Staying strong after breaking things off. Blah.

Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
That's what I have to figure out to do.

I loved that boy but I had to let him go after the way things had been falling apart. He wanted to stay friends, but there's really no point in it. Our relationship had dissolved into barely anything even though we had amazing chemistry and loved each other like crazy. He just stopped trying and I was putting in too much for my own good.

I just got off the phone with him. I've got to stay strong and not get upset and change my mind.

Why does this suck so much?
08/31/2011
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aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
That's what I have to figure out to do.

I loved that boy but I had to let him go after the way things had been falling apart. He wanted to stay friends, but there's really no point in it. Our relationship had dissolved into barely ... More
oh my jesus girl. we both did the same thing today! cry on my shoulder if you wish.

it sucks so much because we are emotional beings. and because of attachment.

luckily, nothing is permanent. so sit tight, drink a glass o wine. break out your toys that are just for YOU and breathe deep.
08/31/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
oh my jesus girl. we both did the same thing today! cry on my shoulder if you wish.

it sucks so much because we are emotional beings. and because of attachment.

luckily, nothing is permanent. so sit tight, drink a glass o wine. break ... More
I just sent you this. link
08/31/2011
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
i've heard that song a couple times on WRFL, the only station i listen to. the local college radio here in lex. it's sweet. poignant.

do like.


hugs. kisses.
09/01/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
i've heard that song a couple times on WRFL, the only station i listen to. the local college radio here in lex. it's sweet. poignant.

do like.


hugs. kisses.
The same to you. That album is the BEST breakup album ever.
09/01/2011
indiglo indiglo
Try doing some things just for you. Maybe things you have always wanted to do but have never gotten around to doing. (Learn to play an instrument, run a marathon, whatever floats your boat!) Stay busy with things you enjoy doing, and try some new things to get you out of your rut. (Learn how to make pottery, start painting, etc.) Remember why you ended it, and be patient with yourself as you work towards feeling good about the decision you made. Many times the right decision is the hardest one to make!
09/01/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Try doing some things just for you. Maybe things you have always wanted to do but have never gotten around to doing. (Learn to play an instrument, run a marathon, whatever floats your boat!) Stay busy with things you enjoy doing, and try some new ... More
I have a guitar and a sewing machine because of this strategy in the past.

I'm trying to get past the automatic thought of "It's over so (_insert pleasant memory here__) will never happen again"
09/01/2011
indiglo indiglo
Yeah I hear you! I think every one of us has been there. And it sucks! But it soooo will happen again. Once you're healed and stronger and feeling ready, it will. I was single for nearly 10 years (after getting out of a really unhealthy relationship) and then -boom- I met my man. I was really happy single too and wasn't looking for anything, but it found me. Let's just hope (_insert BAD memory here_) will never happen again!
09/01/2011
Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Try doing some things just for you. Maybe things you have always wanted to do but have never gotten around to doing. (Learn to play an instrument, run a marathon, whatever floats your boat!) Stay busy with things you enjoy doing, and try some new ... More
I agree, go out and do things you have always wanted to do. Surround yourself with supportive friends but also make time for yourself to relax. Trying to keep busy to stay out of your head can be overdone, so make sure you relax somewhere in your schedule.

*hugs* I hope you heal quickly and easily.
09/01/2011
Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Try doing some things just for you. Maybe things you have always wanted to do but have never gotten around to doing. (Learn to play an instrument, run a marathon, whatever floats your boat!) Stay busy with things you enjoy doing, and try some new ... More
All of this. But also remember it is ok to cry. It is an end. It is ok to mourn that end. It does not make you weak, it makes you human.

Get your hair done, a mani/pedi, a new tattoo. Something for you. You will feel better. *HUGE hugs*
09/01/2011
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Yeah I hear you! I think every one of us has been there. And it sucks! But it soooo will happen again. Once you're healed and stronger and feeling ready, it will. I was single for nearly 10 years (after getting out of a really unhealthy ... More
"Let's just hope (_insert BAD memory here_) will never happen again!"

*like.*

09/01/2011
JessCee JessCee
oh man.... I just got over a break up about a week ago. We hadn't even been together long, but it still really upset me because I wanted it to work out SOOO bad! I tried to hold everything in for a good two weeks hoping the feelings would pass, then one day I just let it all go, had myself a good cry and then I was okay.

the funny thing is I didn't think I would be upset at all because I was the one breaking it off!
09/01/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
That's what I have to figure out to do.

