Cliques on Eden (Private Poll)

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Cliques on Eden (Private Poll)

jmex83 jmex83
Do you ever feel as though EF forums can be somewhat clique-ish? I don't mean this in a bad way, and I don't mean to offend anyone. But sometimes I feel like there is a definitive line that is drawn between those that are "seasoned" and "Lifers" on Eden that have been here for years....then you have the "newbies/other" category. Sometimes when I respond to threads, no one responds or continues with my thoughts/ideas but yet there's always the same handful of folks that go back and forth to continue the discussion. Don't get me wrong, I love reading the dialogue and thoughts between members, but it almost feels like (and my wife and I have discussed this and feel the same way) that because we're not "in that category" that we just don't fit in as well. Its almost enough to just stop posting responses or threads . And again, I don't want to upset anyone, not pointing fingers and I'm not complaining or whining about it. I just wondered if anyone else felt this way, or if I am kind of off with my line of thoughts and feelings on this matter. This is a private poll, but if you are brave enough to share your stories/thoughts or suggestions on this matter, I would love to hear your thoughts or situations where you felt the same as I do or seen it happen. Also, How do you think that we can better address this sort of behavior?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes there are cliques
64
Im on the fence about this
13
No, I don't see what you're talking about
15
Im guilty of excluding people at times-participating in the clique-y behavoir
5
Yes-I feel as though I have been excluded in some way, shape or form
35
I have excluded others and here is why.....(comment?)
3
There was a time I felt as though I was being excluded when.......(comment?)
11
Other? Please comment
13
Total votes: 159 (97 voters)
Poll is closed
05/09/2012
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jmex83 jmex83
Interesting....A few folks marked options that said they would comment and they haven't. Im wondering if they realize that lol.
05/09/2012
Woman China Woman China
My answer is yes and no.

There are of course cliques here just as there are wherever you go. I belong to my own clique. The one where I am here to have fun, enjoy the community, enjoy what the community has to offer and if I am being utterly honest; to pimp my blog.

I can only explain my own opinions here, so please bear with me.

Everyone from time to time feels the same way as you do. The number of thread's I've started where I've never had a reply on them... it can be explained in one way by the Forums moves so fast your thread gets buried. I just got back from time to time and bump it so it sees some more light of day.

Now, I am actually VERY guilty of ignoring people. I spend all day working with English as a Second Language students who don't pay attention then complain when I just start ignoring them and focusing on another student. I come here to be an adult, rant, discuss fun topics, and escape from my day to day. When I make a thread and say something VERY specific, yet those who comment after me, pay no attention to what I have said, I could point out to read the original post or I could just ignore the message.

And I just ignore the message. Much easier.

On the other hand, as a member of other Forums around the web some for countless years and some for a few years. You get used to those who just come and go and those that are left behind grow closer.

I've been around for over a year now, and I've never felt like an outsider here. All that I have experienced is very common and normal practice for Forums. With a community as large as ours is here, there is frequent newcomers and people who fall off the face of the earth. Hell, because of The Great Firewall of China, I've been known to disappear for a while too.

I don't know if people consider me to be part of a clique or the "in crowd" and to be honest, I don't really care. Those that are here like me to enjoy the time here, I am more than happy to socialise with. Anyone who takes things a little too seriously... well, I do serious everyday at work. This is my escape time. I make an effort to socialise and interact with people who are here for the fun. It sometimes takes me a while to find them out.
05/09/2012
Woman China Woman China
Quote:
Originally posted by jmex83
Interesting....A few folks marked options that said they would comment and they haven't. Im wondering if they realize that lol.
It does take people time to compose a response. Patience please.
05/09/2012
Woman China Woman China
Quote:
Originally posted by jmex83
Interesting....A few folks marked options that said they would comment and they haven't. Im wondering if they realize that lol.
It does take people time to compose a response. Patience please.
05/09/2012
jmex83 jmex83
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
It does take people time to compose a response. Patience please.
Oh, Sorry about that I wasn't trying to be rude. There was a voting response that was made right after I posted it, and nothing was left, so I wasn't sure what was going on lol. I apologize. Thank you for responding!
05/09/2012
jmex83 jmex83
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
My answer is yes and no.

There are of course cliques here just as there are wherever you go. I belong to my own clique. The one where I am here to have fun, enjoy the community, enjoy what the community has to offer and if I am being utterly ...
LOL @ Pimp my blog & Great Firewall of China.

I definitely understand where you're coming from and you make very valid points. I'm pretty new to forums (as is my wife) and I guess that we just want to feel like we fit in and belong. We understand that its a very large community, and I guess we're just anxious to be known and be apart of all the awesome things that are going on here at Eden. I guess we're......impatient to belong? lol.

I get what you mean too about this being your "getaway". Thats what it is for me and my wife. Its fun to sit around and "shoot the shit" about just about anything (sexual or not). We're just somewhat frustrated when we feel like we've responded to a thread and really put some effort or time into a response, or maybe we feel like we felt really good about a response in the way of "making a difference/good contributing response" and we just want to know that someone else feels the same way or even read it lol.

