What have you told others that your sex toys are in order to keep them a secret?

ToyGurl ToyGurl
So the other day my roommate's latest man, who has a 9 year old daughter, decided to bring her over. Upon looking at the latest Icicle's No. 24 dildo, I realized she was behind my shoulder. I quickly closed the laptop about halfway, trying to somewhat conceal what I was doing, without looking like it was "bad".

She said "What are you looking at? Do those go inside of you?"... Now, coming from a 9 year old who obviously knows what dildos are for some reason, I had to think of something fast. I quickly said it was one of those handheld back massagers. I showed her the "handle" and the bumps, etc. She believed me, and walked off.

So what have you excused your dildos to be? They don't have to be glass. I listed a few options below of things I have used, so feel free to check off the ones you have.
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Bracelet holder (Suction cupped dildos, or the cool ones that stand up on their own)
ToyGurl , emilia
2
Back scratcher (for the nubbier dildos)
ToyGurl , Sohotdinosaur , JessCee , xlustlovex , deltalima , VictoriaDaniel1 , amenti , pokefan15
8
Drink stirrer
ToyGurl
1
I don't know the names, but those things that keep your drinks cold. They are usually made of glass.
ToyGurl , Devz , big b , Krill
4
Paperweight
ToyGurl , eroticmutt , Missmarc , mrs poop. , amenti
5
Glass art (works everytime since I am an artist)
ToyGurl , zracer , phunkyphreak , JessCee , MaryExy , Girly Girl , chantal coopette , theavocadopit , humblepie , Do emu , deltalima , sodapin , amenti
13
Other (explain below)
DCorrelle , kendra30752 , Jenyana , DeliciousSurprise , Ms. Spice , Nora , Bignuf , MaryExy , -BillD , Missmarc , punkstar283 , MooRawr , Greenleaf , Bluebird88 , Clandestine , Kissy , BobbiJay , corsetsaurus rex , Positwist , sXeVegan90 , Chelle Love , *Camoprincess* , LadyDarknezz , skeeterlynn , Do emu , amplified to rock , pfp , ksparkles16 , BiJess , christyknits , PeachCandy , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , Kenneth Fort , ginnyluvspotter , amenti
35
Total votes: 68 (55 voters)
Poll is closed
05/19/2011
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ToyGurl ToyGurl
Oh and I also said I was "holding it for a friend, and didn't know what it was" and "it just came in the mail as an anonymous gift". Those were my excuses in high school.
05/19/2011
ToyGurl ToyGurl
Lol anyone? Anyone? Somebody? Care to join this discussion? Haha FAIL. My fiance is laughing so hard right now at this...
05/20/2011
kendra30752 kendra30752
Lol those poll answers are too funny! I've never had to defend mine. Lol. But, my twin was over today and we were going through my stash and the youngest tried opening the back pack they are stored in lol. She's only 1 though so she didn't know what they were. The 11 year old (boy) was in my bedroom talking one day and he kept eyeing my new luscious thrill her last month! Lol. It was lying on my book shelf still in the package and I just prayed he didn't ask what it was. Whew! He never did. Thankfully, I've yet to have anyone see them and ask. My mom was in my bedroom one day when I first got my lady lambada and the damn thing fell off the bed and onto my floor right in front of her! Bahaha. She didn't say anything. I sure hope I never have to explain mine. My luck, it'd be my brother in law who asked what's this? Lol. He doesn't realize that you don't look around a girl's room or in her little crates and decorated boxes and expect not to see something scary! Lol. The other day he reached right beside my box with a few vibes in it and I started freaking & then he pulled out a pack of gum. *sigh of relief!* He's so crazy that he'd really ask what it was! Lol. I'd kill him.

I've had close calls lately. Last week my older sis was over to see the kids swim and she wanted some pain pills for a migraine & I didn't have anything but a shirt on & was sitting on the bed with a cover over and straightening my hair when she came in & she asked for the medicine & they were in my vibrator box & I had no clue whether to get up naked and get them or let her take a risk of pulling out a vibe! Lol. She ended up reaching in the box and thankfully pulled out the meds instead! Whew! Maybe it's time for a new hiding spot! Lol.

