Suggestions for 16-year Married Couple with New Sex Life?

one20innafiftyfive one20innafiftyfive
My wife & I have been married for 16 years. We were both virgins when we married. We love each other dearly, but our sex life was lacking. We rarely did it. It's not that it wasn't fun or enjoyable, but somehow it wasn't fulfilling.

I had difficulty bringing my wife to orgasm, and oral sex was always part of the repertoire. She would have them occasionally, but they weren't spectacular as one would expect. She admits that even through masturbation, she had difficulty bringing herself to climax.

Oddly enough, we saw a commercial for KY Intense Arousal Gel, and decided to try it. While the gel did nothing as far as arousal, the "act" of putting something on her genitals opened a new world. We've always been very open with our communication, but as far as sex goes, we kept it to a minimum. We'd refer to her vagina as "down there" and cunnilingus as "kissing her down there". Somehow, with introducing an "object", made it less serious and more playful. It opened up the dialog laughing at each other as we finally called it her "pussy" and my "dick", and "going down". We immediately realized we'd stepped into a new realm. We immediately went on the net and ordered a vibrator. Without much research, we ordered the Lelo Ina and some lube.

We used the Ina as soon as it came it. My wife had an orgasm quite quickly, and it was the most intense orgasm she'd ever had. We made love for about 2 hours. It was heavenly for both of us. We're now having sex usually 2 hours at a time, 3-4 times per week. She has multiple orgasms now--3 in a row is the record!

Like idiots, we'd never used lube before we got the vibrator. (we're using a silicone-safe lube). The lube has opened new realms as well. We've done anal maybe 3 times in our relationship. Using only my saliva as lube. I know, I realize now, that was dumb. Using the lube, now, she's actually enjoyed the anal. (Vibe in her pussy, my dick in her ass). However, she doesn't want to do that very often for fear of losing anal tone. I'm ok with that.

I really get off on putting the vibe in her and watching her entire body writhe as she cums. This is a huge turn-on for me.

So, I know this is a long post, but my questions are as follows:

1. What next? We are so interested in trying out other toys, but we don't know what could be better than the Ina.

2. Is her concern about losing anal tone a valid one? She says that with lube, she has no pain and that the sensation coupled with the vibe is intense. I obviously love anal, but it's more difficult to control my orgasm, so it's not my first action.

I sure hope this is the right community for such questions! I appreciate your patience.
03/10/2012
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butterflygirlxo butterflygirlxo
What a great story to read. There are lots of toys to choose from on here, just look around and read reviews! I'm sure you will find something! There is also different kinds of lubes out there! You have warming, cooling! Keep trying new things to spice it up..

I can't answer question number 2 as I don't like anal because it hurts to much
03/11/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by one20innafiftyfive
My wife & I have been married for 16 years. We were both virgins when we married. We love each other dearly, but our sex life was lacking. We rarely did it. It's not that it wasn't fun or enjoyable, but somehow it wasn't ... More
I'm so happy you have finally found your sexuality and are enjoying every minute of it! Welcome to a whole new world.
First off you cannot use anal "tone" through anal sex The anal muscles are the strongest in the body and they push large lumps though quite frequently. They stay strong all on their own and as long as you are using proper amounts of lube (the more the better!) It is a wives tale that you lose anal tone or "leak" later on if you have anal sex...the biology just doesn't ring true. The thing is as she gets more aroused her sphincter will relax and allow easier penetration BUT it doesn't last and when she wishes to "keep things inside" her sphincter will react and she will not have problems.

Also having sex doesn't cause the vagina to stretch out or lose elasticity either. After three children my doctor still needs to use a small speculum during an exam...that is to say I am as tight as I was before I had my first child. It's all about the Kegel exercises!

So go on and enjoy yourselves you kooky kids! Just to sort of qualify myself: I've been married for over 20 years and have 3 kids. After years of anal sex and children I have zero anal leakage and my husband hasn't felt like I am just not as tight as I once was. Probably too much information but damn I hate to see wives tales making people miserable about their sex lives. Have fun and take a gander around the site. You never know what you might learn!
03/11/2012
Badass Badass
Answer to #2, frequent anal sex can cause lack of control over bowels as well as prolapse...

