Could You Live Without BDSM Play and Still be Happy

celibacysucks celibacysucks
If you were to meet someone that met all of your emotional needs but who wasn't into BDSM play, could you live without it?
01/18/2013
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Cowgirl-Cutie Cowgirl-Cutie
I've been in this situation before. It's so hard but if you truly love someone you'll find some way around it. Sometimes it was difficult not to become depressed. I think it will ultimately depend on how much you love them.
01/19/2013
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by celibacysucks
If you were to meet someone that met all of your emotional needs but who wasn't into BDSM play, could you live without it?
Well, our sex life definitely isn't based on BDSM. We do a lot of restraining & light BDSM, but nothing really intense. However, even that isn't what our sex is all about, so I could do without it just fine. It's fun. That is why we do it, not because we need it, so yes, I could still have the most amazing sex with him and have all needs met if we done away with it. It's really how we are together during the sex, how we interact, how we move. So it wouldn't kill me to do without.
01/19/2013
solitudinarian solitudinarian
I doubt it. It's a major part of my sex life.
01/19/2013
Gdom Gdom
I'm sure I could still be happy--after all, BDSM isn't the ONLY thing in life that I enjoy--but I'd certainly be less happy than I would be otherwise. I'd also like to point out that "fulfills all my emotional needs" and "no BDSM" are mutually exclusive (for me at least), insofar as my sexual preferences are emotional as well as physical.
01/20/2013
charletnarouh charletnarouh
For me, my kink is part of my identity. It's as integral to who i am as being gay is. i couldn't be with a man and be happy and fulfilled. In the same way, i couldn't be vanilla and be truly fulfilled. As Gdom above says, "fulfills all of my emotional needs" and "no BDSM" are mutually exclusive in my case. A vanilla relationship in which i am emotionally satisfied is an oxymoron. i identify as a service-oriented masochistic submissive. For me, service and submission are a vital, day to day part of my relationship, not just part of my sex life. Without the structure of a BDSM relationship framework, without all the negotiations, rules and clearly defined roles, i would fall into a submissive role, serving my partner naturally anyway, but this would still leave something to be desired because the structure for understanding and reciprocity would be missing. My partner wouldn't understand what i was doing and might even be confused, angered or frustrated by it. Problems would inevitably occur. For me, D/s is a vital template on which to build my relationship because without it, chaos ensues. Sexually, pain and submission are as vital to me as orgasm. i wouldn't enter into a relationship where it was apparent that i would never get to have an orgasm with my partner. Similarly, i won't be in a relationship where BDSM, and specifically me submitting and receiving pain and other intense sensations won't be occurring. With my current partner, who is my Mistress, i was careful to make sure She knew that this was vital to my happiness and contentment in a relationship and She has responded by educating herself and venturing into the BDSM community, upon which she found she identifies with this lifestyle as well and we have since structured Oour relationship as a D/s relationship and Wwe are both very happy and satisfied. Had She been adamantly opposed to exploring this lifestyle and giving it a try, the relationship would not have gone far. But i'm very grateful and happy that She was not only willing to explore it but that She has found that She fits into this lifestyle as well as i do.
02/07/2013
ChubbyNerd ChubbyNerd
Long term i wouldn't be happy with my sex life if BDSM wasn't in it.
02/07/2013
novanilla novanilla
Nope. Been there, done that, not doing it again.
02/10/2013
edeneve edeneve
not into it.
02/10/2013
SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
This is my current situation. My boyfriend while being interested in a lot of fetish and BDSM related scenarios isn't interested enough to actually explore. We have been together for a little under ten years and so far are happy with what we have. It does take honesty and trust. Me being honest about sexual fantasies and him trusting me not to get them fulfilled by another. The good thing about being upfront and honest is that a few of the tamer fantasies he was willing to explore. We also incorporate a lot of dirty talk that is BDSM themed.

It is difficult, but we also work hard on making it work. I would say that both parties have strike a balance of sorts. Even if that balance swings a little more to one side. We both knew getting into the relationship that this could easily present a problem down the road, but the emotional connection easily over road any fear or doubt we had. From the very beginning both of us have been upfront and honest about our kinks and have just found a way to work around them yet still have a satisfying relationship.

If the original poster does not mind I would like to also ask how others in similar situations deal with this.

Our way of dealing and working around it is an open line of communication, me finding another outlet for my kinkier side which mainly is pornography and/or incorporating dirty talk about my fantasies
02/11/2013
edeneve edeneve
I am right now.
02/11/2013
MK434 MK434
No I don't think so. I have certain expectations in the bed room and if I wasn't getting what I wanted I don't think I could really be happy! Sex is a very big part of a relationship and I need what I need if you know what I mean!
02/11/2013
hall5885 hall5885
I think I could, I would miss it but I'm sure I could do without.
02/11/2013
Aubrey M Aubrey M
I could do it, especially if this was someone I really liked.
02/13/2013
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 13