Futurotic clit stimulator by California Exotic

This little clit stimulator was one surprise after another from the time I opened the box until the time I ultimately climaxed. Some surprises made me laugh, some almost made me cry, but all in all, this vibe does have some really good qualities.

When I first opened the box, I pulled out a 2-inch by 3-inch piece of paper with four detailed pictures on it (two on the front, two on the back). I thought it was a little cartoon-funny at first; you know, like a Cracker Jacks surprise? But, I was wrong. This little piece of paper was four detailed picture instructions, no words—just pictures, of how to put the batteries in the pack. I cracked up laughing. California Exotic's priorities for instructions must have been aimed at monkeys, because the really important CARE instructions were in tiny red type, words only (those poor monkeys), and strategically placed on the bottom of the box, no less. I had to use a 10-loupe microscope just to read them. Oh, and if you don't own a microscope or you're new to “new supersoft” material, Eden Fantasys has an excellent 'Materials Guide'. Knowing how to take care of this type of material is important. Also, only water-based lubricants can be safely used with these types of toys.

The next thing I pulled out was the battery pack case where I discovered my next surprise. My guard immediately went up. This baby was as light as a plastic Easter egg. I couldn't see it surviving even a mild romp of sexual play, let alone a wild one! In retrospect, and to my surprise, though, it is still together and functioning after two battery changes and four sexual escapades, two of which were pretty rompful!

When I began inserting the batteries, I had to laugh again. Inside the pack, as with most products, was an embossed outline of each battery, which included the plus and minus signs at each appropriate end. I could only assume that these grooves were confusing for the monkeys, since the grooves were also diagrammed, in detail, on the 2-inch by 3-inch paper instructions.

My third surprise was not a good surprise. When California Exotic said, “multi-speed battery pack”, I think they mistakenly omitted two very important words: erratic and unreliable. Although the bullet is powerful, the rotating switch that controls the speed (that piece of junk, poorly constructed switch) almost brought me to tears. I had to turn it two-and-a-half cycles just to get it on! Then, even though I thought I'd figured out the correct number of cycles required to reach each level of speed, that little piece of junk switch bailed on me. Imagine a volume dial on a really old radio. You spend fifteen minutes playing with it to get a consistent level of volume without spit-sounding static, and when you do, the radio suddenly blasts at full volume laced with the ear-wrenching spitting static. Or, the volume goes completely out while you're right in the middle of a rock-n-roll dance-a-thon! The bullet in this toy may have some power, but the rotating switch is junk. There is a chance, though, that I just happened to receive the one defective product out of who knows how many. It happens.

I have only good things to say about the remaining features of this vibe. The best feature is the sleeve; it felt amazing (just like real skin) with and without lube. On the lower speeds (if you can find them) the dancing prongs really do dance and feel great! I liked the design, too, as the bullet was easily accessible inside the prongs. Once aroused from the prongs, I pressed the bullet hard on my clit, after I finally got it into high speed (Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday) and had a whopper of an orgasm while watching my husband pound our Julie Ashton's Pussy & Ass (review to be published soon).

Another plus for this toy is that it's extremely easy to clean with soap and water and a toy cleaner. The vibe is also very quiet, and after applying powder, the sleeve is easy to slide on and off the bullet. Make sure you use cornstarch instead of powder if you're at risk for cervical cancer. Check out the 'New Supersoft Guide' for more information.

I gave this toy three stars: three for the laughs; five for the sleeve; five for the ease of cleaning; and minus ten for the extreme frustration. Now, since it is possible that I received a defective dial/battery pack, I am purchasing another Futurotic Clitoral Stimulator. Hopefully then, I can provide a more accurate follow-up review. If the next one is defective, though, I don't think I'll go for two out of three; then I'd be a monkey, too.

The Story of the Skin-like Material Dildo and the Happy-Family Dresser Drawer

Once upon a time, a long time ago, my husband and I kept all our toys together in one big, happy-family dresser drawer. We kept them safe from harm's way and clean and organized; thus, all the toys were happy and got along swell.

One day, my husband and I went down the lane to the local vendor and traded one of our chickens for a skin-like material dildo. When we got it home, we played and played with it for hours, along with some of our other toys, and had a wonderful time together. Afterwards, we thoroughly washed the dildo up with soap and water and our toy cleaner, read it a story, and tucked it in--in the happy-family dresser drawer. Unbeknownst to us, the dildo was not happy at all when we put it to bed in the happy-family dresser drawer, as it wanted powder sprinkled all over it before we tucked it in.

As the evening hours passed, the dildo's sadness turned into a temper tantrum filled with anger and distraught. After spitting his hot, skin-like, waxy spray on our beloved Clit Kisser toy, leaving her with second-degree burns, the dildo felt appeased and fell fast asleep.

Many days past, and the dildo became more and more unhappy in the happy-family dresser drawer. Since we didn't wrap it up in its own special cover, and we didn't refresh it with powder or cornstarch every now and then, the dildo's unhappiness turned into rage. Not only did it melt into a blob, but it attached its blobby self to three of our most prized toys in the happy-family dresser drawer, and killed them.

The moral of the story is: toys made out of skin-like material need their sprinkle of powder or cornstarch before and after use and every now and then, a special cover that's all their own, water-based lubricant during a romp of vigorous play (at least we got that one right), and a dark place to sleep.

More than anything else, though, these toys deserve to be kept isolated from their other toy friends. They don't play nice, are deviously spiteful at even the slightest perception of neglect, and will not only disfigure themselves, but take their friends down with them!