Neither are pretty pictures..

Google it..
03/15/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Badass
Answer to #2, frequent anal sex can cause lack of control over bowels as well as prolapse...

Neither are pretty pictures..

Google it..
According to my doctor who has done the research as long as you use appropriate toys and penis sized objects neither loss of bowel control or prolapse is possible...anything else is propaganda. Loss of anal control is more likely to happen to people who abuse laxatives and prolapse is caused by trauma to the bowel. It is NOT caused by frequent anal sex.
03/16/2012
indiglo indiglo
There have been studies on the topic of anal sex and the anal sphincter structure. Here is a link to one of them on PubMed (PubMed is a service of the US National Library of Medicine where you can find a TON of articles and abstracts that have appeared in a variety of well respected medical journals) to one of those studies: Anal sphincter structure and function in homosexual males engaging in anoreceptive intercourse.

The long and the short of it is that if done correctly, anal sex does not cause any short-term or long-term harm to the anal sphincter structure. Nor does it cause loss of bowel control.


As for what else you can explore... what a fun question! Basically you 2 are only limited by your imagination! (Oh, and congrats on rediscovering each other after 16 years, that is FANTASTIC!)

You might be interested in doing some sensory play and using things like blindfolds and ticklers. (Ticklers are basically fancy feather dusters.) Check out some of those kits here: link

You might also be interested in finding a smaller vibrator that could be used just to stimulate your wife's clitoris during penetrative sex. Like some of these: link

Or maybe something YOU control while she uses it, like these bullets that have the controllers on a long cord: link

Or... maybe a vibrating cock ring? link

Or what about some positioning aids to help you use a bigger variety of positions more comfortably during sex? link


These are just a few general directions you can start looking into. I am sure that as you start to explore, you'll be able to home in on what exactly works best for you both. Happy hunting!
03/16/2012
wildorchid wildorchid
Sensual massage? Glass toys and to help yourself during anal, maybe a cock ring? Perhaps you may want to explore prostate play?

If you are worried about anal sex, you're in the right place for good advice. My other advice is always to ask a doctor, but Airen Wolf has pretty much repeated what my own doctor has told me. To avoid complications, you just need to make sure you're being safe with anal sex and play. Be careful with the internet though, there is some nasty, misleading information out there. Better to ask a doctor, or read about it on Eden.

Happy playing, so glad you loved the Ina!
03/16/2012
purple579 purple579
Ok you need to get the Kama sutra app called iKamasutra it has all kinds of new positions and it has something called the places challenge its a blast. And I definitely suggest a vibrating cock ring it turns your dick into a vibrator.
03/16/2012
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
That's such a beautiful story! I'm so glad that you two were able to open up to each other like that! I would suggest some different lubes, especially warming ones. My husband loves those. Vibrating cock rings are nice, just be careful with some of them, they can kind of hit hard when thrusting. Umm...as far as anal sex goes, we don't do a lot with it, so I can't give advice, but I'm pretty sure that as long as you're well lubed and she's not in pain, you should be good!
03/26/2012
Positwist Positwist
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
There have been studies on the topic of anal sex and the anal sphincter structure. Here is a link to one of them on PubMed (PubMed is a service of the US National Library of Medicine where you can find a TON of articles and abstracts that have ... More
Great post, Indiglo. To add some layman wisdom to the PubMed article: Sphincter muscles are just like any other muscle in the body. Stretching your hamstrings doesn't make your legs all loose as wobbly; they retain their strength but gain flexibility. In the same way, stretching the ol' bumhole won't weaken the muscles (just be sure she's not in any pain! Anal need not ever hurt).

And to add to all the suggestions here:

One20, are you interested in anal play at all? There's always the great big world of plugs, probes, and pegging. Reversing roles--your wife strapping on a cock and pegging you--can be a lot of fun.

