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More Like "Squishy Lover." EEEW!

They really missed the mark when they made this toy. What was supposed to be "soft" like a first time lover...or something...kind of turned into an ooey-gooey disaster full of cat hair. Yuck! Move on!
Published:
Pros:
Unique swirly design, waterproof
Cons:
yucky and weird feeling, collects dirt and hair easily
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review

Use

The First Time Softee Lover is a waterproof vibe that is more or less like a regular plastic vibe that they've given a creepy nasty rubber-gel winter coat. Designed for those who may not like the sensation of a hard pointy tip on their clit, and may want a slightly more realistic feeling piece. It is gentle, uniquely textured...but just a little odd.
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Tub/shower/pool
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly

Material / Texture

So this is TPE we're dealing with. It's a rubber type material that feels a lot like jelly, if you've ever come into contact with that material (and I'm sorry if you have.) What they've done here is taken a plain jane skinny plastic vibe and thrown a big squishy TPE "condom" on it to make it all "softee." Great idea. Horrible execution in that it could have been done with a better material.

The texture is smooth, but sticky. Sticky in that when I gave it the old "roll it on the carpet" test, it picked up dirt, fuzz and cat hair. And I do not own a cat. YUCK!

It has a vague plastic smell, and an odd chemical feel. Not like a lot of other better quality toys that are made to feel "soft" and pull it off a bit better. This is kind of like fucking yourself with a quarter machine bouncy ball.

If that's not bad enough, pushing the TPE cover around with your finger makes it look like there's a weird milky liquid inside, even though it's just the hot mess of gunky translucent material rubbing against the hard plastic. Totally off putting.
    • Flexible
    • Light odor
    • Sticky

Design / Shape / Size

The unique swirl design in the TPE cover adds a bit of an interesting feel to the toy if used for insertion. Also the toy is fairly slender. The trouble is that you may not want to be putting this anywhere near your goods, even if the design and shape is something you're attracted to in this toy.

Perhaps all things considered, this should be a bath toy ONLY and cleaned very well after use.

Functions / Performance / Controls

It has a run of the mill turn dial base control that gradually brings you up to speed. It gives off a medium gentle vibration, as the motor is somewhere in the tip of the plastic toy, but there is about a half inch of ooey-gooey layering over it.

Here's a laugh. Take the cover off of the toy and listen to the strange hungry baby goat whine the motor makes. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

The cover keeps the noise level to a minimum, so if you choose to use the toy without the cover, be sure to turn on some music or something if you're trying to be discreet. It's loud and you'll totally tip off your roomies as to what you're doing. And nobody wants the "are you getting off with a cheap vibrator in there or feeding a hungry baby goat" knock at the door. Believe me.

You know what else it sounds like? Have you ever played the game "Operation?" Yeah

Care and Maintenance

As I said before, this may make a better bath friend than a bed friend. Mostly because it will collect cat hair even if you don't have cats, and that's just plain wrong.

You can remove the TPE cover and wash it with regular hot soapy water, but be careful because TPE is porous and cannot be fully disinfected. Should this end up being a toy that you share, you definitely want to use a condom.

Use water or silicone based lube only.
Follow-up commentary
I ended up giving this to a friend of mine, and she said she just took the stupid cover off. It's super loud without the cover, but it's at least effective at its job.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • aliceinthehole
    aliceinthehole  
    this reminds me of the laura berman sex toys... equally unappealing. and TPE too. i hate TPE! thanks for sharing!
  • jedent
    jedent  
    yes, the toy is indeed very unappealing!
  • NarcissisticLust
    NarcissisticLust  
    Thanks for a fun-to-read and informative review
  • Faust
    Faust  
    nice review
  • Eucaly
    Eucaly  
    Thanks for the nice review!
  • Do emu
    Do emu  
    Bleh, squishy for the lose. Thanks for sharing!
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