Sad sex life makes for no orgasms...

Chaotic Rantings Chaotic Rantings
My other half and I haven't had much of a sex life lately. So instead of bugging him and making him feel like I am bombarding him, I have turned to using my toys. My problem is that when we actually do something now, I am having problems getting off. No matter what he does to me, it doesn't measure up to the intensity of my toys, making it literally impossible to orgasm. Any suggestions to help get back into the swing of things?
08/27/2011
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Istanbull Istanbull
I am in the very same boat. My wife has no interest in sex what so ever and I've come to only get aroused by my toys now. Unfortunatly, unless you change partners or stop using your toys, I'm afraid this problem will remain.

It only depresses me further when I read so many women being neglected by men.
08/28/2011
Chaotic Rantings Chaotic Rantings
I hope its not something that cant be fixed..we just got married in may
08/28/2011
Istanbull Istanbull
Some would say that's the problem.

Honestly I don't understand the concept of somneone not wanting sex. You have to go out of your way to come up with reasons not to want it.
08/28/2011
Chaotic Rantings Chaotic Rantings
I don't understand it either. And normally, it's the female when you hear people talk about it, not the male. Honestly, it's driving me nuts because my hormones are through the roof and he's just like "meh, whatever"
08/28/2011
Elnoa Elnoa
Is he preoccupied with something else? I am in a similar situation, but we have also been through a huge move, we are having money problems, our cars keep breaking, and I am busy doing research all the damn time.
08/28/2011
Chaotic Rantings Chaotic Rantings
Quote:
Originally posted by Elnoa
Is he preoccupied with something else? I am in a similar situation, but we have also been through a huge move, we are having money problems, our cars keep breaking, and I am busy doing research all the damn time.
At first I thought so, but if so, he's not letting on. All our bills are paid with money left over, work isn't a problem...and some of the reasons are just like weird. Its always something different, foot hurts, head hurts, it's too hot, he's worried about me, he's depressed. I do everything for him, he doesn't lift a finger. So I honestly don't know what to do. We got married in May, we didn't make love for a month and a half after the wedding, and since that one time, we've done it maybe, and I emphasize maybe, three times. So you can see why I don't want to give up my toys in trade for a possible one time sex night every couple of months.
08/28/2011
indiglo indiglo
Can't you just make your toys part of your sex life with him? When you have sex with him, maybe you can both use the toys together to make it a more fulfilling experience for you. If he is suffering from depression, that can KILL your libido entirely. Is he being treated for it? Because the meds can also kill your libido too. Sounds like you need to sit down and have a real heart to heart - no blame games, no guilt, just talk about how you're both feeling right now.
08/28/2011
Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Get him to use toys on you during sex.
08/28/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Chaotic Rantings
At first I thought so, but if so, he's not letting on. All our bills are paid with money left over, work isn't a problem...and some of the reasons are just like weird. Its always something different, foot hurts, head hurts, it's too hot, ... More
What was your sex life like with him before you got married? Unfortunately, though not as common as it once was, there are men who develop or feed a Madonna/Whore complex once they are married. That's just one possible theory, but not unheard of. (It would make even more sense if he is deeply religious or was raised in a deeply religious home.)

Talk to him. Keep talking until you get real, honest communication from him. Sometimes, as much as we dislike it, people clam up around those they are closest to out of fear of hurting their feelings for one reason or another. Or, just afraid of actually getting the reaction they expected. Not talking about it is only going to do one thing and that's drive your marriage into a hole.

It doesn't have to be a doomed situation, you don't have to give up your sex toys forever, and you don't have to live in silence. A marriage is equal parts love, communication and sex.

Use "I..." statements when you talk about it: I feel like we could be having better sex, I would like it if you would touch me [here] like [this] or talk to me like [this]. Until you get the communication back, lay off the toys for a little while. Channel your desire into him and get him talking. Everyone has a button to push, you just need to find the right one---the sex-positive one.
08/28/2011
Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Can't you just make your toys part of your sex life with him? When you have sex with him, maybe you can both use the toys together to make it a more fulfilling experience for you. If he is suffering from depression, that can KILL your libido ... More
That's what I was thinking (toys part of sex life)

My partner has had a hard time keeping an erection bcs of physical pain as we make love. We had been getting it on less and less over the past months. So I had been relying on my toys a lot. Now my partner sees how helpful my toys are and he is happy to use them on me to help me orgasm. Using toys reduces the time he has to exert himself compared to when we do not used toys.

I agree, depression and pills for depression do reduce libido very much. If he is going through a depression you guys might want to talk to a doctor about what he can do to help for your sex life. Sometimes different pills might not have as much of a side effect on the libido, if he is on medication.
08/28/2011
froggiemoma froggiemoma
Another vote for trying to introduce toys into your sex life.
08/29/2011
Chaotic Rantings Chaotic Rantings
Sorry it took so long to get back with this, I had an accident and fell down the stairs yesterday and messed myself up really good.
08/29/2011
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 8