Have you ever, in fact, played out a rape scenario, in private, as either the rapist or the victim? Assume both parties have consented of course. You can select only one. Private voting.

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Have you ever, in fact, played out a rape scenario, in private, as either the rapist or the victim? Assume both parties have consented of course. You can select only one. Private voting.

Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Curious
  •   (1)
    I am personally offended by this
  •   (3)
    This is unacceptable / Against the Expectations of Conduct
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes I have done that, I loved it and plan on doing it again
94  (29%)
Yes I have done that, but I could take it or leave it in the future.
20  (6%)
Yes I have done that. I'm still ashamed/embarassed.
5  (2%)
No I haven't done that, but I'd really love to.
84  (26%)
No I haven't done that, and I could take it or leave it.
55  (17%)
No I haven't done that and I absolutely refuse to. In fact, you make me sick for asking! Okay I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea.
68  (21%)
Total votes: 326
Poll is closed
05/13/2009
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Kayla Kayla
I've done some general things (in some places of the BDSM world, it's called "Ravishment" because people don't like the negative social impact of "rape") but nothing too specific. My boyfriend wants me to do more, but I just want to make sure that the time is right and that I have a good scene in mind. It's definitely very hot, though, as long as it's consensual.
12/15/2009
Atargatis Atargatis
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
I've done some general things (in some places of the BDSM world, it's called "Ravishment" because people don't like the negative social impact of "rape") but nothing too specific. My boyfriend wants me to do more, but ...
i've never heard it called Ravishment, haha. But that's cute.

i've participated in play receiving this scenario in the past. Consensual non-consent is what W/we call it in these parts. Very good, but not for the fragile-minded.
12/24/2009
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I honestly feel that there is no such thing. It's either rape or it isn't. You can't play rape because rape is not enjoyable. Rape lacks a specific element of consent. If you allow someone to "rape" you...it isn't "rape". Even if you purposefully put yourself in a situation because you have a desire to be taken advantage of...it isn't rape because you are putting yourself out there in the first place. I have been sexual assaulted more than once and this is where my strong feelings about this come from. I'm sorry if I angered anyone. I consider this type of play extreme dominance.
04/16/2010
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
My ex and I played out a rape scenario once. It turned more into a LARP because we developed this stupidly intricate storyline and characters. Oh yeah, when we did it we went all out. He was ashamed of it to say the least. I guess he couldn't handle my imagination I wasn't ashamed of it, but I didn't necessarily enjoy it either since I'm a victim of rape.

Would I do it again? Probably not. I'd rather my partner just use force instead of "force" me to do something. Does that make sense? I'm not sure. If it doesn't, just go with it. I haven't had my second cup of coffee yet
  •   (2)
    I am personally offended by this
  •   (1)
    This is unacceptable / Against the Expectations of Conduct
04/16/2010
Sir Sir
I had done this once with an ex, and because it was borderline "Was this real, or was it play?" I got a bit afraid of ever doing it again. My recent ex and me had spoken about it though, and she wanted me to. However, talking and doing are two separate things: I had attempted once, and it...was not the right time, and she had a reaction that upset me, so I literally ran out of the room and started crying because I felt so horrid.

Now, would I do it sometime in the future? Of course. It turns me on. Do I think that I would actually be able to, without having the reaction that I did with Amber? I do not think so. It's very hard for me to not feel upset afterward and not feel as if I hurt the person. As Miss Kay said, there's a right time, just as there's a wrong time. All individuals need to be on the "right" time so that there is no confusion.

VieuxCarre: That makes sense. And actually, I feel the same way - I would rather be my regular, forceful, aggressive self than actually force a partner into doing something with me.