I know its childish to a point to feel this way, we just love this site and theres so many helpful and great folks on it that we just want to make sure that our voice counts too I guess. Its silly/stupid and somewhat childish, but I just wanted to see if I was out of line in our way of thinking or just get some insight as to why we feel this way or are treated in this manner.

Thanks for clarifying some of those concerns for us. We agree that you make several good points that we didn't think about to begin with. Thanks for responding!
05/09/2012
darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
Yes, there are cliques, however that seems to be completely normal with any online community. There have been some conversations that I have been a bit excluded or ignored in, mainly from a few certain people. I don't really care about it.

Since I can only really speak for myself, I know I don't consider myself part of any groups at all. I don't consider myself to be higher up than anyone else just because I've been here since 2007 or because of the amount of reviews I've published.
05/09/2012
jmex83 jmex83
Quote:
Originally posted by darthkitt3n
Yes, there are cliques, however that seems to be completely normal with any online community. There have been some conversations that I have been a bit excluded or ignored in, mainly from a few certain people. I don't really care about ...
Thanks for your feedback Darthkitt3n!
05/09/2012
darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
Quote:
Originally posted by jmex83
Thanks for your feedback Darthkitt3n!
You're welcome!
05/09/2012
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Been there, done that and felt that. Even today my thoughts (posts) go unanswered and I too feel left out at times. As this is pretty much the only social outlet I have and use every day, I have learned this is just part of life. Hell even at church on Sunday I feel this. Why? I can only speculate and give my side.

For one, I can be a big flirt. The problem with that is I do not always know who will take it as fun or take it seriously. I have had folks message me and tell me they do not appreciate me making said comments. I totally understand and make an apology. As such, I have to be careful who I flirt with. There are times when my comments may come across as rude and I worry about getting flagged for them. I am pretty much an easy to get along with kind of guy, but at times I have to let it out (you seen my rant).

When you get to know someone you learn what can be said and what not to say to them. When new folks come around I have to be cautious with what I say, for me it is just easier to not say anything until I get to know them better.

I am so sorry you feel this way jmex83, as a fellow Michigamy I extend my virtual hand in welcome and give my apologies for anything I may have done to make you feel left out. Just reach out and give me a virtual smack up side the head next time, eh?
05/09/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
I think that a lot of the time there are just too many comments on something and people don't have time to reply to every comment. If you saw a comment from a stranger and one from a friend you've been talking to/e-mailing for months you're going to respond to your friend. I think that age, rank, reviews, and the quality of the post all also play a factor because they show your 'experience' in a topic (assuming you weren't a sex educator or such before coming on to eden, and assuming that most discussions are sex related.)

I think that it's less a clique and more a form of prejudice and not trusting those you don't know as much as those you do know. I always try and extend my hand in welcome to newbies, so welcome to Eden!
05/09/2012
Ansley Ansley
I think it's good you posted this, and great answers everyone! It's rough to be the new kid on the block and it's easy to feel left out. There's a lot going on all of the time. Keep hangin' with us, you're already part of the "in crowd" just by being on Edenfantasys. And you're more than welcome to participate as much as you want.
05/09/2012
VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
I'm new, but I haven't felt excluded.

If anything, because of the review system and articles and video programs here on EdenFantasys, I do think people who have actually done a very good job on reviews may get a following, but rather than being cliqueish, it's based on merit. I know there are a few people I really look up to already because of their contributions to the community, so, as a newbie, I am more likely to check out their posts. They've proven they have something to add that's worthwhile, to me.

Another problem is point farming. There are so many newbies who come here and basically spam the forum in an effort to get points, so people are wary of that.

Everywhere has cliques, but I don't think being ignored in threads is a byproduct of simple "oldbies versus newbies" thing. Since this is such a dynamic community, there are many aspects of it to learn.
05/09/2012
mpfm mpfm
Cliques form in every social situation. It's inevitable. Many times it's unintentional. People form friendships and naturally gravitate to those people because it's comfortable. Of course, there are people who never outgrow the highschool mentality. I choose to believe that those are in the minority. You just have to grow a thick skin when dealing with that kind.

I think the key to belonging is to continually put yourself out there. Be friendly, ask questions, answer questions, share thoughts etc. Sooner or later you'll find your place. Then you just need to remember what it felt like to be on the outside. When you notice someone new, be welcoming and make them feel like they belong.
05/09/2012
unfulfilled unfulfilled
I don't post on any specific persons posts, I just comment on the topics that I find interesting and I have never paid any attention to who the poster was.

I make sure to post comments anytime Sam and now Stormy post something that is relevant to the community.

