What counts as cheating to you?

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What counts as cheating to you?

Mwar Mwar
Everyone seems to have their own definition of when counts as cheating. What actions do you think count as cheating? Also, are some infractions more forgivable than others?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Constantly on the phone
Eliyahu , Howells , Nazaress , wdanas , OhMy! , Lady Bear , married with children , indiglo
8
Receiving a massage
Eliyahu , Howells , Zombirella , Nazaress , wdanas , OhMy! , Ilovelingerie , indiglo
8
Revealing sexual details about your relationship
Diabolical Kitty , Eliyahu , Nazaress , wdanas , OhMy! , Ilovelingerie , married with children , indiglo
8
Sexting
Coralbell , Diabolical Kitty , toxie m , Eliyahu , Howells , Zombirella , EastCoast36 , A.Mari , mistressg , Nazaress , zwee75 , Lucidity , ellejay , aliceinthehole , Gracie , wdanas , OhMy! , kawigrl , Greenleaf , PDXlady , Ilovelingerie , Swish , Lady Bear , purple579 , married with children , corsetsaurus rex , MissMandii , oneeyedoctopus , darthkitt3n , indiglo , samanthalynn
31
Kissing someone else
Coralbell , Diabolical Kitty , toxie m , Eliyahu , Howells , Zombirella , EastCoast36 , A.Mari , mistressg , Nazaress , zwee75 , Lucidity , ellejay , aliceinthehole , Gracie , wdanas , OhMy! , kawigrl , Greenleaf , PDXlady , Ilovelingerie , Swish , Lady Bear , married with children , corsetsaurus rex , MissMandii , oneeyedoctopus , darthkitt3n , indiglo , samanthalynn
30
Sex
Coralbell , Diabolical Kitty , toxie m , Eliyahu , Incendiaire , Howells , Zombirella , EastCoast36 , A.Mari , mistressg , Nazaress , zwee75 , Lucidity , ellejay , aliceinthehole , Gracie , wdanas , OhMy! , kawigrl , Greenleaf , PDXlady , Ilovelingerie , Swish , Lady Bear , married with children , Ms. Spice , corsetsaurus rex , MissMandii , oneeyedoctopus , darthkitt3n , indiglo , samanthalynn
32
Hanging out with the questionable person alone
Eliyahu , Howells , Zombirella , mistressg , Nazaress , wdanas , OhMy! , Ilovelingerie , married with children , darthkitt3n , indiglo
11
Total votes: 128 (33 voters)
Poll is closed
02/22/2012
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TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
Every relationship is different. For me and my boyfriend, fucking someone else without a condom would be cheating.
02/22/2012
Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
Sexting, kissing, sex, and getting to graphic about sexual relationship
02/22/2012
Eliyahu Eliyahu
If those things were just with a gal-friend, not cheating. With someone who's obviously trying to get in my wife's pants? She would have problems at home, and I better never, ever cross paths with him...

Forgivable? I don't know. My wife knows the limits of our relationship/marriage, after almost 7 years they're no secret. I would be crushed to find she had breached my trust so completely, knowing how difficult it is for me to trust in the first place.
02/22/2012
Incendiaire Incendiaire
Sex is the big one, but there's a whole other category of emotional cheating which can be hard to qualify from an objective standpoint.
02/22/2012
Zombirella Zombirella
Quote:
Originally posted by Mwar
Everyone seems to have their own definition of when counts as cheating. What actions do you think count as cheating? Also, are some infractions more forgivable than others?
Kissing, sex, sexting would ENRAGE me and is not tolerable at all in any relationship I'm in. I also don't think a massage is acceptable, well with oil and the shirt off. Like a rubbing the shoulders or something if I'm okay with the person then I'd be okay with that. If things have been "ify" with someone and he/she is hanging out with the person in question alone, that wouldn't be cool with me at all. Talking on the phone or texting a friend of the opposite sex (I'm using that as an exampled because I'm straight) doesn't bother me much. He's a talker and I hate the phone, I'd rather text or see you in person or Facebook. I did put a stop to one girl at the beginning of our relationship because she called at hours I didn't think was acceptable like 1am while we're laying in bed watching a movie or something,hello! Not cool! I told him I didn't appreciate or like that she thought she could call or text whenever and that if he cares about my feelings he will fix it and he did. I found out through a mutual friend that she had a crush on him so I took it into my own hands and told her I'm here now, I'm WITH him, don't call him again.
02/22/2012
Nazaress Nazaress
Apparently I think everything is cheating! But I've been burned before (thrice, with my current boyfriend) so I'm a lot more careful than I used to be. I hate how untrusting I've become and I hate that I get jealous anytime he's talking to a girl. I can't help it. The times I DIDN'T get jealous and DIDN'T think anything was going on, he was getting pictures (or trying to) from them and talking about sexual things!

