Can a woman be a lesbian if...

Can a woman be a lesbian if...

ginainohio ginainohio
do you think woman can call them selves gay if they were in a relationship with a man before they were ever with a woman
05/29/2012
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Jewlickah Jewlickah
Quote:
Originally posted by ginainohio
do you think woman can call them selves gay if they were in a relationship with a man before they were ever with a woman
Yes. People sometimes take some time to realize their sexuality. I also believe that sexuality is fluid, to a point.
05/29/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by ginainohio
do you think woman can call them selves gay if they were in a relationship with a man before they were ever with a woman
Sure, I agree with PoP. Some women will experiment with men, or are actually somewhat attracted to men, only to realize or admit later that they prefer women as partners.
05/29/2012
Bex1331 Bex1331
Of course, sometimes it takes time to figure out who you really are and accept it.
05/29/2012
Vanille Vanille
Yes. I was with men before I stopped lying to myself that I was much happier with a woman. Figuring yourself out takes time, and some trial & error in some cases.
05/29/2012
Nazaress Nazaress
Firstly, anyone can call themselves ANYTHING if they want to. It is THEIR identity and it is not someone else's place to tell them what they can or cannot identity as.

Secondly, I think the answer to this is obvious and anyone who disagrees is a bit close-minded, I'm afraid to say. Of course a woman can be a lesbian if she's been with a man before. In this heteronormative world that we live in, it's highly unlikely for a completely gay individual to not have been with the opposite gender previously. We're told so often that "straight" is the norm and to stray from that is strange. So of course it's perfectly understandable for a gay individual to be with the opposite gender before they realize/accept that they're gay.
05/29/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
I don't identify myself as a lesbian, but I'm certainly not straight. I've never been with a woman (kissing and such, yes, but never had sex with a woman) and I know 100% that I would enjoy it. I feel like I can say with certainty that I'm at least bisexual, if not, pansexual. I really hate the labels though and just, usually, refer to myself as queer because I feel like no label really defines me.

