sake of this conversation. I'm really glad the OP is seeking help for the damage his actions had on her.

BUT...

There was bad behavior all around. She stayed when she was cheated on, when it doesn't seem that they were trying to work through it, especially since he denied that it had happened. She cheated too. She dated around and slept with other guys while she had a boyfriend. That, in and of itself, might not be a bad thing if they were in a polyamorous relationship, but it doesn't seem that it was the case. Just because she confessed doesn't put her actions above-board.
08/14/2012
Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I agree with this for the sake of this conversation. I'm really glad the OP is seeking help for the damage his actions had on her.

BUT...

There was bad behavior all around. She stayed when she was cheated on, when it doesn't ... More
He continuted to have his "own" life, so as far as I was and still am concerned, he was not really my BF, as clearly he didn't think of us as exclusive. I refer to him as ex BF, but in reality he wasn't committed to me. Once I knew he had cheated, I told him I was going to live "my" life, which of course was unacceptable to him. I don't feel I cheated, since he was obviously not committed to me. He wanted me to think he was, but it was just another way of trying to control me.
08/15/2012
tami tami
Quote:
Originally posted by Noelle
My ex bf would cheat on me all the time. (we lived in different towns and never lived together). I suspected it, but didn't find out for a very long time. He never would admit it, but I met more than one woman who told me they were sleeping ... More
He was more than mentally abusive... He played with your emotions and toyed with your feelings..constantly lying to you and cheating was worse than mental abuse it took its toll on your self esteem also I bet...Hope you are done with the jerk and have moved on to healthier relationships.
11/27/2012
closed account closed account
no doubt that is abusive. plus you qualify it as abusive and are in therapy over it, so that says it affected you. i understand though that it can help to have that validated. for descriptions and examples of what IS abusive i like the website you are not crazy
the site really lends validation to non-physical abuse, which is often overlooked but for some people can be just as or more damaging than

i am sorry that you are going through this.
11/27/2012
MrWill MrWill
In my humble opinion, if the thought even crossed your mind that it might be abuse...

Then I would think yes.
11/27/2012
SaraBroughman SaraBroughman
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
If someone is calling you names and not in a sexy context, that can be emotional abuse, yes.
I agree, that's abuse. Leave him.
02/20/2013
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 10