Why Buy/Own a Toy?

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Why Buy/Own a Toy?

Mr Weasel Mr Weasel
This is a question my wife asked me. She is concerned that this will replace the intimacy with us when we just make love without using a toy. She wants to know why purchase a toy, why use one?

My own thoughts were to get her to orgasm quicker and maybe even multiple ones. She doesn't have that much libido and seems to be content with one orgasm. Sometimes it takes us an hour to get her there.

I personally thought some toys would spice it up and maybe ignite something in her, get her to be more sensual and have great orgasms. She seems to think it will trigger her body to replace my penis with the toy sensations and she's afraid she won't be satisfied with just sex anymore.

What has been the case with many of you? Why toys?
10/16/2011
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Antipova Antipova
It won't replace intimacy at all! Do a search in this forum, or in product reviews, for Gunsmoke. Or write him a private message asking him to check out this thread. I think he'll be able to express this best.
10/16/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
We used to be just like you two until about 3 weeks ago when we got our first toy. WOW.

We used to have sex maybe once a week for about 20 minutes. I'd orgasm once because he'd usually take care of me first.

What we learned after getting toys is that I'm multi-orgasmic. I can have 10-12 orgasms now in a 45 minute session and we're playing twice a day sometimes because I am the one who needs it so much.

Our intimacy has grown as we've talked about what we liked/didn't like and it seems like we're laying together in each other's arms longer and longer and just talking about life and anything else too.

We started with this: link

From there we moved on to the bullet and found that when we started with the bullet, I could orgasm within a couple of minutes.

We then added link

and

link

and our sex life started taking off. We tried new positions other than the missionary position (hey - we're still trying new things).

We're having a blast and the more fun we have - the more we want each other and the more our communication has grown.

Adding sex toys to our 32 year marriage was hard for me. We're both conservative Christians and when I was a child, I would get a beating if I got caught masterbating, so for me - it was hard to allow myself to come because it would mean I'd get caught.

I agree with the person who said Gunsmoke should see this thread - his reviews and his comments always make me feel so good and he truly does understand.
10/16/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
We used to be just like you two until about 3 weeks ago when we got our first toy. WOW.

We used to have sex maybe once a week for about 20 minutes. I'd orgasm once because he'd usually take care of me first.

What we learned ...
I just wanted to add that when we placed an order yesterday, one thing I added to the cart (and felt a bit guilty about) was this:

link

The reason we added it to the cart was that it was cheap ($4.99) plus it came with a free Faith vibrator which you can see here link

You can find the list of lingerie w/ free faith vibrator here: link

the sale is on until October 28th.

I figured that for $4.99 it would allow me to try the Faith vibrator (which is a smaller size but still looked cute and had good reviews).

My point?

Check out the promotions too to see what Eden has on sale because sometimes its buy one item and get a different item for free.
10/16/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
We used to be just like you two until about 3 weeks ago when we got our first toy. WOW.

We used to have sex maybe once a week for about 20 minutes. I'd orgasm once because he'd usually take care of me first.

What we learned ...
I was going to suggest talking to you, Texas Mama.

We use toys to enhance our experience. She might be able to orgasm faster with the aid of toys. I'm sure my libido wouldn't be too high either if it took an hour to orgasm. Toys allow for multiple orgasms for me before sex and well as during. They certainly don't replace sex nor do they take away from the joy of sex. They are a warm up and often an addition to sex. For example, we will often use a clitoral stimulator or cock ring during sex which enhances the sex experience. This makes the orgasms during sex more intense.

I don't think I've seen anyone on here mention that toys have replaced their partner. It might not be completely unheard of but almost always it is an enhancement not something that takes away from your experience with your partner.
10/16/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
I thought about writing out a long post, but there's no way I can say it better than the people who already posted, so instead I'll link you to my favorite resource so your wife can read this helpful article.

To add a bit of personal experience, I like toys, but they just can't stand up to my lover's touch.
10/16/2011
Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
It depends on your dynamic because everyone is different, but hopefully the addition of toys will enhance the intimacy not lower it.
10/16/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I feel a little like AndroAngel - because so much good advice has been given.

