Ladies: What do ‘BAD BOYS’ have that I don’t?

PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
For the most part, I've always wondered what women see in a ‘stereo type’ male identified as a BAD BOY. What does a BAD BOY have that a ‘nice guy’ doesn’t? I will leave it up to you to define what a BAD BOY may be. However, by definition, BAD means naughty, shocking, troublesome, mischievous, rude, immoral, ruthless, awful, ghastly, imperfect, disobedient, badly behaved, unmanageable, and other synonyms.

I like to give respect to 'link82' who, in 2011, framed the question differently in a Poll titled, Bad Boy vs. Nice Guy, where she had asked, "Just wondering how many other straight women have a hard time liking the "nice guys," as hard as we try!

I am trying to understand WHY women seem to be attracted to Bad Boys! Or, is this idea completely ridiculous? This is NOT Poll!
06/09/2012
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In my opinion there is a time and a place to be a "NICE GUY" same goes for a "BAD BOY" And if your not in that proper time and place it's a turn off. If you are way to nice to me it's a turn off. I'm a very independent girl and I don't like to be waited on I will do all that myself. my current SO is the perfect mix. He's sweet and loving when I need him to be and a Totally Ass when I need him to be. It's just all about the person. or the Girl for this matter
06/09/2012
amazon amazon
That's such crap. You finally realize that what we want in life changes after repeatedly making the same mistakes.
06/09/2012
PeachCandy PeachCandy
I've been with my Bad Boy for over 17 years and I wouldn't have it any other way. Nice guys are good for nice girls. But for naughty bad girls, only a bad boy will do
06/09/2012
Geogeo Geogeo
I don't like the neediness of good boys. A man that will ask me 'are you ok' in bed and always ask me 'what's wrong' and will bend over backwards to let me be a brat without putting up a fight isnt a turn on for me...A bad boy doesn't take my shit, and that's what I need.
06/09/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I think it's a question of perceived virility. Bad Boys aren't afraid to show off and be "manly", which seems to feed into the hormonal racial survival twaddle about picking out the so-called "most potent" of the gene pool.

Interestingly enough, studies have brought up the point that once the female becomes pregnant, she will seek out the Nice Guy as nurturer and provider for her offspring. Taking this a step further (though I doubt the validity of this claim), women want more "sensitive" men now because of the last two generations of women having been exposed to birth control, which kicks in the "seek nurturer" trait due to the hormones making the body think it's pregnant. I am of the inclination that the research money was embezzled.

However, there may also be a play of psychology here, as most of the "Bad Boys" I see around my area are also abusive losers who cheat, beat, and are passive-aggressive children. They also get laid more often, judging by the amount of women they get pregnant. The women who chose them seem to have low esteem, low standards, and the inability to figure out how to use birth control, with the excuse of "The is the best we've got, and he's good in the sack." Which, of course, validates my theory of perceived virility being that the women won't give the Nice Guys the time of day to practice being better. The cycle perpetuates itself.

Admittedly, my idea of a Bad Boy is having a perceived virility just under the surface of respectability and manners, which means he's a demanding Dom in private.
06/09/2012
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Geogeo
I don't like the neediness of good boys. A man that will ask me 'are you ok' in bed and always ask me 'what's wrong' and will bend over backwards to let me be a brat without putting up a fight isnt a turn on for me...A bad boy ... More
I think this is true for a lot of women - but you can't fake it. My Dad was a bad-boy - but it didn't pay of for him because my mother needed nurturing. It was a horrible match and both were miserable and died young from all the conflict.

I know my wife would love for me to be more assertive - but she can't tolerate the BS from the bad boys - so she ended up with me.

When it comes to bad boys - your playing with fire. Don't go down that road if you can't take the heat.
06/09/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
I've been with both. I'm aggressive myself and a bit of a bitch. With nice guys, I tend to walk all over them and get bored. I get away with too much crap. A bad boy won't take all my nonsense and will stand up to me if I ask too much. It keeps me on my toes a bit more. Also, nice guys were very judgmental of things I've done or do. Bad ones have probably done or do the same things, so no judgement there.

That said, there's a level of "bad" I won't tolerate. I had one "bad boy" that cheated on me constantly. He had to go.