Some would argue that since I've never had sex with a woman, that I can't know that I would like it, but I highly disagree with that statement.
05/29/2012
Nacht Stern Nacht Stern
Of course! It took my aunts partner a few divorces with men, and a self realization to finally understand she was a lesbian.
05/29/2012
Claire-Bear Claire-Bear
Of course. The label isn't based on who you've had sex with, but whomever you prefer in the present.
05/29/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Claire-Bear
Of course. The label isn't based on who you've had sex with, but whomever you prefer in the present.
I would disagree that it is about who you prefer in the present. That would mean that everyone would either have to identify as either gay or straight based on the relationship they're currently in. I am definitely not straight and my sexual orientation is not for my husband (by way of my being married to him) to dictate.
05/29/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Yep, definitely! People's understanding of their sexuality and choice of labels can change a lot over time. Also, since hetero relationships are so strongly presented as the norm socially and in media, it takes some people a long time to realize that they have other options and feel safe exploring them.
05/30/2012
marshmallow marshmallow
Of course, yeah. I convinced myself I was straight for years so I dated guys, but that doesn't affect my gayness.
05/30/2012
Rockasaurus Rockasaurus
Quote:
Originally posted by ginainohio
do you think woman can call them selves gay if they were in a relationship with a man before they were ever with a woman
I do it, so yes. I hope pretending I was straight when I was a kid doesn't mean that I can't accept myself for who I am now.
05/30/2012
ginainohio ginainohio
Thank you for all the feed back
06/02/2012
Pleasure gal Pleasure gal
Society is different now... I grew up thinking (being taught) "you grow up marry a man then have babies and if you're REALLY strong you have a career too!" it was never an option in the thought process. So... >25yrs of marriage to a man and I realize one of the problems was I wasn't attracted to men. The romance that movies portrayed w/ men, yes. Men and sex, nope!
I've learned a lot about myself.
06/03/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Pleasure gal
Society is different now... I grew up thinking (being taught) "you grow up marry a man then have babies and if you're REALLY strong you have a career too!" it was never an option in the thought process. So... >25yrs of marriage to a ...
What a journey you've been on!
06/04/2012
britanny0620 britanny0620
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I would disagree that it is about who you prefer in the present. That would mean that everyone would either have to identify as either gay or straight based on the relationship they're currently in. I am definitely not straight and my sexual ...
I agree, it shouldn't be dictated by who you're presently with.
06/04/2012
KittyGoesRawr KittyGoesRawr
I figured out my sexuality WHILE in a relationship with a guy. He's my first and only relationship to date. I didn't wanna hurt him by ending the relationship, but at the same time it all made me sick to my stomach. It wasn't fun. But he actually initiated the break up since it'd be hard for us to be together while I'm in college. We're still best friends, thank Gawd, and he supports my new-found lifestyle. but my point is this; there's no deadline in life for figuring out one's sexuality. I've heard of people accepting it after years of marriage to someone else! I haven't "been" with a girl yet, mind you. Nonetheless, I can't deny it what my heart says!!
06/10/2012
Pleasure gal Pleasure gal
Quote:
Originally posted by KittyGoesRawr
I figured out my sexuality WHILE in a relationship with a guy. He's my first and only relationship to date. I didn't wanna hurt him by ending the relationship, but at the same time it all made me sick to my stomach. It wasn't fun. But he ...
Well said!!
...it is incredible, but learn about your body first, what feels good how to pleasure yourself then you'll have a good place to start when she comes along.
06/12/2012
lisasharrer lisasharrer
Quote:
Originally posted by ginainohio
do you think woman can call them selves gay if they were in a relationship with a man before they were ever with a woman
i dont see y not my aunt does
06/12/2012
KittyGoesRawr KittyGoesRawr
Quote:
Originally posted by Pleasure gal
Well said!!
...it is incredible, but learn about your body first, what feels good how to pleasure yourself then you'll have a good place to start when she comes along.
Thanks, hon
06/12/2012
tigertiger tigertiger
Quote:
Originally posted by ginainohio
do you think woman can call them selves gay if they were in a relationship with a man before they were ever with a woman
oh my god yes of course! a woman can also call herself gay if she was happy or enjoyed being in a relationship with a man. what you do =/ who you are, and who you are is not necessarily the same as the labels you apply to yourself anyway. sexuality is complicated and labels are oversimplifications; they're basically just a shorthand to explain to people what you want
06/15/2012
lia ayala lia ayala
sure
06/24/2012
spineyogurt spineyogurt
Sure why not
06/24/2012
Willow Wand Willow Wand
Absolutely! They can call themselves what they want without repercussion from you,me or anyone else.
06/28/2012
lecanis lecanis
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I would disagree that it is about who you prefer in the present. That would mean that everyone would either have to identify as either gay or straight based on the relationship they're currently in. I am definitely not straight and my sexual ...
I disagree with this, actually. Who you prefer in the present =/= a relationship, it means whether you are CURRENTLY attracted to people of a certain gender. Most people don't completely stop being attracted to anyone else the moment they're in a relationship.

I define myself as pansexual no matter who I'm in a relationship with, but that IS a label based on my current preference, not an attempt to define everything I've ever thought or felt about sexuality.

There are a lot of people who define themselves in different ways over the course of their lifetimes because sexuality is fluid. So saying that your current label is a representation of your current attractions and interests isn't about relationships; it's still just about what you feel at the moment.

In reference to the original question, I've known quite a few gay or lesbian folks who identified as straight and dated or married people of the opposite sex at some point. I've also known a lot of people who identified as either gay or straight and eventually realized they were bisexual, or vice versa. Things change, people change, situations change. So the labels we wear have to change too.
06/28/2012
Roz W Roz W
life is long and boxes are small.
06/30/2012
butts butts
Of course! Just because you tried something before doesn't mean it has to effect your label NOW, you can label yourself whatever you want
06/30/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by lecanis
I disagree with this, actually. Who you prefer in the present =/= a relationship, it means whether you are CURRENTLY attracted to people of a certain gender. Most people don't completely stop being attracted to anyone else the moment they're ...
I think you misunderstood what I said, because I basically said the same thing, just much shorter. My point was that I'm in a straight relationship, but that doesn't mean I'm straight. If we were to dissolve our marriage and I were to get into a relationship with a woman, that wouldn't mean that I'm a lesbian, because I'm not a lesbian either. I don't really like to label myself, and I usually don't label myself to anyone, I just say that I'm attracted to people.
07/01/2012
cryinglightning86 cryinglightning86
Definitely. Sexuality is fluid. Besides, if a woman wants to call herself gay, well, labels are more for the individual that uses them, I think. I mean, how rude is it when someone tells you that your chosen label is wrong? It's not up to others to decide.
07/12/2012
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Total posts: 42
Unique posters: 35