am i kinky if i'm not into sadism or masochism or really anything with inequality or pain in it?

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am i kinky if i'm not into sadism or masochism or really anything with inequality or pain in it?

Sangsara Sangsara
I love bondage because I love the idea of being held back while I express deep desire and need and get to reach for my sexual partner as hard as I want without fear of being too 'needy' or applying to much pressure. I also love my partner being bound so I can do the opposite and treat them to as little or as much as I see fit. I've never been comfortable causing too much pain even when asked- begged for it. a bite or a scratch during orgasm yes but please don't ask me to bite your dick as hard as I can- I just can't do it. Does this mean i'm NOT kinky? cause strap-on play with a male or female giving or receiving is exciting and a super turn on BUT dom/sub stuff unless theres a lot of switching to balance things out freaks me out. where do I fit in?
ps I have absolutely NO judgement of anyone who enjoys the DSM part of BDSM, in fact I'd love to watch (I think).
I'm just sort of confused and would love some feedback
07/12/2012
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Vanille Vanille
You're still kinky even if you don't like the SM part. There's bound (no pun intended) to be lots of people just like you who don't like certain aspects, and that's what makes kink so diverse. You don't have to like EVERYTHING in order to 'fit in', you just like what you like and chances are you'll be accepted for whom you are.
07/12/2012
Sir Sir
If you feel that you are, then you are. Identify how you want to.
07/12/2012
Bex1331 Bex1331
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
If you feel that you are, then you are. Identify how you want to.
Couldn't have said it any better myself
07/12/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Agreed, it's more how you identify yourself. What's considered "kinky" varies based on culture, so it's self-identity as much as anything.
07/13/2012
Mitzuki Mitzuki
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
If you feel that you are, then you are. Identify how you want to.
Precisely.
07/13/2012
Zandrock Zandrock
Quote:
Originally posted by Sangsara
I love bondage because I love the idea of being held back while I express deep desire and need and get to reach for my sexual partner as hard as I want without fear of being too 'needy' or applying to much pressure. I also love my partner ...
its all perspective. Some people will tell you, you are vanilla, others will say you are kinky. I say dont care about it. Just have fun.
07/13/2012
Billie Bones Billie Bones
There are so many fetishes out there. S&M is really only a tiny part of the larger kink community.
07/13/2012
HotMama2three HotMama2three
Biting and scratching is how I knew I wated more. DH is not into any kind of pain, we are both kinky in our own way .
07/13/2012
MissMori MissMori
I had a very similar conversation with a friend the other day. She said she didn't "identify as kinky" for ages because she likes x and y but not z. (specifics aren't important!)
These days she's more active and social because she can find other "likes x and y" people and tell the "z" people she's not interested.
I agree that self-identity is the most important, echoing what a few people have already said here.
As for me, there are plenty of "kinky" things I like, and plenty I don't. Occasionally I'll run across people who want to play Kink Olympics (as I call it) and point out my lack of kink compared with them. I hate that game, so I just point out that I am having fun, and am happy and don't continue the conversation. It's not a contest; it should be about having the space to explore what YOU want.
07/13/2012
Sangsara Sangsara
thanz, just needed the reassurance. it was reminding me of the flak i took a long time ago about bisexual not really being queer and about how bi's couldn't possibly understand what being gay was like.
07/14/2012
Roz W Roz W
you're into what you're into and if that makes sense as part of a larger identity, if that helps you find out more about what you're into, more power to you.

I'm not big into bondage. Lots of people are! There is no reason for that to be more or less legit than other stuff.
07/14/2012
Gdom Gdom
An interest in bondage and strap-on play definitely makes you kinky. And if that's as much as you're interesting in or comfortable with doing, that's perfectly fine. If you're interested in pushing any of your limits (especially in the "causing pain" department), it really helps to talk to a masochist and ask them what they like about it; sometimes potential Dom(me)s worry about being the "bad guy" and a lot of that guilt goes away when you find someone that can articulate why they like the pain.
07/17/2012
Sangsara Sangsara
well i can understand it really easy- i just can't relate but i would still love to talk to more people about it. sucks that i live in a capital city- its all about image here. i worked the street for 5 years in a place where you were pretty much guaranteed NOT to get picked up if you looked the part. its even hard to find the gay and lesbian community here which is weird so close to vancouvers west-end
07/17/2012
Experiment Experiment
If it feels good, go with it. Theres no point in worrying about the labels of what you're doing
07/18/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sangsara
I love bondage because I love the idea of being held back while I express deep desire and need and get to reach for my sexual partner as hard as I want without fear of being too 'needy' or applying to much pressure. I also love my partner ...
You are kinky if you believe you are! You are someone who needs to touch and sees being bound as build up of sexual desire that kind of twists your mind right around. To me THAT is kinky as hell!
Not all the subs I play with are into pain, some of them like me to be a sensual sadist and work with denial and mild stimulation. Lemme tell ya, THESE people are the most kinky people I have EVER played with.

I LOVE pain, I CRAVE it but call me a bad girl or try to humiliate me and I cool off REAL quick. I have a partner that if you try to hurt him he calls it quits but humiliate him and HOLY CRAP does he get excited.
We are both super kinky people.

Watching is pretty kinky, jus' Sayin'!
07/18/2012
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 14