My now husband is a bad boy. He's been to jail more times than I could count, though it has mostly been for not showing up to court for speeding tickets. A few times for more serious things. He drives an import car that he modifies for racing. He says inappropriate things at awkward times, which can be a bit much sometimes. He is who he is and will happily tell anyone who doesn't like it to screw off (only he won't use that wording). He'll do things for me, but if I ask too much he'll tell me I'm being lazy (which 99% of the time he's right about). He sees me at my worst times in fits of anger and thinks it's hot rather than running for the hills. He'll go toe to toe with me and not back down. I need that. Like Gunsmoke said, there is some BS that comes with him, but there's a lot of BS that comes with me too. The way I figure, no one else would put up with either of our crazy asses! Match made in heaven. Or hell perhaps. lol

For what it's worth, he can be kind when he needs to be. He's an awesome dad to our son. He becomes a total teddy bear when my son gives him a puppy look. And if I'm having a real hard time mentally, he knows when to back off the bad boy BS a little to make things easier on me. Not totally, because that's just his nature, but he tries his best to be supportive.
06/09/2012
PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I think it's a question of perceived virility. Bad Boys aren't afraid to show off and be "manly", which seems to feed into the hormonal racial survival twaddle about picking out the so-called "most potent" of the gene ... More
I am very impressed with your depth of perception! Thanks for sharing your comments!
06/09/2012
PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I've been with both. I'm aggressive myself and a bit of a bitch. With nice guys, I tend to walk all over them and get bored. I get away with too much crap. A bad boy won't take all my nonsense and will stand up to me if I ask too ... More
So it would seem from your perspective, that the question could actually work both ways! Thus, there could be men who are captivated by 'BAD GIRLS' even though they are searching for the ‘Nice Girl’ in their lives.
06/09/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionateLover2
So it would seem from your perspective, that the question could actually work both ways! Thus, there could be men who are captivated by 'BAD GIRLS' even though they are searching for the ‘Nice Girl’ in their lives.
Absolutely! The few nice guys I dated were head over heels for me despite me being a major bitch to them. I'll never get that. They were devastated when I broke up with them 'cause I got bored. So yeah, I would say those guys were drawn to the "bad girl" type when they would have been better off with a "nice girl" instead.
06/09/2012
indiglo indiglo
Since I am not attracted to Bad Boys, I really can't help you with your query. I just wanted to point out that not ALL women are attracted to Bad Boys. I prefer a man who is kind, loving, gentle, sweet and trustworthy.

I roll my eyes at all the "women prefer Bad Boys" talk - because again, it's just as bad a stereotype as the Bad Boy/Nice Guy stereotype.

When I was younger, I liked the "excitement" of a Bad Boy, but once I grew up I realized that "excitement" was just immaturity and bad behavior. lol Now that I'm settled down, I much prefer my man - who is thoughtful and communicative with me. He loves me and he's not afraid to show it. That works for me.

Your mileage may vary, and all that.
06/09/2012
indiglo indiglo
Or...

What Chilipepper said. LOL I should have read ALL the replies first.
06/09/2012
voenne voenne
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Absolutely! The few nice guys I dated were head over heels for me despite me being a major bitch to them. I'll never get that. They were devastated when I broke up with them 'cause I got bored. So yeah, I would say those guys were drawn ... More
I can identify with this. Though I definitely don't identify as the "bad" type, I still need someone who will be strong, assertive, and stick up for themselves. Even if that means sticking up against me. I can be very dramatic, impulsive, and rebellious when I want to be, because I thrive on intensity. I feel like a lot of nice guys I've dated have just ignored my flaws or my behavior because they're in love with the -idea- of who I am, or who I am when I'm in a certain mood.

Some I have noticed like taking up the role of the victim. They seemed to like the attention of having someone feel sorry for them, and then say, "No one else will be able to love you/put up with you the way I do". I can't take it when a guy just puts me up on a pedestal, and often times I start acting up just to see how they react! Being a brat totally isn't me at all, but I just keep hoping there is another side to them that comes out and that they will show me that they are their own person.

Of course this is just an extreme example and what I tend to associate with "nice" guys. I have dated plenty of "normal" guys who have had both sides but just weren't the one for me in the end. I've seen through some of the "bad boy" types I've come across in the past and all I ended up seeing was immaturity, narcissism, hidden insecurity. It completely has to do with the individual. I like a balance; the trouble is just finding the right balance for me.

