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No Bargain in These Beads

I would not recommend this item unless you are looking for a cheap sex toy as a gag gift. While this item is very inexpensive, it has very little usefulness or pleasure value. Its problems far outweigh its value. And guys? No way is this going to get your girlfriend into anal . . . or your boyfriend, for that matter. Spend a little more and get something made out of a better material that can be properly sterilized and/or something with vibration function.
Published:
Pros:
Inexpensive, funny gag gift
Cons:
Poor packaging, poor manufacturing, porous, too long, too thin, has seam
Rating by reviewer:
1
useful review

Use

This product is very poorly packaged, and it came out bent in a U-shape that did not straighten when I tried just leaving it sitting out for a week. Leaving it in extremely hot water, I was able to mostly straighten it, but the string of beads had many pits and folds from being packaged that way, as well as from being poorly manufactured to begin with. However, the pink color bled out into the water, which troubles me.

These anal beads have a handle to easily pull the beads out or to tug on, although it's too thin to get a really secure and precise grip on it. The grip is also too thin to easily be able to rock the beads in and out, if one wanted to go that route. These low-end anal beads are best for an anal beginner getting used to anal penetration, although they are excessively long for a true beginner. Even the largest bead is probably too small to interest experienced anal enthusiasts. This is, overall, poorly designed.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Gag gift
    • Solo
    • Travel friendly
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Anal

Material / Texture

TPE is a semi-porous plastic, inferior to silicone, glass, and other less porous materials. It is fairly firm but somewhat bendable, does not seem to give off very much scent, and feels cheap. TPE can be cleaned with soap and water, but not boiled nor put in the dishwasher because it is malleable under heat (which was how I was able to, mostly, straighten it out).
    • Bumpy
    • Flexible
    • Somewhat porous

Design / Shape / Size

I do not care for these anal beads at all. The beads are too small to be a challenge and far too long to be comfortable for most people. Without being able to take the entire string in, it is not likely to be all that pleasurable for most people, either. It is also long enough to be problematic for discreet carrying and storage.

These problems might have been somewhat mitigated by omitting the smallest four beads, give or take. This product should also be packaged straight, so that the buyer does not have to struggle to straighten it and so that there are no grooves created that make the toy much harder to clean. The anal beads have a manufacturing seam, but it is slight enough to not create a problem for most people.
    • Utilitarian

Performance

I gave these beads my best shot. I managed to fit in the entire string without a challenge, but instead of feeling pleasantly full, I felt like I was being dully jabbed. This, as you can imagine, did not lend itself well to obtaining pleasure. The unpleasant sensation did not go away, although I used a strong vibrator on my clit for over 10 minutes. Even the largest couple of beads didn't have much to offer, either going in or coming out, and I barely felt the first couple of beads. I then slowly started to tug them out to see how that felt, but it wasn't very pleasurable, apart from the joy of no longer feeling jabbed inside. The beads were definitely excessively long for something that firm and thin. I would never want to use these anal beads again.
    • Not enough variety
    • Not very discreet

Care and Maintenance

Because this toy is made of TPE, it can only be cleaned with soap and water or toy cleaner. It can be used with any kind of lube, however -- water, silicone, or oil-based. It is porous, so I would recommend cleaning it very well, and storing it away from other toys and anything that could contaminate the product. I would not recommend sharing the toy with other people. Keeping it away from heat and light is probably a good idea.
    • Difficult to store
    • Hard to clean

Packaging

The packaging is tacky and poorly thought out. Let's start with 'Advanced Anal 101.' How can it be advanced, yet '101'? There is a bobbleheaded, shrunken "college girl" on the front. The packaging strongly implies that it is marketed to cheap college boys who want to get their girlfriends into anal sex. Worst of all, however, is that the packaging damages the product and essentially renders it unusable without a lot of trouble because it bends it into a tight U-shape and gives the beads several deeply bent grooves which could trap matter and make it harder to clean.
    • Minimal
    • Not discreet
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
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  • Edited reviews: 540
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Comments
  • ToyingCouple
    ToyingCouple  
    Sorry you didn't care for these, thanks for the review and the warning!
  • Eden C.
    Eden C.  
    Wow! If the color bled into the water, it can leak into your body! No good!
  • AgnesTrevejo
    AgnesTrevejo  
    Great review.
  • IndependentlyHappy
    IndependentlyHappy  
    Ick, I own these and wasn't aware that the color can bleed out into water. Guess that's another reason why I need to find a replacement for them.
  • Eucaly
    Eucaly  
    Thanks for the review. It sounds as if you were trying to use these as a probe instead of using them like anal beads. Anal beads create little or no pleasure during and shouldn't be shoved in and out. They are supposed to be pulled out during orgasm. That's all they do.
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