How many people believe sex is BEST saved for marriage?

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How many people believe sex is BEST saved for marriage?

bayosgirl bayosgirl
Leaving reality alone, how many people feel that leaving sex for marriage/civil union is the ideal?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Yes, leaving sex for marriage is the ideal
bayosgirl , married with children , ZenaidaMacroura , AOutrajus , BeautifulDarkness , southern woman , Lucid , tooshy , sktb0007 , leanright69 , Illumin8 , Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama , Hallmar82 , domsub1993
14  (10%)
No, it doesn't matter either way
clp , Noira Celestia , Dusk , ss143 , Miss Nessa , kelaaa33wish , Purpleladybug , DeliciousSurprise , ThoughtsAblaze , pfoof , TameTemptress , Akira , jesseftm , Jul!a , Kitty Grub , Lady Nina , Dude404 , Sunshineamine , mizzmilla , Mistress Mandy , Kim! , eggiweg , EvilHomer , goofballmaster , Princess-Kayla ♥ , CreamySweet , ashaxmarie , NavyDoll87 , Angewin , T&A1987 , AndroAngel , namelesschaos , Valentinka , Ciao. , Girly Girl , Kindred , Velocity , skeeterlynn
38  (26%)
No, sex is necessary before marriage to find out if you are meant to be
ToyTimeTim , MaryExy , Ansley , Rossie , Waterfall , Gunsmoke , CoffeeCup , Shellz31 , Redboxbaby , kinkymanda , Stephanie Marie , newfoundlust , lanky , Orion , anonymouse58 , loveshocks , Ryuson , toxie m , Acorn , LikeSunshineDust , padmeamidala , Sex'и'Violence , zracer , Lucky21 , Tuesday , bluekaren , P'Gell , JessCee , darthkitt3n , Wild Orchid , A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople) , joja , melissa1973 , Ms. Spice , RonLee , CAKES , sarahsblogoffun , Ivy Wilde , El-Jaro , mandiegk , Ghost , null , Vanessa Weiss , Beck , lexical , Research , LilyLust , Kkay , Pinkhare , sarki , Caprieclipse , systematicweasel , Marziba , slynch , ily , Petite Valentine , Jaimes , froggiemoma , The Curious Couple , BabyL0ve , C-Rae , Coralbell , Pink Jewel , Callisto , NaturalWoman , leatherlover , dhig , MeliPixie , melsmith0626 , -BillD , ToyBoy , EJ , haley730 , Lummox , angel142stx , mistressg , socalsusieq , Fuck it. , WierdAl , Athena , jeangel246 , jj1228 , sekmetrn , sausagelover , Anjulie , unfulfilled , Cherrylane , LavenderSkies , Istanbull , CindyH , Supervixen , squire , Lildrummrgurl7 , potstickers
94  (64%)
Total votes: 146
Poll is closed
07/15/2011
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ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
There is no way I would have married the wife if the sex was not good. It may sound bad but it is a big part of a good relationship to me, probably why we have been together for 22 years.
07/15/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
I've seen too many guys out there on Fetlife that married before even discussing sexual preferences, then found out their wives were super vanilla. Their solution? The guys cheat. Not cool...
07/15/2011
Ansley Ansley
I definitely do not believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. Incompatibility in this area is not an easy fix, if it's fixable at all.

What if you end up with someone completely kinky and it's just not something you're into at all?
07/15/2011
Waterfall Waterfall
I personally would not be able to marry someone that I hadn't had sex with. I think it is important to know how sexually compatible you are with a person.
07/15/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I would not have considered marrying someone that I was not sure that I would be sexually compatible with.
07/15/2011
Rossie Rossie
It's always better to find out whether you're sexually compatible with each other before marriage. I cannot imagine what life will be like, stuck with an incompatible partner for the rest of your life! Getting an annulment might work too, if you're comfortable to let the Judge know that "inharmonious sex" was the reason!
07/15/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
I always say - Try before you buy!
I would never marry someone who was hopeless in bed. I know they say ya can teach someone, but not everyone is teachable!

