What to do when your Therapist says you're "Gay"

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What to do when your Therapist says you're "Gay"

Rod Ronald Rod Ronald
This afternoon I went and saw a therapist. I came to the conclusion once I realized that maybe I just needed someone to talk to about all the shit going on in my life lately and maybe unload or try to get it into perspective. You know, clear my head and what not. I wasn't going to do it untill he said if i didn't like it I could leave with out charge, so I did it.
It was weird, even for me. He seemed to want to dig for what I thought was my deepest darkest secrets. It was just awkward. He asked what I do for fun, I told him about my sex toy reviews and how I get a lot of pleasure from the site and all that comes with it. Told him my sex life has changed for the better with sex toys and thats a plus for us and toys have never been an issue blah blah blah.
Suddenly, and seriously no shit out of nowhere, like in mid sentence he asked me if I ever used any for anal stimulation on myself. I said no, he asked if I was sure, I said no again. I tried to change the subject and he came back to it and just like I knew he would he asked me if I was really gay and just hiding behind a self made mask of lies. His exact words.
I said no, that I'm straight and I have never even thought of it. That I do think certain men are attractive, but not sexually. That I love everyone, no matter what they are, I just couldn't do that because I would feel to awkward.
Loooonnnng story short, he just kept saying it, like it was a bad thing if I was. Like it was the root of all my problems and he ment to destroy it to save my marriage.
He wants me to come back Thursday, should I just go find someone else? Or do you think this guy was on to something? Has anyone ever got into your head like that before? Because I kinda feel like that now.
Sorry for rambling, but I have felt shaken up by it for most of the day.
11/26/2012
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no longer here no longer here
We'd say unless you think he's on to something...find someone else. If he is fixated on that then he isn't helping you deal with other issues. Also...using toys for anal stimulation does not make you gay. Wanting to have sexual relations with other men does.

Sorry...hope this helps...don't know though...good luck
11/26/2012
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by no longer here
We'd say unless you think he's on to something...find someone else. If he is fixated on that then he isn't helping you deal with other issues. Also...using toys for anal stimulation does not make you gay. Wanting to have sexual relations ...
Couldn't have said it better myself!

My take on this...
Not all therapists are a good fit. There are plenty out there, might not hurt to find one that's a good/better fit for you.
11/26/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
i'd definitely recommend finding another therapist. Using toys doesn't mean you are gay, enjoying anal stimulation definitely doesn't mean you are gay, even having a woman peg you doesn't mean you are gay. If you wanna get right down to it, having sex with men doesn't mean you are gay. I've known plenty of straight women who have sex with other women for a variety of reasons. Even having an attraction to men wouldn't necessarily mean you are gay since you could be bisexual or pansexual or just unlabeled. Identifying as gay makes you gay. If you have sex exclusively with men and have no attraction for women and are sexually and romantically attracted to men, that would generally qualify you as gay in most people's eyes. And there's definitely nothing wrong with it if you are and it CERTAINLY isn't something to fix! If you were gay, it might be a cause of problems in your marriage, since you wouldn't, in that case, be attracted to or sexually interested in your wife which would obviously cause problems in a traditional heterosexual marriage, but it wouldn't be something that therapy could fix to save your marriage even if you wanted to! The fact that this therapist seems to be doggedly pursuing this notion that he's latched on to that you're gay, that he thinks it's a problem if you were, and that he thinks it can or should be fixed is a major flashing neon warning sign. Find someone new. EVEN if you think he might be on to something with thinking you are gay, which it doesn't sound like you do, is approach is totally off base in my opinion and it seems like you don't appreciate it either.
11/27/2012
hanjonatan hanjonatan
short answer: get a new therapist.

i've had a few therapists who just could not get over certain things in my life/past that they were nosy about and fixated on, however irrelevant those things might be to what i was actually in therapy for. it never works out.
11/27/2012
jr2012 jr2012
holy moly! I agree, try a different therapist.

Even though they have degrees and credentials, it is you who is paying them to talk to you. You have the right to look elsewhere if you're not happy or comfortable, which it sounds like you were not. A therapist should make you comfortable with them at the first visit...even if what you talk about is difficult, you should feel like they are on your side.

