More sex better relationship?

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More sex better relationship?

AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
"Sex at least once a week is like vitamins for a relationship. The more you do it, the more you'll want to" Ian Kerner, Ph.D Sex Therapist.

So my question is, do you think the more sex you have the better your relationship is? How often do you have sex during the week with your partner on average?
09/17/2011
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Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
"Sex at least once a week is like vitamins for a relationship. The more you do it, the more you'll want to" Ian Kerner, Ph.D Sex Therapist.

So my question is, do you think the more sex you have the better your relationship is? ...
I don't think it necessarily makes the relationship better, not in every case, anyway. It can certainly be a way of expression towards each other, your feelings and such, and can be a bonding experience. I don't feel, though, that it is necessary.

On average, we have sex 4+ times a week depending on how I'm feeling after work.
09/17/2011
GravyCakes GravyCakes
my bf & i have never had sex, & we're happy. yes we used to fool around on the weekends (we're long distance right now), but i don't think it necessarily makes your relationship better. my parents haven't had sex in yrs (i made the mistake of asking once) & they're still very happy together.
09/18/2011
Illumin8 Illumin8
I definitely don't think that it's as simple as more sex = better relationship. But I think that sex can definitely be a factor that increases the quality of the relationship.
09/18/2011
cocomo cocomo
well youll have to be attracted to eachother but if you are then defenitley more is better sending off love chemicals so youll always want to be close
09/19/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
I agree with the quote - I find that after sex I want it more the next day. I don't think more sex makes a better relationship though. In fact I think a better relationship makes better sex. If my husband and I are fighting sex tends to be pretty miserable but if everything is great sex follows suit.
09/19/2011
geliebt geliebt
I always find that the more often we have sex, the more happy we are, definitely. Even if it's somewhat brief, it still lifts the mood.
09/20/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
I'm single at the moment, but when in a relationship I require sex regularly! If not I become frustrated and seriously moody to the point where I'll drive a partner away. And honestly, if I'm not getting sex I'd rather move on and find someone who can satisfy me in every area!
09/20/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
"Sex at least once a week is like vitamins for a relationship. The more you do it, the more you'll want to" Ian Kerner, Ph.D Sex Therapist.

So my question is, do you think the more sex you have the better your relationship is? ...
I think more sex makes a better relationship. In hetero relationships there is a lot of tension, because we are so different from each other. Sex defuses tension and helps us reconnect.

My Man and I have sex between 6 and 10 times a week. Once a week would be a drought with us. We'd be at each other's throats if we only had sex that infrequently.

I know, after decades together that the more sex we have, the better things are between us. Not only is tension defused, but good feelings are intensified. We feel closer to each other, petty indifferences are forgotten, we joke around more and feel IN LOVE the more sex we have.

I would not be able to have an love relationship without a lot of sex. I don't understand how people do it. HOW do they connect with each other? Men and women think differently, sex is there to bridge the gap!How do they defuse the tension? How do they express their love and get their rocks off? Don't they get bored with each other, don't they get on each other's nerves with no release valve?

I think some couples are faking it, when they have gotten to the point of so much resentment and dislike for each other that they don't even fuck. (I mean, your spouse/partner is the only other one in the house you can fuck, why say no? If you are not getting along, sex will ONLY help you get along.) They probably stay together to avoid the "disgrace" of divorce. I know my in-laws were like that. In reality, she couldn't stand him, she went to the trouble of not going to sleep until he woke up, sleeping on the couch, making one excuse after an other until she got her own bedroom. She had a lot of reasons to have very strong anger towards him. She didn't cry at his funeral, and neither did anyone else. That says something.

At least my parents has the balls to admit it was over (and what the neighbors, relatives and "The Church" thought be damned) and END it when it was no longer good and couldn't be fixed.

And sex is just so fucking good I can't see why anyone would want to live without it. It's for all intents and purposes (with the exception of the sweet warm embrace of a newborn baby) the BEST THING IN THE WORLD.

I simply can't see from the view point of people who refuse to have sex with the partner they purport to love, or those who ignore their sex drive. I try to say "Mileage and all that." But, I don't get sexless relationships. Getting to it is so fucking good. It's the best feeling in the world and the most fun two people can have. Why not do it?

I honestly couldn't live without it. (Neither could My Man.) And I would NOT live without it. Ever.

And, IMO, when something is good and not fattening, one is best off doing that thing as often as possible.

Again, mileage may vary. But, damn.
09/20/2011
married with children married with children
being physical is part of a relationship. it goes along with emotional and spiritual. You need all three parts of your relationship to be balanced and healthy.
09/20/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I think more sex makes a better relationship. In hetero relationships there is a lot of tension, because we are so different from each other. Sex defuses tension and helps us reconnect.