I doubt I'd even marry someone without at least living with them for 6 months or so. I want to make fully sure I can live with them 24/7!
07/15/2011
clp clp
If I fell in love with someone that firmly believed in no sex until marriage, I would respect that. I don't feel that a decision as big as marriage should be based on sex.

...Of course, that likelihood is exremely small. I kinda don't subscribe to marriage as it is, much less find someone religious to want to hitch my star to. BUT, you never know, and I'm not about to start solidifying ideas about what I would or wouldn't do in that situation.
07/15/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
I am not saying it is right or wrong to wait, but for me, it is important to make sure I am sexually compatible with my mate, especially if I am going to spend the rest of my life with them.
07/15/2011
lanky lanky
Quote:
Originally posted by Shellz31
I always say - Try before you buy!
I would never marry someone who was hopeless in bed. I know they say ya can teach someone, but not everyone is teachable!

I doubt I'd even marry someone without at least living with them for 6 months ...
i agree, definitely try before u buy
07/15/2011
Noira Celestia Noira Celestia
I definitely understand why people are saying that it's best if people have sex before getting married so they know if they're compatible, but I also really feel like this is an issue of personal preference as well.
07/15/2011
bayosgirl bayosgirl
These results are definitely what I expected... My perspective is, if you're in love with someone-I mean truly LOVE them, not just lust-then good sex comes naturally. If it needs improvement, that's where talking comes in. And for things that can't be changed, like penis size or whether someone is willing to try anal, for example...in my opinion they are not that important if the love is true. I can say this because I've been in both situations with my hubby both before and after marriage. I'll be honest and say the sex was not that good in the beginning-but I'm glad I didn't weed him out just because of that. We're very open with each other in general, and we were able to talk about it and there's been a lot of improvement. Now we're to the point where I want to try something he doesn't, but I'm not going to get divorced or cheat on him just so I can do what I want-our love is much deeper than that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the marriages that fall apart because of sexual incompatibility, were probably based more on sex itself than true love.

My reason for believing that sex is best within marriage-and I know this comes across as old fashioned, and that's ok-is all the problems caused by uncommitted sex. Unwanted pregnancies, STD's, not to mention heartache. When someone is fully committed to you, you feel so much more at ease about giving yourself totally to them- at least I do. I do regret losing my virginity before marriage. It's not something I beat myself up over 24/7, but in the back of my mind I know it would've been better that way. I feel like I lost something with that person that I can never get back.
07/16/2011
toxie m toxie m
Sexual compatibility is vital, I would never marry someone without knowing how we clicked. It's not like making it legally binding is going to make it magically perfect in the bedroom if it wasn't before.
07/16/2011
ss143 ss143
I voted No, it doesn't matter either way. I think being on the same page sexually is a fantastic thing but i also believe to each their own and what works for one person or couple might not work for another.
07/16/2011
Tuesday Tuesday
So many of you are saying you wouldn't marry someone who wasn't sexually compatible with you. I might be saying that too if I had married someone other than my husband.

I wouldn't marry someone without sleeping with them first but at least I knew what I was in for ahead of time. We're so compatible in other important ways and he's jaw-droppingly smart too. Gray matter and general compatibility trump good sex.
07/16/2011
bluekaren bluekaren
While I truly believe sexual compatibility can be learned. Sex is the basis for every relationship. Think about you and you will find you are using everyone you know for sex on some level....
07/16/2011
bayosgirl bayosgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
So many of you are saying you wouldn't marry someone who wasn't sexually compatible with you. I might be saying that too if I had married someone other than my husband.

I wouldn't marry someone without sleeping with them first but ...
I agree with your last sentence very much.
07/16/2011
bayosgirl bayosgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by bluekaren
While I truly believe sexual compatibility can be learned. Sex is the basis for every relationship. Think about you and you will find you are using everyone you know for sex on some level....
What do you mean? "you are using everyone you know for sex on some level." ?
07/16/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by bayosgirl
Leaving reality alone, how many people feel that leaving sex for marriage/civil union is the ideal?
I wouldn't buy a car without a test drive. I don't declare someone my "best friend" until I know them well and know that we are "compatible for shopping" . I certainly wouldn't marry someone or enter into a Civil Union until I knew we were sexually compatible.

