I can only orgasm through masturbating in a particular position lying on my belly- please help!

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I can only orgasm through masturbating in a particular position lying on my belly- please help!

Intertwining Intertwining
Since I started masturbating from young, I've always done it in the same position as I do now- lying stomach-down, with my left hand cupping over my right hand as I finger/stroke myself, with all the muscles in my legs clenching. If I use a toy, the position doesn't change, except it would be my right hand wielding the dildo/vibrator.

If my helps, my orgasms come really quickly in this position regardless of what mood I'm in, and they generally/mostly feel "shallow" and pass over quickly. It's not often that I get the deep, unbelievably amazing sort that leaves you incapable of movement for several minutes or anything, hahah.

I've never enjoyed an orgasm during sex or even foreplay, as much as I enjoy it. I've tried replicating the position I masturbate in during sex and getting my boyfriend to penetrate me while I'm on my belly, but it doesn't work! You know how orgasms are a little like steps- you know you're "getting there" when you reach that first step? Then the intensity gradually builds up into an orgasm? I can't even reach the first step during sex, regardless of whatever position I'm in. Although my boyfriend sadly thinks it's because he's inadequate, I've never been close to coming with any of my previous sexual partners.

It's really miserable that I can't enjoy orgasms during sex, and I've been trying to "train" myself to be able to orgasm in other positions. So far, I've managed to come on my back, body ramrod straight and legs clenched. It's much more difficult, and much less pleasureable.. Not to mention it only works when I'm really, REALLY horny.

Surely there must be some other way to overcome this problem?! I'm really desperate. Even if I managed to fully train myself to come while lying on my back, it doesn't solve anything- I still wouldn't be able to orgasm during sex!

Please help!
12/07/2010
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Muddog7998 Muddog7998
Quote:
Originally posted by Intertwining
Since I started masturbating from young, I've always done it in the same position as I do now- lying stomach-down, with my left hand cupping over my right hand as I finger/stroke myself, with all the muscles in my legs clenching. If I use a toy, ...
For the longest time, I mean, almost 5 months, I couldn't get my wife to cum. I know exactly how your boyfriend feels. My best advice is to do a LOT of foreplay, maybe get a vibrating cock ring or something, and just be patient. Try different positions to see what feels best for both of you, and try to fantasize during sex. For example, if you like the beach, imagine you two are on a towel, or blanket, during sunset and having hot passionate sex! Role-playing is another fun one. Find something that turns you on the most and ask him to role-play it during sex. It's just simple things like that will get you there! Hope this helps!
12/07/2010
Jessica Elizabeth Jessica Elizabeth
I agree with Muddog7998 - Try a lot of foreplay; you can also try things to help the foreplay so you can get more bang for your buck such as some nipple clamps so that you can have stimulation there to help you out, and/or a wearable clitoral vibrator so your hands are free for other stimulation.

Also - what sorts of dildos and vibrators have you tried? Try different ones as they really do hit you in different places in different ways. Also - one thing that helps me hit those hard to reach places in my vagina is having a leg elevated perhaps on the headboard or back of a couch.

I know someone who can only orgasm during sex if she's on top; otherwise she needs hitachi-power clitroal stimulation.

Earlier this year I had to have a lot of my cervix removed and I ended up finding that all my favorite toys and such were now painful It really does suck. I spent many months re-learning my body. While that's nothing close to what you experience there *is* a light at the end of your tunnel, just keep on trying.

One other thing you could try is stimulation gels, cooling/warming/tingli ng lubes, things of that nature. Those items make you more sensitive on your clit and in your vagina. Plus, don't be afraid to use more than one toy. I've been known to have many toys going at the same time; nipple clamps, butt plug, vaginal vibrator and clitroal vibrator. There's nothing wrong that that
12/07/2010
Muddog7998 Muddog7998
Talk to your boyfriend as well. Make sure he KNOWS that it isn't his fault. would it be safe to say that you have told him about this? If he still feels inadequate, just make sure you tell him how much you love him, make sure he knows that it isn't his fault. My wife didn't tell me that stuff. She just kinda shrugged it off and said I don't know why I don't cum during sex. She's lucky I loved her so much. Another thing that would probably help, try to have an orgasm before sex. Not only will it probably help you to have one during sex, but it's usually a huge turn on for guys to see a woman masturbating. Don't do it though if it's a turn off for him though!
12/07/2010
PassionQT PassionQT
Quote:
Originally posted by Intertwining
Since I started masturbating from young, I've always done it in the same position as I do now- lying stomach-down, with my left hand cupping over my right hand as I finger/stroke myself, with all the muscles in my legs clenching. If I use a toy, ...
I started masturbating the same way. In fact, so did my brother's ex-gf who was also one of my best friends. So there's nothing wrong with getting off this way. I was in my late 20's when I finally bought a bullet and came on my back. However, I still have to clench my legs. Can't cum legs spread because I have no control over all the muscles that contribute to orgasming. So try it that way when masturbating (harder with partner on top). I can orgasm on my stomach with my partner in me, but he is longer and can stay inside of me as I contract my muscles. I also use a bullet on my clit and that usually takes me over the edge. He thrusts a few time, I tell him to stop, I wiggle my bullet around and squeeze the life out of his cock..and so forth until I cum.
12/07/2010
Jessica Elizabeth Jessica Elizabeth
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I started masturbating the same way. In fact, so did my brother's ex-gf who was also one of my best friends. So there's nothing wrong with getting off this way. I was in my late 20's when I finally bought a bullet and came on my back. ...
That's interesting where you said "I have no control over all the muscles that contribute to orgasming."

