During fights, how'd you talk it out?

nova2014 nova2014
When my bf and I get into fights sometimes we jump to conclusions that are totally off mark, so sometimes we take some time to ourselves to put order to our thoughts but sometimes that's not possible like if we're stuck somewhere on a trip or one of us (usually me) just wants to finish the fight/misunderstanding at that moment. We haven't really found a way to constructively fight, any suggestions?
05/19/2013
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eri86 eri86
Whenever I get into a disagreement I walk away. Not to avoid the argument, but so that I can get my thoughts and emotions under control. Once I'm calm, and my thoughts are in order, I go back to say what I have to say, without it being fueled by anger or some other emotion that won't help.
05/20/2013
ICEE ICEE
my hubby and i dont really fight but the few times that we have (13yrs of marriage) i shut down (because i feel like im being attacked) and walk away then when we do talk about it...its just easier that way. hubby knows if he does wait until im ready hes not going to get anywhere.
05/21/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
We're not great at communicating in the heat of the moment. I want to talk and figure it out, and he just wants to be left alone. It's been a real struggle to find a happy medium.
05/21/2013
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
We used to get in really heated arguments and hurtful things would get said. A few things helped us. One, not to focus on winning the argument. If we won the fight but hurt the feelings of the other person, winning didn't matter. We also got good at de-escalating the other person. Knowing what the cues were and refusing to engage. The hardest was to change our mindset, to look at what the underlying fear/hurt was, not the specifics of the situation. Then to talk through that fear/hurt, instead of arguing about the little details.
05/22/2013
Silvervines Silvervines
We've never really gotten into many serious arguments but the few times we did we would just talk it out. He used to just not talk to me and avoid the whole situation but I think hes finally realized that ignoring me and the problem aren't going to make the situation any better.
05/24/2013
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 6