Ive cheated once and would NEVER do it again and just to clarify I was 16 lol
Once a cheater always a cheater? Is this statement True of False
01/06/2011
I had to check partially true because I have been burnt by a ex who had actually cheated on his previous ex. He had been upfront with me about it, and explained how he had come to cheating on her. I trusted him, but apparently he was unwilling to make the commitment to change his cheating ways. We broke up. Later he tried to get me to out with him again, but I just didn't have faith in him anymore.
This is not to say that everyone who cheats will do so again.
This is not to say that everyone who cheats will do so again.
01/06/2011
My man was known for being a cheater before me and him got together and ever since we got together he has never cheated on me and my friends have been around him and would tell me 100%. We have been together for a year and a half and he still hasnt cheated on me a
01/11/2011
Quote:
Amazing. Very well put. <3
Originally posted by
LicentiouslyYours
I think most people who cheat and are given a chance don't have the first clue how to go about changing the process that lead them to cheat in the first place.
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue ... more
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue ... more
I think most people who cheat and are given a chance don't have the first clue how to go about changing the process that lead them to cheat in the first place.
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue to do so, to protect them or to keep from facing the response they get when being honest, it is very likely they will end up in a position where they will cheat again.
If, however, they can be honest and the partner can receive that honesty in a positive way, about how they feel about the relationship itself and when they have feelings of attraction to someone else and about the time they are spending with that person... in other words, actually learn new habits of communicating and behaving honestly, both with themselves and their partner, then yeah, maybe they can be trusted again.
I've been through this. I did cheat, emotionally, on my husband, when I was married. Once I stopped hiding my real feelings (I got caught) about my marriage, him, and the other person I realized some serious changes needed to be made, that my husband was not the person I should be married to.
I hurt him very deeply with my actions and learned that the biggest problem with our marriage was a complete and utter lack of communication about how we felt about [itlaic|anything] other than petty every day "pick up your socks" kind of complaints.
My next relationship was very different. We were open and honest, speaking regularly about the other people in our lives and how we felt about those people. We both communicated specifically and clearly about how we felt about each other. We always knew exactly where we stood with each other and if one of us was insecure about it, we'd talk about it. It was a long distance relationship so we agreed not to be exclusive, to allow each other other sexual relationships. But again, with the agreement that there be complete transparency. When are you together, what do you do, do you have sex, do you like the sex, do you like this person a lot or a little... it wasn't always fun, but it was so much better than not knowing, being lied to, never being sure if you could trust someone is being honest with you.
So, I will never, ever cheat on a partner again, because I've changed how I communicate with my partners. They will know who I am attracted to and what my intentions are from step 1, always.
I will probably never quite forgive myself for hurting anybody the way I hurt my ex husband, but I know I will never again do that to anybody. But I also know that unless you take total responsibility for your own actions and change your communication habits, it's VERY likely you will always be a cheater. less
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue to do so, to protect them or to keep from facing the response they get when being honest, it is very likely they will end up in a position where they will cheat again.
If, however, they can be honest and the partner can receive that honesty in a positive way, about how they feel about the relationship itself and when they have feelings of attraction to someone else and about the time they are spending with that person... in other words, actually learn new habits of communicating and behaving honestly, both with themselves and their partner, then yeah, maybe they can be trusted again.
I've been through this. I did cheat, emotionally, on my husband, when I was married. Once I stopped hiding my real feelings (I got caught) about my marriage, him, and the other person I realized some serious changes needed to be made, that my husband was not the person I should be married to.
I hurt him very deeply with my actions and learned that the biggest problem with our marriage was a complete and utter lack of communication about how we felt about [itlaic|anything] other than petty every day "pick up your socks" kind of complaints.
My next relationship was very different. We were open and honest, speaking regularly about the other people in our lives and how we felt about those people. We both communicated specifically and clearly about how we felt about each other. We always knew exactly where we stood with each other and if one of us was insecure about it, we'd talk about it. It was a long distance relationship so we agreed not to be exclusive, to allow each other other sexual relationships. But again, with the agreement that there be complete transparency. When are you together, what do you do, do you have sex, do you like the sex, do you like this person a lot or a little... it wasn't always fun, but it was so much better than not knowing, being lied to, never being sure if you could trust someone is being honest with you.