Sexting, kissing, and obviously sex would be instant NOs. I would dump him immediately and never speak to them again. Had he not cheated on me three times before, I MIGHT be able to eventually get over the sexting and the kissing but definitely not the sex. At least, I don't think so. It would be very, very hard. I wouldn't be okay with anyone touching him if I thought they might want to be with him in any way. If it was our one mutual female friend, I would be fine with that and maybe a few other people. I'm okay with him being on the phone with some people sometimes but not ALL the time. He was CONSTANTLY texting this one girl he met when I paid for him to go to Rock on the Range alone (without ME) and surprise! They were flirting and she sent him a picture of her in bed! So I'm wary about that now. I used to not care if he hung out with girls alone but now it is simply unacceptable (except, again, if it's our one mutual female friend) unless it's someone who he is school friends with and they're hanging out at school. I don't really have a choice, then. Lol. I don't really want him talking about our sex life to other people, ESPECIALLY other women. I can only think that he would talk about this stuff in a negative manner if he did. For example, the last girl I caught him talking with said that she could "do him better" than I could. Etc. I don't really want to think about it anymore. Anyway, so yes. I'm wary about pretty much everything now but that is how he has made me. We're working through it and I haven't caught him cheating again (yet) so maybe one day, hopefully, I can go back to being the overly-trusting person that I was. I even thought some these girls were nice girls before I found out about all that.
02/22/2012
Zombirella Zombirella
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
Apparently I think everything is cheating! But I've been burned before (thrice, with my current boyfriend) so I'm a lot more careful than I used to be. I hate how untrusting I've become and I hate that I get jealous anytime he's ...
Girl, you aren't alone. I struggle with trusting too. I was hurt BADLY by my first "love" and it really impacted me in more ways than one. I've had trouble trusting in every relationship after that. From the 4yr one I was in to the current one I'm in and engaged. But I'm getting a little better. It's just so hard once you've been hurt so badly to not be on the defense all the time. I'm insecure and it's the worst feeling in the world. I've had my fiance and other guys compliment my looks regularly but I just have a bruised self-esteem and I don't know what to do to change it. I almost completely trust my fiance and he has given me no reason not to but there is still this voice telling me to be careful, what if, and so on. It doesn't help that I have a couple guy friends who have cheated on their gfs in front of me or was talking about it when I was around and that doesn't help my outlook on men and commitment.
I have a hard time trusting other girls too because before I met my fiance I was going out to the bars with a group of girls and I saw a few of them hit on or go home with a guy that was supposed to be in a relationship! One girl even hit on my fiance when she was so drunk and I was there! I was so mad but she has that reputation and I know I'm a better woman than her so I didn't worry about it but I was just shocked.
I hope we both are able to overcome this someday soon. I've taken so many human relations courses in school and I KNOW that being jealous, possessive and not completely trusting is harmful to a relationship yet I do it anyway. I need to work on my self esteem big time. I recently just bought a book here on EF called The Power of Wow and I can't wait to get into it and see if it helps me. I've also looked at other books on amazon. I just don't have time to read one yet because I have a book I need to read before the quarter is over as well as 3 more papers to write before March 12th.
02/22/2012
ellejay ellejay
Ugh, I'm so glad sexting is in the majority. I've been around too many people who disagree with that. And that's okay!...when you're not doing it to me.
02/22/2012
Nazaress Nazaress
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
Girl, you aren't alone. I struggle with trusting too. I was hurt BADLY by my first "love" and it really impacted me in more ways than one. I've had trouble trusting in every relationship after that. From the 4yr one I was in to the ...
It really is hard to bounce back. I tried so, so hard to get over it. The first time it happened and I found a picture of that RotR girl on his phone, he claimed he didn't know why she sent it. He said he would tell her never to do that again and he claimed that he was deleting his texts because his "messages get full quickly". I tried to believe him and went on with my life but from then on, my trust started to whittle away. And for good reason since he WAS lying then and he didn't admit it until I found him cheating the third time. The second time, he was flirting with a married woman and talking to another girl at the same time about how he was supposed to have watched her masturbate on webcam but they never got around to it. Again, I trusted him when he said he would never do this kind of stuff again (again) and tried to get on with my life. This last time was almost a deal-breaker, though. I caught him sending messages to a girl on Facebook for well over a month talking about sexual things. She told him to break up with me and that she could satisfy him better. He repeatedly asked her for pictures, asked her for a blowjob, and even set a date to go and have sex with her. I caught him before he could do it (as far as I know) and besides that, he said it was "all talk". I left that day and almost didn't come back.

