He works as an EMT and goes to school, so I knew going into it that he wouldn't have time to see me much. So for the most part it was just sharing texts (neither of us are huge fans of phone calls), and for a while it was fine. After a little bit, he stopped contacting me, leaving it to me to guess when he was free and initiate all the conversations. That right there probably should have raised a flag, but I'm overly patient in matters like that and hate being suspicious. Then his ex moved back in, apparently having been beaten half to death by her new boyfriend and having no place to go, but he remained affectionate in his messages to me and didn't sound too happy to have her around, so I was okay with it.
It was a short while after this, though, that he got really hard to get a hold of. Three months of near-silence and, idiot that I am, I remained optimistic and kept trying. He claimed later that he'd been under a lot of stress and didn't want to take it out on me, and I accepted that. He remained a bit difficult to catch off-duty, though, and a month ago he said something that really hammered it home.
I'm planning to start school myself, a two-year vet tech program, this coming fall. When I told him, he said he was happy for me, but he also asked that I let him know where I'm working when I'm done. It's not a malicious comment, but it's also not something you say to a person that you're eager to see again. I've tried thinking that maybe he feels, with both of us so busy, that we wouldn't have any time to see each other (though I'd be willing to try, just as I've patiently waited to hear since September if he's free to see me), but I've been so embarrassed for bugging him weekly this whole time that I haven't said a word to him in a month. One would think he'd see the change in behavior and show some concern, but he hasn't contacted me either except to wish me a happy Easter, and as far as I can tell hasn't even noticed.
I don't know if he got back together with the ex or not (though before he went out with me, he admitted he'd had sex with her a few times after they broke up, which I was okay with), but whatever the case I'm fairly certain he's not interested in me anymore. Which hurts like hell, because I was pretty infatuated with him, and I usually get really scared when guys ask me out. I'm lonelier than I was even before we got together, and I feel like a complete moron for letting myself keep my hopes up this whole time. Part of me wants to try one more time, but since in retrospect I don't know if he was terribly interested to begin with I'm not eager to make him feel bad if he didn't even realize he was leading me on.
Thanks to those of you who read this whole thing, I just needed to get it out in full somewhere.