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For Suckers Only

If you've never seen a penis, much less imagined putting your mouth any place near it... this "instructional deck" probably still won't help you.
Published:
Pros:
52 cards did leave me hoping it might double as a regular card deck...
Cons:
but it doesn't.
Rating by reviewer:
1
useful review
Simon Says... make a sexy sundae by drizzling your favorite topping such s chocolate or honey all over your lover’s penis and balls.

Simon Says... playfully lick, kiss and suck his Sweet spot.

Simon Says... give your man 20 minutes of oral sex while he is standing up.

Yeah, right. Do it properly and his legs will have buckled after five. But no worries, because the Amazing Fellatio Instructional Deck is full of handy hints and taunting tips like that, and seriously, if anybody reading this really needs “52 Oral Sex Tips,” they’re not going to find them here.

This isn’t even the ground rules for “my first blowjob” - it’s a random collection of thoughts and deeds, triumphantly presented as though they are groundbreaking notions. When, in fact, the vast majority are nothing you probably hadn’t thought of (and improved upon) yourself so long ago that you don’t even think of the mechanics. And they're not even particularly well written, so serious and matter-of-fact. Not a hint of humor, not a soupcon of enjoyment; this might as well be a manual for dishwasher repair. Or a home assembly bookshelf. Insert tab A into slot B and show him your tea-bagging skills....

Taking it less seriously than it is presumably intended, this might be suitable for a gag gift (pun not intended) for any virginal nuns who might be in your circle. It could conceivably liven up a bachelorette party, at least as a form of unsubtle ice breaker. It would definitely go down well (pun this time intended) when the guys all get together and start drunkenly comparing past conquests with one another. But it is no kind of instruction that I’d ever recommend because, really, there is only one thing that any would-be fellatrix needs to remember.

Simon Says... have fun with it!
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • Dangerous Lilly Dangerous Lilly
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  • Edited reviews: 190
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Comments
  • Dangerous Lilly
    Dangerous Lilly  
    HYSTERICAL review. Is it like the best/worst of Cosmo in one deck?
  • Lucky21
    Lucky21  
    Thanks for the review.
  • Kitka
    Kitka  
    Great review, thanks for sharing it with us
  • yarii
    yarii  
    thanks!
  • Lickable Lollie
    Lickable Lollie  
    I just got this deck for a review too...and I totally agree with you. I've been doing most of this stuff for years.
  • Jenny Swallows
    Jenny Swallows  
    Lilly - that's exactly what it's like, only with the best bits removed and replaced with more of the worst.
  • TakeHimAway
    TakeHimAway  
    Thanks!
  • JG24FanUK
    JG24FanUK  
    Nice review, didn't think these cards were worth it and you confirmed it.
  • unfulfilled
    unfulfilled  
    Thank you for sharing, I was wondering how this was going to be.
  • pizzahut
    pizzahut  
    Thanks for the review
  • Jacobbbsmommy
    Jacobbbsmommy  
    great review!
  • tortilla
    tortilla  
    might hold off on buying these - thanks for the info
  • shortstoke1980
    shortstoke1980  
    ty
  • ILikeShinyThings
    ILikeShinyThings  
    Great review!
  • Neotigress
    Neotigress  
    Thanks for the review.
  • Cream in the Cupcake
    Cream in the Cupcake  
    Haha thanks for the review!
  • Layenna
    Layenna  
    good review, a bit more info on the actual product would be helpful.
  • burtnuh
    burtnuh  
    Thanks
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