I would not care. But I am very secure. I know my girlfriend would never cheat. Also to me skinnydipping is something you do when you want to swim but dont want to get your clothes wet and has nothing to do with me naked. But that is just my perspective. If that is not how your relationship works then I think anger is reasonable
Not telling someone something to me is hiding it unless it's one of those things that could easily slip your mind. This is not one of those things. When my husband has hidden things from me, it was very difficult to trust him after and not wonder all the time what else he was hiding. There was a reason he didn't tell you, and it was because he had done something wrong. We don't keep things from each other unless there is shame. Shame comes up when you've done something you knew you shouldn't have. He should have been a man and stepped up and told you what happened. What would I do if my husband pulled that crap, I honestly don't know. He knows the boundaries of our relationship and that would be beyond breaking them. I'm so sorry that this happened to you! I hope that you get it all sorted out.
I would be upset, but I think it would go beyond simple jealousy. To me, this is a case of him disregarding your feelings because he chose not to keep you in the know. While it was in a group, I think he put himself in a situation where other things could have occurred and he did so while you weren't home. Yeah, it was a group, but there are a lot of unknown variables. If you communicated your discomfort, but he treats it like it's not a big deal, then maybe more talking needs to be had. Or maybe he really doesn't see it as a problem.
I wouldn't be pissed. There was a group of them and I trust my husband that nothing would happen unless I knew ahead of time. If I was with someone I couldn't trust then things might be different. Things like this happen when people drink, you deal with it or move on.
If there weren't clear set rules, every one will push the limit. If you were home and he was working and you were drinking you may have done the same thing. Do you see yourself saying no no I cant have you guys drinking and I cant drink because
If there weren't clear set rules, every one will push the limit. If you were home and he was working and you were drinking you may have done the same thing. Do you see yourself saying no no I cant have you guys drinking and I cant drink because my BF is working. You know when you add alcohol to situations that shit never goes as planned. I am sure the other guys were on the single girl and he probably didn't even notice her. I would be angry but move on and don't dwell on it. Set clear rules next time you work your long shift. Tell him no friends over, no drinking. But then you sound like a Mom.
The issue is that we have laid-out ground rules. This isn't the first time he's gotten drunk with his friends (without me) and had something messed-up happen.
Three years ago (I was 250 miles away, at college) he was hanging out with friends, just drinking and playing Rockband. One of his friends had brought this chick over because he was hoping to date her, but she decided she like my partner (fiance at the time) better. She ended up sneaking up behind him and kinda jumping on (and kissing) him when he turned around to see what was going on.
He didn't tell me about that right away either, but that was because he was so upset about it. He didn't tell me about the skinnydipping thing right away because he didn't think it was a big deal.
We agreed after the kissing incident years ago that we would no longer get DRUNK without each other. A few beers or something, just enough to get a buzz? That's fine. But getting so drunk you get stupid? Not when the other one's not there with us.
A few weeks ago, I was working a long shift (48 hours) away from home. Usually on weekends, my partner and I hang out with friends, so I wasn't surprised when he said a few friends were coming over. I jokingly told him not to do anything
A few weeks ago, I was working a long shift (48 hours) away from home. Usually on weekends, my partner and I hang out with friends, so I wasn't surprised when he said a few friends were coming over. I jokingly told him not to do anything stupid. The day I got home from my long shift, I hung out with a friend of mine. She and I were just sitting around, chatting, when she mentioned that she'd been one of the people that came to hang out at the house while I was working. Not a big deal. At least, not until she told me that they (she, my partner, and 2- single- male friends) had gotten really drunk and gone skinny-dipping. Oh, and that night was during the full moon, so it was pretty light out too. *sigh* So, here's the breakdown: a) my partner didn't tell me that they'd gotten drunk b) he didn't tell me that they'd gone skinny-dipping c) he went skinny-dipping with a single woman (and two single males), who were probably acting flirty/risque because they were single. d) I'd been telling him all summer that I've never gone skinny-dipping before and wanted to do that this summer.
I confronted him, and he didn't think it was that big of a deal...
How would you feel? What would you do?
I would be pissed indeed, BUT, once again, you have clear proof of why we don't drink (nothing but a choice..not religious or anything)...."they got drunk" in your story. Drunk equals NO judgment and NO application of normal brain power. Thus, I would be more pissed about him getting drunk.
Once he DID get drunk, you cannot really hold him to account for what he did. Sorry...just the way I see it.
I am past fifty now,and STILL don't understand the attraction of "drinking and losing control". Makes NO sense to me and sure as hell does not sound fun, in any way, shape or form.
Oh well...that's not my problem. Hope you work it out.
Yeah, my biggest issue is why he didn't tell you. My partner always confides in me. And usually before my partner does something they think is risque they always tell me first.
Except, again, with alcohol blunted judgment. The rules don't hold if your brain cannot process the rules. When driving, you stay awake. Drunk people fall asleep and crash cars. Happens every day. The OBVIOUS rule is "STAY AWAKE when driving", yet alcohol blunts THAT basic judgment call, so how can you expect a concept like "no skinny dipping", ESPECIALLY since the thought was in his mind from a conversation a few days back, to be met with sound judgment and decision making????
I'd be about the same level of annoyed as if he'd seen a movie I wanted to see without me, assuming I had said I wanted to skinny dip. Since I don't actually want to skinny dip, because I'm a big shy prude, I'd be glad he did it
I'd be about the same level of annoyed as if he'd seen a movie I wanted to see without me, assuming I had said I wanted to skinny dip. Since I don't actually want to skinny dip, because I'm a big shy prude, I'd be glad he did it without me.
I'd actually be more concerned that they skinny dipped drunk, as drunk swimming can be dangerous.
Good point too. Drunks DIE in pools. Seen it happen a number of times, in fact. (At least I saw the after effects).
This is so funny. The responses here are SO mixed. From "no big deal" to your "fight of our life". Goes to show there are a LOT of different ideas people have on EF about how relationships should work and WOW are those different and unique.
I would be so pissed too! I wouldn't be pissed about the act of actually do that because I would likely do it to, but I wouldn't if I knew my partner wouldn't be happy about it. Then, he doesn't tell you about any of it? WTF? I would
I would be so pissed too! I wouldn't be pissed about the act of actually do that because I would likely do it to, but I wouldn't if I knew my partner wouldn't be happy about it. Then, he doesn't tell you about any of it? WTF? I would be flaming pissed off! I wouldn't split with my partner over it but it would definitely allow me to have one get out of jail free card.
I have to agree that I would be somewhat mad at your friends. They shouldn't have been skinny dipping with your boyfriend. They knows about you. However, I wouldn't be too pissed off. She (female friend) told you about it. She must not have known he didn't tell you. The biggest issue here is "why didn't he tell you?" Not what your friends were doing because they were having a good time, which they are entitled to. Your partner should have stayed in his boundaries. He is the person to be pissed off with.
yep so true the biggest issue is "why didn't he tell you"
I don't know how your relationship is but if the shoe was on the other foot and I had done the skinny dipping and didn't bother to tell my BF when he found out It would be over for sure
I voted cake because I would be irritated that he knew I wanted to skinnydip and excluded me, but the whole skinny dipping with other males and one female isn't that bad. After explaining the other situation where he knows not to get drunk, I'd be upset about that.
this would honestly piss me the fuck off. especially because he didn't bother to tell you. I mean maybe he was drunk enough not to remember but come on. I would be upset defiantly. unless I'm in the group too or something, it wouldn't be okay. idk