I hope I don't sound terribly shallow! Obviously I can't speak on behalf of all nice guys or bad boys out there. We as women all have very different ideas on what we want VS what we need.
06/09/2012
nanamondoute nanamondoute
For me, I only like bad boys for a fling. I would never actually go into a serious relationship with them, because I need someone who is considerate and would really give me a lot of what I want. I guess it's because I consider myself a nice girl. At the same time though, if there's a guy who likes me but I don't like them back, I will walk over them. It's kind of bad, but I think this is where "nice guys" need to just toughen up and realize that being walked over isn't good. Everyone is a little excited to have to work for something -- when nice guys are too nice, they are making it too easy and it's no longer interesting to be with them. Also, clinginess makes me think of desperation, so I hate that too.
06/09/2012
js250 js250
With some women it is the conquest. To see if they can "tame" the bad boy, make him heel to her. Others it is the thrill of the chase. I am with the bad boy, he has calmed a lot with age and time but I am also a very strong bad girl as well. I wish it could have been different sometimes, but with my drive for adrenaline and need for challenges, the nice guys would never stick around. One told me he didn't want to peel me off the pavement (into car racing at the time), another said he couldn't be with a woman that knew more about cars than him, and my hubby loves the fact that I can work on a dirtbike, race one and do all the trials he can. (Just does not want me jumping out of a perfectly good airplane....but what he doesn't know...)
06/09/2012
humblepie humblepie
I tend to avoid 'nice guys' because (among other things) in my experience they tend to be more reluctant to let go if you tell them you're not interested. If you turn down nice guys, they cling and plead with you to give them a chance. That's a big turn off for me I know they mean well but if you want a chance with me you need to respect my wishes! I've never had that problem with 'bad boys', but generally I tend toward neutrals.
06/09/2012
hot lil momma hot lil momma
I love my bad boy and have for 14 years now. I have dated good guys but to be honest, they bored me completely in bed and out. My bad boy is just perfect for me..people tell me as much when they see us together. I am an extremely independent woman and I like to call the shots and he totally evens me out and I do the same for him. It works for us
06/09/2012
Khanner Khanner
Either extreme is terrible, but in my opinion, "bad boys" are the worst.

They are all full to the brim with cocky horseshit. Someone who has natural leadership and strength doesn't feel the need to blow people off or be overly judgmental. Nor do they have childish entitlement issues and seek to mooch off their partners. Those are all traits I notice in "bad boys," and anyone I see trying to emulate them immediately makes my "no" list. Someone who thinks they should act like a bad boy to get a date is a terribly misguided and neurotic person.

In my experience, anyone worth my time has always been on the "nice guy" side of the fence.
06/11/2012
PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by voenne
I can identify with this. Though I definitely don't identify as the "bad" type, I still need someone who will be strong, assertive, and stick up for themselves. Even if that means sticking up against me. I can be very dramatic, ... More
Thank you for your perspective. I also liked 'indiglo' comments too. You both have offered an insight into this image. I take from this that cultivating a "relationship" for a period of time IS VERY IMPORTANT. I would have to conclude that 'love at first sight' may be a trap; that taking the time to know the person is essential in order to identify the real nice guys vs. bad guys out there.
07/06/2012
BoobCopter BoobCopter
Guys that call themselves "nice guys" are mostly creeps that are only nice to you because they expect sex in return. Fuck that noise.
07/08/2012
Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionateLover2
For the most part, I've always wondered what women see in a ‘stereo type’ male identified as a BAD BOY. What does a BAD BOY have that a ‘nice guy’ doesn’t? I will leave it up to you to define what a BAD BOY may be. However, by definition, BAD ... More
I was attracted to the bad boy type all of my life, mostly because there is a sense of adventure. I had my share of total douche bags, but a bad boy who is daring and a risk taker is just appealing. I have had great relationships w/ nice guys, and they are fantastic. But a bad boy is just more exciting on a wild level. A good guy is more of a commitment type. I guess when you are ready to settle down, a nice guy is better and wins in my book.
07/08/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionateLover2
For the most part, I've always wondered what women see in a ‘stereo type’ male identified as a BAD BOY. What does a BAD BOY have that a ‘nice guy’ doesn’t? I will leave it up to you to define what a BAD BOY may be. However, by definition, BAD ... More
Typically a "Bad Boy" seems self absorbed to the outside world but (unless he is also an asshole) in private he is attentive and that is amazing. A bad boy has a protective streak that may look like controlling behavior to outsiders but is actually very endearing (for a short time). Also the feeling with a bad boy is that he will be able to physically beat other guys...that's the stereotype.
Bad boys can have wicked senses of humor and tend to think outside the box and it can be a naughty thrill to be with them. The bad thing is it gets old after a while and you have to have something that draws you back or it's on to the next.
My bad boy is an amazing father, an innovative and creative lover, meaner than hell and sweeter than honey. He is also frequently rude, anti-social and people assume he is a wife beater (especially when they meet his wife!). He doesn't have a problem letting people know, even his wife at times, that they don't matter at that particular moment but on the flip side he can scorch you with his full attention. In short he is electric to be around and draws women like a bright light bulb draws moths.