So for me, I'm an equal opportunity poster and I enjoy everyone.
05/09/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
Quote:
Originally posted by jmex83
Interesting....A few folks marked options that said they would comment and they haven't. Im wondering if they realize that lol.
I think that some people just prefer to keep anonymous.
05/09/2012
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I use to go back to see if there was any give-and-take on comments I posted. It just got to be too time consuming, so now I give what I hope is a helpful response and move on.
05/09/2012
Deidrenicole Deidrenicole
I have not seen this at all! I have left comments and things on a lot of the more advanced people's things and they are always respectful and sweet and have no problem helping me with any problems I had. I'm so sorry that anyone made you feel this way!
05/09/2012
Khanner Khanner
I think it's mostly familiarity responsible for this, not necessarily cliques. People are more attracted to what they're familiar with, and with such a necro-posting friendly site like Eden, it's bound to happen.

Some people also have different posting styles when it comes to forums. You either have the "hit and run" type, or the conversationalist. I'm really guilty of hit and run, but I'm trying to grow out of it.
05/09/2012
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I really don't think it's a "clique" thing. As people are around here for longer they do develop relationships with one another. Perhaps the things one person posts are things you enjoy. Maybe you enjoy their personality and what they have to say. It's not that new people get excluded, it's just that they're unfamiliar to us. We always try to be welcoming around here, though!
05/09/2012
TheSinDoll TheSinDoll
I post on threads that are interesting to me, despite who the OP is. There are some people on the site that I've gotten closer to than others. I like outspoken people. I never mind if someone emails me with an idea, a problem, or any little thing.
05/09/2012
Love Obsessed Love Obsessed
I feel this way too although I would have never posted about it because I would have put it in a much less nice way than you did.My forums hardly ever get responded to which it why I barely even created topics because I know no one will respond.It's just like that on a lot of forums online.There's another one I'm on that is like that.

I don't notice who is posting what before I click on a topic and sometimes I hate going first because I feel like my answer has to be perfect so that could be a reason some people don't reply.Some of the reviewers on here post a lot and people may get to know them.I feel like I know some of them.I don't have a problem with people not responded to my comments in favor of another because I usually just have to write a sentence.I really hate having to think about what to say.
05/09/2012
Woman China Woman China
Quote:
Originally posted by jmex83
LOL @ Pimp my blog & Great Firewall of China.

I definitely understand where you're coming from and you make very valid points. I'm pretty new to forums (as is my wife) and I guess that we just want to feel like we fit in and ...
And someone in this thread brought up two good points... point farmers and responses.

I take time to think about a response, collect my thoughts and put them down in an attempt to get the whole rounded idea down hoping it will help someone out. And yes, I do write longerish posts because of it. And some, can say exactly what I have said in a few words.

And then there are those who have never read the whole post seeing other people's ideas and just blurt out five other peoples ideas or avoiding all the things the original poster has said and given their own opinion about a various topic.

Example: I wrote a thread looking for a new toy and I listed all that I had. I mentioned I would like it to be insertable, and not a rabbit and not a WeVibe product. So of course I got suggestions for Tango an Salsa and Mimi.

That is another thing you need to take into account. Very few people actually read the whole discussion before they post, and then they look very silly.

What is going on is a very normal group of folks, there are many who come and go, more than usual because of the point system. But that is all good. It's life.
05/09/2012
Miss Nessa Miss Nessa
Wow, I've never really thought about this before.... Now that you say something I do feel the same...but only sometimes..
05/09/2012
Miss Nessa Miss Nessa
Wow, I've never really thought about this before.... Now that you say something I do feel the same...but only sometimes..
05/09/2012
RomanticGoth RomanticGoth
Hmm... I see the cliques and feel that it's not my place to even bother with them. If someone wants to send me a message or respond to something of mine, that's fine!

I try to just comment in threads that seem interesting. If nobody responds, that's fine. I'm still a newbie. Whatever.

I try not to get butt-hurt about things on the internet.
05/09/2012
Ms. N Ms. N
I've made posts or replies that have been unacknowledged, but I have not really considered that to be a big deal. If someone responds, good. If not, oh well. Carry on.
05/09/2012
Ropey Ropey
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
My answer is yes and no.

There are of course cliques here just as there are wherever you go. I belong to my own clique. The one where I am here to have fun, enjoy the community, enjoy what the community has to offer and if I am being utterly ...
I agree with you wholeheartedly!! I'm a "newbie" but have never felt left out. I completely understand that discussions and posts get lost in the shuffle, and I'm sure I will accidentally ignore someone too, if I haven't already. This is a wonderful forum, and I guess my only advice to you is:

1) be persistent
2) if you have a comment or discussion about a specific product, post on that product's page
3) have fun!

If you have a serious issue and need a response that badly, I'd suggest contacting either customer service, or a doctor (depending on your situation). Otherwise, just sit back, relax, and vent/advise/philosophi ze to your heart's content, regardless of people's responses. You should do this for YOURSELF, not for the responses of others. I truly hope you continue your posts, and don't give up!
05/09/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Eh, there's usually two criteria I have for answering/looking at a topic - is it interesting to me or do I want to find out what's going on? A lot depends on my mood ... if I have the focus to follow through or am impatient in general. Perhaps the place is cliquey at times, I don't know. I've always considered myself an Outsider to life in general, so I don't pay attention to that sort of thing. If someone's listening, great - thank you. If not, it's okay.
05/09/2012
Total posts: 83
Unique posters: 47