#EdenLit - (01.2012) Open Topic - First Time (working title)

BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
So, I got the link issues worked out. Figured I should link it directly in the forum for you!

First Time

This is a working title. If you can think of something, let me know!
02/07/2012
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Woman China Woman China
Ohhhh...

That was neat!!! I really like the way you used italics to show thoughts. Personally, I find it cleaner than using quotes and adds more to the story. Kind of brings you into the characters head.

For the title... "First Time" has been done.

What about, "Maybe Never More Than Tonight", or "There's a first time and a last time" (can you tell I loved that last paragraph? The wording you use, "The reality of our situation is dawning on us. Both of us know that there may never be more than this night." I don't know, but it just got to me), "Everything can start on the dance floor", "Come to my room".

Just some ideas knocking about!!!

I tried to leave comments on your blog, but my program I use to surf freely on the net doesn't seem to really like those "entre what you see to avoid spam" thingies so I always fail them.

w
02/07/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
Ohhhh...

That was neat!!! I really like the way you used italics to show thoughts. Personally, I find it cleaner than using quotes and adds more to the story. Kind of brings you into the characters head.

For the title... "First ... More
I've been thinking about changing that requirement, but I hate spam. Maybe I'll take the Captcha off and approve messages. Hrmmmmmm.... decisions!

Yeah, I wasn't sure when I started the story if it was going to be the start of a new relationship or a one time thing. But I loved the last paragraph too. I typed it, sat with it for a long time trying to elaborate and realized, "it's done!"

I think using italics for thoughts is also clearer. It separates conversation from thoughts for me and makes it easier when I write.

The title, First Time has been done many, many, many, many times...

Going off your first suggestion: Just Tonight has a nice ring to it.

And thank you so much for the feedback!
02/07/2012
PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I've been thinking about changing that requirement, but I hate spam. Maybe I'll take the Captcha off and approve messages. Hrmmmmmm.... decisions!

Yeah, I wasn't sure when I started the story if it was going to be the start of a ... More
Could you use "A Night to Remember"! Of course, that's just my first thoughts!
02/07/2012
Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
I liked it. There was a good pacing and the back and forth with the minor power exchange was interesting. The reveals were well placed so they just added to the story without being a big AHA moment.

I liked the italicized thoughts, too. (I did that in my first story I wrote for Literotica, but had a LOT more thoughts so had to get rid of them so they could publish it )

Very nice read. Thanks for sharing.
02/08/2012
Woman China Woman China
"I've been thinking about changing that requirement, but I hate spam. Maybe I'll take the Captcha off and approve messages. Hrmmmmmm.... decisions! " BBW

YES!!!!! PLEASE!!!! GOD YES!!!!!

I hate those things. Not only does my program hate them... but I cannot see them proper like.

I'm on Wordpress and I've taken the option to.... I have to approve each and every comment I get before it appears on my blog. I turned it off and allowed anyone who already had an approved comment to have freedom to comment... but that got out of hand. Especially being a foreigner living in China having blog posts that talk sometimes negatively about living here... I turned it off.

So yes! Please turn it off!!! I hate not being able to comment.

Yes. I am a comment whore. I love making comments if I can!
02/08/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
"I've been thinking about changing that requirement, but I hate spam. Maybe I'll take the Captcha off and approve messages. Hrmmmmmm.... decisions! " BBW

YES!!!!! PLEASE!!!! GOD YES!!!!!

I hate those things. Not only ... More
Done!
02/08/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Thanks for your thoughts and feedback everyone!
02/08/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
I liked it. There was a good pacing and the back and forth with the minor power exchange was interesting. The reveals were well placed so they just added to the story without being a big AHA moment.

I liked the italicized thoughts, too. (I ... More
Thank you. I write, primarily, in the first person because when an idea/fantasy comes to me to write, I try to imagine what I would be like in that scenario. I have always had a hard time creating characters and thinking for them in that way. Something to work on, definitely.

I do play with power in my own relationship with Mr, but I'm a pretty dedicated top and have issues relinquishing control, so that's where the bruised ego of being made to ask came from: being topped when I didn't want to be, but accepting it because I didn't want to stop the evening.
02/08/2012
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 4