My Man and I have sex between 6 and 10 times a week. Once ...
I agree with almost every word you said! For us sex is a big part of our relationship and always has been. It will actually sometimes help smooth over rough feelings. We've been together a long time and of course had our slumps, but ultimately we still have a lot of passion for each other. I can't imagine not being that way. I always feel bad for couples when I hear they don't have sex. Sure you can connect in different ways. But, I think if people would be more open about their sex needs, couples would be a lot happier. As always, JMO
09/28/2011
Avant-garde Avant-garde
Sex relieves the tension caused by love. That's all I have to say, lol.
09/28/2011
lustfully lustfully
Quote:
Originally posted by Shellz31
I'm single at the moment, but when in a relationship I require sex regularly! If not I become frustrated and seriously moody to the point where I'll drive a partner away. And honestly, if I'm not getting sex I'd rather move on and ...
I feel exactly the same, except I'd find satisfaction in my toys if my boyfriend isn't willing to comply with my needs!

Me & my boyfriend have sex everyday once or twice a day whenever we can get 'our alone' time from our daughter heh.
09/30/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I agree with the quote - I find that after sex I want it more the next day. I don't think more sex makes a better relationship though. In fact I think a better relationship makes better sex. If my husband and I are fighting sex tends to be pretty ...
So well stated - a better relationship makes better sex.
10/03/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I think more sex makes a better relationship. In hetero relationships there is a lot of tension, because we are so different from each other. Sex defuses tension and helps us reconnect.

My Man and I have sex between 6 and 10 times a week. Once ...
You said:
I would not be able to have an love relationship without a lot of sex. I don't understand how people do it. HOW do they connect with each other?

I thought I'd reply from the point of view of someone who has been in the "once a week" or even less often position. Mind you - that was pre-toys.

A lot of things can affect a person's libido and sometimes both partners just don't desire that much sex. I've known a couple of couples that were like that - they were happily married and shared several interests and while they enjoyed sex - they didn't "need" it as often as others - and they were ok with that.

For my husband and I - from about year 5 (aka "had kids") to year 30+ has been filled with bouts of "feast or famine" but usually sex once a week with times when we might have it 3 times per week for a few days and then have it drop back down.

We even had good sex during times when we couldn't stand each other and it truly wasn't a reflection of our relationship status right then - it was simply we were so darn frustrated and needed the release. But if you looked at our relationship as a whole at that time - you'd think we hated each other - and maybe we did!

Our relationship over the years has been good and/or not so good based upon how involved we were in each other's lives and interests. With our interests, Eharmony would certainly never put the two of us together as a match - yet we make it work and usually enjoy our marriage.

I guess what I'm saying is - for us - sex is the topping on the cake. The cake is the basics of everyday life and lots of times its sweet cause we're gaming together online or driving somewhere and having long talks about things.

Sometimes - our cake doesn't seem to have much frosting...but its still sweet. Sometime the cake is short...but the frosting is so yummy (as in - we're mainly involved in sex and haven't shared much in other areas of our life) and sometimes - thank God - there is a balance between the cake and the frosting.

Me? I love frosting - but I'd rather have the cake and frosting together be good.
10/03/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
You said:
I would not be able to have an love relationship without a lot of sex. I don't understand how people do it. HOW do they connect with each other?

I thought I'd reply from the point of view of someone who has ...
Great response!
10/03/2011
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
You said:
I would not be able to have an love relationship without a lot of sex. I don't understand how people do it. HOW do they connect with each other?

I thought I'd reply from the point of view of someone who has ...
I tend to agree more with your point of view. I don't understand a completely sexless relationship, but once a week is plenty for some people, while for others it isn't nearly enough.

My man and I have sex more than once a week, but not usually everyday. Usually more like every other day, but it does vary. We just don't feel a lot of relationship tension. We defuse tense situations by communicating, and showing each other we're on the same team, and I think that helps us understand each other more. There are a myriad of ways we connect with each other when we're not having sex. We refuse to chalk our differences up to a man/woman thing, because they're more of a different person thing (different backgrounds, upbringings, experience, personality, etc.). But we communicate our way out of them until we understand where the other person is coming from - and that makes our reltionship stronger.

Our sex life is extremely important to both of us, and we have gooood sex. (In fact, it's only with him that I learned I can indeed have multiple orgasms on a regular basis!) We do need to have sex with each other, and it does make the relationship better, and it does make it easier to overlook the little things. But it just isn't fair to say that one thing is right or wrong for all relationships. All people have different needs. I wouldn't really want to just have sex once a week, but it does work for some people. Everyone is different, everyone has different needs and every relationship is different.
10/03/2011
Ansley Ansley
The science behind what happens when we orgasm is pretty interesting and I can't help but default to the theory that because sex releases all of the good chemicals and hormones our bodies and minds and hearts thrive on, it is indeed likely that you will want more sex the more you have it.