I'll try to make just two points.

1st my wife has always considered sex to be a minor element of our relationship - mostly reflecting her own apparently low sex drive.

I felt the only way that I could avoid serious push-back was to proceed slowly. For this reason all the toys I purchased in the beginning were used as clit vibes - early attempts to use them for penetration were not well received. She learned that after having one orgasm with me using the toy, her second orgasm during intercourse was easier. We probably did this for 5+ years before progressing beyond the basics into rabbit vibes and then eventually dildos combined with vibes.

2nd the toys we have are almost never used solo. It's not that I would mind - it's just her way. Sex is something she does with me - not solo. So whether it's the Liberator Wedge, Throe, feather tickler, massage oil - or one of our many toys - they are props in support of intimacy. Things for my wife turned the corner when she realized that sex is pretty much a couples recreational activity - it should be fun - not as serious as she once considered. When sex became play time, everything changed - she became more adventurous and now looks forward to our play time.

Since sex and play time have merged - the toys fit right it, after all what good is a playground without toys?

Good luck
10/16/2011
poetprincess poetprincess
Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Weasel
This is a question my wife asked me. She is concerned that this will replace the intimacy with us when we just make love without using a toy. She wants to know why purchase a toy, why use one?

My own thoughts were to get her to orgasm quicker ...
My man does not live with me and our work shifts are so crazy that we dont get to spend much time together. so I buy them to have fun and enjoy myself, but it does not stop me from grabbing him and dragging him to the bed when i want him..
10/16/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
I feel a little like AndroAngel - because so much good advice has been given.

I'll try to make just two points.

1st my wife has always considered sex to be a minor element of our relationship - mostly reflecting her own apparently ...
I just want to say that I really REALLY like your wife and I think she and I have a lot in common (even if I didn't wait five years once we started using toys...unless you count the vibrator we had 30 years ago that was horrid).

I really love the way you share things from her perspective too and share what doesn't work or what does work with your comparisons in reviews.

Thanks for checking out this thread!

10/16/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I just want to say that I really REALLY like your wife and I think she and I have a lot in common (even if I didn't wait five years once we started using toys...unless you count the vibrator we had 30 years ago that was horrid).

I really ...
You're very welcome - one more thing that maybe helpful to the guys out there.

When starting out with dildos - start with plenty of lube and slow shallow thrusts. Pay acute attention to your gal's responses. As her comfort level and arousal level increase - she can handle things deeper and and more quickly.

Although starting too fast or deep kills the mood for her - when she's ready, I'm astounded by 'much' she can take - even needs. When her hips start pressing back at me - I know she's needing more.

It's very rewarding to be able to guide her through the stages from distraction to acceptance to relaxation to mild arousal to the desire of an orgasm - to the need of an orgasm to the full body spasms that tell me she's made it.

It takes a huge amount of trust in me on her part because she' so vulnerable - without that unquestioned trust - none of it is possible!
10/17/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Weasel
This is a question my wife asked me. She is concerned that this will replace the intimacy with us when we just make love without using a toy. She wants to know why purchase a toy, why use one?

My own thoughts were to get her to orgasm quicker ...
First of all, toys can never replace a living, breathing, pulsing penis.

Secondly, every toy we own is a couples toy, even his sleeves and Flip Hole Black; I bought those for ME, so I could use them on him. All the vibrators and dildos we own, we consider those HIS toys, to use on me.

Because the addition of toys into our bedroom, we have turned our 20 minute/twice a week sex-life into an hourly event twice a day. We can't get enough of each other.

I will tell you, for many years, I was concerned with what everyone (including my husband) would think if they knew I enjoyed making love with toys. That worry, about what everyone else thought or would think of me, killed my libido. One day a few years ago, I began to let go of that. I realized what my husband and I do behind closed doors is no one's business but ours. We talked about this specifically. We talked about the things that truly turned us on (things we never talked about in 16 years). And we started enjoying each other, instead of worrying about what everyone else thinks.
10/17/2011
jenn g jenn g
Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Weasel
This is a question my wife asked me. She is concerned that this will replace the intimacy with us when we just make love without using a toy. She wants to know why purchase a toy, why use one?

