Bi and married

Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
What do ya do?

You want the hubby, the kids, the family... but you still fantasize about women.

Do you stick to just fantasizing? Or open up that marriage and say Ahhhhh?
09/02/2009
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Mrs Finn Mrs Finn
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
What do ya do?

You want the hubby, the kids, the family... but you still fantasize about women.

Do you stick to just fantasizing? Or open up that marriage and say Ahhhhh?
Maybe I'm an old-fashioned prude- but even though I'm bi-sexual, I'm still MARRIED- I kinda took vows pertaining to only sleeping with ONE person... If I'd married a woman would I bring a man to bed? No.
09/02/2009
Sir Sir
Or the opposite way, you're a bisexual man and still want men.

No, I wouldn't fantasize about anyone (and I don't, regardless of a person's gender), quite honestly. I'm with my little girl for a reason - not to just think about wanting to be with someone else or even literally be with someone else.

I wouldn't have an open marriage. I'd end up taking a shotgun to the other person's head because it isn't something that I'm alright with.
09/02/2009
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Or the opposite way, you're a bisexual man and still want men.

No, I wouldn't fantasize about anyone (and I don't, regardless of a person's gender), quite honestly. I'm with my little girl for a reason - not to just think ... More
I should elaborate on that. It isn't alright for me to have an open marriage. I would not be able to make it work, and in open marriages, that's the key to them. If you cannot make it work, you will not be happy in them.
09/02/2009
Red Red
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
What do ya do?

You want the hubby, the kids, the family... but you still fantasize about women.

Do you stick to just fantasizing? Or open up that marriage and say Ahhhhh?
I love being married, and I love being Bi. I am fortunate enough to be the kind of person that can handle the complexities of opening up, and to be married to such an awesome guy who can handle them too.

The Bi (and the openness) preceded the marriage, but our relationship started at a very young age before any of that was on the table. It's a transition that I would *never* recommend (but will encourage), yet and so overjoyed to have gone through and grown through.

But that's just me...
09/03/2009
TinyTease TinyTease
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
What do ya do?

You want the hubby, the kids, the family... but you still fantasize about women.

Do you stick to just fantasizing? Or open up that marriage and say Ahhhhh?
I believe it all comes down to what is ok within your relationship and there has to be a huge amount of trust, honesty and openness about everything that is going on. Some people want to be monogamous, some people want to be polyamorous, and some people want to be open or cuckolded. Whatever works in your relationship is what is right for you and if you choose to go down a non-monogamous path, there has to be a LOT of communication and strength within it.
09/21/2009
TinyTease TinyTease
Also, for the record, I am in what would probably be classified as an "Open Relationship" and yes, both my partner and I are bi. It works for us, but certainly is NOT for everyone, and as Red said, I would never "recommend" (but will encourage) it. It brings us closer as a couple and seals the fact that we do in fact completely love each other. This is just how WE feel about it, certainly most people would feel completely opposite of that. If it isn't something that can bring you closer as a couple, then it probably isn't something that should continue.
09/21/2009
Kinky Skier Kinky Skier
we talked about threesomes, but both worried with what it might do to us as a family (no kids). but, just talking about it was a huge turn on for both of us, and ended up fucking like rabbits, so who knows, maybe it will happen eventually.
11/06/2009
Fyreflye Fyreflye
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
What do ya do?

You want the hubby, the kids, the family... but you still fantasize about women.