~LaUr3n~: I agree that it is not actual rape, you are correct. That is why it is termed a "rape scene," emphasis on the scene. It is not meant to upset those who have been taken advantage of, it's simply a kink that some people have. My ex partner actually had been molested when she was young, but she was interested in it with me. Why? Because she loved it when I was forceful and aggressive. I do not understand the mindset, to be fully honest with you, of the victim in the scene. Since I am not ever the victim (though I've gone through my own host of things in my short lifetime), I doubt that I will understand it.
  •   (1)
    I am personally offended by this
  •   (1)
    This is unacceptable / Against the Expectations of Conduct
04/16/2010
Gardenvy Gardenvy
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I honestly feel that there is no such thing. It's either rape or it isn't. You can't play rape because rape is not enjoyable. Rape lacks a specific element of consent. If you allow someone to "rape" you...it isn't ...
Lauren, Honestly I think I might agree. I have been stalked and attacked by an ex, and one of my closest childhood friends was raped and murdered. Unfortunately I know a few other women who were raped as well. I don't believe that I am able to be turned on in a play situation like that. I haven't tried it though.
I don't think its terrible that others engage in fake "rape", that's totally fine with me. Sex is incredible and wonderful, and to each his (or her) own.
Rape in the actual context, is a terribly hard thing for a woman or man to experience, and overcome.
04/16/2010
Gardenvy Gardenvy
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
My ex and I played out a rape scenario once. It turned more into a LARP because we developed this stupidly intricate storyline and characters. Oh yeah, when we did it we went all out. He was ashamed of it to say the least. I guess he couldn't ...
" Does that make sense? I'm not sure. If it doesn't, just go with it. I haven't had my second cup of coffee yet" .....LMFAO me neither!
04/16/2010
Gidget Gidget
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I honestly feel that there is no such thing. It's either rape or it isn't. You can't play rape because rape is not enjoyable. Rape lacks a specific element of consent. If you allow someone to "rape" you...it isn't ...
I think this is a good point because even if the scenario is that you are pretending to have not consented, there is an understanding of boundaries not to be crossed and that the person being "raped" is voluntarily giving up control in the situation and does in fact retain some control through the use of any safe words or indicators that there is real distress or the need to stop.
04/20/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I am glad so many of you agree or at least somewhat understand. I was reluctant to voice my opinion here, but I feel very strongly about it.

Thank you all for respecting my opinion
04/20/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
I've done some general things (in some places of the BDSM world, it's called "Ravishment" because people don't like the negative social impact of "rape") but nothing too specific. My boyfriend wants me to do more, but ...
I was going to say just the very same thing I've been "ravished" and have "ravished" others but it was VERY consensual. Oddly enough it is still about power but it's not about stripping someone of their right to say no, for us it was about the struggle to let go and simply be ravished!
04/21/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I honestly feel that there is no such thing. It's either rape or it isn't. You can't play rape because rape is not enjoyable. Rape lacks a specific element of consent. If you allow someone to "rape" you...it isn't ...
Absolutely agree. Rape fantasy is about losing control or being stretched beyond personal boundaries. Rape is not compatible with these goals therefore rape fantasy is not rape. Taking away someone's right to sovereign control of their body is evil and not about sex at all. It isn't sexy or something the victim looks forward to happening again. It changes who you are in a nasty and insidious way. This is why I prefer the term "ravishment" or "ravishment play" because it DOES accurately describe what is taking place.

I can't see how your expressing your heartfelt opinion in such a respectful way would anger anyone. I, too have been assaulted sexually and live with an adult who had his childhood ripped apart by a sexual sadist. I am sorry you have suffered and I, for one, would never make light of that.
04/21/2010
Elodie Elodie
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I honestly feel that there is no such thing. It's either rape or it isn't. You can't play rape because rape is not enjoyable. Rape lacks a specific element of consent. If you allow someone to "rape" you...it isn't ...
I agree completely, and I've never been assaulted.

I've done seduction fantasies, usually in a fantasy roleplaying context. I guess they'd be dominance? (Hi I'm a vanilla newbie.) Emotional (or "magical" -- yes I am a geek) dominance, rather than physical dominance. I like the word "ravishment", I'll have to remember that.
04/21/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Absolutely agree. Rape fantasy is about losing control or being stretched beyond personal boundaries. Rape is not compatible with these goals therefore rape fantasy is not rape. Taking away someone's right to sovereign control of their body is ...
Thank you Airen! That was beautifully put and I appreciate the kind words and respect.

I like your term...ravishment play. I think I'm going to use that.

I am sorry you experienced it too. I came out much stronger because of it, but it took a long time.
04/21/2010
hussy hussy
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
Curious
My lovers and I call it 'play rape,' but that's neither here nor there. In my triad, we end up doing this a lot, actually. Of course, the reality is extremely different from the role play. For me personally, and for the others I think, non-con is pretty big in our fantasy lives. When I look for erotica or porn, that's usually what I'm searching for, and if we're going to bust out role play and props, that's usually what I'll ask for. For me and my girlfriend, we started having these fantasies pretty young, and by the time we were in high school, the 'non-consent/reluctanc e' category on literotica was pretty well trod through. Our boyfriend got into it considerably later, and talks with us a lot about reconciling his feelings as a feminist with his desire to be the 'rapist' in our scenarios.

