What exactly are the benefits of having a master slave relationship outside of sex.

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What exactly are the benefits of having a master slave relationship outside of sex.

Kenneth Fort Kenneth Fort
...and how often would you do it? Is it still a sexual thing? Or a metaphorical representation thing? Do you just like the outfits?
10/22/2012
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charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by Kenneth Fort
...and how often would you do it? Is it still a sexual thing? Or a metaphorical representation thing? Do you just like the outfits?
my Mistress and i have a more-or-less 24x7 Mistress/girl (Dominant/submissive) relationship. Wwe have a list of protocols and rituals Wwe follow that are part of our daily lives. i have tasks to do and rules to follow and punishments, usually of a non-play, non-sexual nature, result from my failure to meet Her expectations and rules. Wwe incorporate BDSM play into Oour sex-life but, really, the bulk of the D/s in Oour relationship occurs outside the bedroom. Why? Because it makes us both happy. There are a lot of benefits. Oour relationship is structured with boundaries and expectations laid out, quite literally in black and white, on paper. She knows that things will get done the way she expects and needs them done (She has mild OCD) or She has every right to make me correct them and/or punish me. She has every right to demand that the bed get made, the dishes get done, the towels get hung, Her laundry gets folded and put away, all to her specifications. i have a tendency to be a bit on the messy side and not be the best homemaker so these things could easily be a point where Wwe butted heads or argued or had other issues if Wwe didn't have this structure. Wwe are both creatures of habit who are comforted by ritual. Having certain expectations and rituals in place helps Uus both feel comforted and really alleviates stress. It makes Uus both feel safe and loved and reassured. Another benefit to the structure of Oour relationship is that when something isn't working, Wwe have methods in place to deal with the problem, to negotiate changes within the structure of Oour relationship. All of Oour little protocols and rituals and rules serve as constant reminders of Oour commitment and care for one another. Even something as simple as me walking on Her right side at all times shows her that i am and reminds me to be ever mindful and attentive to Her. The necklace i wear at her bidding reminds us both of Oour relationship at all times and helps Uus feel connected. When i complete some task or obey some protocol, it's a way to show Her that i care and am thinking of Her. When She says "Good girl" it makes my heart swell like no other compliment anyone could give me. When She touches my neck and fingers the chain of the necklace, it gives me a feeling of pride and safety and security. Through these little things, Wwe wordlessly say "Ii love Yyou" hundreds of times a day. Communication, constant, thorough, honest communication is VITAL for all of this to work. Wwe have a ritual in place to ensure that communication occurs regularly and in a way that facilitates growth and Oour mutual happiness and contentment. i'm capable of finding any and every part of this a sexual turn on, but it's about so much more. For Uus, this is the way to have a peaceful, happy, fulfilling relationship. It's not for everyone, but i don't think i would ever be in a non-D/s relationship ever again.
10/23/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by Kenneth Fort
...and how often would you do it? Is it still a sexual thing? Or a metaphorical representation thing? Do you just like the outfits?
Oh! i forgot some of the most important factors:
Wwe are also a part of the kink community and attend events and meetings which has led to meeting some of the most wonderful people and has caused Uus to make some lasting connections and learn and grow in ways neither of Uus could have imagined. For those drawn to this lifestyle, it truly is a beautiful and wonderful way to live and have relationships, both platonic and romantic. i literally cried tears of joy and relief the first time i attended a D/s support group meeting.

Also, i am inclined, by nature, to serve and please others. It is easy for me to find myself in relationships, romantic and otherwise, where i give so much that i may be taken advantage of because i continually seek to help others and to gain their approval. Being in a consensual, negotiated D/s relationship as a submissive to a caring Mistress provides me with a structured, safe environment where i can safely serve and give while trusting that i won't be taken advantage of and will receive the approval and appreciation i need from my Dominant. This leads to me being taken advantage of by others far less and being much more fulfilled and happy.

D/s also serves as an outlet to punish my failures in a way that i find acceptable. i'm the type to punish myself when i feel i have failed or messed up. However, if i am punished by my Mistress and deemed forgivable by Her, then i necessarily MUST forgive myself by nature of my submission to Her. This leads to me being plagued by far less guilt and self doubt and i am happier and healthier and less stressed.
10/23/2012
Roh Roh
Master/slave is a pretty specific type of 24/7 relationship, and there sure are benefits. Master/slave tends to lean towards servitude, obedience, and possibly degradation and humiliation depending on the people involved. Benefits wise, it'd be the same as with any BDSM lifestyle. You get the enjoyment of fulfilling a role that makes you feel safe/happy/strong/usef ul/etc.