I loved that boy but I had to let him go after the way things had been falling apart. He wanted to stay friends, but there's really no point in it. Our relationship had dissolved into barely ... More
Aw, honey...

Hugs. I'm so sorry.

You are strong, you'll heal. Just take your time.

Thinking of you.
09/01/2011
Ansley Ansley
Distract yourself. The only thing that heals is time. Distance from the memories and all of that stuff is what makes it suck less.
09/01/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
I second all of the awesome suggestions here, and I'm sending you lots of hugs!
09/01/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Loving is really tough sometimes. Above all else, love yourself as much as you love someone else. Sounds like you did the right thing for you.
09/01/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Of course we got into it today about when I can pick up my things. Ugh.

*Note to self: Don't leave things anywhere if you think a breakup is possible*

He doesn't want me to get them this weekend, but wants me to come soon. I told him I'd rather do it asap, but he wants to keep them as "collateral for seeing me again".

This nonsense is so messy.
09/02/2011
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Of course we got into it today about when I can pick up my things. Ugh.

*Note to self: Don't leave things anywhere if you think a breakup is possible*

He doesn't want me to get them this weekend, but wants me to come soon. I ... More
tell me about it. i broke down and called mine this evening. the first call was sweet.. imiss you i love you, i cried. i was tempted to forget the whole thing and go see him.

he sent me an email right after that was just... he's so not flowery with words. his writing makes him seem immature.

he called me 20 minutes later to 'say goodnight and i love you' though we'd just said it online. the conversation turned into me just about yelling at him... he asked me why i was being so cold this time on the phone and i couldnt take it.

i dont know what the hell i want.
09/02/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Of course we got into it today about when I can pick up my things. Ugh.

*Note to self: Don't leave things anywhere if you think a breakup is possible*

He doesn't want me to get them this weekend, but wants me to come soon. I ... More
My ex pulled that shit. He kept my stuff in the hopes that him having it would bring me back. I made peace with never seeing my favorite snoopy pants again and said fine, keep my stuff. Is there perchance a friend that could go get it for you?
09/02/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Also went through this with my FWB (of all people!) - he broke it off, didn't bother to tell me that he did, and absolutely refused to answer any calls, even about getting my clothes back.

Have a good cry - bottling it up and ignoring it just makes it worse when it does come out later. Then get out of yourself by activities with others ... sewing classes, going out to see bands, yoga, volunteering, etc. Much as we want to isolate and stew, nothing is being done but making yourself feel worse.

Good luck, hon. *hugs*
09/02/2011
PussyPurr PussyPurr
Sending healing vibes your way, sister...I've been going through the longest breakup of my life myself so I totally relate to what you're going through right now. This was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I feel like I'm completely lost and adrift. What makes it worse is I didn't really choose this; there were just too many problems getting in the way of our relationship (his addiction being a primary one).

I am so sorry you are going through this pain and mess. It truly does take time, strength and support. I've done my share of screaming, crying, and pining. He moved out in June and I'm just barely getting to the point where I can get through the day without feeling physical pain because of this. It didn't help that we've been messily and clumsily trying to fix it because we really do love each other and feel like we're soul mates.

Definitely try to get out of your head and don't isolate yourself (some alone time is good though). Get your stuff as quickly as you can or be okay with letting it go. Do whatever you can to avoid calling or texting until you feel strong enough and not as emotionally raw.

Good luck
09/02/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
tell me about it. i broke down and called mine this evening. the first call was sweet.. imiss you i love you, i cried. i was tempted to forget the whole thing and go see him.

he sent me an email right after that was just... he's so not ... More
I'm in the EXACT same boat. I feel like I'm 50/50 on the whole thing and can't make up my mind to go one way or another. Ugh. It's driving me up the wall.

I'll sit there and remind myself about why this is all happening and why I made this choice, but then I'm reminded of the feeling of sleeping next to him, or being intimate with him and how overwhelmingly amazing it is and that makes me want to forget about all of this and stay together. It's really a battle of what means more to me.
09/02/2011
PussyPurr PussyPurr
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I'm in the EXACT same boat. I feel like I'm 50/50 on the whole thing and can't make up my mind to go one way or another. Ugh. It's driving me up the wall.