But, since high school, I have been sexually assaulted (actually, starting to come to grips with the fact that I was sexually abused quite a lot in a relationship I got into at the beginning of college) and that has somewhat complicated my relationship to that kind of fantasy. Yet, I'm really glad that I was able to retain my pleasure in fantasies of nonconsent, because it would really upset me if they had taken that away from me, on top of everything else.

Um, in sum - I like it! I understand how other people could really dislike it, though, and it is potentially very triggering. Complicated stuff, this sexuality business.
06/10/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I honestly feel that there is no such thing. It's either rape or it isn't. You can't play rape because rape is not enjoyable. Rape lacks a specific element of consent. If you allow someone to "rape" you...it isn't ...
Right. That is why, in the D/S community, these types of scenes are called "Ravishment Play" This implies consent, as well as the desire to be dominated, while still staying on control (I am such a "Topper from the Bottom", but that's what works for us. ) Also, this type of scene is definitely NOT for everybody, for a lot of different reasons.

It takes a certain trust in a couple to Play in this manner, and you two have to Trust each other implicitly, and imo really should have worked out any and all sexual issues from childhood, bad relationships, horrible memories etc BEFORE engaging in Ravishment Play, but even some of us who have had "bad" things happen to use in the past (mostly in childhood, in my case) put those things in the past, have healed and have moved on to enjoy this type of play quite a bit.

In my experience, when the healing was working and I REFUSED to consider myself either a "Victim" or even a "Survivor" I felt much more in control of my sexuality. (Because labels of both "Victim" and "Survivor" require one to still let the assaulter have power over one, and it's OVER and letting that bastard who hurt me STILL have an impact on my adult sex life is letting him win. So, in my mind, body and soul I'm not a "Victim" nor am I "A survivor." Some bad shit just happened to me, it wasn't my fault, I worked to get over it, and I refuse to allow it to effect my present day, consensual, active sex life. (From where I sit, which may be VERY different from someone who is in a different situation, or hasn't healed all the way yet, or is still suffering abreactions etc, it may feel differently, and that's totally OK.)

I've found the Ravishment Play to actually help me stay centered and sexually healthy. I KNOW I am in control of such scenes, and I enjoy them a lot. Having actual "Bottom Control" over such scenes can be VERY empowering, but I think one has to be ready to such play (there is no way I could have done these things, say, 20 years ago, too close for comfort) and one has to be able to let go of the labels, which isn't always a choice. It takes time and effort to do that, and it also depends on other factors when and how one heals and leaves behind awful past situations, and refuses to then allow them to tread on present sexual enjoyment. It isn't easy, and everyone heals slightly differently, I found finding a therapist WHO didn't focus on the abuse exclusively, really helpful. Some therapist seem more focused on YOUR abuse than you are, and that isn't healthy. Your mileage and all that....


Lauren, I completely understand your reluctance and agree that actually not having control is COMPLETELY different than Power Play, in which the Bottom usually has MORE actual power than the Top. The Bottom is the one who HAS TO ALLOW, has to agree, has to Consent, and often sets the scene in more ways than one. Even when your Top sets the scene he or she should know you well enough to know the Power Pattern which works best for both of you. In my situation, My Man often is occasionally afraid of actually hurting me (which is isn't going to do) and I have actully had to comfort him and let him know that "this is OK" and then he can enjoy it as much. It can get VERY complicated, and I certainly understand that not everyone is going to enjoy such Play. Also, having a partner who can "read" you well is important to me. My Man knows the difference between a "Play" "Oh God, Stop!" and a different reaction to a real, not wanted action "Wait, stop that!" and can respond IMMEDIATELY because we know each other so well. THAT, in my mind makes all the difference. Different strokes.....We've actually gotten to the point where a "safe word" isn't necessary, because we know each other's reaction so well, but I WOULD NOT recommend this (going without a safe word) unless you REALLY know your partner and Trust is Total.

I certainly understand ANYONE who isn't comfortable with such play, and I think if someone feels uncomfortable with Ravishment Play for ANY reason, it is not the time the place or the person to be engaging in such intense sex play.