I am attracted to guys nice or bad...but both of my guys are egocentric, dominant and frequently rude. They compliment and mitigate my own dominant and abrasive personality.

I have loved nice guys but I find that ALL guys have this knuckle dragging asshole inside of them. You are attracted to what you are attracted to! You know the other equally stereotypical saying: Nice guys always win in the end. In my experience letting a little of the knuckle dragger balance your new millennium man will spice up the relationship and give a nice guy some depth...like the gentle, caring side of a bad boy peeking through can make a woman melt.
07/08/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
I think this is true for a lot of women - but you can't fake it. My Dad was a bad-boy - but it didn't pay of for him because my mother needed nurturing. It was a horrible match and both were miserable and died young from all the ... More
I highly doubt Mrs. Gunsmoke would say that she ended up with you...from the way you have spoken about her she seems to me to be the type to actively CHOOSE to be with you! There's a lot of love and affection in your descriptions of your marriage.
You are 100% correct about knowing yourself before you choose a life mate though. I know I need a guy to balance my self indulgent nature and indolent attitudes. He needs to be strong and self assured and HIGHLY sexual. For all his faults Sigel is my perfect counterpart...but the conflicts that arise from this type of relationship are HUGE.
Arch is also self indulgent but less indolent than I am and more driven. He is the pivot point of Sigel and my own personalities. Possibly this is why our house feels so VERY tranquil when we are all here. It's also why it works so well between the three of us.
If you don't or can't see the faults of your bad boy, to my mind you aren't going to really see the positives about a good guy. I accept my bad boy but don't tolerate abuse...other women who have been successful with their bad boys say the same.
07/08/2012
PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Typically a "Bad Boy" seems self absorbed to the outside world but (unless he is also an asshole) in private he is attentive and that is amazing. A bad boy has a protective streak that may look like controlling behavior to outsiders but is ... More
So in some ways a guy can have a mixture of both the Bad Boy and Nice Guy stereotype and it depends upon which why the scale leans. Maybe it is a matter of age, maturity, and confidence that as you said, "...is electric to be around and draws women like a bright light bulb draws moths." Thanks for taking the time to write your thoughts here.
07/12/2012
glitterbombs glitterbombs
Quote:
Originally posted by BoobCopter
Guys that call themselves "nice guys" are mostly creeps that are only nice to you because they expect sex in return. Fuck that noise.
Eyup. Just be a man who is also a nice person for the sake of being nice; making a big deal about how you are A Good Guy raises a red flag for me.

Also, I don't think anybody has mentioned yet that "bad boys" are generally the ones actively pursuing relationships and/or sex while "nice guys" (and I'm talking about people who call themselves those things as well as people who just loosely fit the stereotype) are more likely to be more hesitant or just let things happen naturally. There's nothing wrong with either of those things, but obviously it's the dude who's always flirting that is going to find someone who's mutually interested first.
07/19/2012
GONE! GONE!
What exactly constitutes a "Bad Boy?" I hear guys complain all the time about how that's all women want but the only characteristic that seems to constantly stick for them is confidence and being upfront. "Bad" guys get the girls because they actually bother to ask girls out instead of pretending to be their platonic best friend.
07/19/2012
Kate Kate
it's not that i like bad boys but i'll best explain it this way. i like a challenge. i like nice guys and i like bad boys but i have to have balance. if a nice guy is too nice and never challenges me and always does everything i want and is a yes man with no personality of his own, there is no challenge there. i do enjoy someone that will put me in my place and not let me always have things my way, i like compromise and someone who will meet me halfway
08/19/2012
bettle590 bettle590
I'm going to be blunt. When someone calls himself a "nice guy" I sense entitlement. The truth is, you can't do anything about a girl not being attracted to you or preferring "bad boy" personality traits. It's not about what makes you seemingly less attractive, it's just that those particular women have their own preferences that you can't change. I don't know what to tell you, because there's no exact science or patterns to who finds who attractive. You'll only get individual stories.
08/21/2012
Total posts: 29
Unique posters: 22