Maybe I'm an idiot...

PinkySt PinkySt
But I can't for the life of me get a woman to flirt with me, much less date me. I feel like an awkward 13 year old boy. Like whats wrong with me?

I'm naturally pretty dominant and tend to make the first moves (even with guys), but that's just how I am, am I not supposed to do these things? I am at a loss. I'm fairly attractive even with a few extra pounds and I have an engaging and fun personality. I'm generally very well liked and easy to get along with, so I'm just at a loss.

And to clear things up, no I am not disrespectful, I am always polite and take rejection gracefully, but I feel like I can't even get someone to give me the time of day =(
09/16/2012
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Mitzuki Mitzuki
I noticed I had this same problem. It's not the best option, but I just decided to wait it out for the right kind of girl to come along. Most girls were more interested in getting to know and flirt with my partner then myself. This always caused me to back down and act like an awkward teenager again. Maybe it's just me, but girls are just..girls. I know that sounds terrible, but I just don't know how else to word it.
09/16/2012
Mitzuki Mitzuki
Quote:
Originally posted by Mitzuki
I noticed I had this same problem. It's not the best option, but I just decided to wait it out for the right kind of girl to come along. Most girls were more interested in getting to know and flirt with my partner then myself. This always caused ... More
And for the record, you're definitely not an idiot!
09/16/2012
Khanner Khanner
I think women are a little more shy in general. Just try taking it slow and easy. I myself am very intimidated with a very direct approach. I need to know I can be your friend first.
09/16/2012
KrazyKandy KrazyKandy
I'm not sure how you come across because obviously I have never spoken to you but women are very different. Some women think nervous guy is cute while others might think its not. In most cases a lot of women usually go for confident guys who don't come off too strong.
09/16/2012
PinkySt PinkySt
Quote:
Originally posted by KrazyKandy
I'm not sure how you come across because obviously I have never spoken to you but women are very different. Some women think nervous guy is cute while others might think its not. In most cases a lot of women usually go for confident guys who ... More
I guess I should clear up that I am female, and not male!
09/16/2012
PinkySt PinkySt
Quote:
Originally posted by Khanner
I think women are a little more shy in general. Just try taking it slow and easy. I myself am very intimidated with a very direct approach. I need to know I can be your friend first.
I totally try to be their friends first, and I make a very serious point to learn about them as a person and all that jazz. I'm not the type of person to treat someone like a piece of ass, but here I am getting the feedback that I did >_<
09/16/2012
PinkySt PinkySt
Quote:
Originally posted by Mitzuki
I noticed I had this same problem. It's not the best option, but I just decided to wait it out for the right kind of girl to come along. Most girls were more interested in getting to know and flirt with my partner then myself. This always caused ... More
Thanks glad I'm not as dumb as i feel lol
But I think I know what you mean, it's utterly frustrating, why can't it be simple like it is with guys, I feel like women want to play this game where they string me along for attention and then drop me once they get bored, but that's only if they even talk to me in the first place >_<
09/16/2012
Noelle Noelle
HOw old are the girls you are talking about? Only asking because younger girls/women may be more cautious/shy like I was when I was MUCH younger. I got into my mid twenties and it completely changed. I feel like whatever setting I was in made a difference too. I also (even now) feel better meeting and talking to someone on my own,than be introduced, as the conversation can come about gradually, rather than forced. You are NOT an idiot. Just consider your approach, and setting. Good Luck!!
09/16/2012
Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkySt
Thanks glad I'm not as dumb as i feel lol
But I think I know what you mean, it's utterly frustrating, why can't it be simple like it is with guys, I feel like women want to play this game where they string me along for attention and ... More
I think a lot of women do that (and I am female) just to boost their egos. I have a beautiful friend who loves to do that to men. I used to hate it, but I just realized that is her way of feeling better about herself, since although beautiful, is VERY insecure. It really has nothing to do with the guys, it's just her. Don't take it personally.
09/16/2012
indiglo indiglo
*OPINION ALERT*

There, now that THAT'S out of the way...