PS. Bracelet holder is a PERFECT idea!
05/27/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
I've never been in this kind of situation. If the person was an adult, I have no problem telling them - although most can figure out what a sex toy is....lol.
05/27/2011
ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by kendra30752
Lol those poll answers are too funny! I've never had to defend mine. Lol. But, my twin was over today and we were going through my stash and the youngest tried opening the back pack they are stored in lol. She's only 1 though so she ... More
Dear Lord! Sounds like you have a life like mine! I'm just far too social, and my family is very close, so people are coming and going all the time. In and out of my room. My mother has never really had to get too close to my toys, but I'm pretty sure she has spotted some of the more realistic toys I own. She has never really asked except maybe one time, and it was a mini vibe that looks a lot like a hitachi. I just told her it was a mini-back massager and she moved on.

And thanks! I use that excuse for the toys that have the base. The ones that are made of glass are especially believable when using that excuse.

And I totally agree! My cousin came into my room searching for sweet treats and she looks in all my toy boxes! (I hide candies in my apartment because my roommate is a pig! lol but I love her) The thing about her is, she's a 22 year old conservative christian/catholic. She is highly against sex toys. I'm a strong christian as well, but I see nothing wrong with sex toys. I'm surprised she hasn't said anything, because she's seen them several times.
05/28/2011
ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Shellz31
I've never been in this kind of situation. If the person was an adult, I have no problem telling them - although most can figure out what a sex toy is....lol.
I don't lie unless it's family, usually. I hate lying to family, but some stuff just needs to stay "my business". When it's friends, I'm like "it's a vibrator, so what." lol.

And you would be surprise how many people have mistaken my sex toys for other things! Probably because I own more glass.
05/28/2011
Jenyana Jenyana
So, in my case, I have to justify my sex toy purchases every time I get a package because I have to pick them up at customs.

Sex toys aren't illegal in my country, but if you get something to put inside you you need a health certificate issued by the Health Ministry itself, and to get that you need a certificate from a doctor specifying why you may need it and a health certificate from the country of origin... now, considering I've been diagnosed with vaginismus I could get a gyno to certify that toys will help my condition, but lo and behold, the US doesn't want to admit that sex toys are meant to go inside you and won't issue health certificates for those.

So, I have to somehow convince them that the endless stream of dildos and vibrators are novelty use only. "It's a prop for a party/costume!", "It's a glass sculpture!", "It's a drink foamer!", "It's a toy! (a real one, not a sex toy. Works with animal-shaped vibrators)". They are not stupid, they know what I'm getting those things for, but they are generally embarrassed enough to buy my stories. They just need something plausible to put on paper. ^^U
08/20/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
with most people, ie my friends, they already know what it is and laugh about it. with my family, i'm pretty good about keeping them under wraps. most of my toys are super discreet anyway, so worst comes to worst, i tell them it's a back massager.
08/20/2011
ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Ms. Spice
with most people, ie my friends, they already know what it is and laugh about it. with my family, i'm pretty good about keeping them under wraps. most of my toys are super discreet anyway, so worst comes to worst, i tell them it's a back massager.
I use the back massager excuse A LOT. Especially with my youngest family members. They are very nosy and go through my drawers quite a lot. Always finding my vibes no matter where they are.

My new addition, the Mia, by LELO, is always excused as a USB. It's funny because I've owned her for 3 days any like 15 people have found her in my home! Thank God for the lock setting. I think my husband and I need to quit having family over...
08/20/2011
sktb0007 sktb0007
I haven't run into a situation like this, but I think my response will depend on who sees them. If its someone I dont care telling (like my sister) Ill just be honest.
10/01/2011
Angelica Angelica
My brother saw my fairy and i told him it was for my back, which is just about what i use it for exclusively now, so it wasn't really a lie.
10/01/2011
Nora Nora
The only thing I've had to explain to a child was our Liberator Wedge/ramp combo. Every one of them believes it is the best indoor slide ever made now! They range in age from just under a year to 7 years, I'm sure they'll catch on eventually...lol.

