Could You Live Without BDSM Play and Still be Happy

I've been in this situation before. It's so hard but if you truly love someone you'll find some way around it. Sometimes it was difficult not to become depressed. I think it will ultimately depend on how much you love them.

I doubt it. It's a major part of my sex life.

I'm sure I could still be happy--after all, BDSM isn't the ONLY thing in life that I enjoy--but I'd certainly be less happy than I would be otherwise. I'd also like to point out that "fulfills all my emotional needs" and "no BDSM" are mutually exclusive (for me at least), insofar as my sexual preferences are emotional as well as physical.

For me, my kink is part of my identity. It's as integral to who i am as being gay is. i couldn't be with a man and be happy and fulfilled. In the same way, i couldn't be vanilla and be truly fulfilled. As Gdom above says, "fulfills all of my emotional needs" and "no BDSM" are mutually exclusive in my case. A vanilla relationship in which i am emotionally satisfied is an oxymoron. i identify as a service-oriented masochistic submissive. For me, service and submission are a vital, day to day part of my relationship, not just part of my sex life. Without the structure of a BDSM relationship framework, without all the negotiations, rules and clearly defined roles, i would fall into a submissive role, serving my partner naturally anyway, but this would still leave something to be desired because the structure for understanding and reciprocity would be missing. My partner wouldn't understand what i was doing and might even be confused, angered or frustrated by it. Problems would inevitably occur. For me, D/s is a vital template on which to build my relationship because without it, chaos ensues. Sexually, pain and submission are as vital to me as orgasm. i wouldn't enter into a relationship where it was apparent that i would never get to have an orgasm with my partner. Similarly, i won't be in a relationship where BDSM, and specifically me submitting and receiving pain and other intense sensations won't be occurring. With my current partner, who is my Mistress, i was careful to make sure She knew that this was vital to my happiness and contentment in a relationship and She has responded by educating herself and venturing into the BDSM community, upon which she found she identifies with this lifestyle as well and we have since structured Oour relationship as a D/s relationship and Wwe are both very happy and satisfied. Had She been adamantly opposed to exploring this lifestyle and giving it a try, the relationship would not have gone far. But i'm very grateful and happy that She was not only willing to explore it but that She has found that She fits into this lifestyle as well as i do.

Long term i wouldn't be happy with my sex life if BDSM wasn't in it.

Nope. Been there, done that, not doing it again.

not into it.

This is my current situation. My boyfriend while being interested in a lot of fetish and BDSM related scenarios isn't interested enough to actually explore. We have been together for a little under ten years and so far are happy with what we have. It does take honesty and trust. Me being honest about sexual fantasies and him trusting me not to get them fulfilled by another. The good thing about being upfront and honest is that a few of the tamer fantasies he was willing to explore. We also incorporate a lot of dirty talk that is BDSM themed.

It is difficult, but we also work hard on making it work. I would say that both parties have strike a balance of sorts. Even if that balance swings a little more to one side. We both knew getting into the relationship that this could easily present a problem down the road, but the emotional connection easily over road any fear or doubt we had. From the very beginning both of us have been upfront and honest about our kinks and have just found a way to work around them yet still have a satisfying relationship.

If the original poster does not mind I would like to also ask how others in similar situations deal with this.

Our way of dealing and working around it is an open line of communication, me finding another outlet for my kinkier side which mainly is pornography and/or incorporating dirty talk about my fantasies

I am right now.

No I don't think so. I have certain expectations in the bed room and if I wasn't getting what I wanted I don't think I could really be happy! Sex is a very big part of a relationship and I need what I need if you know what I mean!

I could do it, especially if this was someone I really liked.