What about non-vibrating insertable toys? Using a dildo for PIV sex can open up a whole new world of positions and perspectives.

And there's always light restraints! The under the bed restraint system is a good place to start.

Your post was a joy to read, One20. It's always lovely to hear about a good rekindling. Have fun in your explorations!
03/26/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
I second the restraints suggestion. You might also enjoy trying toys with texture. Here are a few:

Tantus Echo

Fleur De Lis silicone bliss

Tantus Throb

Vogue – g-spot and clitoral vibrator

Sailor – g-spot vibrator
03/26/2012
one20innafiftyfive one20innafiftyfive
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I second the restraints suggestion. You might also enjoy trying toys with texture. Here are a few:

Tantus Echo

Fleur De Lis silicone bliss

Tantus Throb

Vogue – g-spot and clitoral vibrator

Sailor – g-spot vibrator ... More
Have you any experience with the Lelo Ina? As I stated in my original post, we purchased the Ina as our first vibrator. How would it compare with these other vibrators you've suggested? My wife really enjoys the Ina and I love putting things inside of her.
03/26/2012
glassrose glassrose
It's been said, but I have to agree the cock ring is a fun toy.
One thing I have to ask if you've considered: perhaps your wife just isn't that "in to" anal sex. She may be ok with once in a while for your pleasure but not be all the comfortable with her herself. That isn't uncommon. Communication (as has been said before) is key. Talk to her and try to respect her wishes if it really is about not being all the comfortable with it for whatever reason.
03/27/2012
one20innafiftyfive one20innafiftyfive
Quote:
Originally posted by glassrose
It's been said, but I have to agree the cock ring is a fun toy.
One thing I have to ask if you've considered: perhaps your wife just isn't that "in to" anal sex. She may be ok with once in a while for your pleasure but not ... More
Point taken, but yes, we've discussed it thoroughly. When we'd tried it in the remote past, it wasn't particularly comfortable for either of us, because, like idiots we never considered lube - just a lot of my saliva. Again, I know that was dumb, but we WERE ignorant to such things as lube. We do it correctly, now, and she enjoys it.

I do not doubt her truthfulness about this either, she has no problems telling me what's comfortable and what's not. Conversely, she has no problems asking what I like and what I don't. Communication is the sole reason we're having such fun with our newly discovered sex life.

Just this weekend, we discovered she likes a little anal play while the vibe is in her pussy. She had a different kind of orgasm. Mid coitus, she said, I don't know what you're doing, but keep doing it. I think I was doing with my finger, what a small plug would have accomplished. The vibe was in her pussy. I burried my finger in her ass and FROM her rectum, pressed upward such that the vibe was really firmly against the g-spot. She enjoyed the simultaneous anal stimulation, and, as I stated, had a very different orgasm.

So, to date, she's had clitoral orgasms which are slow building and long lasting. She's had g-spot orgasms which are somewhat surprising and involve her whole body (I get off on the shuttering she does at the end.) And now she's had this different orgasm which was somehow aided by the anal play. I think it touched a very basic part of her being in that she had somewhat of a low rumble grunt to her voice, almost animalistic, but not quite a growl.

It's great, because when we're done, we laugh and giggle like kids, giving each other the play-by-play.
03/27/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by one20innafiftyfive
Have you any experience with the Lelo Ina? As I stated in my original post, we purchased the Ina as our first vibrator. How would it compare with these other vibrators you've suggested? My wife really enjoys the Ina and I love putting things ... More
Sorry, I haven't tried the Ina so I can't compare. However, I know the Ina is very smooth, and the toys I linked are the opposite: they have bumps, ridges, veins. The only way to find out if you like something is to experiment.
03/29/2012
Missy27 Missy27
I have nothing to add, you have gotten great suggestions. But I just wanted to say congratulations to both of you and enjoy yourself!
02/17/2013
one20innafiftyfive one20innafiftyfive
It's been almost a year since my original post. We are still going strong! Thanks for everyone's input.
02/17/2013
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 12