If your SO went skinny-dipping with another person of the opposite sex, would you be ok with it?

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If your SO went skinny-dipping with another person of the opposite sex, would you be ok with it?

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Contributor: (k)InkyIvy (k)InkyIvy
A few weeks ago, I was working a long shift (48 hours) away from home. Usually on weekends, my partner and I hang out with friends, so I wasn't surprised when he said a few friends were coming over.
I jokingly told him not to do anything stupid.
The day I got home from my long shift, I hung out with a friend of mine. She and I were just sitting around, chatting, when she mentioned that she'd been one of the people that came to hang out at the house while I was working.
Not a big deal.
At least, not until she told me that they (she, my partner, and 2- single- male friends) had gotten really drunk and gone skinny-dipping. Oh, and that night was during the full moon, so it was pretty light out too.
*sigh*
So, here's the breakdown:
a) my partner didn't tell me that they'd gotten drunk
b) he didn't tell me that they'd gone skinny-dipping
c) he went skinny-dipping with a single woman (and two single males), who were probably acting flirty/risque because they were single.
d) I'd been telling him all summer that I've never gone skinny-dipping before and wanted to do that this summer.

I confronted him, and he didn't think it was that big of a deal...

How would you feel? What would you do?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I would be SO PISSED!
ValerieRayne , icyqueen , indiglo , funluvinmama , Kitka , Beck , TheirPet , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , Sirena , Dixiemomma , mama2007 , sXeVegan90 , ejrbrndps , Alyona , - Kira - , Rossie , novanilla , sugar&spikes , js250 , freud13 , ShadowedSeductress , Intrepid Niddering , Missmarc , Terri69 , amazon , Taylor , Calla , Zombirella , Wonderstruck , Breas , Sima-pusya , pixylove101 , darthkitt3n , Melani , SneakersAndPearls , Thumper Logic , Sohotdinosaur , PropertyOfPotter , theothers1 , B0n3s0101 , Lavendar , SavingMyself , AliMc , married with children , Ice1 , Bignuf , Sundae Sparkles , NarcissisticLust , FallFire , charleswifey , dirtythoughts:) , meitman , Vaginas , Feisty , glasskitten , J5ive , Apirka , debo , sexxxkitten , hhh , LovesAPoet , XxFallenAngelxX , Tork48309 , Rory , gsfanatic , Dodger79 , MK434 , Cheluh10 , pleasurehunter , sweetpea12 , nova2014 , Chae , Bodhi , Sera26 , CaliGirl , happywaffle34 , CountryPrincess , Munko , VeganChick (is Gone) , TJtheMadHatter , mpfm , rosythorn , marriedlady123 , ChaiMocha , karenm , BrittaniMaree , Eugler , Pandora'sBox , falalena , Lildrummrgurl7 , Hallmar82 , Rarity , melissa1973 , Beautiful-Disaster , snowminx , EastCoast36 , fly1212 , This Is For The Birds , bayosgirl , Ayogirl230 , Pete's Princess , Eyesonfire
102  (77%)
Eh, no biggie.
ToyGeek , travelnurse , BlooJay , Geogeo , El-Jaro , skeeterlynn , ellieprobable , SadoMas , squire , RedKyuubi , amplified to rock , Kindred , Lioncub , Flan-Flan Shazam , Billie Bones , panthercat23 , SecretKinksters , SMichelle , snowbumbunnie , butts , Aishiteru , nimr , surreptitious , SydneyScreams , Hipposterous
25  (19%)
Cake?
Cinnyree , brevado , Gunsmoke , unfulfilled , KrissyNovacaine , dancingduo
6  (5%)
Total votes: 133
Poll is closed
09/07/2012
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Contributor: ValerieRayne ValerieRayne
This would definitely be a big no-no in my relationship. I know I would feel incredibly insecure, jealous, pissed right off, super upset and I would have a hard time trusting anything that came out of his mouth. I couldn't tell you what I would do, because I simply cannot know that.

I would hope that The Boyfriend and I could just sit and talk about it. Even though it's not the same thing, I remember one time when he downloaded a risque cellphone app and I freaked right out about it. It wasn't that he downloaded it, it was that he lied about it and tried to hide it from me. I kept yelling, "If it was nothing, then why couldn't you tell me about it?!?!?"