I'll sit there and remind myself about why this is all happening ... More
Same here...I feel like YES I want this...but without all this bullshit! I'm focused too often on how it COULD be and how I wanted it to be, rather than what it is or was.
09/02/2011
Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Oh, my dear...it's AWFUL. Nothing is as terrifying and painful in the world and I just went through it recently as well (I was pleading for advice simply on how to survive it here on EF). It sucks and sucks and sucks some more. I'm a tough girl and it took me MONTHS to get to a point where I felt ok on my own and not constantly fixate on it, not worry about him and his issues, and what went wrong, and what could I have done differently, and stop contacting him. The whole "what if -good memory- never happens again" thing and "there will never be anyone like him" were thoughts I had to actually had to learn to talk back against in my brain. As my very wise mom says, everyone says and MEANS forever more than once.

To this day we're still not entirely out of contact because part of me is still stuck on the idea that we're meant to be together - it repeatedly comes down to the same bottom line though - he's an awesome man but he has to get his own life together before it's fair to me to be a part of it. I'll be the first to admit I still adore him and want him, but it just CAN'T be right now. And every time I get sucked back in, I realize it again, and leave again, and hurt again. And is he better? Yes. Is he there yet? Nope. Until both of those are yesses, I can't give him any more of my heart or my life than I have. I wish I could offer better advice, but I can tell you it DOES get better - a few months ago I was crying all day and not getting out of bed. It might not seem like much but I haven't cried over him in over a week and that's kinda huge for me right now. It DOES and WILL get better. I promise. While I'm not entirely healed or over it, I'm worlds better than a few months back.

Here's what I've tried so far: I read every break up book I could find (Try Don't Call That Man - it's got some great points), went to therapy, upped my anti-anxiety meds, and took up every new hobby I could find to keep my brain occupied (including, but not limited to: oil painting, hand to hand combat classes, re-learning French, going to the gym, playing PS3, preserving fruits, making pickles, advanced origami, jigsaw puzzles, meditation, and trying to learn Navajo). I hung out with friends and coworkers and honestly some acquaintances I don't even like much just to stay out of my house and not be alone. I threw away all of my bedding and re-did my bed so it was MINE again, not 'ours.' I packed away everything he gave me because I feel better not looking at it right now. I make the decision to smile when I want to cry - when I can control it. I try to have faith in the simple fact that life doesn't happen wrong or backwards - you're moving forward onto something/somewhere/so meone, you're learning, and if it's meant to be, it will be. If not, it won't. I got a new tattoo (Mumford and Sons lyrics actually - the chorus to Sigh No More) tattooed on me to mark this transition in my life and to keep me focused on what I KNOW love can be. Some of these things may work for you - some might not.

Keep busy but let yourself feel it. Get ANGRY. Stay physically healthy because it's easy to let your health slip when you feel this way. There's a reason that the majority of movies, songs, and artwork are about love and heartbreak - cause it's that prevalent, everyone goes through it, and when you're in it, it takes over completely. Loss of love may be the world's greatest muse but that doesn't mean I don't f#%*ing hate it!!!

And there will be days that actually feel worse, but you'll get better again. There will be stronger days and weaker days. Til then there's obviously lots of us here that know exactly how indescribably painful and frustrating this is and we're all here for you! The EF community was awesome to me when my heart initially shattered and I don't know what I would've done without them (especially Chili and P'Gell ).

XOXOXOXO
09/02/2011
Ivy Wilde Ivy Wilde
I'm so sorry that you're going through this, both of you. I wish I could help, but I don't have any better advice than what's already been offered. I'm sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs your way.

09/02/2011
Starkiller87 Starkiller87
You both are strong talented women who will land back on your feet. Like above no need to second all the advice im sure youre getting. Hope you both feel better soon. Things will look up.
09/02/2011
indiglo indiglo
I think one of the painful things can be imagining what could have been. Sometimes we have a tendency to mourn the loss of what we wanted, not the loss of what was. When you think about it, often these relationships are not healthy, they may leave you feeling miserable, or like you're worth less than you really are. But sometimes, you still feel sad because of what you wanted it to be. You wanted it to be a healthy, loving relationship, and it can be sad when it's over because there is no possibility that it will be that anymore. Hang in there, and remember, you deserve to be with someone who loves you and treasures you as much as you love and treasure them.
09/02/2011
Total posts: 27
Unique posters: 15