I love my boyfriend to death. He is the only good thing in my life as I've grown up being verbally, physically, and emotionally abused by my family and the people around me, as well as dealing with poverty, health issues, and a number of other things. My life isn't often pretty but he is there for me and I don't know what I'd do without him. He swears it's never going to happen again but he's said that before and it's just so, so hard. I don't know how someone is supposed to get over the trust issues I have. I can only imagine how bad it would be if he had actually PHYSICALLY cheated. I'd be heartbroken. So I'm trying to get over it because yes, you're right, being like this is HORRIBLE for a relationship's health but when you're in my position or something similar, it's hard to imagine being any other way. I could get rid of my boyfriend and then I'd know that at least HE'S not cheating on me but what good does that do? I lose the love of my life and hopefully future husband and I'll always likely keep these trust issues with me because I, too, have seen men and women who simply do not care about the sanctity of their own or another's relationship. I just wish there was some kind of help for me. Or really, I wish there was a magic spell that could make the whole world stop being so deceitful. There is nothing that I hate more than a liar and a cheater is just that, only even worse.
02/22/2012
Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
I really wouldn't consider any of it cheating as long as he didn't sneak to do it. If he told me he was going to shag somebody I'd probably let him. But if he didn't tell me until after he did it, the shit would hit the fan.

~M
02/22/2012
kawigrl kawigrl
kissing, sex, unreasonable flirting
02/22/2012
Greenleaf Greenleaf
Any physical or virtual sex act, unless otherwise agreed upon by the people in the relationship.
02/22/2012
PDXlady PDXlady
It depends. If I am uncomfortable with my partners interaction with someone we will set some boundaries, but I really trust him so this has never been an issue before.
02/23/2012
Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
It always depends on who the other person is. But if my man got a massage by another woman, or was constantly hanging out with her when I wasn't around I would start questioning that womans motives and I wouldn't be the least bit happy with him


having sex with/sexting/kissing(l ips) someone else is definitely considered cheating to me.
02/23/2012
Lady Bear Lady Bear
Cheating sucks
02/23/2012
purple579 purple579
Quote:
Originally posted by Diabolical Kitty
Sexting, kissing, sex, and getting to graphic about sexual relationship
Yeah I agree
02/25/2012
purple579 purple579
Quote:
Originally posted by TitsMcScandal
Every relationship is different. For me and my boyfriend, fucking someone else without a condom would be cheating.
So does fucking with a condom not count?!?!?
02/25/2012
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
Quote:
Originally posted by purple579
So does fucking with a condom not count?!?!?
Apparently not. That's why she said "Every relationship is different."

I don't count it as cheating unless it's something that's done without my knowledge. I'm open to all kinds of activities, as long as I have some idea of what's going on.
02/26/2012
oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
It's any action that steps outside the established boundaries.
02/28/2012
darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
I'd count hanging out with a girl alone as cheating in some cases. I've been there before. My ex boyfriend would go over to this girl's house a lot when no one was home and he'd be there for hours. He did not like the idea of me knowing or talking to the girl at all, so he was probably cheating.
02/28/2012
Beck Beck
I think cheating is what the people in the relationship establish it to be. Some would be ok with certain things and others would not. TO me cheating is hiding something from me. If you are hiding something from me than you don't want me to know about it and that is a problem.
02/28/2012
indiglo indiglo
Right. It's different for every relationship. For me, I think it would be cultivating any intimate (physically intimate, emotionally intimate, etc.) relationship with someone other than your partner(s).
02/28/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Mwar
Everyone seems to have their own definition of when counts as cheating. What actions do you think count as cheating? Also, are some infractions more forgivable than others?
You forgot the "other" category! Cheating for us is lying or otherwise keeping secrets about what we are doing. Basically it equates to: If you can't come home and tell your partner(s) all about it then you probably should stop and reassess what you are doing because NOT disclosing what you are doing will probably be viewed as cheating. We don't have a full disclosure rule but we do have an understanding that each partner deserves to know something is going on...but we aren't required to share all intimate details!
02/28/2012
samanthalynn samanthalynn
Quote:
Originally posted by Mwar
Everyone seems to have their own definition of when counts as cheating. What actions do you think count as cheating? Also, are some infractions more forgivable than others?
sexting,kissing and sex
02/28/2012
Pinkie Pie Pinkie Pie
Quote:
Originally posted by Mwar
Everyone seems to have their own definition of when counts as cheating. What actions do you think count as cheating? Also, are some infractions more forgivable than others?
kissing counts as cheating
03/01/2012
Total posts: 26
Unique posters: 23