This may sound judgmental, and I don't mean for it to. I do think there is a certain type of woman that claims to be bi or gay JUST to get attention from another woman... when in reality they aren't really, they're just doing it for attention. Plus, some girls have jumped on the "it's hip to call yourself bi" bandwagon when they really don't belong there. Then, they get to have fun getting attention from another woman, but if it starts to get to be too much they just jet. Obviously not ALL women who identify as bisexual are like that, but I do think there are some that are thinking that way.

Maybe you've been meeting those kinds of girls more lately?

Conversely, it could just be that you haven't met the right girl yet. I had to talk to, get to know, go out with, etc a TON of people who weren't just right for me before I met my current partner. So maybe it's as simple as that too.

Dating is frustrating, and since the majority of the population identifies as heterosexual, the bisexual and homosexual dating pool is automatically that much smaller. So your experiences are likely to be doubly frustrating in that department.

All in all though, it really doesn't sound like it's you. Try to keep your chin up, your positive attitude and respectful attention will be appreciated by the right girl.
09/16/2012
Khanner Khanner
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkySt
I totally try to be their friends first, and I make a very serious point to learn about them as a person and all that jazz. I'm not the type of person to treat someone like a piece of ass, but here I am getting the feedback that I did >_<
I don't think you're really coming across as someone who treats someone like a piece of ass, I'm just thinking back at my old failures and things that spook me. Trust me, I know how it feels.
09/16/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Kind of in the same vein as Indiglo's comment, I think a lot of bi girls are with more men than women. I think this happens for a few reasons a) Like Indiglo says, they call themselves bi because it's popular, hip, attention-getting, sexy to men, or any other reason that translates to them not really being bi, b) guys are easier: more plentiful, more socially acceptable, offer the "picket fence" possibilities, and it's usually easier to find guys who like girls than girls who like girls, c) they are, to whatever degree, more inclined to an attraction to men than women, and other reasons, I'm sure. So, I think a lot of bi girls, the ones who actually are bi, have more practice dating men than dating women, and thus, have more experience flirting with men than with women and more experience having men come on to them and responding to them than they do with women. It's possible that you're just getting women who aren't really into women and, therefore, aren't going to respond well to a woman coming on to them, unless it's a friend who wants to grind on them in a dance club for attention. It's also possible that you're getting women who just don't know how to respond to a woman coming on to them. Or you may be getting inexperienced women who are interested but intimidated or nervous about girls and just don't know how to deal. I'd say to try lesbians since they have more practice flirting with girls but you'll have to sift through the pile of lesbians who won't date bi girls. So, sift through all the fake bi girls and bi girls who don't know how to flirt with other girls, or sift through jaded lesbians. Six in one hand, half a dozen in the other?
09/18/2012
pix pix
I have this problem a lot
09/18/2012
Phoenix77 Phoenix77
I definitely fall in the category of "having more guy experience" but that does **NOT** make me straight.

I do, however, get super shy around women I find highly attractive. I found that joining OKCupid was a perfect way for me to break the ice, start talking with someone without being shy and awkward (which, in all honesty, I'm awkward no matter what.) and cut the small talk to things that we already had in common.

But trust me, you're not an idiot. It's likely that they're like me, awkward, uncertain, and haven't learned to recognize when a woman is *actually zomg for serious flirting with ME!!!*

Good luck!
09/18/2012
PinkySt PinkySt
Quote:
Originally posted by Phoenix77
I definitely fall in the category of "having more guy experience" but that does **NOT** make me straight.

I do, however, get super shy around women I find highly attractive. I found that joining OKCupid was a perfect way for me to ... More
I did try OKC! I got nothing but creeps and nearly 95% of women I contact ignoring me, lesbian, bi, pan, open, poly, single, it didn't matter. this is after 2 years online and I'm taking a break from OKC simply because it's been so frustrating.

And I make it pretty obvious that I'm flirting with them if they seem like they are at least receptive to the idea.

Les Sigh. i think I'm just going to take a break from dating all together.
09/18/2012
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 9