Exploring BDSM - suggestions?

  • Get a Free Rabbit Vibe with Orders $59+

Exploring BDSM - suggestions?

Bex1331 Bex1331
So recently I have been exploring my interest in BDSM and pain play but I'm not too sure how to start so I was wondering if you had any suggestions. My boyfriend isn't too interested in it and doesn't really understand my fascination with pain, but he's willing to try some stuff for me, probably won't be able to get him to try anything too crazy right away.
I've always been interested in pain and pushing my limits, I'll hear people say that something hurts and my first though it "how bad? I wonder if I could take it." From my experience outside the bedroom I've realized that I don't like sharp pain (like cutting or a whip) but I do like the pain from bruising (like I think I would get from a flogger). In the bedroom we have tried some minor spanking but only with his had and during sex.
My concern is that I'm not really into submission or being shamed or much of what I feel is much of the emotional aspects of BDSM, but I do like my partner to be very aggressive with me.
Well now that I've given you some information I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions on products or activities that I could try? I know it's not exactly a specific discussion but I was just hoping for some feedback since my group of friends would be useless in this discussion...
05/02/2012
  • Buy 3 Items for $70
  • Buy 3 Items for $50
  • Buy 3 Items for $30
  • Save 20% on Luxury Toys
  • Add Some Buzz To Your Favourite Toy & Save 60% On Kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Antipova Antipova
You've explained yourself pretty eloquently, and I think everything you feel makes sense (at least it seems pretty similar to how I feel!) So, try out a flogger, if that's what you think you'd like!

I don't have one of these yet personally (waiting for the purple color to come back in stock) but I keep hearing that this is a really good flogger for newer users while still being high quality.

From what I've picked up, the broader the falls and the longer they are (therefore the heavier the flogger), the more "thuddy" it will feel ("thuddy" is the standard word for pain from bruising while "stingy" is for pain from a whip or cane.) And the Strap Whip that I linked you to is said to do a very good job of being good for close range (that is, your boyfriend can use it leading up to sex, instead of having a separate "honey will you beat me now?" playtime) while still being thuddy and pleasurable.

And my other recommendation? Read a bunch of erotica (Eden has tons, especially things from Cleis) to see what sorts of things turn you on most, then explore those!

Have fun!
05/02/2012
Bex1331 Bex1331
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
You've explained yourself pretty eloquently, and I think everything you feel makes sense (at least it seems pretty similar to how I feel!) So, try out a flogger, if that's what you think you'd like!

I don't have one of these ...
Thanks so much! that toy looks great, and I LOVE purple!
05/02/2012
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Bex1331
Thanks so much! that toy looks great, and I LOVE purple!
Well that makes two of us waiting patiently for it to come back in stock! Somebody had submitted a support ticket and said early May, so hopefully it will be a short wait
05/03/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Without the submission and the D/s dynamic, you may be more interested in masochism or sadomasochism which is one part of BDSM. That said, I'm finding that with a previously vanilla partner, exploring submission and service before incorporating the play aspects seems to be helping to ease her into it and building a bond between us. In any case, I'd highly recommend seeking out your local leather/BDSM community, clubs, organizations and other outlets to find mentors both for you and for your boyfriend and hearing the experiences of other people with similar needs may be a good place to start. Doing so for me was an incredible relief.
05/07/2012
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 3