My Mother found the vibrating parts of a cock ring yesterday...she thought the were weird pink suppositories, so I told her what they really were, lol.
10/01/2011
indiglo indiglo
I've never been in that type of situation either, but those are some funny ideas!
10/01/2011
big b big b
art
10/01/2011
ToyGurl ToyGurl
Okay this just in... last night a good friend of ours told us her eroscillator was a tooth brush!!!! We pretended we believed her...
10/05/2011
poetprincess poetprincess
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So the other day my roommate's latest man, who has a 9 year old daughter, decided to bring her over. Upon looking at the latest Icicle's No. 24 dildo, I realized she was behind my shoulder. I quickly closed the laptop about halfway, trying to ... More
Im laughing after I read the one about holding it for a friend. Today I got my first order from Eden and my kids brought the mail in, I got a text asking if they could open the box I freaked and told them to put it in my room and when i got home I told them it was for a friend who didn't want her hubby to know what she got him for Christmas lol..
10/11/2011
Girly Girl Girly Girl
i probably say it´s a massager or something and if it´s glass i probably say it´s an art glass
10/12/2011
mistre$$ mistre$$
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So the other day my roommate's latest man, who has a 9 year old daughter, decided to bring her over. Upon looking at the latest Icicle's No. 24 dildo, I realized she was behind my shoulder. I quickly closed the laptop about halfway, trying to ... More
WOWWWWW that's awkward. I don't think I would have come up with that that quickly. I think I probably would have just gotten totally uncomfortable, and tried to change the subject or distract them with cartoons or something.
The asking if it goes inside you...that would have made me too uneasy and not known what to say, especially with someone else's child.
11/25/2011
Missmarc Missmarc
That's why I love my Lelo vibrators, unless you know exactly what it does and have seen it in action before (hehe) you wouldn't really know what it is. I can take it anywhere and it will still look great. I've even carried the Alia around on my big keyring holder and it looks great alongside my other cute keyring accessories
11/25/2011
Antipova Antipova
I keep my toys and things out of sight when kids, or adults, or basically anyone whose sex views I'm unsure of is around.

That said, about the most I've done is explain away my multiple deliveries as deliveries of books. I have a million books, so anyone who knows me believes me without question.
11/25/2011
MooRawr MooRawr
Gag gift, was hoping to re-gift it since I have no desire to use it.
01/02/2012
Greenleaf Greenleaf
Back massager all the way! But considering the only vibes I own are a hitachi and mystic wand, that's too be expected.
01/10/2012
chantal coopette chantal coopette
i hide mine
01/13/2012
Clandestine Clandestine
I say "A bludgeoning tool", and then proceed to stare at them while holding it menacingly.

...Okay, that's a lie. I've never had to explain as they've never been found. Though, I suppose if someone were snooping, I could whack them with the Pure Wand and hope they get amnesia (and not permanent damage).
01/13/2012
Kissy Kissy
Mine stay deep in a drawer next to my bed... so the dog doesn't get them!!!
01/21/2012
Love Perpetua Love Perpetua
Really weird that a 9 year old would say that??

I've never had anyone find mine (that I know of) so I've never actually said anything about them.
01/21/2012
BobbiJay BobbiJay
I am lucky enough that no one has found them yet except for my sister once. She knew exactly what it was and started making fun of me and chasing me with it.
01/21/2012
corsetsaurus rex corsetsaurus rex
No dildo-findings for me, however a room-mate did find my rope once and I explained me and my girlfriend were collecting items to build a tree-house. XD
03/04/2012
xlustlovex xlustlovex
haha but omg what 9 year old should know that?!
05/28/2012
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Total posts: 48
Unique posters: 41