Tenderness after a session of Anal Sex?

Lady of the Lab Lady of the Lab
I've tried to do research but haven't really found any first-hand perspectives.

Has anyone else felt tenderness during anal play (masturbation or with a partner)?

When I mean tender, it hurts but not like my first few times with an ex where it was DEF a lack of lube. I am tested regularly & am clean. What could be causing this? It's been incredibly frustrating because I would like to explore. I am apprehensive that with larger toys that it'll only get worse.

Please vote from your experience(s).
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Allergic reaction to lube
4
Still not using enough lube
7
Something non-STI medically
3
Part of the process, i.e. it's a bit tender in the beginning
2
Tension/not relaxed enough
15
Total votes: 31 (16 voters)
Poll is closed
07/01/2012
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shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
You know I cant do anal anymore..1 my man is big so that makes it hurt worse,2 becasuse I know its gona hurt at first I tense up even though I dont mean too and 3 I now have a hemroid so def. wont do it now.That makes it really tender!
07/01/2012
Lady of the Lab Lady of the Lab
Thanks for the votes, I plan to bring it up the next time I go to the doctor's.
07/02/2012
indiglo indiglo
I definitely do not think it's part of the process. Anal play has never been even remotely uncomfortable or painful for me - even the very first time. So it is definitely a sign that something isn't quite right.

You are probably best sticking to anal play by yourself until you work out what the deal is. Make sure you've got enough lube (you could even look into the lube shooters, if you haven't - that will allow you to put lube inside you, sometimes it can "squeegee" off the toy as you insert it), and make sure you're super relaxed.

To relax, sometimes a couple of orgasms before you begin anal play will help. To help you stay relaxed, go slow, really, REALLY slow. Insert less than 1/4" of the toy/finger/whatever at a time. Then rest and let your muscles relax. Then insert another 1/4" or so, and rest and let your muscles relax. Then insert another 1/4" or so, etc. Once the toy/finger/whatever is fully inserted, rest again so your muscles relax.

If you enjoy clitoral stimulation, give yourself some clitoral stimulation throughout the entire process to help stay relaxed and to enjoy the process. Move the toy very slowly at first, and stop while you're ahead. Basically if you're thinking "wow, this feels pretty good", stop then rather than pushing further. Then you'll look forward to it more next time, and each time your body will be a little more used to playing.

This is just what I did, and it worked well for me. Your mileage may vary, and it could be a good thing to bring up at the doctor.
07/02/2012
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady of the Lab
I've tried to do research but haven't really found any first-hand perspectives.

Has anyone else felt tenderness during anal play (masturbation or with a partner)?

When I mean tender, it hurts but not like my first few times ... More
Well, I don't engage in ANY anal play because of the risks involved, and because well, I cannot get comfortable with anal. This is one sex fad I have finally realized I just won't ever be comfortable doing.

Anyways, when you think about it, vaginas were naturally made for penetration where as booties really were not. Some people say they don't feel discomfort during anal stuff, but I can't understand how that'd be. Unless they're used to it by now. However, I've never heard of anybody who didn't feel at least discomfort for the first few times. You're putting something in a dry, very tight hole that originally was not meant for things to go inside.

What about things like anal fissures, hemorrhoids? Do you suffer with problems like IBS or any other digestive disorder, even constipation can truly cause irritation down there. I am no anal sex expert, but I know a whole hell of a lot about booties. It's more than likely going to hurt or at least be uncomfortable. If it does hurt or doesn't feel GOOD, you could just not do it. If you're set on doing it though, I suppose you need to prepare even more than you already have. If you're using a handful of lubricant and it's not helping a whole lot, adding even more won't either. Plus if you have had small tears/anal fissures, you're absolutely going to feel discomfort if not real pain and anal sex will further irritate those conditions.

I can only say, if you're experiencing discomfort, you really don't NEED to try larger items. I don't mean to sound like one of those people who just say "don't do it." But in this case, it IS your bodie's way of telling you that something is not right if the discomfort/irritation/ pain is not subsiding. Either try sticking with smaller toys for now and be patient while you work your way up or try to avoid this type of play all together.