Do you stick to just fantasizing? Or open up that marriage and say Ahhhhh?
I am in this situation. I am bi and married. It is kind of tough at times, really. We have been married for 5 years. Four years of it I was trying to convince him that he knew i was bi before we got together and to let me have a girlfriend. No, it may not be the kind of love I have for him; that is IF I were to fall in love with her. I'm not sure if I could love a woman like that. I know I would love her, but LOVE her? Anyways he is cool with it now. We opened the marriage for a little while and now its just me looking for a girlfriend.
Now my problem is I can't get a girlfriend because I am married. This time its the other women! Either they don't want to get with a married girl becuase she thinks she will be dating me and the hubby or its commitment issues. Or, they have a boyfriend and they won't be with a girl when they have a boyfriend or they gotta girl and dont want a guy too. Now, thats just silly. Am I supposed to be bi my whole life and then I am suddenly supposed to be straight becuase I am married? Do people not realize somethings missing when you do that?! This is a touch subject with me!
12/13/2009
El-Jaro El-Jaro
The way I look at it, just because you're bi doesn't mean you're repressed in a marriage. You chose to marry one person or be in a psuedo-marriage (unfortunately for the non-st8 people). When you go into a marriage, you should assume you're only going to be with that person, unless other arrangements are made.
If it comes to a few years down the road and you're craving strange...talk it out with your partner. If they're ok with you sleeping with someone else, there ya go. But, if you assume your partner will be ok with you going somewhere else BECAUSE you're bi...bad news.
12/13/2009
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
A commitment is a commitment is a commitment. Bisexuality only means that you're interested in members of both sexes. It might "double your playing field", but when you marry one person, that is the one person you have committed yourself to, regardless of gender. It's fine to fantasize, but to expect your partner to cave and let you play around with other people even though you exchanged vows, just because you're bisexual? That doesn't make sense to me.
12/13/2009
Lil Miss Riss Lil Miss Riss
I made a commitment to my man...he's the only one I want. Miss Cinnamon has summed it up in a pretty succinct fashion. Yeah, I'm bisexual. That means I like both men and women, but that doesn't mean I should necessarily BE with both a man and a woman. I love my man, he's the only person for me. No other man, no other woman. I don't want to be with anyone else whether emotionally or sexually, and he doesn't want me to either which is fine by me. Heck, I don't even fantasize about myself with anyone else anymore. My man is the sexiest man alive and he's all I need.
12/13/2009
deceased deceased
If you are a bi-woman in a marriage, consider that it should be fair that your husband also maintain a boyfriend or a girlfriend on the side.
12/13/2009
Lil Miss Riss Lil Miss Riss
Quote:
Originally posted by deceased
If you are a bi-woman in a marriage, consider that it should be fair that your husband also maintain a boyfriend or a girlfriend on the side.
That's kind of how I feel as far as other people's open relationships. I feel strongly about a "Rule of Equality"...if a bisexual woman feels like she should be allowed to be with other women as well as being married, her husband should be allowed to be with other people as well if he so chooses. Open relationships don't just work halfway.
12/13/2009
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Lil Miss Riss
That's kind of how I feel as far as other people's open relationships. I feel strongly about a "Rule of Equality"...if a bisexual woman feels like she should be allowed to be with other women as well as being married, her husband ... More
that makes sense
12/13/2009
Darling Dove Darling Dove
And that equal openness is part of the reason why I would never do it. I would just feel horrible if I did that and did not allow my partner to. But I also love him a lot and couldn't stand to see him get attached to some other chick.

It's not worth it to me to hurt or jeopardize my current relationship just to have sex with the same pieces of silicone I can fuck now, except with the bonus addition of tits. And I cannot emotionally love females. I simply cant. It's only a sexual attraction for me, which is why I'm not in a relationship with a girl.
12/13/2009
Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
We look for girlfriends when the urge strikes. Or play partners. Or fuck buddies. ~nods~
12/14/2009
Serendipity Serendipity
Quote:
Originally posted by Red
I love being married, and I love being Bi. I am fortunate enough to be the kind of person that can handle the complexities of opening up, and to be married to such an awesome guy who can handle them too.

The Bi (and the openness) preceded ... More
I am glad you are Bi too and I miss you
12/20/2009
Serendipity Serendipity
I am polyamorous and believe in the ability to love more than one and be committed to more than one. This can cover a wide spectrum. link

I think no matter if you are married, in an open relationship or single and dating, honesty and ethics always need to be present. Communication is key.

Yes, if one person in a relationship wishes to date outside the relationship, that option should be available for the other person though they may be perfectly happy where they are at.

Legal marriage is likely not in the cards for me, that is my own choice. I have forged my own path, I have children and have a successful relationship with their father (now an ex) and his wife and their two kids. I currently have a BDSM Daddy/girl relationship and play partners. There are more than a few people I am interested in knowing better and likely dating, but time conspires against us for now.

My life is never dull. The cards are always on the table and I am generally very happy with the way things are going.
12/20/2009
SealTeam2 SealTeam2
We are both into our marriage vows. We have come close to having another couple doing totally what we want but just ended up getting in the buff with them. My wife has admitted to a bi relationship before our marriage and I have encouraged her to continue as I know who it is but that lady has remarried also and my wife want. I totally understand two women and the sensuality that can be had between them.
I am totally masculine outside the bedroom at 6-0 and 212 but in the bedroom I am very feminine and we use that in our lovemaking. My wife isn’t going to have orgasms by intercourse and me on top but if I am in her panties and doing oral and fingers, then using a vibe for a stretch; she gets on top and rubs my clit against hers she will squirt and many times. 90% of our role play is we turn off the lights and I am her girl friend from high school. It’s odd but fun; my penis is only 5 and thin. My ex always wanted bigger but my wife now wishes it was about 2 inches smaller
As far as me and bi curious; I have never had the urge to want to cuddle with a man but I will admit I would like for my wife to have a large endowed guy and me try him orally. I wonder how it feels to have something like that in your mouth. My wife has told me mine is great for oral and she can wear it out. Her ex. is close to 8 and thick and she hated it. He was too forceful and large. I guess what I am saying is I would like to experience once what my wife feels as she has me in her mouth. Maybe one day
12/29/2009
PassionQT PassionQT
My husband is bi and we are in an open relationship that works for US. Every couple has different dynamics, so what works for one may not work for another. In our case, our personalities compliment each other. I have to admit that after 14 years of marriage, him being "out" for the last 3, we are happier than ever! We have made many wonderful friendships and the main key to success for us has been maintaining a policy of full disclosure and honesty, not only to each other, but also to our friends. He currently has a special friend who has spent time with us too. It's nice, but again, not for everyone.