So, I will never, ever cheat on a partner again, because I've changed how I communicate with my partners. They will know who I am attracted to and what my intentions are from step 1, always.
I will probably never quite forgive myself for hurting anybody the way I hurt my ex husband, but I know I will never again do that to anybody. But I also know that unless you take total responsibility for your own actions and change your communication habits, it's VERY likely you will always be a cheater. less
01/18/2011
I really can't add anything to this that wasn't put perfectly by Laurel. And she is so on point that it is amazing.
01/18/2011
I think those who have a tendency cheat will tend to continue cheating. However, that being said I also believe 100% that any person can change at any time as long as they want to put in the work. So it's probably an indicator that they may cheat again if they've already cheated multiple times, but if they're willing to put in the effort they aren't doomed to a life of serial cheating.
01/18/2011
I find it astounding that some magazines--although not very credible ones--actually encourage one time offenders to not tell their partner about the cheating episode. At the same time, I can see the grief it may cause and how much might be saved from holding back that bit of information if the cheater plans on being faithful. I think it's all a matter of will and dedication to your partner.
01/18/2011
Quote:
i believe in giving a second chance. If they ruin the second chance then no they can't change.
Originally posted by
mnc5051
Can people really change?
01/19/2011
Quote:
Laurel,
Originally posted by
LicentiouslyYours
I think most people who cheat and are given a chance don't have the first clue how to go about changing the process that lead them to cheat in the first place.
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue ... more
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue ... more
I think most people who cheat and are given a chance don't have the first clue how to go about changing the process that lead them to cheat in the first place.
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue to do so, to protect them or to keep from facing the response they get when being honest, it is very likely they will end up in a position where they will cheat again.
If, however, they can be honest and the partner can receive that honesty in a positive way, about how they feel about the relationship itself and when they have feelings of attraction to someone else and about the time they are spending with that person... in other words, actually learn new habits of communicating and behaving honestly, both with themselves and their partner, then yeah, maybe they can be trusted again.
I've been through this. I did cheat, emotionally, on my husband, when I was married. Once I stopped hiding my real feelings (I got caught) about my marriage, him, and the other person I realized some serious changes needed to be made, that my husband was not the person I should be married to.
I hurt him very deeply with my actions and learned that the biggest problem with our marriage was a complete and utter lack of communication about how we felt about [itlaic|anything] other than petty every day "pick up your socks" kind of complaints.
My next relationship was very different. We were open and honest, speaking regularly about the other people in our lives and how we felt about those people. We both communicated specifically and clearly about how we felt about each other. We always knew exactly where we stood with each other and if one of us was insecure about it, we'd talk about it. It was a long distance relationship so we agreed not to be exclusive, to allow each other other sexual relationships. But again, with the agreement that there be complete transparency. When are you together, what do you do, do you have sex, do you like the sex, do you like this person a lot or a little... it wasn't always fun, but it was so much better than not knowing, being lied to, never being sure if you could trust someone is being honest with you.
So, I will never, ever cheat on a partner again, because I've changed how I communicate with my partners. They will know who I am attracted to and what my intentions are from step 1, always.
I will probably never quite forgive myself for hurting anybody the way I hurt my ex husband, but I know I will never again do that to anybody. But I also know that unless you take total responsibility for your own actions and change your communication habits, it's VERY likely you will always be a cheater. less
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue to do so, to protect them or to keep from facing the response they get when being honest, it is very likely they will end up in a position where they will cheat again.
If, however, they can be honest and the partner can receive that honesty in a positive way, about how they feel about the relationship itself and when they have feelings of attraction to someone else and about the time they are spending with that person... in other words, actually learn new habits of communicating and behaving honestly, both with themselves and their partner, then yeah, maybe they can be trusted again.
I've been through this. I did cheat, emotionally, on my husband, when I was married. Once I stopped hiding my real feelings (I got caught) about my marriage, him, and the other person I realized some serious changes needed to be made, that my husband was not the person I should be married to.
