Partner not anywhere near as interested as they used to be...

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Partner not anywhere near as interested as they used to be...

kitsuneyouko5 kitsuneyouko5
My fiance and I have been together for over 3 years now, were getting married next month. But for the past few months (since I was about 8 months pregnant with our second and now 5 month old son) he seems to have totally lost interest in me sexually. We maybe have sex once a month (which believe me makes doing reviews a pain in the rear) and even then its not for as long as we used to. Ive tried everything from stripping for him to initiating it. Nada, zilch. Barely getting a rise out of him. We still get along just fine and nothing else in our relationship has changed, just little to no sex. And we used to go at it at minimum once a week...I don't want this to kill our relationship but its seriously bumming me out. Help!
04/11/2011
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Kindred Kindred
Not to sound cliche, but I think you need to talk to your fiance about it. There is obviously some reason why your partner seems to have lost interest. Perhaps it's stress, perhaps it's fear about the upcoming wedding, perhaps it's that he's tired. None of which you will really know unless you talk to him about it.
04/11/2011
indiglo indiglo
Yeah, it's definitely only something you can figure out talking to him. Maybe he's just feeling a ton of pressure, dealing with anxiety or something like that. Be sure to pick a time when you're both relaxed and use "I" statements rather than anything accusatory that might put him on the defensive. Best wishes to you both!
04/11/2011
kitsuneyouko5 kitsuneyouko5
ill give it a shot, tlkin to this guy sometimes is like talking to a stump -.- love him dearly but hes so non-confrontational that he'd rather sit there and say nothing than say anything that might cause an argument.
04/11/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
My guess is that having the responsibility for a wife and child at such a young age is more pressure than he's comfortable with. As the others have said - communication is going to be very important - do what you can to boost his ego.
04/11/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by kitsuneyouko5
ill give it a shot, tlkin to this guy sometimes is like talking to a stump -.- love him dearly but hes so non-confrontational that he'd rather sit there and say nothing than say anything that might cause an argument.
You have to be prepared to take what he says in stride and see it as something you guys can work on rather than the attack it might feel like. You need to be able to talk to each other about everything without fearing an argument! Let him know you are willing to listen, REALLY listen to what's bothering him. If you remain open and honestly interested rather than blaming he'll come around.
04/11/2011
kitsuneyouko5 kitsuneyouko5
erm...young is not him...prolly shoulda mentioned that one, hes 45. his birthday was the other day. Im the younger one, 23. but i do understand what you guys are saying, thanks! this is another reason I love edens, people with brains who give worthwhile advice! just got back from walmart with some new sheets so maybe i can get him to talk while ive got him roped into helping change the bed best way to get him to talk is to feed him and give him some mundane chore to do while talking
04/11/2011
SamsDelight SamsDelight
Quote:
Originally posted by kitsuneyouko5
ill give it a shot, tlkin to this guy sometimes is like talking to a stump -.- love him dearly but hes so non-confrontational that he'd rather sit there and say nothing than say anything that might cause an argument.
I totally feel you on this one. My husband is the same way. I agree with those on here about talk to him and try not to make it confrontational. If he finally does say something take a minute to think about it before you respond. My husband and I went to get help because we were having a lot of issue with him not talking and me just wanting to give up because of it. I found out in my husbands case he was always afraid of saying the wrong thing. I am very outspoken and somewhat a hot temper kind of person. He just never wanted to say something stupid and me run with it. I will write things down on the computer to get my thoughts in order before I talk to him. This way it is not saved and I erase it after I get it all out. Helps to not have some of my stupid comments come out of my mouth. Well it helps me because my mouth runs away with me sometimes. Hope I could be of some help.
04/12/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by kitsuneyouko5
erm...young is not him...prolly shoulda mentioned that one, hes 45. his birthday was the other day. Im the younger one, 23. but i do understand what you guys are saying, thanks! this is another reason I love edens, people with brains who give ...
Well - there's your answer. Like it or not age has a serious effect on a man's ability to perform sexually. The loss of ability can be reflected in desire when there is performance anxiety.

This is going to be interesting because when you reach your peak sexual desire in your 30s and 40s - he's going to be well down the road - probably popping Viagra on a regular basis.

Don't take this wrong - my comments come from experience. I am 11 years older than my girl. It's only half the difference you are dealing with - but I can tell you that I use Cialis (my preference) on a regular basis to keep up with my wife whose now in her mid40s.
04/12/2011
Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
Well - there's your answer. Like it or not age has a serious effect on a man's ability to perform sexually. The loss of ability can be reflected in desire when there is performance anxiety.



This is going to be interesting ...
I'm agreeing with Gunsmoke here. My boyfriend (ex-boyfriend? not sure at the moment) is 14 years older than me and in his 40's. He had this problem at one point and it turns out all it was was a dip in his testosterone levels, which is more common than you'd think around that age. The blood work and the treatment are pretty simple if that happens to be the case. If his levels are all good, it may very well be an issue of performance issues, which are for most, fairly easy to deal with. There are lots of options, so even with people that can't take the pills, there are other routes to try. Good luck!
04/12/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
I'm agreeing with Gunsmoke here. My boyfriend (ex-boyfriend? not sure at the moment) is 14 years older than me and in his 40's. He had this problem at one point and it turns out all it was was a dip in his testosterone levels, which is more ...
Gunsmoke and Tori are so right! My Man is in his early 50s, and while we still have sex very often, I am certainly initiating it more than I ever was. Of course, I'm a bit younger than he is, and "hitting my sexual prime" at this age.

The T Level check is VERY important. Make sure they do the saliva test as the blood test is highly inaccurate. There are treatments for Low Testosterone. Also, depression, diabetes, high blood pressure and other health problems often cause a lack of interest in sex. He needs to see a doctor for a complete work-up. And the two of you NEED to talk and maybe get therapy together. I've been with My Man for @ 20 years. I highly doubt "nothing else is going on" to cause problems in the relationship. A poor sex life undermines everything else, and there is always a reason for lack of sexual feelings.

One thing, though. Viagra, Cialis etc won't make a man "feel like having sex" if he doesn't feel like it. It will help with "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Meaning, it will help with erection, if he's having a rough time with it, but it is not an sex drive "fixing" drug. He has to want it for the drug to work, most of the time. For ED drugs to work, the man's drive has to be there.

Please get some medical help for him, and therapy for both of you. You won't regret it.

Good luck.
04/12/2011
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 8