As for me, I'm heteroflexible. I don't really identify myself as bi nor am I 100% straight.

Finally, I'd like to add how it's interesting that many women are very open about their bisexuality. There are just as many bisexual men out there! But because of society's stigmas, bisexual men seem to be less appealing.
05/22/2010
LadyInToyland LadyInToyland
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
What do ya do?

You want the hubby, the kids, the family... but you still fantasize about women.

Do you stick to just fantasizing? Or open up that marriage and say Ahhhhh?
I'm Bi, been married for 4 1/2 years.

I fantasize from time-to-time. Our marriage is a happy one, but I've always been more attracted to women than I have to men. I've been honest with my hubby about it, and he understands.

In the end, I will always come home to him, at the end of the night, it's his bed I return to.

He's fine with me sleeping with women, as long as I'm honest with him about it.

I don't do it regularly. I've only done it a handful of times, though.
05/24/2010
NY Toyfan NY Toyfan
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
My husband is bi and we are in an open relationship that works for US. Every couple has different dynamics, so what works for one may not work for another. In our case, our personalities compliment each other. I have to admit that after 14 years ... More
I am one of those men who is open about his bisexuality. My wife and I have been married for over 10 years and we are monogamous. We have talked about open relationships, but neither of us wants one. I am open and honest with her about how I feel and about what I like. She doesn't have a problem with me hanging out with my gay friends, being involved in bi/gay groups or getting off on gay/bi porn, because she trusts me to honest with her about whether I am having sex with anyone else- male or female. We have a great marriage and a great sex life too. I get propositioned a bit, but I never have any problem saying no.

I've made a choice to be with a woman who makes me happy and makes me feel whole. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything because I am happy with my choice. If I had met a man (before I met my wife) that made me feel that way, I would have been happy committing to him the same way I am committed to my wife. It more about the person than any label.
05/24/2010
Kinky Skier Kinky Skier
I always considered myself open, but it wasn't explored through toys until i was with my wife. She knows i like my backdoor, and would love to suck her strapon, but i dont think we could ever open up our marriage. We even talked about MMF and FMF scenarios,even joking around about how we should have done one before we wed, but couldn't take it now.
05/26/2010
trios trios
Has anyone had a difficult time when you first brought it up with your husband/wife (unless they knew before you got married/together)? I'm afraid I may be orally bi curious, and am embarrassed to let my wife know. We occasionally use dildos that when alone I suck on/fellate. I think she would be grossed out if I tried that in front of her! I brought up not so subtle hints before and she changes the subject...
05/30/2010
Dirty Girl X Dirty Girl X
Most of my exes were cool with it and, naturally, they thought it would increase their chances of having a threesome. The man I'm with now and that I intend to marry believes that cheating is cheating whether it's with a male or female...so I just stick to girl on girl porn.
06/04/2010
Ciao. Ciao.
My partner (female) is bi, and we've had a threesome with another woman once. It was a lot of fun. If she wanted to have a fling by herself with a woman I'd be fine with that too, as long as she was safe about it and honest with me. I'm somewhat bi-curious and I think she'd be alright with me exploring that angle too...I think it really depends on your relationship. If you're willing to open up for it, go for it, but I think it's tough to balance that kind of a relationship easily. It's definitely not something either of us would engage in on a regular basis, but I think it's good not to feel like it's totally off the table as long as it's handled well.
06/04/2010
Madame Celeste Madame Celeste
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
What do ya do?

You want the hubby, the kids, the family... but you still fantasize about women.

Do you stick to just fantasizing? Or open up that marriage and say Ahhhhh?
I am bi - and so is my husband. We have an open relationship based on respect of one another's needs and personal space. ten years and it seems to be working out so far!
08/01/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
What do ya do?

You want the hubby, the kids, the family... but you still fantasize about women.

Do you stick to just fantasizing? Or open up that marriage and say Ahhhhh?
That's a good question! So many people seem to struggle over this one. For us it was easier to open up the marriage than struggle with the desire. We don't regret anything but waiting so long. Still I've seen it blow up a marriage messier than a nuclear bomb. The answer is so muddled and mixed...
08/01/2010
NymphetamineKiss NymphetamineKiss
We're not married but we've been together for 2 years and cohabit.. So, not far off lol..

I'm bisexual, my parter is straight. We're monogamous. For us, it wouldn't matter the gender of the person I got with - it'd still be cheating, and within the defined boundaries of our relationship that isn't acceptable.

My logic is that everyone needs to define their own relationship in a way that suits them, and operate as such. For example, one way we have (very) recently shifted is that he has opened up the idea that I engage in play sessions with BDSMer friends, as he knows that is a side of me which is significant and that he doesn't have so much interest in going as deep in. It's quite rigidly stated though, that the play is to be kink only and he trusts me and knows it would never become sex.
08/02/2010
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