I hurt him very deeply with my actions and learned that the biggest problem with our marriage was a complete and utter lack of communication about how we felt about [itlaic|anything] other than petty every day "pick up your socks" kind of complaints.
My next relationship was very different. We were open and honest, speaking regularly about the other people in our lives and how we felt about those people. We both communicated specifically and clearly about how we felt about each other. We always knew exactly where we stood with each other and if one of us was insecure about it, we'd talk about it. It was a long distance relationship so we agreed not to be exclusive, to allow each other other sexual relationships. But again, with the agreement that there be complete transparency. When are you together, what do you do, do you have sex, do you like the sex, do you like this person a lot or a little... it wasn't always fun, but it was so much better than not knowing, being lied to, never being sure if you could trust someone is being honest with you.
So, I will never, ever cheat on a partner again, because I've changed how I communicate with my partners. They will know who I am attracted to and what my intentions are from step 1, always.
I will probably never quite forgive myself for hurting anybody the way I hurt my ex husband, but I know I will never again do that to anybody. But I also know that unless you take total responsibility for your own actions and change your communication habits, it's VERY likely you will always be a cheater. less
Wow! I am moved by the lengths you have gone to make amends with yourself and the others you chose to have relationships with now and/or in the future. Even more so, I am moved by your openness in sharing your experience. I agree, communication is the very foundation of all relationships.
01/19/2011
Quote:
As a rule, I think most people would agree with your moral condemnation of the act, but I think human relationships are a little too complex for a unilateral loathing of all who commit a certain type of act. I agree that there is a right way and a wrong way to treat your partner, but I also don't think that cheating is the worst thing a person can do, and I think that in most cases, the person being cheated on isn't entirely blameless for their situation. It's all about give and take.
Originally posted by
Harlequin
I hate cheaters!
01/19/2011
Quote:
I see a lot of people on this board talking about the cheater having the will or desire to change. I don't think people really change, it's just their situation that changes. If something happens during the affair that makes them never want to cheat again, like overwhelming guilt, they might stop cheating. On the other hand, people don't just cheat for no reason. If whatever led them to cheat in the first place doesn't change, they won't either. Sometimes the cause is just immaturity and lack of experience, other times it's an unsatisfying love life that they can't find a way to get out of.
Originally posted by
indiglo
I think those who have a tendency cheat will tend to continue cheating. However, that being said I also believe 100% that any person can change at any time as long as they want to put in the work. So it's probably an indicator that they may
...
more
I think those who have a tendency cheat will tend to continue cheating. However, that being said I also believe 100% that any person can change at any time as long as they want to put in the work. So it's probably an indicator that they may cheat again if they've already cheated multiple times, but if they're willing to put in the effort they aren't doomed to a life of serial cheating.
less
Long story short, cheating is not about the cheater, it's about the relationship. Of course, a powerful libido probably makes somebody more prone to it, but only if their partner can't or won't keep up, and really, why point the finger at the person with a healthy sex drive?
01/19/2011
I really believe that it is partially true. But there are a few that just make a "mistake" and it never happens again. I personally have never cheated on anyone and never will but that is only a personal choice,no vow, that I have made
01/20/2011
Quote:
I definitely see where you are coming from.
Originally posted by
That Guy
I see a lot of people on this board talking about the cheater having the will or desire to change. I don't think people really change, it's just their situation that changes. If something happens during the affair that makes them never want
...
more
I see a lot of people on this board talking about the cheater having the will or desire to change. I don't think people really change, it's just their situation that changes. If something happens during the affair that makes them never want to cheat again, like overwhelming guilt, they might stop cheating. On the other hand, people don't just cheat for no reason. If whatever led them to cheat in the first place doesn't change, they won't either. Sometimes the cause is just immaturity and lack of experience, other times it's an unsatisfying love life that they can't find a way to get out of.
Long story short, cheating is not about the cheater, it's about the relationship. Of course, a powerful libido probably makes somebody more prone to it, but only if their partner can't or won't keep up, and really, why point the finger at the person with a healthy sex drive? less
Long story short, cheating is not about the cheater, it's about the relationship. Of course, a powerful libido probably makes somebody more prone to it, but only if their partner can't or won't keep up, and really, why point the finger at the person with a healthy sex drive? less
I guess I was thinking more of a serial cheater, who has cheated in every relationship they've had (or in a LOT of them). In that case, I would say the only common denominator is the cheater, so they would definitely have to reevaluate what they want and what they're doing.