I think I'd be more pissed at the friends too. Why were they all skinny dipping in the first place? Why was this girl willing to go skinny dipping with three guys? Why wouldn't your friends even consider you in this situation? I just don't understand how you go from hanging out to going skinny dipping with a bunch of people you don't intend on having sex with?!? Maybe I'm missing something...
09/07/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
That would be crossing a boundary for us too. We've spoken about this kind of situation and we have both expressed that we want that to be a boundary neither of us would cross. I think both of us would be unhappy and hurt if the other did that.

Sounds like you might need to talk about that some more together. I hope all goes well!
09/07/2012
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Under the circumstances you listed I would be very pissed off about the whole situation.

Sorry to hear that this happened, hopefully you get it worked out with him.
09/07/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
I would be so pissed too! I wouldn't be pissed about the act of actually do that because I would likely do it to, but I wouldn't if I knew my partner wouldn't be happy about it. Then, he doesn't tell you about any of it? WTF? I would be flaming pissed off! I wouldn't split with my partner over it but it would definitely allow me to have one get out of jail free card.

I have to agree that I would be somewhat mad at your friends. They shouldn't have been skinny dipping with your boyfriend. They knows about you. However, I wouldn't be too pissed off. She (female friend) told you about it. She must not have known he didn't tell you. The biggest issue here is "why didn't he tell you?" Not what your friends were doing because they were having a good time, which they are entitled to. Your partner should have stayed in his boundaries. He is the person to be pissed off with.
09/07/2012
Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
Yeah, my biggest issue is why he didn't tell you. My partner always confides in me. And usually before my partner does something they think is risque they always tell me first.
09/07/2012
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
Yea I be pissed too.
09/07/2012
Contributor: Sirena Sirena
I just read this aloud to my SO and he said the exact same thing as me, "Oh, HELL NO! I would be so pissed if you did that."

Then again, that is how we would feel in our relationship, you know the trust level in your relationship and can only rely on that.
09/07/2012
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
I'd be about the same level of annoyed as if he'd seen a movie I wanted to see without me, assuming I had said I wanted to skinny dip. Since I don't actually want to skinny dip, because I'm a big shy prude, I'd be glad he did it without me.

I'd actually be more concerned that they skinny dipped drunk, as drunk swimming can be dangerous.
09/07/2012
Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
That would be a HUGE no!!!! I'd be furious.... hope ya'll get it straightened out ... thanks god my Mister isnt sneaky like that, plus he's kind of a prude when it comes to public nudity LOL i'm definitely the nudist in our relationship
09/07/2012
Contributor: mama2007 mama2007
Quote:
Originally posted by (k)InkyIvy
A few weeks ago, I was working a long shift (48 hours) away from home. Usually on weekends, my partner and I hang out with friends, so I wasn't surprised when he said a few friends were coming over.
I jokingly told him not to do anything ... more
I'd say see ya. if you're not married just leave him. disrespectful! my husband would get the boot for that. he never drinks and never been skinny dipping but if he did, itd be with me
09/07/2012
Contributor: Cinnyree Cinnyree
it wouldnt bother me, but with the add on that you want to go skinny dipping it is very frustrating
09/07/2012
Contributor: sXeVegan90 sXeVegan90
Yeah, I'd be extremely pissed off at my SO.
09/07/2012
Contributor: travelnurse travelnurse
If there weren't clear set rules, every one will push the limit. If you were home and he was working and you were drinking you may have done the same thing. Do you see yourself saying no no I cant have you guys drinking and I cant drink because my BF is working. You know when you add alcohol to situations that shit never goes as planned. I am sure the other guys were on the single girl and he probably didn't even notice her. I would be angry but move on and don't dwell on it. Set clear rules next time you work your long shift. Tell him no friends over, no drinking. But then you sound like a Mom.
09/07/2012
Contributor: ejrbrndps ejrbrndps
i would be pissed
09/07/2012
Contributor: Alyona Alyona
I would be SO PISSED!
09/07/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I'd say he clearly knew he overstepped his bounds seeing as he opted not to tell you. That says more about the situation than anything. Had my husband done this and then told me about it, I'd assume he didn't know any better. I'd be angry, but not nearly as angry as I would be if he didn't tell me. That, to me, means you knew you weren't supposed to do it, did it anyway, and then lied about to to avoid getting in trouble. Big NO to that.
09/07/2012
Contributor: sugar&spikes sugar&spikes
09/07/2012
Contributor: sugar&spikes sugar&spikes
09/07/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
Since he did not tell you--he knew he did something wrong. And hoped to get away with it!! I asked my hubby about this and got the "LOOK", you know, the if you ever....look. I agreed with him and said that was stepping over the line in a relationship. Good luck, hugs--you do have people who care!!
09/07/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
I'd be upset if he did that without telling me first. Luckily my husband isn't the type who will do something like that.
09/07/2012
Contributor: BlooJay BlooJay
I wouldn't be happy, but I wouldn't be pissed either.
09/07/2012
Contributor: freud13 freud13
I would be upset not so much that it happened, but that your partner did not talk to you about it after it happened. Open communication is essential in a relationship to me.
09/07/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by (k)InkyIvy
A few weeks ago, I was working a long shift (48 hours) away from home. Usually on weekends, my partner and I hang out with friends, so I wasn't surprised when he said a few friends were coming over.
I jokingly told him not to do anything ... more
Honestly? I would have probably been a bit pissed...or even red hot steam out the ears pissed with all of them. Especially if any of the other people KNEW I was wanting to go skinny dipping too! Among my friends, however, the possibility is always there that this sort of stuff will happen since one of them owns a large swimming pool and hot tub!