Good luck, I know this is such a hard thing to do!
11/27/2012
solitudinarian solitudinarian
Find someone else. Unfortunately some therapists are close-minded towards things like toys and sex in general.
11/27/2012
GONE! GONE!
Quote:
Originally posted by no longer here
We'd say unless you think he's on to something...find someone else. If he is fixated on that then he isn't helping you deal with other issues. Also...using toys for anal stimulation does not make you gay. Wanting to have sexual relations ...
I agree with this. It sounds like he is a little closed-minded when it comes to sex practices.
11/27/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
Certainly get a new therapist. There are bad therapists out there, ones who shouldn't be practicing, who have bizarre theories about human sexual behavior. Sex toys do NOT make you gay. Enjoying anal play does NOT make you gay. Being sexually attracted to and romantically interested in the same sex does, but even then, bisexuality exists, but still-- SEX TOYS, ANAL OR NOT, DO NOT INDICATE SEXUAL ORIENTATION. There are a lot of men who enjoy everything from stimulating just outside the anus to outright pegging while wearing their female partner's lingerie, and they are happily straight. There are also gay men who don't care for anal play at all. I've had gay friends confess to me that they don't like anal sex and felt confused by it, because they love men, are attracted to them, and have no sexual interest in women, so then what are they if they don't like anal sex? Everyone is different, everyone's body responds differently to stimuli and sexual situations. This concept is alarmingly difficult for a lot of people to get their heads around, even supposed "professionals." It sounds like this guy heard "sex toys" and just let his imagination run wild with it, with no basis for his supposedly professional opinion at all.

Get yourself a new therapist, and don't give this other guy another thought.
11/27/2012
ElizaFetishx ElizaFetishx
He sounds like a sodding fuckwit
11/27/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Sounds like a terrible therapist. Most good ones won't start drawing conclusions on a first session anyhow about what your problems might be. You also probably want to find one that has more healthy views of sexuality. Anal play doesn't make a guy gay. I personally wouldn't see a therapist who jumped to assumptions like that.

It also sounds like he wasn't really listening to what you were saying. Sounds like he just had some notions he believed and stubbornly stuck to them. Again, not a good therapist.

The bad thing is that sometimes it takes a lot of shitty therapists to find a good one. It took me 20 years to find one I really like, but I also have more serious mental illness and finding one that gets it can be difficult. It's probably a bit easier when you don't need a specialty therapist. If there's a way to search for sex friendly therapists, I'd start with that. If you can't search that way, maybe call around and ask.
11/27/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
I would have just up and left the second he implied that prostate stimulation was a sign of your sexual orientation. If he can't understand that what you like in bed has nothing to do with who you're attracted to, he's not going to do a good job at understanding your REAL issues. I hope you find a better therapist soon!
11/27/2012
Sunny Meadows Sunny Meadows
I once had to take my son to a therapist after we had a horrible storm. He was so scared after just a simple rain freaked him out. She told me to close the windows and distract him. As most of us if there is a storm coming we get the facts. So i dumped the the therapist and taught my son how to read the weather. Now he is doing well infact he can tell more about the weather sometime better then the weather man. So I say dump the therapist. It is hard to find one that is compatible. Good luck in finding one.
11/27/2012
Rod Ronald Rod Ronald
I'm not going back to him period! After I posted this my wife made it back, she went and saw him and said she never laughed so hard in her life.
She said he was very unprofessional, asking very personal questions that just seemed out of order. Like if I was into kinky sexual acts, and do I force her into anal sex? So yeah, I'm reporting his ass, it just seems way outside the lines for him to say something like that.
I have a good friend who is about to finish college who's taking psychology. He sat down with us last night and summed it up in a few words.
"Your both sex deprived. Of course your going to think she hates you and is ignoring you. You just need to do it, and it will be okay again."
haven't done it yet, but it did make a lot of sense. Just like if your hungry you become a diva. Eat a snikers and poof! I'm a diva, I need sex, poof!
We have talked a lot about the other issues, so it's still a work in porogress. Thanks for all the support everyone. Did not mean to get all personal on you.
11/27/2012
Trysexual Trysexual
Quote:
Originally posted by no longer here
We'd say unless you think he's on to something...find someone else. If he is fixated on that then he isn't helping you deal with other issues. Also...using toys for anal stimulation does not make you gay. Wanting to have sexual relations ...
The he said. That's kinda bizarre he asked you that and kept hounding on it. Therapists are supposed to listen mostly.
11/27/2012
shorejen9 shorejen9
Find someone new, he's already decided how to fix you and it doesn't seem to a valid angle. You need someone who will listen and not make quick judgements and say such ignorant things.
11/27/2012
jfree jfree
as someone who's been seeing professionals since they were 12/13, find someone else. :T a therapist/counselor should be there to listen and help you, not be fixated on something and determine that's where some bullshit cure lies.
11/27/2012
TheirPet TheirPet
Even if your therapist didn't say weird things, if he made you uncomfortable in anyway: find a new one. Therapy isn't going to work with someone you're not comfortable with.
11/27/2012
Living Doll Living Doll
Find a new therapist.
11/27/2012
no longer here no longer here
Quote:
Originally posted by Rod Ronald
I'm not going back to him period! After I posted this my wife made it back, she went and saw him and said she never laughed so hard in her life.
She said he was very unprofessional, asking very personal questions that just seemed out of ...
Anytime ... that makes perfect sense!
Now as Nike would say ... just do it!
11/27/2012
Total posts: 20
Unique posters: 18