My own thoughts were to get her to orgasm quicker ...
In my experience the more often you come, the more you want to come. I definitely learned about my body and about orgasms by playing with toys. I do usually come harder when fucking myself but it still does not compare or replace the satisfaction of a good lover.
10/17/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
There is one potential problem I see with toys and I'll address it briefly here (and probably get shot down by many but that's ok).

As y'all know - we just started using toys about 3 weeks ago and went from 20 minutes once a week to 45 minutes twice a day. It was great...at first.

We discovered I was multiorgasmic and that was awesome and honestly, I felt better than I had in years.

But then it felt (to me) like it had almost become like a game of "how many orgasms can she have" and "which toys do we try this time in which order".

I started to feel like I was the toy and not like the toys were there to enhance things.

Now to explain it a bit better - you must understand - I'd been having 10 or more orgasms PER session (twice a day usually) to his one every other day or so. (His needs are not as great as mine - it wasn't that I wasn't willing to pay attention to him. He just loved watching me react).

I was exhausted. It almost got to the point that even if I was a bit horny, the thought of seeing a toy made me want to throw it against the wall.

We'd become so focused on our sexual pleasure that the emotional intimacy wasn't there (probably because I was so tired).

So I basically sat down with my honey and said, "We need to talk and please hear me out."

I explained that I was exhausted and that I really needed a short break from "playing". I told him that if he had any needs I really REALLY wanted to help him - but that as for me, I needed some time to build my energy back up. I also explained that I was feeling like I was the toy and that I just needed a bit of time to clear my head - that things had happened so fast that I was confused.

Notice please - I didn't blame him for anything - I put it all on me.

But he understood and said that it was ok and that he would wait for me to approach him again and know that it was time to play some more.

That night we slept in each other's arms and the feelings of desire and intimacy started coming back. It wasn't long before I wanted to "play" again.

You see - I think I'd traded the emotional intimacy of "making love" for just the pleasure of "having sex to have orgasms". I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that - but for us - we need the emotional intimacy too. My husband is a very logical-minded guy who loves trying different formulas to see if he gets the same results and because of that, we needed a break for the personal, emotional desire to come back.

I think that is important for any relationship when toys are involved - that there is enough of a trust factor that either partner can say "no" for a short time and the other partner will give them space.

I hope I've given you something to think about.
10/17/2011
Mr Weasel Mr Weasel
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
We used to be just like you two until about 3 weeks ago when we got our first toy. WOW.

We used to have sex maybe once a week for about 20 minutes. I'd orgasm once because he'd usually take care of me first.

What we learned ...
We do sound alike. We too are conservative & Christian. My wife is very concerned about the morality of it - we definitely want to use them as a couple and not solo.

We have small children too - so we don't want them to find the toys.

I just placed an order yesterday. Should arrive Wednesday. But we won't use them for a few weeks. My wife and I just had a baby and she hasn't been cleard by her doctor for sex yet.

I hope (& pray) that we have a positive experience like the two of you. The trick will be getting my wife to relax AND want to have multiple orgasms.
10/17/2011
Mr Weasel Mr Weasel
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
You're very welcome - one more thing that maybe helpful to the guys out there.

When starting out with dildos - start with plenty of lube and slow shallow thrusts. Pay acute attention to your gal's responses. As her comfort level and ...
This was a good post, and partly why I started posting questions.

I too am logical like your husband, yet my libido is a bit stronger than my wife's.

I will make sure we work on the emotional aspect as well.

Trouble at times is the cuddle time turns in to sleep and we dont have intimacy/sex.

With three little ones an busy lives, I'm hoping we learn how to have some quickies in between everything else.
10/17/2011
Mr Weasel Mr Weasel
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
There is one potential problem I see with toys and I'll address it briefly here (and probably get shot down by many but that's ok).