But honestly, I think if you aren't happy in your relationship, that just isn't an excuse to cheat. You can either work on the relationship or end it - and then you can move on to the next person.
01/20/2011
I really don't know. I think it depends on the person and the circumstances. It's really hard to make any kind of general statement like that. I don't think all people who end up cheating are inherently BAD people who would always do it again no matter what, but at the same time I don't think that all people who cheat are easily reformed. :\
01/20/2011
People have already covered all the bases, I think. But I agree that once a cheater, the probability is much higher that they'll do it again. For them to be able to lie, hide, and betray one person only once increases the chance that it's their personality and of course it'll be a natural choice for them to do it again to someone else. Of course there are exceptions to the rule (like if someone is only "cheating" because their abusive partner doesn't take the hint or something) and people can even change. But to me it's all about statistics and probability.
01/21/2011
I cheated back in my day, sadly alot. I have never even CONSIDERED it with my husband !
01/27/2011
I hate cheating, but I think it depends on the motive for cheating. I definitely don't agree, and very much hate the act, but it really depends on the dynamics of the relationship in question. If it happened to me, there would be hell to pay!
01/27/2011
They really have to have someone that they are willing to change for ...in their own heart.
01/28/2011
As a guilty party I can only speak for myself and its not true for me. I was unhappy in my relationship and stayed there because she WAS happy. Long story short, I did it, I came clean to her, and ended the relationship. Thanks to that experience I learned a lot about myself; what makes me happy, what doesn't, and most importantly, what I'm capable of. Knowing that I rationalized that outcome I understand that I have the ability to make something "right" in my head, but that doesn't mean it isn't a completely shitty thing to do. I've never been tempted since that time because I've never allowed myself to be in a relationship that is unhappy or unsatisfying.
01/29/2011
Quote:
I think Laurel covered this question really well.
Originally posted by
LicentiouslyYours
I think most people who cheat and are given a chance don't have the first clue how to go about changing the process that lead them to cheat in the first place.
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue ... more
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue ... more
I think most people who cheat and are given a chance don't have the first clue how to go about changing the process that lead them to cheat in the first place.
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue to do so, to protect them or to keep from facing the response they get when being honest, it is very likely they will end up in a position where they will cheat again.
If, however, they can be honest and the partner can receive that honesty in a positive way, about how they feel about the relationship itself and when they have feelings of attraction to someone else and about the time they are spending with that person... in other words, actually learn new habits of communicating and behaving honestly, both with themselves and their partner, then yeah, maybe they can be trusted again.
I've been through this. I did cheat, emotionally, on my husband, when I was married. Once I stopped hiding my real feelings (I got caught) about my marriage, him, and the other person I realized some serious changes needed to be made, that my husband was not the person I should be married to.
I hurt him very deeply with my actions and learned that the biggest problem with our marriage was a complete and utter lack of communication about how we felt about [itlaic|anything] other than petty every day "pick up your socks" kind of complaints.
My next relationship was very different. We were open and honest, speaking regularly about the other people in our lives and how we felt about those people. We both communicated specifically and clearly about how we felt about each other. We always knew exactly where we stood with each other and if one of us was insecure about it, we'd talk about it. It was a long distance relationship so we agreed not to be exclusive, to allow each other other sexual relationships. But again, with the agreement that there be complete transparency. When are you together, what do you do, do you have sex, do you like the sex, do you like this person a lot or a little... it wasn't always fun, but it was so much better than not knowing, being lied to, never being sure if you could trust someone is being honest with you.
So, I will never, ever cheat on a partner again, because I've changed how I communicate with my partners. They will know who I am attracted to and what my intentions are from step 1, always.
I will probably never quite forgive myself for hurting anybody the way I hurt my ex husband, but I know I will never again do that to anybody. But I also know that unless you take total responsibility for your own actions and change your communication habits, it's VERY likely you will always be a cheater. less
They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue to do so, to protect them or to keep from facing the response they get when being honest, it is very likely they will end up in a position where they will cheat again.
