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Girl, you aren't alone. I struggle with trusting too. I was hurt BADLY by my first "love" and it really impacted me in more ways than one. I've had trouble trusting in every relationship after that. From the 4yr one I was in to the
Girl, you aren't alone. I struggle with trusting too. I was hurt BADLY by my first "love" and it really impacted me in more ways than one. I've had trouble trusting in every relationship after that. From the 4yr one I was in to the current one I'm in and engaged. But I'm getting a little better. It's just so hard once you've been hurt so badly to not be on the defense all the time. I'm insecure and it's the worst feeling in the world. I've had my fiance and other guys compliment my looks regularly but I just have a bruised self-esteem and I don't know what to do to change it. I almost completely trust my fiance and he has given me no reason not to but there is still this voice telling me to be careful, what if, and so on. It doesn't help that I have a couple guy friends who have cheated on their gfs in front of me or was talking about it when I was around and that doesn't help my outlook on men and commitment.
I have a hard time trusting other girls too because before I met my fiance I was going out to the bars with a group of girls and I saw a few of them hit on or go home with a guy that was supposed to be in a relationship! One girl even hit on my fiance when she was so drunk and I was there! I was so mad but she has that reputation and I know I'm a better woman than her so I didn't worry about it but I was just shocked.
I hope we both are able to overcome this someday soon. I've taken so many human relations courses in school and I KNOW that being jealous, possessive and not completely trusting is harmful to a relationship yet I do it anyway. I need to work on my self esteem big time. I recently just bought a book here on EF called The Power of Wow and I can't wait to get into it and see if it helps me. I've also looked at other books on amazon. I just don't have time to read one yet because I have a book I need to read before the quarter is over as well as 3 more papers to write before March 12th.
It really is hard to bounce back. I tried so, so hard to get over it. The first time it happened and I found a picture of that RotR girl on his phone, he claimed he didn't know why she sent it. He said he would tell her never to do that again and he claimed that he was deleting his texts because his "messages get full quickly". I tried to believe him and went on with my life but from then on, my trust started to whittle away. And for good reason since he WAS lying then and he didn't admit it until I found him cheating the third time. The second time, he was flirting with a married woman and talking to another girl at the same time about how he was supposed to have watched her masturbate on webcam but they never got around to it. Again, I trusted him when he said he would never do this kind of stuff again (again) and tried to get on with my life. This last time was almost a deal-breaker, though. I caught him sending messages to a girl on Facebook for well over a month talking about sexual things. She told him to break up with me and that she could satisfy him better. He repeatedly asked her for pictures, asked her for a blowjob, and even set a date to go and have sex with her. I caught him before he could do it (as far as I know) and besides that, he said it was "all talk". I left that day and almost didn't come back.
I love my boyfriend to death. He is the only good thing in my life as I've grown up being verbally, physically, and emotionally abused by my family and the people around me, as well as dealing with poverty, health issues, and a number of other things. My life isn't often pretty but he is there for me and I don't know what I'd do without him. He swears it's never going to happen again but he's said that before and it's just so, so hard. I don't know how someone is supposed to get over the trust issues I have. I can only imagine how bad it would be if he had actually PHYSICALLY cheated. I'd be heartbroken. So I'm trying to get over it because yes, you're right, being like this is HORRIBLE for a relationship's health but when you're in my position or something similar, it's hard to imagine being any other way. I could get rid of my boyfriend and then I'd know that at least HE'S not cheating on me but what good does that do? I lose the love of my life and hopefully future husband and I'll always likely keep these trust issues with me because I, too, have seen men and women who simply do not care about the sanctity of their own or another's relationship. I just wish there was some kind of help for me. Or really, I wish there was a magic spell that could make the whole world stop being so deceitful. There is nothing that I hate more than a liar and a cheater is just that, only even worse.