My problem would be that they did this while I was working, not that they were acting all sexy like, though. It sounds like nothing untoward happened if the female was willing to tell you about it. More than likely your partner didn't enjoy himself fully, and it would have been more memorable if you had been there.

I have learned that, with guys, this sort of thing really isn't a big deal if they didn't do anything "wrong" such as touching or canoodling. You can just explain to him that it hurts to feel excluded and when he doesn't tell you about such happenings it leads you to believe he is maybe trying to hide what happened. Trust me, Honey, if he was trying to hide it the female in question would have known to keep her mouth shut. That's how cheaters operate.

If you have confronted him and you are sure there wasn't any funny stuff going on maybe you could ask the group to come over again and repeat the experience with you there? I imagine if it was such a great time they'd be amenable and apologize for not including you in the first place!
09/07/2012
Contributor: Geogeo Geogeo
The only big deal to me is that he didnt tell you, but doing it, to me, isnt a big deal since it was a group thing
09/07/2012
Contributor: ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
Chances are if you have gotten drunk before, you know if you're the type to do something you could regret later. I'm wondering why they would involve alcohol and nudity when there is a single girl with a committed guy & 2 single guys. That's just shit you don't do. I don't know what could possibly make him think it isn't a big deal to be drunk and naked with another female! If you had been there drinking & swimming with them then it wouldn't have been bad. True your boyfriend is more to blame than the others but as your friends they shouldn't have allowed that to happen. Being drunk is not a good reason to forget transgressions.

Also, there is no reason you should have to set rules before you go to work like you're his mom. That is his job to do when he has company. My house, my rules. You can follow them or we won't hang out plain and simple.

One thing I'd like to know is how your single girl friend would feel if her boyfriend did that to her while she was at work.
09/07/2012
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
The biggest thing for me would be the "not telling" part. As long as it wasn't one on one skinny dipping, I'd be ok with it.

Chances are he thought "That was really stupid, I better either tell her flat out and risk her breaking up with me vs. playing dumb vs. blowing it off". It's really hard to own up to stupid mistakes after the fact, esp with alcohol involved.
09/07/2012
Contributor: ellieprobable ellieprobable
In a group it wouldn't bother me. One-on-one skinny dipping would be suspect. I'd also be annoyed that he didn't tell me right away.
09/07/2012
Contributor: skeeterlynn skeeterlynn
Honestly, it's hard to say. Yes, I may be upset that he was drinking and went skinny dipping without telling me. But only because he didn't tell me. There were 2 other men whom were both single there and one girl. More than likely, one of those guys were there for her, not your man.

Though me personally, I love going skinny dipping because of the freedom, not the sexualness of it. I go all the time with male and female friends. Yeah, it's not always pitch dark, but we still aren't staring each other down either. Actually, I've gone like 6 times with my one male friend and I still have no idea what his penis looks likes, nor do I care. For all of us, it just fun and relaxing to swim in the water with no restraints of clothing. Not once have any of us gone and been all over the other gender and flirting unless we were specifically there with that person as our date. Which isn't often.

And if you're the kind of person who over reacts over stupid things, he may have just not told you because he didn't want you to jump and assume something happened with her. But again, the only part I would be mad about is him not mentioning, esp if I come home and asked how his night was.
09/07/2012
Contributor: Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by (k)InkyIvy
A few weeks ago, I was working a long shift (48 hours) away from home. Usually on weekends, my partner and I hang out with friends, so I wasn't surprised when he said a few friends were coming over.
I jokingly told him not to do anything ... more
I would be upset about the situation.
09/07/2012