What stops me from saying this could be blanketed across every relationship (aside from the above comments) is that I've known people who were so geared towards career and academia pursuits that sex is just not something they have time for. They simply are not emotionally open people and sex is a very emotional thing. Or at least it is for a large majority of people.

I had a conversation with an author once and she said she would never be able to write what she did if she wasn't asexual. Too much of her time would be spent doing it, instead of writing about it and encouraging others to experiment in their sex lives. And the proof must be in the pudding because she's published 17 erotic novels.

For me, personally? Yes, more sex equals more sex equals a better relationship. We're both sexually driven and it works for us. I think if I were with someone else, I would have an entirely different sex drive and it wouldn't be the same relationship so I do think the "your mileage may vary" does apply in this case. You really have to like sex, no LOVE sex in order to get the most out of it in all situations. Some people just don't see it as a priority. And that's okay, too.
10/03/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
You said:
I would not be able to have an love relationship without a lot of sex. I don't understand how people do it. HOW do they connect with each other?

I thought I'd reply from the point of view of someone who has ...
I understand. Once a week is sometimes all some people want to fit in, especially with small kids. I know, I've been with the same man for over 20 years. We've had our ups and downs.

I was kind of talking of my in laws situation, where there was obviously NO sex at all. I don't get it.
10/03/2011
Jaimes Jaimes
I would say this is true for my relationship, but not in the sense that the sex comes before, or leads to, the happiness. For us, it's the other way around. Brandon and I are very playful people. We spend almost all of our time laughing and joking and goofing around with one another. Sex is another expression of that playfulness, and the happier we are in life, the more we do it. Its also how we open up to each other. I feel that I can trust him with my sexual needs and preferences, and he likewise, so sex helps us feel close and confident with trusting the other person.

When we are not doing well, or we are worried about money, jobs, family, etc, we have sex less, and we feel distant. Sex is the best barometer he and I have about how we are doing as a couple. Less sex is less happy. More sex is more happy. But all couples are different!
10/03/2011
Beck Beck
I do believe sex makes my relationship better. I am not the kind of person you want to talk to if I am not getting laid.

Once a week, we average 5 to 14 times a week. We make time for it always. The kids go to bed, I shower and we get busy two or three times. We have our ups and downs, we just hump it away. LOL!
10/03/2011
Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
You said:
I would not be able to have an love relationship without a lot of sex. I don't understand how people do it. HOW do they connect with each other?

I thought I'd reply from the point of view of someone who has ...
This is the best explanation I think I've heard! Couldn't have said it better!
10/03/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I agree with the quote - I find that after sex I want it more the next day. I don't think more sex makes a better relationship though. In fact I think a better relationship makes better sex. If my husband and I are fighting sex tends to be pretty ...
I agree with your analysis.

Correlation =/= causation. Just because people in healthy relationships have more sex doesn't necessarily mean more sex = healthy relationships.
10/03/2011
CreamySweet CreamySweet
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
"Sex at least once a week is like vitamins for a relationship. The more you do it, the more you'll want to" Ian Kerner, Ph.D Sex Therapist.

So my question is, do you think the more sex you have the better your relationship is? ...
I would say that is a two part deal... First I think the more often you have sex the more often you will desire it and probably take the steps to have it. Life is a question and behavior of learned behavior. Some folks get hooked on going to the gym or running. Once they reach that stage they feel bad anytime they miss it. They take the steps to make it a higher life priority because they are both driven by it and enjoy it. The same can be said for sex. There was a point in my life where I had it once a week... a point where I had it every couple months... and the further apart the less the driving desire. I currently have sex probably 4 or 5 days a week... sometimes a couple times a day and because of my marriage situation with a couple different partners a week - even sometimes in the same day. I find I think about it a lit more, look forward to it and in fact do more to make it happen. It has also improved my motivation to exercise and be in the best physical shape, as well as to do myself up with make up, hair style, nails and good sexy clothes every day. It has also given me more self confidence in who I am, how I look and the choices I make. I also masturbate a lot more - up from once a week or less to almost every night before bed and sometimes durring the day. So I would say that sex- and doing a lot more of it - has brought about a lot of positive changes in my life and yes it has also improved my marriage.

Now onto relationships... if you are getting along and have a strong relationship you will probably want sex and in particular sex with your spouse/SO more often. Also because of decreased sex being a fight or point of contention in many relationships - by simply being happy and naughty more often you cut most of that source of arguement and frustration out of the equation.

Looking back I would encourage good and open communication first and foremost and adding in a lot of random fun and crazy sex to keep you both involved, interacting and into each other... or you can complain they focus on football or facebook all the time. Seems like a win win for me... I get laid a lot, have fun, get to be the focus of attention and do something that feels great and is almost totally free! XOX CreamSweet
10/04/2011
Total posts: 24
Unique posters: 19