And this is for Intertwining as well - Have you tried working your kegel muscles? Doing kegel exercises with something like K-Balls or SmartBalls?? Strengthening and maturing those muscles will definitely help you with orgasms!
12/07/2010
Naughty Student Naughty Student
It took me many many MANY months before I was able to orgam from sex. I had always orgasmed alone in the same position, on my back, legs spread and relaxed. I think that I wanted to orgasm for my boyfriend (I had other partners before him that I was not able to orgasm with either) so much that it stopped me from being able to orgasm.

One day we were just enjoying having sex. I was ontop and pivoting on him so his penis was stimulating my g-spot and my clit was rubbing on his pubic bone and magic! I had my first mini orgasm. After that I had more and more and they got stronger and stronger.

Try not to stress over it or think about it too much, that would be my advice. When I stopped worrying about orgasm and simply enjoy the pleasure thats when it came.
12/07/2010
ScottA ScottA
Two things:

(1) look at the ways that your preferred masturbation style stimulates you, and try to translate them into partner play

(2) it is possible for you to psychologically expect a certain type or sequence of stimulation (at least the last time I heard, but it might have changed), and you might need to take some time to "re-learn" sex and/or relax enough to orgasm with a partner. Of course this is best if you combine it with an analysis of what type of stimulation brings you to orgasm best (point 1).
12/07/2010
Intertwining Intertwining
Thank you so much ScottA, Naughty Student, Jessica Elizabeth, PassionQT and Muddog7998 for your in-depth and lengthy advice! I actually can't believe how helpful and enthusiastic you guys are *sniffs*

Muddog7998, yes, I've told him and explained the entire problem.. I've repeatedly assured him that it's not his fault in any way, so I think he's feeling slightly better about it. Can't really blame him for thinking I made it up, as I kind of broke it to him out of the blue!

Jessica Elizabeth, yep, I've tried kegel exercisers such as smartballs and the Emigi, but I honestly don't think I really need it as my vagina is very tight- the smartballs stay in with no effort at all (so I'm pretty sure it defeats the purpose of using them as kegel exercisers), and in fact are very uncomfortable for me to insert and remove as they are too big for me!

I've got quite a collection of toys/dildos, but haven't really used them during sex, so I'm going to buy a butt plug or two and arm myself with a bullet in the hopes of hunting down that evasive big-O during sex!

I will definitely try out some different positions to see if that works out any better, and hopefully it's a psychological rather than physical issue- I'd never told my sexual partners that I was never able to come, and had always faked multiple (!) orgasms during sex, which probably makes it worse. Now that I've explained everything to my boyfriend, maybe the mental barrier of "I CAN'T COME DURING SEX" will ease, and I can relax enough to let myself find one?

Thank you so much again, everybody for all the advice and tips! I will be coming back here to let you guys know how it goes!
12/09/2010
Jessica Elizabeth Jessica Elizabeth
Quote:
Originally posted by Intertwining
Thank you so much ScottA, Naughty Student, Jessica Elizabeth, PassionQT and Muddog7998 for your in-depth and lengthy advice! I actually can't believe how helpful and enthusiastic you guys are *sniffs*

Muddog7998, yes, I've told him and ...
Much erotic luck1 ^^
12/09/2010
volpe bianca volpe bianca
i do this also...for the most part. i didnt always do it...but now i ALWAYS do it.
i think why i do it is because i need sensory deprivation and laying on my tummy with my eyes closed and/or facing a wall in the dark helps my very busy mind pay attention to what im doing so i can get there. the only times ive gotten off with a partner are in dead silent rooms with zero light. maybe you are similar?
so maybe with enough focus you can get off with a partner ...on your back. (?)

