Lesbian in love with a man

LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
So never in my entire life have I been attracted to men. When I was younger, I always wondered why being in interesting situations with VERY attractive women had been able to make my heart do crazy things and my brain start to imagine dirty ideas and all of that, but being close to men I feel nothing. And I've never found any that attractive.
But then there was my boyfriend. We became really close online friends for about a year and then one day, something happened and I realized that I wanted to take care of him and I never wanted to see another day that didn't have him in it somewhere. I wanted him to be happy more than I wanted myself to be happy. It was weird, but I knew I loved him. And he cared a lot about me. Though it took some convincing, he decided to try being with me and it was awesome.
We never really did anything sexual until 3 years later we had webcam sex. It an really an emotional thing to me. Anyway after having webcam sex countless times and meeting in person and having fantastic sex, I can definitely say that I do find his body sexually attractive. But I'm attracted to this man because I love him very much. I don't think gender should have to be a factor in love. If you're a man who likes women but there's this one special guy with an amazing heart, that shouldn't have to get in the way.
A lot of people who didn't know me before are rude to me and try to tell me what I'm attracted to, and people who did know me before tell that me that this isn't going to work out. It's really annoying that even less people understand me than people who understood me before. I don't think it's that hard to understand. Especially when this all happened under pretty special circumstances.

Has anyone else here had this happen to them? Also please don't be rude to me. I know that I'm weird, but I know how I feel and I am very comfortable in myself. You don't need to try to tell me how I feel.
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mr115393 mr115393
You're not weird. I can't imagine why anyone would be rude to you about this. It sounds like you know what you want and there's no reason for you to put up with people judging you for it. I really wish you the best.
Supervixen Supervixen
Most people's sexuality exists on a spectrum--a lot of people have strong preferences for same or opposite gender, allowing them to feel comfortable with identifying as gay or straight, or of course, bi. But there are a lot of grey areas when it comes to sexuality, and it's definitely more of a fluid thing. People who don't get this (or are uncomfortable with it), mistake people in your situation for either a) not being a "real lesbian" because you could apparently change your sexuality for this special guy, or b) sexuality is a choice. Both of these are far too simplistic to be anywhere near the truth.

This kind of thing happens all the time--you're not weird! I've had lesbian friends get married to men, and some people were hostile towards them for it, accusing them of being confused, or that their lesbianism was a phase, or that they must have been pressured to conform to the heterosexual majority, or (and this one was my favorite), they were really straight all along and were just cock teases before, because...well, because they damaged a spurned man's ego when he couldn't "make her straight" for him, basically. It's shocking the number of people who didn't just think, hey, she met someone she really loves and cares about. We should be happy for someone when that happens, not over-analyzing their sexual identity as though they owe their allegiance to either the gay camp or the straight camp.

Honestly, I think people like to label things and fit them into categories, and when it's not that simple, then they get frustrated. You have to either be gay or straight, damn it! And I also think some people don't want to think it's possible that their sexual preferences are not so set in stone as they think. You can identify as lesbian but meet that one, incredibly special person who happens to be a man, and...so what? You're still you. Your happiness is the important thing. Many of us spend our entire lives looking for the right person, and not all of us are lucky enough to find that person. There's no sense it passing someone up when you find them because you're too hung up about having to identify as this or that.

And since the issue of sexual identity has been such a battle when it comes to rights and equality, people get defensive about it, even when it doesn't pertain to them. Some queer people are going to be annoyed, because the other side is going to see you as "proof" that gayness is either curable or a choice. Those people who believe it's a choice or an illness are going to to misunderstand your situation, because they're looking for something to back up their ill-conceived notions regarding how human sexuality works. What a mess, right?

People will be judgmental, but like I said, your happiness is what really matters. You're in love with someone--and that's a wonderful thing.
FHeemz FHeemz
You should not feel the need to consider yourself specifically a lesbian, and please don't call yourself weird. You're simply a human and as such, your sexuality is whatever you make of it. Follow your heart and don't listen to what anyone else says about you. Be comfortable with who you are.

In the end, if it doesn't work out, at least you followed your own compass and you will be proud of yourself for it. If it does work out, then you are one of the lucky ones and there is nothing else to worry about at that point. Just be happy.
Mwar Mwar
One of my best friends has almost the same situation, except in reverse. He is a male who identified as gay for years but fell in love with a lovely lady. Sexuality is a spectrum. I call him fluid.
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Originally posted by LoooveMonkey
So never in my entire life have I been attracted to men. When I was younger, I always wondered why being in interesting situations with VERY attractive women had been able to make my heart do crazy things and my brain start to imagine dirty ideas and ...
I've known plenty of people with a sexual preference to which they found an exception. Don't get hung up on the labels and especially don't get hung up on other's opinions. Just do what makes you happy.
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 6