Safe, Sane and Consensual are the key factors.
07/10/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Right. That is why, in the D/S community, these types of scenes are called "Ravishment Play" This implies consent, as well as the desire to be dominated, while still staying on control (I am such a "Topper from the Bottom", but ...
I wish more people called it that! I honestly think it is inherently wrong to call it rape play. This has nothing to do with me wanting to do this and can't because I've been assaulted or being a victim or survivor. Again, what you have described as power play is not rape play, because there is no such thing. It sounds like extreme dominance to me between two trusting couples and I see nothing wrong or unhealthy with what you described.
07/12/2010
Midway through Midway through
I think this is like power and ravishing more than rape. The way that you would talk about rape wouldn't really fit into context and might offend someone.
07/26/2010
Sera Sera
That makes me sick. Why is that a poll discussion?
08/01/2010
twistedheartsx twistedheartsx
I wish there was an 'other' answer. I'm not one to support rape at all, as most are not, but I do like being taken over and having things done to me. I suppose that would go along with power and ravishing.
08/01/2010
Dusk Dusk
I really want to, but my partner and I are waiting till we've had vaginal intercourse so we can incorporate that in.
08/13/2010
SydVicious SydVicious
I don't think that I could do the whole rape scene... but I do like a dominant partner!
08/18/2010
alayamae alayamae
I could never do that since I've been raped before.
08/24/2010
Sera Sera
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I honestly feel that there is no such thing. It's either rape or it isn't. You can't play rape because rape is not enjoyable. Rape lacks a specific element of consent. If you allow someone to "rape" you...it isn't ...
I totally agree with Lauren. I have been sexually assaulted as well and find this extremely offensive.
08/31/2010
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Um, so why are the posts explaining the scenarios we've hashed out being flagged? What happened to the discussion part of these threads?

Not everyone is going to like what others say, but it's not fair to flag posts when people are just contributing to a discussion.
08/31/2010
Trashley Trashley
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Um, so why are the posts explaining the scenarios we've hashed out being flagged? What happened to the discussion part of these threads?

Not everyone is going to like what others say, but it's not fair to flag posts when people are ...
Agreed. I've been abducted in a foreign country and molested; I've had someone break into my room and molest me; I've also been raped. However, I love rape play and I was interested in it before I was raped. I've always felt that in this controlled type of situation I'm being used for pleasure, completely and totally. I have to give nothing; it's like you want to please me SO MUCH that's you're going to hold me down and take me hostage until I'm forced to cum. It's positive for both sides in my view, as long as both consent. It all depends on your point of view and there's people on each side of the topic. The point of having it in discussion is evaluating each side. This isn't just contradictory statements, it's a group of intelligent adults having a well-thought out discussion. It's sad that the majority of the internet lacks that nowadays.
09/02/2010
gone77 gone77
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Um, so why are the posts explaining the scenarios we've hashed out being flagged? What happened to the discussion part of these threads?

Not everyone is going to like what others say, but it's not fair to flag posts when people are ...
Hi, VieuxCarre:

I've been notified of these flags, and I wanted to let you know I am working to get to the bottom of this.
09/03/2010
sasweetheart89 sasweetheart89
Quote:
Originally posted by Sera
That makes me sick. Why is that a poll discussion?
I was kind of taken aback by this comment. I understand that rape is a very sensitive subject to many, many people (including myself, as I am a victim of rape), but as Sir said "It is not meant to upset those who have been taken advantage of, it's simply a kink that some people have." I, personally find it slightly abrasive for you to say that it makes you sick, because this could easily make someone who has interest in this fantasy very uncomfortable and ashamed for liking it. If I were to comment on a discussion about something that you particularly liked and said it makes me sick and I didn't know why it would even be a discussion, I would imagine it would make you feel badly. I know that you have the right to express how you feel about the subject, but I just felt it could be especially hurtful to others...
10/28/2010
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
I almost didn't even look into this page because, as a rape victim as well, I don't understand this kink and think that, often, it is called "rape" because there's not better terminology for it.

I am really glad that I came in and saw it, because I like the term "ravishment." Who doesn't like to be ravished? Having your whole body enjoyed, even roughly, by someone you care about and are sexually attracted to? Oh, HELL YEAH! THAT is sexy. Being raped is not. It is scary and you feel ashamed after it happens even though it isn't your fault.

Which brings me to another point, being "shamed" during sexual play is still consensual and is different.
12/07/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I almost didn't even look into this page because, as a rape victim as well, I don't understand this kink and think that, often, it is called "rape" because there's not better terminology for it.

I am really glad that I ...
"Ravishment Play" is a much better term. NO person wants any type of sex without consent (even those of us who engage in force-play and Ravishment Play) but actually Ravishment Play and fantasies about "forced sex" are one of the most common female fantasies. My guess it that our society with repression and feelings of guilt about sex sets up an environment where a lot of people feel if they have "no control" of the situation, they are free to enjoy it.

All of this play is FAR from actual rape, which is not about sex, but is about power, non consensual humiliation and harm to the victim.
12/07/2010
Total posts: 104
Unique posters: 85