As y'all know - we just started using toys about 3 weeks ago and went from 20 minutes once a week ...
This was a good post, and partly why I started posting questions.

I too am logical like your husband, yet my libido is a bit stronger than my wife's.

I will make sure we work on the emotional aspect as well.

Trouble at times is the cuddle time turns in to sleep and we dont have intimacy/sex.

With three little ones an busy lives, I'm hoping we learn how to have some quickies in between everything else.
10/17/2011
Mr Weasel Mr Weasel
Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Weasel
This was a good post, and partly why I started posting questions.

I too am logical like your husband, yet my libido is a bit stronger than my wife's.

I will make sure we work on the emotional aspect as well.

Trouble at times ...
I meant to post this to Texas Mama, but somehow it got on your thread Gunsmoke. Don't know how to delete it.

Can we delete posts we make?

On a side note, I really appreciate your feedback. It has all been very good.
10/17/2011
Mr Weasel Mr Weasel
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
I feel a little like AndroAngel - because so much good advice has been given.

I'll try to make just two points.

1st my wife has always considered sex to be a minor element of our relationship - mostly reflecting her own apparently ...
Thanks for the post. Very helpful.

My wife has trouble relaxing. I came up behind her today as she was busy (which she always is, either house work, kids, computer, etc - never stops), and hugged her from behind. She couldn't stop and hug me back - her mind was on a birthday party my son is going to this weekend and how he will get there.

I teased her that we had to work on her wandering mind. She said a glass of wine would work. Even when I'm married, I still need to get the girl drunk.

Hopefully throwing some "fun" in to the mix in the bedroom will help her.
10/17/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
I do have one statement to make that I didn't think to make earlier: Some people aren't multi-orgasmic or simply don't desire to be. If your wife can't have multiple orgasms or is content with one, don't push her.
10/17/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Weasel
Thanks for the post. Very helpful.

My wife has trouble relaxing. I came up behind her today as she was busy (which she always is, either house work, kids, computer, etc - never stops), and hugged her from behind. She couldn't stop and hug ...
Have y'all talked about the various love languages to find out what hers is? Gary Chapman first wrote about this years ago (and you can google it and find tests to figure out what your love language is).

Here is the list of them:

Quality time
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Some people may have more than one. My husband's love language is physical touch - meaning that is how he prefers to be approached and what makes him feel loved.

My preferred method is Words of Affirmation. I need to be told either verbally or in written form how I'm loved.

The thing is - we tend to try and show others love in OUR love language - ie - my husband tends to show his love by massaging my shoulders and I tend to express my love through my words.

Now, I make it a point to reach out and touch him when I walk by and to massage his shoulders because that is what he needs - even if it isn't what I need.
10/17/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I do have one statement to make that I didn't think to make earlier: Some people aren't multi-orgasmic or simply don't desire to be. If your wife can't have multiple orgasms or is content with one, don't push her.
Yes - that is true and thanks so much for pointing that out.

If your wife is not that way - don't push her beyond her comfort zone. Let her figure out what she needs and wants.
10/17/2011
domsub1993 domsub1993
My husband loves to pleasure me with a toy.
10/17/2011
Mr Weasel Mr Weasel
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I do have one statement to make that I didn't think to make earlier: Some people aren't multi-orgasmic or simply don't desire to be. If your wife can't have multiple orgasms or is content with one, don't push her.
Yes, we'll said.

I want this to be a positive experience.

We probably both need to relax a bit and just let it all happen the way it should.
10/17/2011
Mr Weasel Mr Weasel
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Have y'all talked about the various love languages to find out what hers is? Gary Chapman first wrote about this years ago (and you can google it and find tests to figure out what your love language is).

Here is the list of ...
I asked my wife about this and she was familiar with it.

We are going to be reading a book together that may have this in it. If not, we will look in to the quiz.

Thanks!
10/18/2011
Total posts: 25
Unique posters: 11