IMO, sexual compatibility is essential to any partner relationship.

Sex takes up a huge amount of how you relate to each other, it relieves tension, it helps solve problems and it is a way to enjoy yourself and an other person. I wouldn't ever get into a relationship until I KNEW that person and I were on the same wavelength sexually.

Of course, you can "learn." But, I don't know if you can change drastically your libido, and you certainly can't change your preference. What if you realize you like slow and gentle sex ALL the time and you marry someone who you find out after the wedding is into rough stuff, spankings, etc? What if you enjoy and/or need sex toys in order to make sex satisfying and you find out after the wedding your partner "doesn't believe in them?" It wouldn't work and both of you would be miserable.

What if one of the couple has a low libido, want sex only once a week or less, and the other wants it every day. Both people are going to be resentful. it is no different than one person who spends money like crazy marrying someone who is a miser. It doesn't work.

Both my husband and I feel that love AND sex are the basis of our relationship. We both have high sex drives and were happy we found each other. The times we had the most strife was when the sex wasn't good (say, when we had a small baby, and I had a low libido, or when I was on Depo Provera and had NO libido. I get resentful when he occasionally puts off sex, (which I found was due to an ED scare, which we resolved) but it was a terrible two weeks. I don't believe "love conquers all" if that were true, nobody would break up. There is a lot more to a relationship than just "love." And basic compatibility in important areas are necessary for the health of a relationship.

I think making sure one is completely compatible as possible before making a commitment.
07/16/2011
Woman China Woman China
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
So many of you are saying you wouldn't marry someone who wasn't sexually compatible with you. I might be saying that too if I had married someone other than my husband.

I wouldn't marry someone without sleeping with them first but ...
I agree with you Tuesday.

Sex is great, and good sexual compatibility is important. But I agree, the gray matter is more important to me overall. Plus. I've got boxes filled with toys.

If I suddenly fall for a man who said he'd like to wait, I'd wait. BUT I would make sure that we'd talk about our preferences first. Then make a list that I would be able to tick off to make sure I get all the thoughts and fantasies done... but then I'd add more and more. And then do some twice after we were married.

But my bottom line... I love sex. But it is not the be all and end all in a relationship.
07/16/2011
Miss Nessa Miss Nessa
I personally think it doe not matter. I just think its up to the single person.
07/16/2011
Purpleladybug Purpleladybug
I don't think there should be a rule. I think you should just do what is right for you!
07/17/2011
melissa1973 melissa1973
One should always check the under-carrage and take a test drive before you tie yourself down to any sort of a deal.
07/17/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
i always thought it was weird that people saved something so important for their wedding; after all, sex is really important in a marriage, what do you do if you find out you're not compatible? it's really impractical and kind of stupid to be honest
07/17/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
Quote:
Originally posted by toxie m
Sexual compatibility is vital, I would never marry someone without knowing how we clicked. It's not like making it legally binding is going to make it magically perfect in the bedroom if it wasn't before.
seriously! i wish more people understood that getting married doesn't automatically mean you're putting a band aid on the relationship
07/17/2011
sarahsblogoffun sarahsblogoffun
I am very glad that my Husband and I knocked boots before we were married. I agree that it is a huge factor of your relationship to be sexually compatible. I also think couples should live together before marriage as well. I learned my Husbands bad habits before we said "I do," and had the choice to keep him or ditch him!!! Together 12 years, married 8!!!
07/17/2011
bayosgirl bayosgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by Ms. Spice
i always thought it was weird that people saved something so important for their wedding; after all, sex is really important in a marriage, what do you do if you find out you're not compatible? it's really impractical and kind of stupid to be honest
What about the couples who have waited and are now happily married? Would you call them stupid? :-/
07/17/2011
bayosgirl bayosgirl
Yaay one person agrees with me! Haha
07/17/2011
Ivy Wilde Ivy Wilde
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I wouldn't buy a car without a test drive. I don't declare someone my "best friend" until I know them well and know that we are "compatible for shopping" . I certainly wouldn't marry someone or enter into a Civil Union ...
You said pretty much everything I would have said.
07/17/2011
Total posts: 91
Unique posters: 67