A lot of people enjoy a non-sexual side of BDSM entirely, so don't be surprised that there's fun to be had outside of just kinky nookie. ;P
10/23/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Kenneth Fort
...and how often would you do it? Is it still a sexual thing? Or a metaphorical representation thing? Do you just like the outfits?
Really good question! We're not in anything that serious. We only do dom/sub fun and lightly in the bedroom. There's no master thing with us, so I'm looking forward to hearing how this works for those who are in that kind of lifestyle. I'd have a really hard time with what I read -- "rules." So I doubt it'd ever work for me, but I'm always interested in what everyone else likes to share.
10/23/2012
MissMori MissMori
I will never identify as a "slave" for various reasons (and have nothing against people who do choose this title - it's just not right for us), but am close enough to it for practical purposes.
The short answer is that it's beneficial specifically BECAUSE it's not just sex. Charlotnarouh covered a lot of this very well. For me, having structure that extends to every part of the relationship is something I need. It means that I have very clear reinforcement that anything I do that is for Him is appreciated, which is something that's been missing from a lot of other relationships I've had. The deep trust and negotiation are important too, since it means that He already knows more about me than most partners would, and can use that to create rules and assignments designed to bring out my best qualities in ways He will benefit from. He can also be sure that if I want or need anything I will ask for it, and will not hide things or play games.
The power exchange does extend to the sexual side of things, of course, but that is not the main reason for choosing this type of relationship, since people can enjoy power exchange in bed without it being the basis for the rest of their relationship.
As for your question about how often I'd do it, I'm not sure what you mean. If you're asking how often I'd get into this type of relationship the answer is "Rarely to never". I'm normally very private and guarded with sexual partners, so I was very lucky to have met someone who was right for me! If you're asking how often our roles in the relationship are used, the answer is "Always". I have a Master when I'm taking a nap, or grocery shopping, or hanging out with my girlfriends, or brushing my teeth. Kind of like how if someone's married they're still married when they're going about their daily lives and not just when they're having sex with their spouse.
And I do like the outfits, but that's not a reason to get into any kind of power exchange - just a potential side benefit!
10/23/2012
libra777 libra777
I wandered in here and found these post to be very informative (and sweet)
I always like reading about how people make things work.
Thanks
10/23/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Charletnarouh and MissMori covered everything so well I almost have nothing to add. lol

No, it's not just a sexual thing, though sex is involved (as it is in most relationships). He makes all the decisions, sets rules/protocols/ritual s etc. I ask his permission before doing things and allow him to decide if I do them. I follow commands I've given to the best of my ability. So long as I've done them as well as I possibly can, he shows appreciation. If I've slacked on something then I'm punished.

Why do it? Well, that's like asking me why someone would be in any type of relationship. We're both getting something out of it. Being in his control all the time makes me happy, it brings me peace. It silences my usually noisy head. It provides stress relief and all around has made me a happier, better person. It makes me happy to see I've pleased him. It makes me happy to follow his rules. It's just how we function. So the answer to "how often" is "all the time." We don't stop being M/s at any point. I think MissMori covered this well:

I have a Master when I'm taking a nap, or grocery shopping, or hanging out with my girlfriends, or brushing my teeth. Kind of like how if someone's married they're still married when they're going about their daily lives and not just when they're having sex with their spouse.

So yeah, that.

Also gonna second this:

However, if i am punished by my Mistress and deemed forgivable by Her, then i necessarily MUST forgive myself by nature of my submission to Her. This leads to me being plagued by far less guilt and self doubt and i am happier and healthier and less stressed.

I'm the same way. I'll stress myself over poor choices for the rest of my life if I could. After punishment I feel relieved of the burden. He forgives me, I forgive myself. We move on.

Also we have very few arguments since moving to 24/7. He makes the decisions, so there's nothing to argue. It's a lot more peaceful than two people butting heads over who gets his or her way.

And, yeah, the outfits are awesome, but that's not what I'm in it for.
10/23/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Hard to find anything to really add, other than my agreement about how living M/S makes things a lot simpler to define roles. Having one person clearly in charge can also help prevent disagreements from growing. One thing that can help if you want to try it is to use a different title for the sub, since slave can be a charged word.
10/23/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
i wish some fulltime D's or M's would post their thoughts, but it's great hearing from all the s's. i love this life!
10/23/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
i wish some fulltime D's or M's would post their thoughts, but it's great hearing from all the s's. i love this life!
Seconded!
10/23/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Seconded!
Kira, we frequently seem to find ourselves in agreement.
10/23/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
Kira, we frequently seem to find ourselves in agreement.
I've noticed this as well. Great minds think alike and all that.
10/24/2012
Trysexual Trysexual
Very insightful thread...thanks for sharing ladies.
10/24/2012
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 9