I think most anal sex likin' people will tell you to be patient, stay with something that is comfortable and don't push yourself with larger items until you are truly ready. Sounds like you need to give your booty time to relax more (although a butt hole can really only relax so much) and gradually get to where you want.

Keep in mind the anal canal is NOT the vaginal canal. A vagina can usually withstand a bit more roughness than a booty can and you don't want to overwhelm yourself and end up causing tears/fissures or something far worse than ol' discomfort.
07/02/2012
Lady of the Lab Lady of the Lab
Thank you all for your input, I am feeling less anxious I will take the advice to heart. I am still going to see a doctor to make sure there are no underlying conditions like IBS. And I am going to try to learn to orgasm on my own.

Update:
Feel free to keep voting, I will be checking for reasons that have not been explained by a member, e.g. what particular chemical would cause an allergic reaction lube-wise.
07/02/2012
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by kendra30752
Well, I don't engage in ANY anal play because of the risks involved, and because well, I cannot get comfortable with anal. This is one sex fad I have finally realized I just won't ever be comfortable doing.

Anyways, when you think ... More
>>>However, I've never heard of anybody who didn't feel at least discomfort for the first few times. <<<<



Now you have! I never felt any discomfort, even the very first time using a butt plug. If it's uncomfortable or painful, it's a sign you're doing something not quite right. Most people I've spoken to who were educated about the topic before they started anal play NEVER had any discomfort.

When you think about it, most people pass stools that are MUCH larger than most of the butt plugs for sale around here. (And definitely MUCH larger than a finger or two.) Often folks pass stool larger than an erect penis too! So if you think about it, that area is made to stretch every bit as much as the vagina is made to stretch.
07/02/2012
Boyqueen Boyqueen
Seems to be a mental block for me, where I can't relax. So, pain will occur and it's kept me away from trying.
07/02/2012
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady of the Lab
I've tried to do research but haven't really found any first-hand perspectives.

Has anyone else felt tenderness during anal play (masturbation or with a partner)?

When I mean tender, it hurts but not like my first few times ... More
Too funny, I thought you were asking about LOVING tenderness...and was looking for the right answer (Yes, my hubby and I are VERY tender and loving after anal).

Anyway, to REALLY answer your question, of course, sometimes I am a bit tender after anal play. LOTS of lube (then extra lube) helps prevent this, but depending on what we do, it can get a bit more "worked out" back there (it IS a muscular ring, after all).

The other day I had a hankering for him to just slowly "take me" in ONE plunge...which he did at MY request (still well lubed), but I was sore sitting for a few hours (but it was a FUN sore...reminded me he had been there).

I have been VERY active with anal play with boyfriends and then with my hubby for over 35 years now. However, EXPLORE for us means different positions and lubes. I long ago gave up even wanting larger toys. WHY???? They HURT ME. I am NOT into pain, just pleasure.

Thus, for us, we SHOP for THIN anal toys in different shapes and colors and styles, as well as materials. We are just NOT into this "size game" of going bigger and bigger. I ENJOY the sensations I get now, from my narrow toys and my THICKEST (my hubbies penis), so WHY DO I NEED A LOUISVILLE SLUGGER BAT in there??????? I don't get it.

That's my take. KEEP IT TO WHERE YOU ARE COMFORTABLE NOW....no need to push the issue. JUST HAVE FUN.

Hope that helps.

ENJOY.
07/03/2012
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady of the Lab
I've tried to do research but haven't really found any first-hand perspectives.

Has anyone else felt tenderness during anal play (masturbation or with a partner)?

When I mean tender, it hurts but not like my first few times ... More
Mr. Bignuf wanted to add that we also "explore" not by adding bigger (and causing more sore potential), but by adding activities...first we tried rimming, then tongue in tush, then flavored lubes, then different plugs (all thin for me!)...etc. It's all good. No need to push the SIZE envelope for exploration fun.
07/03/2012
Gdom Gdom
More lube and more relaxation/prep should help.
08/15/2012
Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady of the Lab
I've tried to do research but haven't really found any first-hand perspectives.

Has anyone else felt tenderness during anal play (masturbation or with a partner)?

When I mean tender, it hurts but not like my first few times ... More
Tension/not relaxed enough
08/16/2012
ScottA ScottA
Could be allergy, not enough lube, or not relaxed enough.
10/08/2012
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 9