When "Master" Became Just "Friend"

  • Get a Free Rabbit Vibe with Orders $59+

When "Master" Became Just "Friend"

Chilipepper Chilipepper
Well, Master's and my situation has changed drastically. (Background: we live on opposite sides of the Pond and had met once in person in May, 2011, and have known each other since March, 2011.)

About a month ago, he had a double whammy of financial and health problems hit, and he turned silent during that time. Since I had lost the net and phone at the same time, the silence was not noted much (I still emailed him from college and the public library, although he never replied back). About a week ago, I finally outright asked "Has something changed?"

He finally replied with the aforementioned problems. Between his health scaring him and us having only one date a year due to both our finances, he thinks we don't have a future together and understands if I want to go on with my life. Glad to have met you, etc.

Naturally, I had to hit him with the proverbial mallet - despite being my Master, we are friends first and foremost. I had to remind him that's what we agreed upon during our first meeting in person. Having been a loner for so long, he doesn't seem to understand that friends don't abandon each other when life gets difficult.

Yes, I understand he doesn't have the energy to keep up a relationship. I don't expect him to when he's depressed, stressed, and (possibly) scared. I offered friendship, and told him I'll give him all the support and comfort he wants, no matter how the future ends up. That's what friends do.

Since he tends to chew over things silently, I haven't heard back from him. He may have decided I'm too optimistic for my own good, or he's really thinking over what I said. I don't know. I'm still offering support.

So, even though I'm fine offering friendship and putting the relationship on the backburner, I'm feeling a little lost in my identity at the moment. As I said, he's my Master, but the D/s dynamic doesn't apply anymore. In most relationships, when the rug is pulled out from under me I fall on my ass ... in this, I've landed on my knees. Still up, but hurting a bit. I don't really have my "Master" anymore.

I can't discuss this part of it with anyone else - the people around me tend to have dim views of D/s relationships - so I trust you folks here at EF to understand where this is coming from. I don't know if there will be a future together or not; I'm not putting expectations on it.

He ... just needs to know that he's not alone, and doesn't have to be alone like he's used to.

Any advice, comments, or words of wisdom? Any one else have similar circumstances?
04/17/2012
  • Buy 3 Items for $70
  • Buy 3 Items for $50
  • Buy 3 Items for $30
  • Save 20% on Luxury Toys
  • Add Some Buzz To Your Favourite Toy & Save 60% On Kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
indiglo indiglo
No advice here, but plenty of hugs!

That is a big life change, especially to lose that D/s dynamic. Your thought processes seem really healthy, and I love what you said about falling to your knees rather than on your ass. Just seems like a really healthy way to look at things.

Well, ok, one piece of advice. Be kind to yourself right now. I hope with time, things will feel better.
04/17/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Well, Master's and my situation has changed drastically. (Background: we live on opposite sides of the Pond and had met once in person in May, 2011, and have known each other since March, 2011.)

About a month ago, he had a double whammy of ...
I am very proud of you. I don't know you, but you sound like a very dedicated person. I, myself am in a D/s relationship. It is long distance as well. We try our best. It is difficult. I totally understand where he is coming from, and where you are coming from. I think that you are so very kind that you want to remain friends with him. He needs you more then ever. He is very lucky to have you and I was very touched when I read this forum post. I am very sorry that it had to come down that way for you, but you are strong. Do not forget what an amazing person you are. I can tell. If you'd like to talk more, I am here if you need me.

04/17/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
No advice here, but plenty of hugs!

That is a big life change, especially to lose that D/s dynamic. Your thought processes seem really healthy, and I love what you said about falling to your knees rather than on your ass. Just seems like ...
Thank you, indiglo. I'm still a little on edge (this all happened last week), but I'm accepting it better every day.

*hugs back*
04/17/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
I am very proud of you. I don't know you, but you sound like a very dedicated person. I, myself am in a D/s relationship. It is long distance as well. We try our best. It is difficult. I totally understand where he is coming from, and where you ...
Miss Lollypop, thank you so much. It's really good to get feedback from others in our dynamic.

*many hugs*
04/17/2012
js250 js250
I have never been in the D/s lifestyle, but it seems to me to be comparable to counting on another person for love and emotional support. The amount of trust and faith would have to be very high for submission to another person and right now you are probably feeling like you are floating with no lifeline. I would be, anyways. That is common for the ending of a relationship, however you still have a friendship tie. That can be worth more than the D/s relationship, especially if he is a loner that has been devastated health and financial wise. Those are two things that are out of your control and for someone used to being alone and taking care of everything....wow. You are a great person who has a healthy and compassionate outlook for your friend Matt. I am always here for you and wish you the best, you deserve it!!!
04/17/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I have never been in the D/s lifestyle, but it seems to me to be comparable to counting on another person for love and emotional support. The amount of trust and faith would have to be very high for submission to another person and right now you are ...
*hugs* Thank you so much, js. You've been a great friend during this.
04/17/2012
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 4