Big John doll - sex doll by Doc Johnson - review by ajlq

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If I said you have an un-John-like cock, would you hold it against me?

If you don't have a doll, get one, get one NOW, you need it immediately. Heck, it's worth the purchase price just for the exercise of bouncing on him.
Published:
Pros:
WAY more fun than conventional toys and opens up a lot of new options! Plus he's shower-friendly.
Cons:
It would be nice if one could "swap out" his cock, alternate between shower-friendly or vibrate-y.
Rating by reviewer:
5
extremely useful review
Question: It says the penis is hollow and you may wish to insert a realistic penis...how do you insert a penis into an inflatable?

Answer: I'll be jiggered if anyone has ever solved that one. Thankfully it's not like it sounds...his cock is not inflatable, it's made of firm plastic. I would never even have noticed it was hollow were it not for the description. Unless your pussy or asshole exerts the force of a semi running over his penis, this is unlikely to be an issue.

Question: You said "his", not "its". You've got a bit of a thing for this toy, haven't you?

Answer: Shut up, I do not.

Question: Why is this called a "John Holmes Fantasy Doll", does it look like John or have a Johnnish cock?

Answer: He has a standard inflatable doll's head with black straight hair (well, black coating in a hair-like rendition), chest hair, and no mustache, completely dissimilar to John's Shirley Temple locks, hairless chest, and porn 'stache. John's cock was reputed to be the longest in the porn industry and dildos sold from the same manufacturer (under the claim of having been molded directly from him) clock in at 12.5" - 13.5". This toy claims to be 8" but actually measures 7" and the doll pretty much looks like Howard Cosell. But come on now, if you want a pretty face, cut one out of a magazine and paste it over his ugly mug.

Question: How's the mouth and asshole, he got a purty mouth?

Answer: Both seem wide enough but fairly shallow; the mouth is about 2" wide, the asshole about 2.5", and they're both about 4" deep. But, on the plus side, you don't gotta' buy him dinner.

Question: You said "him" again.

Answer: I'm done with your questions.
Experience
So overall, this toy is AWESOMEAWESOMEAWESOME with a few minor irregularities worth noting. First, his bottom half (up to his waist--including his genital region) is actually a female doll, no doubt to save manufacturing costs. He's got long shapely drag queen legs with feet formed in the tippy-toe shape as if he's wearing heels. (Think Barbie from the waist down.) Through some genius manufacturing, the pussy region allows a penis to be "snapped in" so that it becomes a male doll. Because the penis is snapping into the pussy, his erection points kind of downish. Didn't make a difference to me but I don't know your taste so I'm just sayin'.

Cleaning him is a bit unusual. It's EXTREMELY difficult to remove and replace his penis; I found it far easier to carry the whole doll to the bathroom and wash him in the shower (shoving his crotch into the sink didn't really work). You could probably shower out his asshole if your shower has a lot of pressure. But I can't begin to fathom how one could manage to clean his mouth; his plastic lips block the fluid from completely emptying back out. I guess you'd just shower briskly and smack his head around a lot then leave him to air dry. If you want a toy mostly for blowjobs, this isn't ideal.

Technicals aside, I've got to say that this has given me some of the most fantastic orgasms I've ever had with a toy! I love being able to ride him, take him in the shower, I even managed missionary with him although he's pretty boring in that position what with the just lying there. It's not that this doll in particular is so spectacular--he's actually the low-end parameter of that category--it's that what a doll has to offer over a regular toy is that it seems infinitely more like a real man. Sitting on him, I found that if I punched his chest, it made the air shift around and he bucked which emulated thrusting. In the shower when I squeezed his ass, it felt like a real dick thrusting in me. When people tell you not to fly first class because you'll never again be able to go back to coach, that's how this is. Toys have their place and I won't give them up but I will never again be without an inflatable to emulate a more realistic sexual experience. I also found that it added something to be pressed against a vaguely mannish shape...believe me, during orgasm #4 you scarcely discern that he doesn't have nipples and is under five feet tall even on tippy-toes. (Ooooh, it would be nice if they'd invent one with a vibrating finger, though. You can put vibrating toys in his mouth and take his face for a ride, though, can't hate that.)

For about ten bucks more, you can get the John Holmes doll with a vibrating penis. (Can't take him in the shower, though.) The Gladiator doll (which runs about twenty bucks more) has a more realistic (and vibrating) penis plus a vibrating rotating tongue...why helloooo there. Same ugly face though...so bring a magazine.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Big John doll tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Any couple
    • Busy men
    • Busy women
    • Couple foreplay/after climax play
    • Everyone
    • Long / extended session
    • Relaxation/alone time
    • Teasing a partner
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
    • Bathtub
    • Pool
    • Shower
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Comments
  • sweetiejo
    sweetiejo  
    Awsome review.
  • Adamo
    Adamo  
    Good review
  • MonsterMel
    MonsterMel  
    Your review is great!
  • FemmeFlo
    FemmeFlo  
    Cool review. Hahaha.
  • butterflygirlxo
    butterflygirlxo  
    Thanks for the hilarious review
  • fredacarl
    fredacarl  
    good review
  • Hubby80
    Hubby80  
    Thank you
  • GONE!
    GONE!  
    I can't stop laughing about punching his chest for thrusting. Great review!
  • Chastity Darling
    Chastity Darling  
    Awesome review. Thanks for the laughs
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