Need Advice on getting into lifestyle

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Need Advice on getting into lifestyle

JenR JenR
Hi everyone!

I wanted to ask some advice about getting into the lifestyle. Little background, I'm a 36 year old wife and mom, married for 9 years. I was always kind of not excited about sex, much to my hubby's disappointment. I had always had fantasies, but felt like it was taboo, and never brought them up. Recently a friend of mine turned me on to a fictional author who writes bdsm-themed books, and I realized some of my fantasies matched what I was reading. So I started reading (informational and educational, not fictional)to better educate myself, then took the plunge and told my hubby what I wanted to try. I'm pretty sure I'm a sub (versus a switch, definietely not complete Domme)in the bedroom (not so much outside, lol). So we've tried some lite bondage, me being handcuffed, clamps,anal play, spanking. I'd like to try a bit more, like flogging. He was into it with me.

So anyways, while all of that really turns me on, what turns me on even more is the intimate emotional relationship between a Dom and his sub. I'm not really there with my hubby. He's a typical "cum and leave" type. I'd like to try and educate him a bit more on being a Dom, to see if he clicks with it.But I'm not sure how to do it. I've never been to a club, dungeon, munch, etc. I don't know how comfortable he'd be going, to be honest. He's socially pretty shy sometimes. I'm not interested in cheating on him, but if he were to be open to a menage or something, I'd look into it further.

I live in Southern California, in the South Bay (not too far from LAX airport). I've tried to find places online,but the couple I've found don't sound like great places. I'd like to stay away from the sleazy ones, lol.

So I realize I've probably rambled on, and if you've read this far, lol, thanks!
08/16/2011
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Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Me and my boyfriend have been trying to get into the BDSM world a lot more lately. And yesterday, I just ordered The New Bottoming Book for myself, and The New Topping Book for him. I've heard good things about both of them, so maybe you could try to get your husband to read at least the topping book?
Also, try telling him how you feel about everything. I don't know if it'll work, but it wouldn't hurt to try.
08/18/2011
Pixel Pixel
If you want to find local munches (meet and greet type events) and parties, I suggest creating an account on Fetlife.com It allows you to search for events close to you, as well as giving you a chance to meet kinksters in your community.
08/18/2011
carenautilus carenautilus
I second the Fetlife.com recommendation. It's a great souce for kinksters of all stripes and experience levels. It has events listed, and great discussion boards. I would also like to suggest reading anything by Jay WIseman you can get ahold of. Last but not least, remember that communication is key in all relationships, especially kinky ones, and ESPECIALLY relationships transition from vanilla to including d/s elements.
08/20/2011
Vanessa Weiss Vanessa Weiss
Yeah, FetLife is a really good resource for stuff like that.
08/21/2011
JenR JenR
Quote:
Originally posted by Vanessa Weiss
Yeah, FetLife is a really good resource for stuff like that.
Thanks all!

Today we got a chance to have a kid-free day, so we used it to our advantage and played out a fantasy scene for each of us. Then to my amazement he brought up the idea of including another couple. After we played today we talked and realized we have some of the same ideas but were too afraid to bring them up to each other (how sad are we, haha!) Anyways, I don't think he's as dominant as I might need at times, so his interest in adding others could open up the possibility of being topped by someone else. We shall see.

Anyways, thanks for the Fetlife.com advice, I'm going to go check it out. I found a club in L.A. that sounds like its more along the lines of what I'm looking for, just need to see when they have a public event coming up. I'm going to keep up here too. Its kind of nice to find a place to talk about all this!
08/22/2011
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 5