Vanilla partners who object to kink...

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Vanilla partners who object to kink...

LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Would having a vanilla partner who objects to kink make you leave the relationship or would you do without?
06/02/2012
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mistressg mistressg
Been there, and tried to make a compromise.
06/02/2012
Envoutes Envoutes
As long as they weren't kink-shaming, I wouldn't. It's not that big of a big to me, as long as it's not some huge bigoted viewpoint. If that were the case, I'd try to explain it to them at least.
06/02/2012
Ms. N Ms. N
It hasn't yet
06/02/2012
KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
I'd probably try and bring them over to the "dark side" so to speak but I doubt I'd leave them for not being into it unless they made me feel like a freak for liking it myself.
06/03/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Nope, I'd find a way to compromise.
06/03/2012
solitudinarian solitudinarian
While not really a relationship, I was sexually involved with someone who wasn't at all into kink. I felt extremely sexually frustrated throughout the entire thing... I don't think I could do it again. Luckily, I don't have to now because my partner is quite happy to indulge me. Yay!

It obviously took some time to build up the level of trust to be able to do all that we do now, but someone who wasn't even interested in trying? Couldn't do it.
06/03/2012
Zombirella Zombirella
I wouldn't leave . I consider the few things we do, do is still quite vanilla.
06/05/2012
Pixel Pixel
I don't know that I could be monogamous with a vanilla partner. Kink is a large part of my life, and it is something that I need to be happy.
06/06/2012
MissLoren MissLoren
my sex life is very detrimental to my well being. i would need a partner who would participate in kinky activities with me
07/06/2012
Gdom Gdom
If their objection to kink stemmed from a negative or shame-heavy attitude toward sex and kink, I probably wouldn't have been in a relationship with that person to begin with. I'm sex-positive not just because it justifies my kinks, but because it genuinely matters to me; if my partner can't see that, that's a problem. If, on the other hand, the person just wasn't particularly interested in BDSM (but they don't view it as "wrong"), that wouldn't be an absolute deal breaker, but I'd probably try to introduce them to it for their sake as well as mine.
07/22/2012
xGOLDx xGOLDx
I`m all for compromise, but if they are fundamentally opposed because they think it is wrong or shameful, then it would not work. If they can meet me with an open attitude then it is worth a shot, but at the end of the day sexual compatibility is important.
07/22/2012
Thumper Logic Thumper Logic
Quote:
Originally posted by LavenderSkies
Would having a vanilla partner who objects to kink make you leave the relationship or would you do without?
Had a boyfriend who refused to even start with handcuffs. That didn't last...
May 1, 3:53 pm
edeneve edeneve
no such thing as vanilla sex. it's all good.
May 1, 6:46 pm
FanaticallyTwitching FanaticallyTwitching
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
no such thing as vanilla sex. it's all good.
I agree.
Jul 24, 11:25 pm
hall5885 hall5885
I tried but the problem was that they where so judgmental about it that I couldn't stand it anymore. But I quickly learned after our first date he was pretty judgmental of a lot of things. Thankfully I ended it pretty quick.
Oct 28, 7:35 pm
Geography Geography
We made compromises. We didn't get too far into kink, but did enough to add a little spice to the bedroom, just enough for both of us.
Nov 3, 8:01 pm
IridescentOpal IridescentOpal
I wouldn't leave the relationship for that reason I'm too loyal to my partner. it's not that big of a deal to me personally but I can understand for some it's something really important. I think if they left the relationship because it was too vanilla and they were extremely unsatisfied, frustrated, and really unhappy, I'd say leaving for that reason would make sense.
Nov 3, 11:35 pm
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by LavenderSkies
Would having a vanilla partner who objects to kink make you leave the relationship or would you do without?
It depends on your definition verses theirs of "kink". If you both have the same basic interests in bed, then it's not "kink". If one of you enjoys something a lot and the other simply doesn't, that's a tough call. For me, it would weigh heavily on the formation of a long and deep relationship, since I am a very physical person. Part of my successful long marriage is that we share values, and morals both in and out of bed, and we both love to play hard, the same way, in those activities we enjoy. I am not sure being frustrated with a partner who didn't share my sense of fun, in or out of the bedroom, would make for a satisfying, lifetime of happiness.
Nov 6, 12:09 pm
CuriousJ CuriousJ
Currently experiencing this dilemma myself. It's frustrating at times. Kink is unique to everyone and therein lies the rub. Some people make it work. Some can't. Don't know where I fall in that spectrum. Still trying to make that distinction.
Nov 6, 5:26 pm
Vnessa Vnessa
Quote:
Originally posted by Pixel
I don't know that I could be monogamous with a vanilla partner. Kink is a large part of my life, and it is something that I need to be happy.
At what point in your life did you realize that it was something that you needed, if I may ask? I'm only asking for my own personal growth journey. I'm recently discovering that there is a lot out there that I wish, maybe, my husband and I were brazen enough to have or at least try. I wish he could crawl into my mind and see the kinky & Dominant role I wish he would conjure for me. At least to sample and see if it's what I think my body has been needing. In a sense, I feel like it would answer a lot about me personally. If that makes any sense
Dec 7, 9:41 pm
ToriMae ToriMae
Quote:
Originally posted by LavenderSkies
Would having a vanilla partner who objects to kink make you leave the relationship or would you do without?
Not a deal breaker, but definitely something I'd try to compromise on. A lot of soft kink is exciting enough but not edgy enough to make vanilla partners uncomfortable.
Dec 8, 7:45 pm
benjiwithaz benjiwithaz
Quote:
Originally posted by LavenderSkies
Would having a vanilla partner who objects to kink make you leave the relationship or would you do without?
As someone else said, generally I try to find a compromise where I feel good but they don't feel uncomfortable. What has happened in the past is generally I might ask a partner to do something and they will be hesitant but when they actually try it in the heat of the moment they feel differently. Things evolve with partners. If they completely objected I might not be able to do without.
3:40 am
Total posts: 23
Unique posters: 23