If, however, they can be honest and the partner can receive that honesty in a positive way, about how they feel about the relationship itself and when they have feelings of attraction to someone else and about the time they are spending with that person... in other words, actually learn new habits of communicating and behaving honestly, both with themselves and their partner, then yeah, maybe they can be trusted again.
I've been through this. I did cheat, emotionally, on my husband, when I was married. Once I stopped hiding my real feelings (I got caught) about my marriage, him, and the other person I realized some serious changes needed to be made, that my husband was not the person I should be married to.
I hurt him very deeply with my actions and learned that the biggest problem with our marriage was a complete and utter lack of communication about how we felt about [itlaic|anything] other than petty every day "pick up your socks" kind of complaints.
My next relationship was very different. We were open and honest, speaking regularly about the other people in our lives and how we felt about those people. We both communicated specifically and clearly about how we felt about each other. We always knew exactly where we stood with each other and if one of us was insecure about it, we'd talk about it. It was a long distance relationship so we agreed not to be exclusive, to allow each other other sexual relationships. But again, with the agreement that there be complete transparency. When are you together, what do you do, do you have sex, do you like the sex, do you like this person a lot or a little... it wasn't always fun, but it was so much better than not knowing, being lied to, never being sure if you could trust someone is being honest with you.
So, I will never, ever cheat on a partner again, because I've changed how I communicate with my partners. They will know who I am attracted to and what my intentions are from step 1, always.
I will probably never quite forgive myself for hurting anybody the way I hurt my ex husband, but I know I will never again do that to anybody. But I also know that unless you take total responsibility for your own actions and change your communication habits, it's VERY likely you will always be a cheater. less
Some people continue to cheat because they can, and because they never really deal with the things that drove them to cheat in the first place. Others learn from their mistakes and take actions to ensure that they don't repeat them.
I cheated in one relationship, and I can safely say that that experience has taught me a great deal about myself (not all of it pleasant). I wouldn't repeat the same mistake because I understand better how much pain it can inflict on someone... which honestly wasn't something I was expecting at the time. I thought that my boyfriend didn't care about us, and I learned (too late) that he did. It was a massive failure of communication between us, but also a massive act of cowardice on my part. I didn't have the guts to tell him just how unhappy I was, and end the relationship on good terms. Instead, I slipped away and killed the relationship stone dead. We weren't right for each other, but that still wasn't fair on him and caused him a lot of pain and self-doubt.
My later relationships have been different, VERY different, simply because I have chosen to make them different. I am better at communicating what I need and what I feel, and I expect the same in return. I try to not fall into the same habit of avoiding a problem until it turns into something impossible.
02/07/2011
I think it depends, There are those who cheat all the time, with no care. Then there are those who have done it once and learned. So I do believe people can change, if they don't always do it to their SO.
02/10/2011
Once they cheat, I lose all trust and respect.
02/16/2011
dreamergirl87
They can change only if they really want to ..if you forgive they think they can do it again and u will take them back over nd over
02/24/2011
I'm so torn on this issue. I've cheated only once, but I confessed it 12 hours later. I couldn't stand keeping it inside even for that long! But I have been in a relationship where a man cheated multiple times even after swearing he'd change. I want to believe there are good people that can turn a new leaf, but I don't want to be naive and hurt again.
02/24/2011
I say pretty much once a cheater always a cheater. Aint no turning some people.
02/25/2011
Quote:
I think that most people if they have cheated once they probably will again.
Originally posted by
mnc5051
Can people really change?
02/27/2011
Quote:
Definitely false. False false false.
Originally posted by
mnc5051
Can people really change?
03/13/2011
Quote:
depends on the person and their motives, IMO. if they're cheating cuz they don't care, it might be harder to change...but if they feel they aren't getting enough love, attention, etc...than when their situation changes and they feel fulfilled in those areas, it's probably a lot easier.
Originally posted by
mnc5051
Can people really change?
03/14/2011
depends on the person.
04/13/2011
I think they might be able to change
04/13/2011