also maybe try depriving yourself of your favorite position so that something more "traditional" becomes the new norm and there for more comfortable and easy to use.
good luck.
12/29/2010
M121212 M121212
Be really really patient and loving with yourself while experimenting with different positions and different kinds of stimulation. Try out lots of variations, and have fun working yourself up. Maybe tense your leg muscles for a moment, then relax your body for a moment, then tense, and relax. Move your body in different ways. Then, if you can't come all the way with these new position, go ahead and give yourself an orgasm in your tried and true method. Keep experimenting each time you play, and let your body relax into the variety. Remember, this is all about pleasure, and you'll have to coax your body into receiving pleasure in different ways. Think of it like a seduction, a seduction of your self, rather than a problem. Enjoy the journey. <3
01/28/2011
M121212 M121212
Oh, also, I read this HOT article describing sex play that involves having the woman lying on her belly.... Maybe it could provide some inspiration: link
01/28/2011
Kim! Kim!
Quote:
Originally posted by volpe bianca
i do this also...for the most part. i didnt always do it...but now i ALWAYS do it.
i think why i do it is because i need sensory deprivation and laying on my tummy with my eyes closed and/or facing a wall in the dark helps my very busy mind pay ...
That's definitely a really interesting point that you bring up about the sensory deprivation.
I can't come from masturbation anyway other than on my stomach but sex is totally different and I can no matter what.
I even use my beloved Hitachi on my stomach. I'm not sure what it is about that way but vavavolpe might be on to something!
02/02/2011
Intertwining Intertwining
Hi all,

It's been a while since I've been back here on EF.

I posted this thread almost a year ago, and unfortunately I'm really sad to say that the problem is no closer to being resolved than it was back then

I've tried experimenting both alone and with my boyfriend, different sexual positions, lots of different sex toys (bullets, specialised clit vibes, butt plugs, butt beads, soft dildos, hard dildos, big ones, small ones etc.), nothing.

At best I can come lying flat on my back or on my beanbag with my legs ramrod-straight and tensed (to the point of cramping my calf muscles, which happes often), but these orgasms are unsatisfying compared to masturbating while lying on my belly. And as I mentioned before, I can only achieve orgasm in these two positions if I'm EXTREMELY aroused- I can come easily within a minute or two lying on my belly even if I'm not aroused at all!

Apart from the frustration of being unable to come anytime during foreplay or sex (oral or PIV) with my boyfriend, it's also limiting the types of toys I can use with satisfaction, or the manner of masturbation!

I'd love nothing more than to be able to sprawl my relaxed legs on the bed and tease myself and thrust a dildo till I climax (porn-style), or even sit at the computer for a great porn jack-off session- the closest I can get is to prop the laptop on the bed while I lie flat and belly-down, with my neck tilted up at an extremely uncomfortable angle while both my arms are under me (if that makes any sense) to touch myself.

Lots of guides have advised "self-exploration " "self-seduction&q uot;, like Miss Voluptuous mentioned; been there done that. Does absolutely nothing for me but waste my time. Neither does "relaxing"- if I didn't tense up my legs to kingdom come, there's no way I'd even come close to climaxing.. (Sorry if that came across as rude or anything- I don't mean it that way!)

I'm wondering if anyone is/was ever in the same boat as me in being able to orgasm in a single, specific position, and how they managed to overcome it!
11/07/2011
rachelmdye rachelmdye
Hello...you are not the only one with this issue. I too can only cum lying on my stomach, legs crossed and clenched tight, with my right hand cupping my mons and left hand over right. I always have to fantasize. I too faked orgasms for a long time, and just a couple weeks ago broke the news to my husband who is very understanding. I've been trying to find other ways to cum over the past couple years, but nothing has worked thus far. I'll continue to experiment and see if anything changes, but I don't have high hopes. Going to go buy some toys to try out this weekend, but we'll see.

I must say that it's comforting knowing I'm not the only one in this boat. Everything you said rings completely true for me. If I find anything that works I'll let you know...best of luck to you.
05/03/2012
karenm karenm
I'm really glad I found your post, because I have this exact problem and I thought I was the only one. But the comforting thing is that if you search something like "orgasm through clenching legs" this is actually very common and nothing to be embarrassed about.

I totally agree that relaxing doesn't help. Sensory deprivation does for me (when tensing). I have the easiest time if I use an eye mask and earplugs (the traffic is loud outside my apartment).

I haven't had any success with a partner either, but I think the closest I have come so far in other positions is with a labial pump, which pumps blood to your lips and clitoris and, with repeated use, sort of 'trains' your clitoris to fill up with more blood when you're aroused- which will make you more sensitive and more likely to orgasm (I recommend the one Doc Johnson sells, but I haven't seen it on EF).

In terms of positions, I feel like for me the best position would be if I could tense my legs and have him enter me from behind, which we haven't tried yet. We have tried having both of us touch me from behind in that position and it feels great. But I can't figure out any other sex position where I could clench my legs together without hurting him.

Also, I just found this this site, and found it to be very helpful. A few people say that it is just your habit of masturbating and overtime you can condition yourself to orgasm in other ways. I hadn't really thought of it that way.

I'll post again if I find anything that works, as rachelmdye said. And thank you so much for posting this.
02/01/2013
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 11